The road since Edringrad had been calm enough, a few hours had passed since then, and the sun was now setting below the horizon. It was good timing, for right before them lay the start of the Ipithid Plain. Him and Celis had found a relatively wooded cove with a small river running nearby to encamp for the night. As Alisson was stoking their fire, he’d urged Celis to clean off her armor of all the blood that had been splattered upon it in their previous engagements. So, as Alisson stared silently into the dancing flames of his small fire, not a few meters away was Celis sitting by the small stream.
For whatever reason, Alisson felt a need to not look at her, for some sense of embarrassment shot through him when he realized that Celis was out of her armor. Even though that she was of course clothed underneath all her armor in her gambeson, more aptly her aketon since it was under her main armor, Alisson still felt it was an intrusion upon her privacy for him to see her. It was a childish emotion of respect or purity, Alisson did not know, but he didn’t intend to so brazenly push his own long-standing boundaries; wherever he’d gotten them from.
“Alisson, how should I wash this piece?”
Celis spoke from behind him. The fire he’d made was atop a small hill, and running around it was the stream Celis was using, so she was a below him a ways. Alisson turned his head and peered down the hill at Celis, who was holding a pauldron covered with dry blood.
All of her steel plates and mail were stripped off, but she was still wearing a thin and black aketon, it tightly covered her upper body like a sweater. To Alisson, having no pauldrons upon your shoulders signified being vulnerable, and exposed; Celis’s upper body, bare of anything but her aketon, caused a wave of embarrassment to wash over him. Alisson averted his eyes from her exposed body, glancing only at the pauldron she held before quickly turning away.
“Try taking it apart first, and make sure the joints won’t rust.”
Alisson said hurriedly. Sidonian pauldrons, especially of the light variant that Alisson and Celis were wearing, were segmented with small wheel-like rotators to allow easier movement. Joints like these were scattered throughout all Sidonian armor, the downside of this complicated segmentation came in the form of always needing to lubricate and maintain the joints, so that they wouldn’t lock up with rust or get worn down with use.
As the peace and quiet of nature’s ambiance returned to Alisson, the crackle of the fire and the faint tweaking and jangling from Celis’s maintenance flowed into his ears, Alisson’s mind settled back to its former, peaceful state.
He kept his mind clear.
As soon as he realized that though, his stomach felt unsure of himself; for there was always something to worry about, if it was not a present concern than at least there was something Alisson would’ve rather not thought about. Just like that, Alisson’s own self briefly went into panic at his serene and clear mind, and grasped at anything and everything that Alisson previously worried about. Within a flash, a wave of remembrance assaulted him. It was not a bittersweet or heartfelt nostalgia that he felt, nay, it was an all too familiar choking that Alisson felt as his mind flashed from one terrible thing to another, both miniscule and large alike; they came and dropped their terror and worries upon Alisson before another concern presented itself and did the same.
Sudden flashes of Davy’s actions upon his fratello, the loss of Harshel company, the fact that he wasn’t able to finish off the damned Andestinian summoners from before, the fact that those adventurers he’d spared might go off and espouse what him and Celis looked like for all the world, and the looming thought that the goblins Alisson had fought only hours before had perhaps done their wicked things with his less fortunate comrades in the past. Alisson still had clinging thoughts and doubts of that succubus, and for whatever reason he felt a need to apologize to her. Sylph was evidently the thought that inflicted the most shock in him, he still seemed to deny what had happened, Sylph had simply been to nice, too hospitable to himself and his apprentice, she did not deserve such a farewell.
All these thoughts Alisson could not shake from his mind, no matter how hard he tried, his ignorant bliss was eradicated by the inborn vigilance within him.
But by far the most unshakable and deep-rooted worries that Alisson’s mind was plagued by were the ones that involved Celis.
All the horrors she’d been subjected to despite her age, all the life-threatening fights she’d been dragged into without proper preparation, he feared that her mentality would be broken because of such horror at her age. Alisson found an odd worry, one that he hadn’t thought of before, he feared that Celis disliked him, that she saw him as abnormal. Alisson felt a pang of fear when he thought of Celis placing distance between himself and her out of her own rejection and dismissal of him. It was certainly a novel fear in comparison to the rest...
Alisson attempted to get a hold of his outburst of worry by going about it the way he always did, he calmed himself and rationally placed every concern of his on a scale of importance. Despite Celis’s safety dwarfing how she felt of him in Alisson’s ideal scale of importance, he couldn’t help but think more about Celis’s feeling, and if he was truly acting in her favor.
If Sidonia or Appy were here, they’d laugh at me…Am I so inept as to not be able to set my priorities?
Alisson had a mode of conduct for everyone he met, but by far his personality toward Celis was the one that had undergone the most numerous changes in the shortest spans of time. How exactly would Alisson need to act in order to not be a hinderance toward Celis? That was his main thought, and it was in need of serious work. His long-built habits, erected from his centuries of his social operation, had taken their course without his true direction for the past months on the matter.
