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Source of Wonder
Chapter 12: Mindscape

Chapter 12: Mindscape

The constructs of cold spike emerged from the walls as the frigid aura filled the windows with frost. Stanzi stood like a telephone line, motionless and far reaching; the bluish aura ravaged the house as Arise shivered from the cold. Mel shook Stanzi vigorously, yet he was out of his psyche. He was like a puppet controlled by his rage.

“Stanzi... Stanzi!! Snap out of it.” Mel shouted.

Her voice was filled with worry. She noticed Stanzi trembling, tearing up as it froze after it left his blue eyes. Mel trembled as well, the cold penetrated her bones..

The sole of Hazel’s shoe froze to the ground as her mouth agaped with worry. “Miss Mel, is he okay?”

Stanzi found himself under the veil of endless night, surrounded by fog that has seemingly no edge. A universe created for his own mind, somewhere he could retreat to. When faced with questions, upsetting facts and traumatic experiences. He secluded himself in a dimension of energy inside his mind. Devoid of any memories, feelings and anything to please his stimuli. Walking in the endless shallow sea; wet and cold, lamp on his hand. The boy sometimes questioned his own self, why did he create this place.

His coping mechanism came with a downside, while inside... He lost control of his body. As an act of self defense, his magic flowed freely, his only rational thought was the rage inside his head.

He knew this so... Stanzi ran towards the fog, he traversed the endless sea of fog.

‘I can’t hurt them, not again...’

He dashed as he tried to disperse the fog. He could hear the voice of a woman; calling to him pass the fog.

[Stanzi, wake up, what’s happening to you?]

“Not again...”

He ran in circles, coming back to seemingly where he started. Lamp burning on the ground as the fog grew. He tried again.

Again..

Again and again.

The fog won’t let him go, he was jailed in his own mind. Like a massive cage over his soul without any key.

“Let me out!” He shouted deep into the abyss.

He threw the lamp in the fog, the yellow light slowly vanished as it entered deeper and deeper until.

Splash!

It echoed throughout the sea. It does not feel good for him. Then, the lamp hurled towards him. Lit with a red light.

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Splash!

Stanzi approached it slowly, hesitant to pick up the lamp.

“Scared?”

Stanzi flinched as he circled around his view. “Who are you?”

“You can’t even pick up a lamp and you expect me to release you?”

The voice came from the fog, it was own voice.

“Let me go, I need to stop myself.”

He grovelled before the fog, lowering himself as his voiced cracked with imperfection. He felt the cold tears off his face, the uncomfortable wet ground. Wanting to save himself and the people he cared about.

“So you could be scared again? Avoiding everything, repeating your mistakes.”

“No.”

“At first, I was relieved. The moment you got out of the guild- decided to help the alchemist and Arise. I thought, you’re ready to move on.”

“It wasn’t easy.”

“Just for you, have you considered my own being?”

“You’re just a part of my mind.”

“Then, think of ourselves, look at it.”

Excuses, that was what the fog thought. All leading to this moment were excuses. Stanzi never learning to accept, stuck in his own past. Not showing any degree of development. He was deeply dissapointed.

“When you hear that woman’s associations. We became like this. We hated the Rhoeia family right?”

“...”

“Not even going to deny it.”

He opened his mouth as he was about to say something but he stopped himself. Maybe because the voice made a point. But to stop himself with an argument of himself, it felt cowardly.

“When will you accept me as your own?”

“Never.”

“Why.”

“...”

“Stop treating me like a curse.”

He shouted, “You’re the reason we’re inside this!”

“So you should just cast me aside? Using a sliver of what I could give you.”

“I sealed you away, in this plane... Same with the majority of my magic...”

“A coward’s way of avoidance.”

“How would you know,”

“Because I am you.”

“Stop with the nonesense.”

The voice became louder. It called to Stanzi as he grapple his own mind. The fog went quiet, offering itself solitude, Stanzi casted it further.

But, the fog came back, with an offer. “Pick it up, the lamp I mean.”

Stanzi stood in silence, his face was etched with refusal. The fog felt annoyed.

“I’ll give a bargain you cannot refuse.”

The boy was shocked, he questioned the fog. “What are you planning?”

“Pick up the lamp, I’ll let you go.”

Stanzi hurriedly picked up the lamp but the fog caused the space between Stanzi and the lamp to pull apart. “Not so fast,” his voice was passive.

”In one condition, I won’t force you to come terms with your own turmoil. But, in exchange of letting you out of this prison you called your mindscape. Accept me fully, your supressed past. Your cryology. I’ll let you out.”

Stanzi withdrew for a second, suspicious of the fog’s offer. Usually, it does not allow him to leave until he exhaust his physical body. So, when the fog went out of character, it became utter untrustworthy.

His face was strewn with wariness as he questioned the fog.

“Why should I do that?”

Hte boy stood his ground; back straightened as the wind blew his hair, eyes filled with determination. Though without face, he could ascertain that the fog grew angrier and angrier at his refusal.

“Are you in a position to bargain?” The fog’s tone was condenscending to himself. “From what I know, your magic could be killing our friends. Mel and the man you certainly respect now.., Arise?”

“How can I know my magic won’t cause any trouble if I let it out?”

“What a silly question, you know it yourself.”

He tilted his head in confusion. For years, he had been scared of his cryology. Not letting it out, sealing it inside his mind. If he flaunt the full capacity of his power, he could spell calamity to people around him... Or so he thought.

“What do you mean by that.” Stanzi said as he picked up the red lamp.

“Listen, you don’t have the luxury of talking to me here. If you try, you’ll know it yourself.”

“...” He stood in silence.

“Which will you choose?”