What if I went wrong?

The cold and darkness was still the same, the hill far out of sight. There should be an old house somewhere, but I had no clue where to look. All I could do was to keep walking forward in a straight line and pray to find the promised warmth before collapsing. Maybe I had walked past it already. Should I go back? Should I keep going? What if I laid down on the freezing ground for just a second?

Suddenly something caught my eye. It was bright and alive. I couldn’t keep my gaze of the orange, shiny thing in the distance. I wandered away from my straight path and approached the thing in the distance. I didn’t really have a choice, it seemed to invite me.

Four huge figures were sitting around the fire. They didn’t notice me as I approached in the shadows, they were blinded by light. “And then I said: “Two fancy coins for that sword? What are you, a thief?” and I stabbed her with the same sword she was trying to sell me. If she’s going to behave like a filthy criminal, I’ll treat her like one! No way that an elf would get its hands on a weapon worth that much money after the war. It’s either fake or stolen. I should have just killed her for even possessing those things. It’s only been two years and those foul creatures are already forgetting their place. But at least I got some good money out of it as well. She must have a lot of blood on her hands to earn that much in just two years. Most of their kind are still begging in the streets, as they should.”

A woman in the group giggled. “Doing business with elves has become a lot more profitable since the war, am I right?” she whispered to the lady next to her. The second woman nodded, but her eyes showed disgust.

“Cut to the chase, man, what else did she have for us”, the last member of the group shouted annoyed. She was sitting with her back towards me, but her voice sounded much older than the rest of her group. The man grabbed his bag and paced a bunch of items around the fire. “She had a bunch of crap, but I think I got most of the good stuff,” he said nervously.

“If you call these things the good stuff, she must have been selling mud cakes.” The older woman didn’t sound pleased. “I’ll be taking the coat. At least it’s a tiny bit useful.” “I take the knives,” the women who had giggled shouted. “Seriously, Allys, how many knives do you need? You always take the knives.” The man sighted. Allys grinned, but didn’t give him an explanation.

“Denny?” The oldest women asked. The last women slowly approached the assortment of random items around the fire. After carefully looking through all the stuff, she decided to grab a bunch of papers. Allys roled her eyes. “You’re not a mage, you know that? And we’re not doing some kind of dangerous quest. You can’t even fight. Why don’t you grab the spear for once. “It’s not about magic,” Denny protested. “It’s about some sort of ancient god. I want to read it. Maybe this one has profitable relationships with its followers. Look, there’s blood and dirt on the pages with prayers and rituals. It seems like the elf was actively worshipping him.”

“Yeah, and that obviously saved her,” the man scoffed, “also, doesn’t the blood everywhere raise a red flag for you? I know you want to be edgy end all with your obsession with cursed stuff, but I wouldn’t mess with actual ancient gods. Especially not after we just murdered one of his followers.”

“Let her have it,” the leader of the group decided, “but you’re also taking the spear. It’s a waste to only have three fighters on our team.” “Great, so far the fair distribution of the loot,” Allys laughed. The man got up and turned away from the fire. “I’ve got to go wash my hands real quick. Don’t divide the food part without me. It’s the best part.

I stumbled backwards the moment I realized the man was walking straight towards me. Of course he heard me immediately. Before I was able to get up and turn around, he had already jumped towards me and held my wrist in an iron hold. I screamed, both out of fear and pain. “What do we have here?” he smirked.

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Then a deep frown appeared on his face. “No, seriously, what the hell is this?” He pulled me into the light of their campfire. The heath felt strangely comforting on my shivering body.

The leader stared at my body for a couple of seconds. “It’s as pale as an elf and as small as a gnome…” she pondered. “But both gnomes and elves have fingers.” “Maybe it’s disfigured because gnomes and elves having kids together is gross and wrong and probably doesn’t work?” Denny proposed. “Maybe.”

She took another look at me. “So, little one, enlighten me. What are you?” I froze. I had no idea what I was supposed to say. I knew that I was a sister, but the wolf didn’t know what that meant and the humans had called us mirror bugs. But those same humans had ripped us from our home like we were nothing more than sentient fruit and had then left me to die. I knew from their story that these people killed lives they considered worth less than their own. That meant it was probably for the best if I didn’t tell them the truth. But I also didn’t know if there were any humanoid species I could pretend to be.

“I am a unique species,” I told them. “I’m not the offspring of anyone. I just exist.” The four companions stared at me in disbelief, but Denny did seem a little bit intrigued. “What do you mean by that,” she asked me “no one just exists. Do you mean you weren’t born?” I nodded, hoping she would come up with a decent hypothesis for me. “So are you made by a scientist or summoned by a mage? Or did a god create you?” I hesitated. All options seemed plausible, but they all would result in the question of why I was here. Did I have a special mission? I decided to go with the god route since it would make the most sense in the current situation.

“My master has sent me because you killed one of his followers. He needs someone to replace her. I will teach you how to interpret his laws before returning to where I came from.” All humans except for Denny looked at me with suspicion. The man drew his sword. “You look pretty weak to me. What happens if we kill you?” “Then he’ll resurrect me as a monster that will hunt you down indefinitely,” I said without blinking. I was in too deep to change the story, I had to win the bluffing game.

The man looked at his leader, waiting for her decision. “I haven’t seen anything like this thing before,” she softly whispered. “I don’t believe it, but it might be a test, and if it’s telling the truth, we’re done for.”

“We can try it for a while and if we find out it’s not working, we can still kill it,” Denny proposed. “Or we can kill it right now,” Allys said, “A creature sent by a god my ass. No self-respecting god would produce such a monster to collect new followers.”

“Very well,” I said, without hesitating, “do as you deem fit. I am nothing but a messenger, the choice is yours.” The man let go of my arm to hold his sword with both hands. I felt the urge to run rising in me, but I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to get away and it would blow my entire cover.

“Okay, little one, we’ll let you teach us. But tell your god that we want to speak to him ourselves once we know how to reach him.” I couldn’t suppress a smile of relief. “You will meet him once the time is ripe. We will start the first lesson in the morning. But you can start behaving like a faithful worshipper by giving me some food. The body my master gave me only had enough strength to lead me towards your camp.”

The travellers gave me food without question. The fire slowly freed me from the cold that had held my body in its grasp for hours. Denny even gave me a blanket to stay warm overnight. I couldn’t believe how easy it had been to mislead this group of hardened adventurers. All I had to do now was improvise some rituals to win their trust and get away once they started to notice I was fooling them.

Looking back at that night, I still don’t know if I consider that move smart or stupid. It was bold but reckless. But maybe playing safe would have been a lot more dangerous in my vulnerable position. Whenever I tell my story, the beginning is the part that disgusts me the most. I don’t like being reminded of how weak I used to be. I can’t leave the beginning out though, because it would make me seem like an evil person, born without a heart, and no one would hear me out if they thought my actions came out of cruelty.

Most people disagree with my actions after some of my stories, despite hearing the beginning, but I enjoy seeing their faces change from compassion to understanding to disgust. Maybe I am cruel after all.