It was a great deal of concern to him, that his view of Celis had shifted up and down, and side to side, and as such his interaction with Celis adapted, but this presented a problem for him, just how was Celis seeing his jumble of change? The slightest movement of the hand, the faintest change in diction, such things mattered greatly to social perception in Alisson’s mind; Just what else was he supposed to change that he could confidently enact? Thanks to his meekness, his spectrum of social acts was not broad.
He was not an outward person, and neither was Celis, it led him to fear that she’d simply been watching him with a tinge of disgust at his efforts at sociability, all whilst growing more distanced to him, more jaded and more suspicious.
Compared to other the comrades he’d interacted with, Celis had by far stayed the coldest with him; even after all this time, Alisson felt that he only vaguely understood her, and even then, that vague knowledge he did have was all in the field of combat. Alisson knew nothing of what she actually thought of the world around her, of how she perceived and reacted to things internally. That to Alisson was the true measure of someone; and he’d been able to find this measure with most all his comrades. Daventdale, Alieri, all his 51st, he knew each and every single one of them. They respected him, as Alisson did them; for that he felt safer and more open in the presence of those who acknowledged him and agreed with him, they’d follow his words without a prompt dismissal. He was thankful that they also kept him in check as well, many a time he was saved by the intrusiveness of his teammates. It was not an unfamiliar or disheartening intrusiveness he felt, nay, it was one of Alisson’s most cherished emotions, intrusion that had familiarity: It was care.
He suddenly realized that odd emotion that Celis had shown in the forest of endless night, it was that same familiar intrusiveness that Alisson cherished. It was driven by fear as he’d already debunked, but such an emotion being given to him by someone he hadn’t spent so long around was off-putting; and just like that, Alisson mentally untied one of his long persisting knots that followed him everywhere. Thinking of his time in the forest of midnight, Alisson also remembered his slip-up, of what he shared of his older sister.
Such a small thing, it was but a couple sentences, but he still remembered them perfectly, he felt his stomach tighten the more he thought about how Celis had taken his words.
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Alisson cleared his mind as best he could, like whisking away the knots of worry that had descended upon him as if he were swatting away bugs with a flyswatter. Alisson hoped that Celis was closer to him than they were when they’d been in the forest of midnight, Alisson felt confident that he wouldn’t be irked by any intrusiveness she’d bring about, if she was even brazen enough to do so.
Alisson still feared that from her silent attitude, she wanted nothing to do with him, and that Alisson had been the one who’d really been intrusive all this time, with all his damnable hugging and patting. Remembering those actions again, and feeling the respective pang of shame for each and every one, Alisson’s resolve to not encroach on his apprentice, or any other of his comrades for that matter, strengthened.
“Hey, Alisson, can I show you something?”
Shattering his deep and reflective thinking, was Celis asking him a question. Celis was always asking him questions.
“Mm. What is it?”
Alisson asked, not looking back at her. He’d rather not approach Celis in her current state.
“I, I think one of the rotators are busted…”
Alisson frowned. He stood, and spent a moment digging through a pack on his stallion, retrieving a small metallic ring. He cautiously neared Celis, still not looking at her. He flicked the ring at her with his index and thumb, she swiftly caught it with a single hand.
“Spare.”
Alisson muttered. As he was turning back to the fire to sit once more,
“I…I don’t know how to fix this…”
Celis’s weak mumble stopped his motion dead. Of course his apprentice wasn’t an expert in such a rare break of equipment, why hadn't offering help crossed Alisson’s mind? Alisson swallowed, and was about to careen his head toward Celis, when he realized he couldn’t. He imagined a scowl on her face, and that combined with his earlier worries, he suddenly felt as though Celis was a stranger to him. Quickly getting a hold of himself, Alisson managed to turn with a wince at himself. Though, he’d apparently taken too long.
“Alisson? Are, are you okay?”
Celis’s words shot through him like a bolt of lightning. Alisson heard nothing but suspicions from Celis’s words, and it seemed that his previous terror had came true. Upon trying to remember and validify how Celis had actually sounded, Alisson realized he couldn’t, as if his worry were clouding his remembrance, even though she’d only spoken a moment before. Alisson abandoned trying to remember how she sounded like, and still grasping for chance that what he feared of Celis was untrue, he decided to simply see what was in front of him, with his vision.
Celis tilted his head at him. Before wryly smiling.
“Alisson, come sit with me.” Celis said, still with a small smile.
Alisson looked away from Celis with an uncomfortable frown. A shiver ran up his spine.
“F-fine.”
Alisson walked forward, and slid down the hill on one foot a meter before quietly sitting down next to Celis, side by side to her facing the stream.
“L-like this…”
Alison was unsure of what to think. He’d never been in such a state of thought, on one hand, he was fearfully awaiting Celis’s words, on another, he was praying for her to prove him wrong. As such, his mind remained blank, and clear, as he absentmindly meddled with Celis’s pauldron.
He removed the upper plate with a small rod, with a snap it shifted out of place. He then unscrewed the rotator within, it was badly misshapen. He then-
“Alisson. Is something wrong?”
