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Smash Gal & Esvanir
Issue #22: I’m Sure if We Got You In a Skirt, You’d Turn Some Heads

Issue #22: I’m Sure if We Got You In a Skirt, You’d Turn Some Heads

=== CHUCK ===

Kari was given a weekend outside of training. This was mainly because Suiren had to visit her parents, and her bringing an almost thirty-year-old adult woman she commanded would have raised some questions. But this was a great chance to catch up. It would be the highlight of my week, which had been filled with me being blasted by conservatives on Twitter. My interview where I doubted the dubious conclusion that the ACPD came to about Esvanir had gone viral, and some pundit, Buck Clarkson, who gets paid to be perpetually angry about things, which sounds very unhealthy, decided to feature me in a segment about heroes.

  "Professor Mind and his ilk," the man began, staring into the camera with a look of concern and concentration, "are now defending criminals against the real heroes. Our men and women in blue work tirelessly to help and save our citizens from these threats, while supposed heroes, vigilantes really, work to undermine the very fabric of society. These people, like Smash Gal, seen here threatening a police officer, rely on officers of the law to actually take away and prevent future crimes. It seems it's not enough for these people to help people actually serving justice, but to inject their leftist politics into their supposed heroics."

  He went on for another five minutes but never seemed to say anything of substance. But it did trend for a while, and I had a bunch of people in my Mentions constantly arguing about my role. Some people defended me. Many of them didn't seem to know who I was, just that they didn't like what this pundit said. The video clip of Kari that he had played without sound was utterly devoid of context. It was actually a video of her getting shot by the police. Several people had reached out to interview me about my politics. I don't know where they got it that I was anti-police. I love the police. They're not perfect, but they do a good job most of the time. They just jumped the gun on Reese, which made sense since he had become a household name and had robbed the company before. It just didn't fit his M.O. It's easy to become blind to that kind of thing.

  Regardless, I eagerly flew to the spot that Kari suggested. It was a small diner. The one that Thunderblast had worked at before transitioning to being a full-time hero and a part-time model/spokesman. Jenny really knows how to push people's careers, I thought. I landed in the back, noticing a massive crowd in the front, and was about to switch to my street clothes when I heard what the commotion was. Kari was being swarmed by a bunch of reporters. If someone saw me in my street clothes, they may put two-and-two together. I sighed and walked up to her, pushing my way through the crowd. Kari was answering questions that the reporters had. They were all pushing forward, and I could feel the desperation for an exclusive or some new piece of salacious information they could use. A few of the reporters started asking me questions, too. I smiled and shook my head. Kari grinned at me and told them that the impromptu interview was over. They all surged forward. Kari's anxiety and trepidation spiked, and she backed away, but that's when a slightly overweight, balding man came out brandishing a broom. "That's enough! That's enough, you vultures! Get outta here! Buy a meal or get the hell outta here!"

  The reporters scattered, and the man turned to Kari and I. "Well? You comin' in?"

  "Hey, thanks for that," Kari said, lunging forward to grab the door and hold it open. The man waved a hand absently, muttering to himself about reporters, as he passed her. I nodded to her as I crossed the threshold. It was a retrofitted retro-diner. Something that was once a 50's style but was now just a diner with some vague 50's references. We took our seats, and she leaned back, sighing. I tried to gauge her emotions. I reached out with a tentative Empathic Sense. It's kind of hard to describe. Basically, I create a field where I can magnify my sensitivity to people's feelings. Some people thought it was intrusive, and I saw their point, but I use it sometimes to know if I should avoid certain subjects with people. Kari was always easy to read emotionally. Right now, she was a little wound up but much calmer than I had seen her in days. "So, PM, how's it been? The city still seems to be intact without me?"

  "Just barely. There are a lot of villains and people I wish you were around to deal with instead of me," I responded, leaning back.

  "Oh? Why's that?"

  "You're prettier doing it. And so self-assured."

  "I don't know about all that," Kari said, leaning forward. "Maybe too self-assured. As for being prettier, I'm sure if we got you in a skirt, you'd be turning heads."

