‘AF’ I think out loud to L.I.F.E while my sub thoughts are. ‘(AF! AF! AF!. Magic Astratta! AF! Now you may think I’m referring to my name Anthony Farkenstein. Not to be confused with Frankenstein different kind of character. He was into scientific Necromancy and other abnormal activities…. Ok… I’ll stop talking now…. Wait AF! Yes it means ALL FUCKED. Zombies enough said. Everyone I knew and everyone I didn’t died before I was even born. 50 millenia before I was even born. So yes They are all Fucked and I am as well. I am now going to pretend to suck on my thumb while I secretly have a mental breakdown. Now back to the regularly scheduled thought processes.)’

L.I.F.E begins her clickity clack noises and the lights in the inky black soup I’ve been sitting in finally turns on in that tron-ish glow kind of way. Lots of Blue, Reds and Greens flashing and shining brightly in intricate patterns of swirls, rectangle, triangles and circles. Then it all turns white, like someone finally turned the master stadium floodlights on, in a 10 meter by 10 meter room. “Please wait one moment while system initialization begins.”

I blink several times as my eyes try to adjust and see through the clear goo I am swimming in when I get startled as a blue screen appears before my eyes with a clear and present statement on it it. The words in the screen are as follows [WINDOX 40K clearing the shiny in no time. Initializing …. 1% Windox estimated time. 3H 46M 37S, 2H 39M 14S, 3H 44M 84S]. I blinked several times ‘(Now ain’t ((Yes I know Ain’t isn’t a word)) that a kick in the balls. Windox survived for 50,000 years and still can’t give accurate time. Wait a minute.. Or second in this case. Did the last one say 84S?) Computer! I mean L.I.V.E. what is the standard Chrononisation of the Galaxy relative to my point of reference.’

L.I.V.E. responds. “Standard galactic time uses a base 10 system. You know what base 10 is correct? 0-9. 100 Seconds is 1 Minute, 100 Minutes is 1 Hour, 100 Hours is 1 galactic standard day.”

‘Holy Crap. 1 day is now 100 hours. If I stay awake for 1 whole day binge watching I could finish an entire season of NCIX?’ I think to my V. I. informant.

L.I.V.E. clicks and clacks that erily sound like someone clicking their tongue at an idiot. “No. To translate it into something you would understand. You need to multiply (((60 x 60 x 24)/100)/100)/100) = .0864. This means that to your primitive sense of time a Galactic space second is .0864 of your inferior base 12 system of a second. In order to allow you to properly adjust to the galaxy I will be translating all information into information you can understand. Once my nanobots come online that is.”

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

‘(OK. I’m pretty sure this V.I. is growing a personality the more I talk to her and she’s becoming a bit arrogant and bitchy to. I hope I can get some upgrades for her later else I feel like I’m going to be suffering alot in the future.)’ My body shivers as my sub mind makes plans. ‘L.I.V.E. How did Windox survive till now?’ I think to my V.I. with the intent to distract her.

“Windox is a Megacorp that was founded by the first immortal Willy Degates. Windox is still the leader of A.I. and V.I. for N.O.O.B.. The corporation stock net worth is roughly in the area around 17 sextilllion credits.” L.I.V.E. Responded in a slightly haughty way.

‘(Hmm, It’s almost as if she’s proud of Windox. Like it is superior to all other platforms. It almost sounds like she thinks that it’s her accomplishment…. Wait she is a Windox V. I. in a way it is? Huh my head hurts if I think about this to much.)’ I shake my head then think a response to L.I.V.E. ‘(L.I.V.E., What is a N.O.O.B. and what is the standard value of galactic currency.)’

The infamous clicking of the tongue can be heard before the response. “N.O.O.B. stands for Natural Original Organic Born. Essentially any biological that has given birth to another of it’s kind regardless of means such as laying a egg live birth or cell division. As long as it peforms appropriate to its species to procreate then it is a N.O.O.B.” She says in a tone that reflects someone rolling their eyes at you. Instead of L.I.V.E.’s normal voice it changes at this next lines as if a 1960’s white male salesman giving a spiel. A.K.A.(Also Known As) an advertisement. “As for galactic currency since it is all a base 10 system known simply as credit. All N.O.O.B.’s, V. I.’s and A.I’s with sentience enough to buy and sell things has a bank account with the galactic bank which they can store and withdraw credit for a nominal fee. All transactions deduct 100 credits from your account. Additional charges may apply depending on distance and communication fees to the closest local branch of Galactic Bank Network(GBN). Welcome Anthony Farkenstein you have been given your first account with GBN. As a new A.I. we have credited you 1000 credits.”

‘(Oh hot damn I already got some creds man I’m rich. Well maybe not rich but I can probably buy a burger and maybe a computer game or something right?)’ I think to myself before thinking at my V.I. ‘L.I.V.E why did you play a commercial and what’s the cost of an Out an In Double Bubble Beast style both burger and fries with a Cherry Cokala.’

L.I.V.E. makes a noise like a cough. “The commercial is incorporated into my base windox program when I perform Intergalactic Web(IGW) searches. It’s apart of my Windox Web Explorex system. Anytime a search has a paid for advertisement right at the top I am required to allow the add to play through. For your informational integration pleasure, of course.” She says in a way to make it sound like people enjoy commercials.

I shudder as I think to her. ‘So how much for my meal…’