Emma and I were at the bowling alley again. It was her favorite form of exercise. I’d invited her to the gym, but she’d demurred. Gym memberships cost money and the obligation to get her money’s worth would be frustrating to her. Bowling was ad-hoc, which better served her schedule. It also cost money, but I was glad to pay for it.

I wasn’t as good as Emma at bowling, but I was growing to like it. I tried to throw the ball as fast as possible every time. This earned me some reprimands from my date.

“It’s not about power,” said Emma. “It’s about finesse and consistency.”

“I bowl my own way,” I responded. “My own way is maximum intensity.”

“Your own way will make you lose,” she said. Emma took her ball, a lighter one, and threw it straight down the lane.

“Don’t most professional bowlers curve the ball?” I said, turning my head so she’d recognize the teasing challenge for what it was. We liked to sass each other.

“I’m a straight shooter, what can I say,” she responded. “Fortunate for you, or you’d still have hanahaki.”

“Pardon me?”

“Well, it’s obvious you were crushing on me, and I cured you,” said Emma. She gave me a short kiss. It still caught me off guard; I hadn’t gotten used to physical intimacy yet. “You’re welcome.”

“That’s not what happened at all,” I said. “I was most of the way cured, when you asked me out.”

“Oh come on,” she said. “Don’t you like a romantic story?”

“I like the truth even better,” I said. I saw her face fall, and suddenly wanted to put my head in the ball return. I realized how mean I was being. “Thank you for asking me out. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said again. I could tell her mood was soured. That had happened a few times; I was really good at putting my foot in my mouth. ‘The truth can’t hurt you; you are already living it’ was the mantra I lived by… but truth or falsehood wasn’t the issue, here. It was about building a history with each other.

I found myself thinking about what Bella had said–about how I needed to respect others, and not treat them like mechanisms. I shouldn’t just assume Emma was doing some sort of status thing, like building a picture-perfect history, as though I could see her emotional needs and walk above them. If nothing else, I was also a player in the same game. I decided to voice my thoughts about building a history together to Emma and see what she’d say.

“Do you want to tell others that you cured me, from now on? It does make a good story, and it will show people how close we are.”

“It’s not true, though,” she said with a neutral tone.

“No, but it’s true in a metaphorical way.” I put an arm around her shoulder, and started talking about how dating her had reduced my stress, which was an integral part of getting better. That seemed to improve her mood.

—

Bella and I finally started working out together. It involved going to the gym once or twice a week, and a walk otherwise.

For a few weeks it had seemed like Bella was avoiding me, and I felt my mood descend. I had prepared to let her walk out of my life, just like Diana did. Except, I was still friends and neighbors with her parents. I ran into Mr. Brookes one day when I got home from work.

“Milo,” he said. “What’s new?”

“Surprisingly, a lot,” I said. “I’ve got a girlfriend.”

“That’s great news!” he said. He walked over, and switched the hand that was holding his mail just to pat me on the back. “Finally figured out your hanahaki, then?” I thought about correcting him, and decided I wouldn’t bother because it would just sound like I was making excuses.

“I did,” I said. “Her name’s Emma. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, as you might imagine.”

“I can tell, you’ve been very busy.” That wasn’t strictly true, with my reduced hours. “If you get a chance, we should have a little cookout. Maybe you can invite the young lady.”

“That’s a great idea,” I said. “I’ll text her and see what she says.”

Mr. Brookes and I made some plans to meet for lunch that weekend, right before the time I was supposed to tutor Bella. Emma declined the invitation; she had work. I was honestly a little relieved. I hadn’t yet met Emma’s mom, since our relationship was so new, and introducing her to the Brookes felt like it might be going too fast.

Emma sure was busy. That was part of why it was so difficult to get her to go to the gym with me.

The cookout was nice. The Brookes asked some polite questions about Emma, but we mostly talked about other things. My fight against hanahaki came up, so I decided to elaborate.

“Reducing my hours is what really did it,” I said. “Stress was making my immune system weak.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t that you started dating?” said Mrs. Brookes. “That can be stress reducing, I’ve heard.”

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

“You haven’t dated anyone for thirty years,” said her husband. “Right?”

I laughed. “It didn’t hinder things, that’s for sure.” I glanced at Bella, who was studying her sandwich. I wanted to say something about how Bella had helped me avoid ruining all my chances with women, but that was too complicated for even a long meal. “Now I’ve just got to start exercising again, before I fall into some sort of spiral.”

“Don’t you walk the river?” asked Mrs. Brookes. “I saw you out there the other day.” There were a lot of businesses near the riverside; Mrs. Brookes had probably been visiting the grocery store.

“Yeah… that's pretty boring, though. I’ve got to start lifting again. I’ve lost a ton of strength, so I’ve gotta get back some gains.” I flexed my bicep, getting a chuckle. “I have to come up with some way to remain motivated now that my exercise partner has backed out.”

“You don’t have to,” said Bella. “Muscle mass is overrated.”