  "That's just what I need. I imagine Buck Clarkson would undoubtedly say that I'm trying to destroy masculinity and western values or something."

  "Who cares?" Kari asked. "He's an idiot."

  "With the most popular news show on cable."

  "Yeah, I thought Thrawn was bad until I saw that segment."

  "David can be a lot, but I think he's a good guy who has to play the game," I said, thinking back through the interviews I had with him. "But Clarkson . . . He featured both of us for three days just because of an offhand comment about Esv . . ."

  Kari rolled her eyes. "I saw what you said. You're right. It wasn't Curt. Doesn't fit his bullshit morality. Did the cops ever come around?"

  "Not especially," I said. "In fact, they doubled down. Between that and his recent escape from custody, he and Cherry are making their way up the FBI's most-wanted list. Some are calling him a terrorist."

  "Yeah," Kari stared at the cup of coffee, warming her hands. It took her a moment to compose herself. Even without focusing on it, I could feel the doubt, anger, and pain mixing inside her. "I don't know about that. I know he scares me. Ever since that night."

  "He went too far."

  "Maybe. But what's worse is he brought me with him. He brought out my worst side for the world to see. And that's what scares me the most about him. And you saw it the whole time."

  "It's easy for me to see. I'm on the outside," I responded.

  "But you stood by me." She looked into my eyes. "Why?"

  "Because I know where it comes from. You want to do the right thing. And the right thing is hard sometimes. Especially with someone like him."

  "Do you think he has a point?"

  "Kind of. But what are we going to do? Give everything away for free? We should probably do more to help, but this redistribution he's put himself in charge of . . . It's ridiculous."

  "Yeah," Kari said. There was a long pause. I didn't need to be psychic to know that she weighed all of these issues more carefully than I was at the time. But I didn't really want to talk about it. So, I broke the silence.

  "How's the training going? How's Suiren as a teacher?" I said, trying my best to suppress a smile. It was still amusing to me that a middle schooler was in charge of the combat training of the most powerful woman in the world.

  "Oh, Ren is great. We went flying the other day and got ice cream. I don't always understand what she's trying to do, but it's definitely going well. I don't think I'll fall for another of Curt's tricks any time soon." I suppressed my desire to peer into her mind a little deeper to see if the lessons were taking. It wasn't a perfect indicator, but I could generally tell if someone's new practices were going to become a habit or not. I also could make them more likely to become a habit. I'd used it a couple of times to help people quit smoking.

  "So, are you going to be back on patrol soon?" I asked.

  "I'm. . . I'm not sure. I still have a lot of training to do. Maybe once I can beat Ren in a fight without powers."

  "Good luck with that one."

=== CURT ===

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Wedding planning is one of the most confusing things I have ever tried. And I figured out quantum entanglement and teleportation at 19. There were so many rules that people were apparently supposed to follow. I was trying to figure out the seating chart, but all of Cindi's friends seemed to have very complex relationships. A lot of people wanted to be seated together but couldn't be placed next to people that those people wanted to be next to. Along with that, there were just a few little details that Cindi was managing. Things were spread all across our little hotel room. I guess at this point, we might've considered it an apartment. We had been renting it for what seemed like an eternity. I sighed. I missed my apartment. This extended time away from Avalare felt odd. Though I was grateful that I hadn't had to fight anyone in over a week. Des said I was well on my way to doubling my tab with how often I was getting hurt.

  I crossed the room with Seating Chart 5.4 and sat it on a pile of things that Cindi would review. I started digging through some of the other papers and plans until I found a set of blueprints. Cindi must be planning a job. Wonder why she didn't ask me for help. Not that she needed it. I couldn't help myself, though; I scanned the documents. It looked like a large home. There was a display room with almost as much security as Marcelli's manor. Something seemed off to me, though. As I examined it, I realized that this system was specifically designed to counter Buck Cherry. Each display had a unique energy field that oscillated at a counter frequency to her insubstantial form. There weren't weight sensors on the floor. Instead, there was an oxygen pressure detector, live cameras, and a reporting system that would alert whatever team was on the other side. Cindi would have a hell of a time overcoming all of these security measures. But that didn't make it impossible. It just depended on the strategy.

