—Yuuko-senpai and i... broke up, as you probably got to know now. First of all, i really want to apologize to you, Mizuno-senpai.

Anri bowed her head to me and she took a deep breath and gave me a bit of silence, which i felt a bit awkward about, honestly.

—Why is that? —i asked her calmly. While i do have a idea of what she wants to apologize about... i could never be mad at her.

—I should have told you that we were dating myself a long time ago. Because im sure i caused you and Yuuko-senpai some trouble, and...

I put my hand on top of her head and gently stroked it before she could finish speaking.

—It didn't cause me trouble. I was the one that chose to give you both space. And what happened between me and Yuuko, its something between us. It's not your fault, and it isn't your responsibility either.

Specially, since you don't know the extent of my feelings, at least to the degree that Yuuko did.

I pulled my hand back and Anri kept going.

—Me and Yuuko-senpai didn't have a really great relationship. We were just fine when it all started. I really couldn't say that i loved her, or that i liked her. But i thought, that the time i spent with her, was fun. We live close to each other. We go to the same school. We constantly run into each other and manage to just interact, so i thought that if she told me that she likes me, that i'd eventually grow closer to that feeling of "love" that i wanted to... —Anri was clenching her skirt with her hands, and she struggled to get the words out for the next part.

I knew what was going on. I knew to well, because i've always been doubtful about what Yuuko tried to show me.

I've always been looking at Anri, and every time i felt something was off, i'd try to overthink it and tell myself that im being a bad friend to both of them, and that i shouldn't be wishing them the worst.

But, there was some truth to every single one of my doubts.

And i just tried to pass them out as me being a terrible person to have a excuse to give up on Anri.

But now i won't.

I'll start doing things differently.

—Anri, you really don't know what "love" is to you, right?

So i asked the question i've been keeping back in my head.

She looked at me frozen in shock for a few seconds, and i could see her get slightly scared at my question.

I could wait for a answer. And i could be gentle to her about it, but i don't feel like i need to.

I can also do the same thing you can do to me, after all.

—You thought that with time, the affection that Yuuko had for you would eventually grow to be a part of you naturally, is what you said.

She nodded.

—But, you knew that wasn't going to happen. It's really not something as complicated as you think it is.

The nervous girl sitting next to me clinched the cuffs of my hoodie with both of her hands, as if asking me to give her a explanation.

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—Deep down, it isn't about love. It's as simple as this. You just couldn't like Yuuko in that way. You always saw your relationship as nothing more than a extention of the time you guys spend as friends. And, for someone so guarded as you... you'll probably never be able to find what im certain "love" is to you in Yuuko. —i spoke calmly, because i knew my words were sharp, but i wanted to make sure they weren't sharp enough to completely pierce her heart.

—Then... is it my fault?! —Anri yelled loudly, as i could see grim emotions dwelling up in her.

—Of course not. It's no one's fault. Yuuko herself knows this aswell, and it's why she's willing to quietly stay away from you without making a mess of things.

—Is it really okay for me to give her a illusion of "love" when i didn't see it in the same way as her?

—It's okay, because Yuuko herself was also aware of how you see things. She could get upset, yeah. But she also decided to stay with you to find out where things went by herself. It isn't as simple as pointing to one person or the other.

Anri sat in silence contemplating the things that i told her, as if she regained her cool.

—Did you know all along? —she asked me without even bothering to keep the past topic going.

Her eyes were completely locked in mine, and they seemed... fierce.

—Not all along, im not a god damn psychic. —i answered with a dry joke.

—Then, you have a lot of experience dating? It would make sense, given your personality and how people speak of you. —she kept asking anxiously. As if she was scared of how much i knew about their situation.

It's partly due to Yuuko herself giving me the answers to most of these, but still...

—It's none of those. I could feel that you're the same as me, in a single thing.

—What is it? —her voice seemed more nervous than before.

—What "love" is to you.

Anri's face was stricken with shock, and it moved into something closer to frustration as i answered softly.

—But, how could you even know that? I don't know myself, so...

—A obsession. Knowing everything about the other person. Wanting to do everything for them. Hearing your own heartbeat speed up with every little action... having your days be slightly better with each word... and wanting to be the only person in their mind. You don't want a equal relationship. You want to be everything. You're greedy, and you want all of them. That's what love means to you, Anri.

I wrapped both of my arms around her and rested her head on my shoulder as i tightly held her, hoping she wouldn't realize how nervous doing this was truly making me.

—You're just like me. That's why i know.

—Is it... a bad thing? —she spoke very quietly, as she buried her face on my shoulder.

—I don't really know. But i want to believe, that it's the kind of love i would love to give, and i would love to recieve from someone.

Anri suddenly calmed down, and her body stopped being tense as she leaned into my arms a little bit and seemed to accept the hug i was slightly forcing her into.

—Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Mizuno-senpai, do you have someone in mind? —Anri spoke in a very relaxed and informal tone that caught me a bit off guard to the serious conversation we were having earlier.

But... maybe it's for the best that we leave this topic behind for a little bit. I don't want to make things too heavy.

—Hey. Oddly hungry for gossip, aren't you? —i spoke with a harsh voice, as if i was going to scold her.

—Of course! Im in the arms of the person victim of the most gossip at our school. It's a great moment, right? Mizu...

—Haruna. —i blurted out, nervously.

—What's wrong? —Anri grabbed my hands softly as i let go of her after speaking.

It was hard to look into her eyes, but i forced myself to do so. I wanted to.

—Use my name. Im tired of hearing you use my surname when i've been calling you "Anri" this entire time. —my voice slightly trembled as i asked her for what felt like nothing in my mind, but felt incredibly nerve-wracking and hard to ask in reality.

—Im sorry, im always a bit hung up on formalities. —she bowed and apologized in her usual formal speech again.

I was hoping she was going to show a bit of excitement at it...

—Of course you are, right... —i whispered out, slightly dissapointed at her reaction.

—I've been wanting to use it for a long time, though. I am happy i got your permission now, Haruna. —she playfully used my name without any honorifics as she wrapped her own arms around mine, and pushed me down onto my bed.

I couldn't do anything in response other than blush and smile at how pretty her voice sounded when it said my name.

There's a lot of things that i could think about, but having the person i like...

No, it's not like anymore. Im certain of it.

For now, i'll shamelessly enjoy having the person that i love in my arms, for as long as we can stay like this.

Anri didn't seem to want to keep talking, and she didn't want to move either, so we just snuggled up to each other for a while.

I could feel my mind going off elsewhere, and i started to overthink things as i usually do.

I've been watching Anri closely and staring at her longingly for some time now. I put a lot of unconscious distance between her and me, because i felt like i had to keep my feelings shut for the sake of Yuuko.

But Yuuko isn't involved in any way now.

She isn't a reason to stop me from feeling the way i do now.

So, is it okay for me to eventually tell her?...

No, maybe not now.

I want to tell her. But this girl, doesn't know what love is.

Even if im certain she can tell my heart is beating twice as fast as usual... even if she knows she's the only person i would smile at this way... if she's the only person i would manage to connect with like this.

It'd be easy to just tell her and rush things.

But, i won't. If im certain im in love with her... i'll show it to her. The same love that she seems eager to get to know, and the same love i've been yearning to give.

If she accepts it eventually... then i'll probably be the happiest girl in the world.

But if she doesn't... then it'll be fine. Because at the very least i can tell myself that i was wrong. And that i showed her what it meant to me.

Maybe i shouldn't think about it too much..

No.. i won't.

I just want to enjoy this moment right now. And as my consciousness will probably start fading now... i hope i get to wake up to the same warmth she's giving me right now.