MC POV

Now that I have a bit of time I zone out for a while and confront Haru in the mentalscape. He’s been relaxing in the corner of the library, leisurely looking through my memories up until now but I need some answers.

“So, where have you been all my life?” Haru gently closes a book. That one in particular covers my interaction with my family before the age of 7.

“I was out seeking answers… taking a break. I needed it after the end. It’s taken awhile for me to find any closure.”

He was out seeking answers? Where? Why did he leave me here alone? The more that I think about it the angrier I get. “BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!? Do you have any idea? Any idea at all what it’s like to stay in this library alone with your memories? Every day to look at that door, wondering to yourself is that where your afterlife is? Is that where I’ll be next? I was scared shitless as a kid. I thought one day that something would come out of it. That some day I’d be dragged in too before my time. So again, where the HELL were you?” Some tears run down my face at this point. I… I was alone for so long while not really alone. I know all these people are going to be gone though. I can’t get close to people or I’ll just outlive them and my only possible companion leaves on the same day I’m born.

He raises his hands placidly “It’s not like that… I had just lost my daughter and wife. I was upset…”

“I KNOW THAT! I was there too! I have that same memory I felt the anger I felt grief… not as much as you but I had no one to talk too! I was here… I was alone, never having felt anything before but my first memory was you holding your dying daughter in your arms and seeing the rage to the god that caused it and your grief!” I didn’t want to make the same mistakes he did… Never wanted to experience the same pain. I’d seen the man shrug off a bullet in the chest and getting a nail driven into his arm but the pain he showed on his face seeing his family at the end drove him to misery… I don’t want to experience that…

He seems to frown a bit. A little less confident in himself now. Sighing to himself before finally replying.

“I’m Sorry Shimada… I should have been here for you… I’ll... I'll make sure to be here for the next one and everyone from now on… I… I didn’t know it would be this bad for you too.” I feel some of the boiling anger start to sizzle out… He’s right he didn’t know... I didn't know either.

He holds up the book. "I’ve noticed you’ve put some distance between yourself and others growing up…”

I scoff a bit. It's his fault afterall. “Yes, I didn’t want to experience what you did…”

He frowns deeply at me. “What happiness? Because it seemed like you were adamant about not having any before the system forced that side quest on you to meet Miho.” I flinch slightly at that… he wouldn’t understand, he had the love of his life and friends… I… why is he so fine with losing them all?

“But I won’t experience the pain you did in the end… I will be able to just slide on by.”

He lightly shakes his head. "No you will beat yourself up and hate yourself for not making the fond memories while you can you idiot.” His eyes narrow into a glare... judging me.

I shake my head. He just doesn't get it. "We share memories, I have more than you, if anyone is an idiot in this place it’s you Haru! So don’t tell me I’m making a mistake, because I’m older! I’m wiser!”

He slowly shakes his head. Giving me a long sad look. “No, you may know more but you don’t understand. You can watch my memories but you’re clearly not learning from them. You are hurting yourself more and more by pushing them away. Do you want to know what it’s like out there in that white space? The empty thought?” I feel a little nervous about the answer. He seems fine though so I give a slow nod.

“It’s a place of memories… I was able to watch and see and relive some of my fondest ones. To watch my little girl walk, to watch my kids run around laughing. The memory of seeing Saeko sleeping soundly on a winter night tucked in, the slight hair over her face one of those small memories that meant nothing but meant the world to me. These are the memories I cherish. These are the memories that helped me calm down after my last life ended and let me achieve happiness out there… You are pushing these memories away. If you were to die right now you wouldn't have many to live through would you?”

“But what about the heartbreak? Don’t those memories feel sad? Aren’t they bitter now that they are all gone?”

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He finally seems upset. “OF COURSE, I’M SAD! Better a broken heart than no heart at all though.” Looking into his eyes all I see is pity.

“Enough of your pity or what ever the hell you have. It’s too late now… I can’t go back I can’t change anything so it’s a bit of a late lesson you old bastard.” He cracks a bit of a smile at that.

“It’s not too late. You can still be happy. Look how you treat your parents now. Look how they love their glowing son!” He throws a book on the table and the memory of my first baseball game pops up. My parents cheering from the side as I give them a neutral look before it cracks into a slight smile. One of the first times I felt a true connection to them.