  And I had one in mind already. I snapped over to a workshop I was renting under an alias. It's where I kept some specialized equipment. I dug through some boxes and found what I was looking for. If Cindi was willing to do a smash and grab for whatever she wanted, she could use the EMP, after some modifications, that I designed to stop the bomb Marcelli had attached to her. I spent about ten hours developing two of them. One was just a copy of the version that was incredibly localized. Good for knocking out one display. Then I designed one that was much bigger. Capable of knocking out power to the whole house. At least for a few minutes. I imagine there were backup generators on the schematics I hadn't seen. I then spent five more hours putting together a Faraday Bag, which would protect her electronics, including my Popper. I had been working on trying to implement one into my rig, but it was pretty complicated. Putting it in something the size of a duffle bag was much more manageable. I ran some tests, and everything seemed to work as planned, which was unfortunate for some of my computers, but it was nothing I couldn't fix later. And it was a perfect proof of concept. I finally snapped back to the room; Cindi wasn't back yet. I think she was dress shopping. Or doing a different job. Could be either. It was getting late. Well, it was early. Dawn was peeking through the windows. I yawned, wrote her a note, put the devices on top of the blueprints, and went to bed.

=== KARI ===

After our lunch, we went on patrol. It was nice to be back in the city. I know that the Dojo or whatever it is is in Avalare, but it's so far up and so disconnected from everything else that it doesn't really feel like it. It's like its own little world. Everything was easy. It had only been a little while since I had started, but it felt like when I first started. I was calm again. I hadn't forgotten about any of the problems I'd encountered, the changes that I thought needed to happen, or how complex the world felt. Especially in regards to Curt and the police. But it was nice just being able to stop and help out people. We helped a little girl get a cat out of a tree, get a car out of a ditch, and stopped a few minor crimes here and there. The cops were mainly amicable for the first time in a while. Things felt good.

  At least until Chuck had to go home. When we split up, I continued to patrol for a little while. I knew I should have gone home to see mom and dad, but I also just wanted to be in the city for a little bit. The sun started to go down, and I enjoyed the sunset. I flew down 1st, listening for anything going on, when I heard a roaring rush. I spun out of the way. A gout of purple flames flew past me; I froze and looked around for the source. It was pretty easy to spot because another blast came flying at me. I dodged it and sped down to the roof of a building where a lone figure was standing in full armor, brandishing a sword. She spun it deftly and threw out yet more violet flames. I turned against her flow, the fire surrounding me and then dispersing. I crashed down to the roof and charged her. She grinned at me from behind her mask. "I let you go last time, degenerate! Now, face your reckoning!"

  I charged forward, and she slashed down at me, and her flaming sword bit into my shoulder. I cried out in pain, feeling blood leak out over my shirt. She brought the blade back up, and I kicked off the ground and flew back, her sword missing me by inches. She spun and threw a massive wave of fire at me. I just let gravity take me back down to the roof and launched myself as soon as I reached it. I slammed into the woman and went flying. She thrust the sword into my back and started dragging it up. I gritted my teeth and sped up. She was strong, but it's hard for most people to maintain much of anything when you start breaking the sound barrier. The air was blasting against us, but I was used to this. I curved my flight up, and the air began to thin. I figured she would need air more than I would. She realized what I was doing, took out a knife, and stabbed me in the shoulder. My grip on her loosened enough, and she kicked off me and started plummeting to the ground. Where does she keep getting these weapons? What the hell are they? I can take a bullet, but I can't stop them? I thought. As she fell, she swung her sword violently through the air creating an X of violet fire. I dived around it and blasted off a piece of air I hardened with my mind. I can't just let her die! I have to try to save her.