“Oh, it’s not about mass,” I said. “It’s about longevity. I was reading a study about how every minute weightlifting extends your lifespan by more than a minute”

“That probably only applies to old people,” she responded. She was right that the study had featured old people; longevity studies are harder to do on young people.

“I’ll be old eventually. I’ve got to set the habits now.”

“You’ve got tons of time,” said Mrs. Brookes. “You should have fun now, while your health comes for free.”

“Nobody gets a guarantee of old age,” added Mr. Brookes.

He said it casually–lightly, even. However, before I had met them, they had lost their son in a car accident. I knew he’d be thinking about that, and the fact that he kept the pain from his face was impressive to me.

“I won’t forget that,” I said, nodding solemnly. The Brookes had supported me in innumerable ways; commending me for my charity, reassuring me of my worth when I dropped out. They also came to visit me when I got sick. Mr. Brookes just wanted me to get the most possible out of my life, and I shared the attitude.

Lunch was about done, so I helped them clean up. I gave a wave as I turned to walk back to my house. Bella followed me there.

“You were going to tutor me, right?”

“Yes,” I said. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted that, so I figured I’d leave it up to you.” Secretly I was elated–I had thought she would miss it again, continuing the pattern.

Bella was smart and motivated. Teaching her calculus made me feel useful–and unlike my coworkers, she was enthusiastic about every lesson. When she’d stopped showing up I’d been very put out. I’d even gone so far as to join a student emailing group and offer my services as a tutor, but I didn’t expect it to be as rewarding (even though I’d mentioned my usual rate). Regression to the mean meant that a random college student was unlikely to match Bella’s smarts and striving.

“It’s a nice day,” she said. “Why don’t we go for a walk, first?”

“That’s a good idea,” I said. I glanced at her.

“I owe you exercise for the tutoring,” she added. “Sorry I haven’t been going.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“You brought up that I’d backed out,” she said.

“I’d meant Diana,” I replied, “So please, don’t feel obligated.”

“No,” she said. “I want to.”

Bella and I went for a walk, and at first I thought that we didn’t have anything to talk about. But then, she started telling me about how her classes were going, and it was just like old times.

—

I took Emma to a theme park. She’d objected at first, because of the cost, but I’d joked that it was a health expense and she’d relented. I’d decided to spend my money a little more freely, and a date made it so much easier to overcome my bias against spending money.

Emma kept touching me more and more, so I experimented with touching her back. Our shoulders rubbed on the theme park rides. I think she was leaning into me, so on the rollercoaster I took her hand. Her hands were warm.

We went to get some overpriced snacks. When our number was called she jumped up, which was good because I was feeling a bit worn out from all the walking. When she got back, she shocked me by sitting in my lap.

“Whoops, forgot where my seat was,” she said. She didn’t move.

“I know where it is,” I said. I leaned forward to put my arm under her legs, then I scooped her up. I’d intended to surprise and impress her, but I felt my chest tighten. Was Emma heavier than she looked?

Fortunately, Emma laughed and didn’t notice that I struggled. I set her down gently in the seat next to mine. “There. Let me know if you get lost again.”

“It could happen any time,” she said. “Do you have practice picking up chicks, or something?”

“More than you’d think. For example, I’ve done it exactly once.” She laughed.

A few minutes later, on the teacup ride, she made a motion to sit on me again. I’d braced myself, but then she landed next to me instead. Emma leaned in for a kiss.

“You’re so easy to fluster,” she said. “You’ve never really been in a relationship, huh?”

“Not really,” I replied. “There’s a lot I have to learn.”

“I’ll teach you,” she said. “I owe you after you paid for all the dates.”

That made me think of Bella, who wanted to be so transactional. She’d been acting weird; spending time with me, but far cooler than before. Like she had something else on her mind.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Emma.

“Oh,” I said. “My neighbor, actually.”

“What about them?” The thought of explaining Bella to Emma sounded abhorrent to me. I didn’t have the energy to tell that story.

“Just that I still owe them for a favor they did for me.”

“You take your obligations seriously,” she said. "I like that."

“Thank you.”

—

I ran out of ideas for dates, so I invited Emma over to play videogames. She didn’t have a very powerful computer. I let her borrow my old one. We didn’t end up playing videogames that evening anyway: just watching a movie and making out.

I was in unfamiliar territory, but Emma seemed really very willing to help me navigate it.

“You take things slow,” said Emma, breathlessly.

“Better that way,” I responded. I was also breathing hard. I hadn’t expected such a workout from mere kissing.

“I’m not fragile, you know,” she said. “You can be more aggressive with me.”

“Maybe I’m fragile,” I said. “I’m still recovering from hanahaki.”

“It’s been months.” She kissed me again, and I tried to be enthusiastic, but I was exhausted. I had gone to work and the soup kitchen that day already.

“It’s late… maybe we should call it here?” I finally said. A pained look shot over her face, but it softened when she looked at me.

“Hanahaki is awful,” she said. Emma stretched her arms before getting to her feet. “Alright, mister. I hope you appreciate how patient I am.”

“I do,” I said. “I’ll recover as fast as possible.”

“Good,” she said, warmly. “I’m sure you’ll find it rewarding.”