“That’s not all… you aren’t alone anymore, are you? You have me here for you. You have Miho out there. She trusts you; she believes in you. So don’t shove her away like everything else. Don’t just sit here and worry about the future. That’s your futures problem just LIVE… Live long and have memories to enjoy. Love and hold all you can close… just, learn from my mistakes do not shy from my sacrifice.” With a final smack of a book on the table of my hug with Miho. The warmth spreading to my body as I look at it. The fear the anxiousness of being too close flooding away in that memory. The problems plaguing it. I quickly pick the book back up and shelve it.

That’s when my attention is snapped to the real world. I wipe away the streaks of tears when a tone goes through my head and my chip tingles. The feeling is a bit different than the radar when you’re pinged.

“Mr.Hitomi?” a voice sounds like its coming from within my head. A bit different from the previous announcement it feels a bit more specific to me.

“Um, yes?” I call out awkwardly to the open air.

“We at Tyranno corpe would like to offer you a deal. Your ideas for new and exciting BIM were a success! We also received a recommendation for you from one of our higher up members. They didn’t realize you were in the game before launch and were quite upset when they found out. If possible, we would prefer if you left early with Miss… Mikogami, I hope you understand why we would prefer two individuals with ties to some of our higher members to be safe! Besides, you do not fall within the bounds of our intended player base. You have a completely clean record as far as we could find. You have only ever being in one fight outside of your dojo’s on record and we really checked after seeing how lethal you were. We would consider it a personal favor if you disposed of the two other party members earlier rather than later.”

Hah I’m ruining their little fun by not making it as exciting for them? Am I going too fast for them?

“Would that mean we would get to ignore the chip requirement?” If I can just leave that’s just as well.

There is a long pause.

“Unfortunately, you would still need to collect the last chip needed.” Last chip? Singular? Oh I guess they got one while getting supplies nice.

“Then I’ll have to wait before deciding to agree to your deal. After all I can’t put the wellbeing of Himiko or the others in danger without any real reward. Out of curiosity how many people are left anyways?” I might as well get a little information out of him while I have him on the line.

“We are not at liberty to te-“ He’s cut off by another female voice. “There are only 11 people left other than your group. We would prefer if you left earlier rather than later so that we might still put on a show. You’ve nearly finished the whole game and it’s only been four days. This was supposed to last weeks!” That voice… it sounds familiar.

“Wait a moment…” My minds search for that voice from my memory. It’s recent and something I paid attention to. That’s when I remember who it is.

“Mrs.Tomiyo?” It’s almost unbelievable but that voice…

“Hush now Hitomi it’s not time for that. Get along now and get rid of one more contestant. Do try to avoid taking out Oda a man with sunglasses and a white shirt or Sakamoto whom you’ve ran into prior. They are the two we have been building up drama for. Unfortunately, we fear if they came across you, they would die in a boring way. So, we need to stack the deck a bit.” This is getting a bit weird. But it’s starting to make sense now why Miho, her friends and I got nominations to use... Her mom is a high branch member of this organization… There are a lot of rapists out there a whole lot of worse people but instead three people that know each other are all here. I don’t know why Sakamoto would be here though, I know Miho mentioned him being Himiko’s online boyfriend so Miho’s other friends might have been trying to hurt her worse by sending him too? It makes sense now… I helped her kid, so she gave me a pass to get rid of someone. It was a present in a sort of twisted way for helping her daughter smile again. Something she couldn’t do with all the money in the world.

“Just try to not take out the next interesting fighter! Miyamoto the mercenary was a company favorite, seeded to add a bit of chaos to get the weaker willed ones moving. Instead, there is now a group of 7 just waiting out the days and two groups of two where one is avoiding all fights and one is half blind after the first couple of kills. While we would prefer to just reset, we can’t really do that on such a short timetable. So, we would prefer if you left the island earlier rather than later. NOW GET BACK SO MIHO WILL STOP CRYING!” I feel the tingle in my chip go away for a moment before returning again.

“Ahem well, that was uh not the sort of connection I expected you to have to our company. I think that was my bosses bosses boss... I will of course pretend I heard none of that.” The voice pretends to cough a bit before continuing.

“On another note, tomorrow night’s airdrops will each contain a prototype BIM from one of our research groups, hopefully they are more interesting. Your comment before had a lot of the investors started asking why so many of our BIM’s were mundane. So, we decided to spice things up a little bit. We would appreciate if you collected your next couple of chips with the new BIM if possible as a bit of a test run. Till next time Mr. Hitomi.” The tingle happens in my hand again. That was very odd.