  With her continued blasts at me, she was speeding down to the ground incredibly fast. I might have been able to catch up, but there was no guarantee I'd have the time to stop by the time I caught her. She's doomed, I thought, woefully. I watched her pass a building, and then, as lithely as any cat, she spun around and blasted the ground with more of her flames. They spread out and slowed her descent. I heard cries of pain that were quickly squelched out. She landed on molten asphalt, surrounded by regular fire that had spread and caught several cars and buildings on fire. I flew past her as fast as I could, trying to put out the fires. I saw a corpse charred well past recognition, and I stopped. There were cries of pain and glass shattering from the heat. People tried to come outside, but the sidewalk was steaming. I glanced around for something I could do to help. Anything. Just past her, I saw a fire hydrant. I charged for it, and she slashed at me as I did. I barely managed to spin out of the way, crashing to the super-heated ground.

  I picked myself up and shook my head, forcing my eyes to focus. She charged forward and started to slash. I dodged but halfway through her swing, she changed direction and caught me in the ribs. She feinted again and caught me on the other side. When she swung next, I didn't bother choosing a side. I shouted and stepped forward, slamming a fist into her chest. She flew back and slammed into a car. Then through it into a pole. Shaking and bleeding, I glanced around. The fires were quickly overtaking the buildings, and the asphalt wasn't cooling very quickly. I heard sirens and looked over and saw three firetrucks charging towards us. Thank God, I thought. But when they reached the molten asphalt, they traveled a few feet, and the tires exploded, sending the truck out of control. It started skidding towards me, taking out several cars in its wake. I blasted off of the ground and slammed into it. The metal crumpled, but then I remembered. I started generating a telekinetic field around it, which prevented the rest of the truck from collapsing around me. It came to a screeching stop eventually. As did the other two behind it. There was a roar of flame behind me, and I dived to the side without looking.

  I turned and faced Lady Blade. Her face spread into a malicious grin, and she brandished her sword. "You will perish tonight!"

  "What the hell is your problem, lady?" I demanded, my heart pounding in my ears.

  "I have been chosen to purge this world of evil. I will do so."

  "And the people who you killed, saving yourself just now?" I demanded, gesturing to the fires. "What about the innocent bystanders?"

  "If they were innocent, the sword couldn't hurt them," the armored figure said, stepping forward. I stood there, dumbfounded. She is . . . Beyond help. I have to stop her. I blasted off of the air and charged forward. She swiped at me, but she was far too slow. She was still human. A tail of flame trailed behind her blade as I spun around her. I went to punch her, but she managed to duck under my fist, bringing her sword as she did so. I barely managed to stay out of its reach, sucking my stomach and arching away. I used the change in direction she had forced on me to flip in the air and bring down my leg. She tried to dodge out of the way, but I came down hard and fast. The freshly molten asphalt still cracked under the force. Her armor dented. Then I kicked off her and spun in the air. Then charged down at her again, forcing my mind to focus on her. How is she able to keep up with me? I threw a haymaker and then a kick. Then I understood. She was doing the same thing Ren and Curt did. She just started reacting well before I was entirely in motion.

  So I sped up. I started throwing punches and kicks faster and more powerful. She could predict some of them, but it didn't matter. I made contact with her chestplate with one of them, and it crumpled. She flew back into a car and slammed into a building. I started to go after her, but the world became blurry. I missed a step and tripped, falling over. What is happening? I thought, glancing down at myself. My white shirt was entirely overtaken by red. All of this flying around and fighting . . . I had lost a lot of blood. I struggled to my feet for a moment. I made my way over to her and stepped on her chest just as she got up. She tried to raise her sword, but I think she was in worse condition than I was. I had thrown her through two cars. Armor can only do so much. Unless you're Bion. The firefighters made their way out of their trucks, stepping carefully, and started putting out the fires. Some cops and paramedics came. They were talking, but honestly, the words were distant. I didn't really comprehend anything. They gently moved me away and started to cuff the armored woman. I saw her grip her sword, and I began to move forward, but the world went sideways. She cut through the cop cuffing her and kicked at another. They fired on her, but the bullets seemed to bounce off her armor. She looked like she was going to fight, but when I got back up, she shook her head and dashed off into an alleyway. Some of the officers gave chase.

  I have to talk to Ren about her. She knows something, and that woman needs to go down. More than Curt or Cherry.