His hands stopped. Despite his mind’s efforts, Celis reappeared in his mind, and then, he noticed her in his vision, leaning over his hands, and peering up at him with a look of, she was, she was concerned. Alisson’s fear quickly turned to a burning hope, like the feeling of betting on a gambling game. With his brief flare, he didn’t think, he acted before he could stop himself, and voiced himself.
“Celis, am I, do I bother you?”
After a moment, Celis furrowed her brow, her eyes peering away for a moment. Though, she quickly snapped back up to Alisson, with a smile on her face, one that like the sun, seamed to beam rays of heat at Alisson.
“Of course not Alisson!”
Alisson quickly looked away with wide eyes. With a hard gulp his mind finally comprehended Celis’s words, his chest seemed to lift and rise a million-fold, it was a heavy sensation of relief that had overcome him.
His fears were smote by both Celis’s words, and her smile.
This relief was filled by and kept true by the image he had of Celis’s smiling face. The image was surreal to him, but it was just as hypnotizing; he felt an urge to look back at Celis, to glance at her face once more, but at the same time, Alisson didn’t want to lose the mental capture he was so intently focused in on.
Completely shattering his mind once more, Celis hopped forward on Alisson, placing both her hands on his legs, and leaning into and looking up at him with a smile; her nose was only a couple inches from his own, they hadn’t been this close since she’d involuntarily woken up next to him in Curlessi.
He could feel the heat of her bare, un-gauntleted hands through his armor.
It seemed as though she were a dog awaiting a reward. Alisson could imagine a wagging tail behind her quite easily.
With Celis’s smile now in his true vision, and with such guileless thoughts crossing his mind, Alisson realized that the veil of gloom that had fallen upon him had been lifted, lifted by none other than his apprentice.
“I…I’m glad…”
Alisson said. He closed his eyes, a small smile forming and showing from the bottom of his heart, despite his attempts to stifle such a face in front of his apprentice.
…
“Spare.”
Alisson said. I caught the little thing he threw at me, and opened my hand, to see it as a rotator for my pauldron. Alisson’s been acting a little weird recently, he sounded like a zombie when he said ‘Spare’ with how monotone his voice was.
Disregarding Alisson’s attitude, is he, is he tripping? I have no clue how to fix this pauldron! I didn’t even know the rotator was prone to breaking!
“I…I don’t know how to fix this…”
My confusion and slight questioning are barely noticeable in my words though.
But, Alisson’s reaction causes me to question what I said, for he jumps in surprise, halting his movement into a deathly stillness.
W-what did I say? Was it incriminating? No, that can’t be, I was mumbling a pitiful admission of me not knowing something, handing over my pride to Alisson, it shouldn’t have shocked him at all. Unless he’s surprised by me admitting to my own unintelligence on something, but, he definitely didn’t have this reaction back with when I told about my near death experience with those goblins…
…He was happy to hear me. Remembering this, I suddenly realize how Alisson has been acting for the past few minutes, he’s been silent; melancholic almost. An outsider might not have been able to see the difference in Alisson, but I know Alisson, he hasn’t been acting normal.
I, I should say something. Seeing him in this odd, vulnerable state, I, I want to protect him.
After my few seconds of thought after I’d spoken, Alisson turns at me, his eyebrows cringed, and with a guilty frown on his face. He seems worried that his slip of the mind has angered me…
I, I can’t let that be the case! Too long have I stood silent, I, I want to show him that I’m not angry!
“Alisson? Are, are you okay?”
Is the most I’m able to do…despite my self-rousing.
Alisson’s chest bobbed, like a bolt of lightning had surged through his body. I thought I heard a slight gasp emit with his motion, but that was probably just my imagination.
Ah, I, I think I freaked out Alisson more than I did sooth him of whatever is bothering him. If he reacted so much to just a single question from me, than, does that mean, he was thinking about me then…?
I tilt my head, thinking.
…No way. That’s just me being egocentric. Hrm…I can’t do much with Alisson if he’s standing like a statue so far away.
…A devious thought crosses my mind, and I can’t help but let a smile show through my face.
“Alisson, come sit with me.”
Ah-! I actually managed to say it! If I don’t think too hard about what I say, then I can speak anything!
Alisson looked away.
“F-fine.”
His reluctant words bring a certain kind of glee to my heart. Alisson tepidly approaches, and sinks down beside me.
“L-like this…”
He carefully accepted the rotator and pauldron. I know Alisson isn’t exactly an outgoing person, but I can tell from just the way he’s sitting that he’s definitely being bothered by something. His shoulders are up and tight, his body wound and tense, on alert, like he’s trying to protect himself from something.
Finally, with Alisson close to me, I can ask what I’ve been wanting to ask. I just wonder if I can really pull this off. My mouth opens, and my words halt Alisson’s steady movements of repairing my armor in their tracks.
“Alisson. Is something wrong?”
Hah, I, I did it again! Wait, why is Alisson above me…?
W-w-wait a second-! When did I fall onto his legs!? I asked that question whilst leaning on him and looking up, ah…ah…there’s goes my dignity…I must have closed the distance between us without realizing it-! I’m so stupid sometimes!
“Celis, am I, do I bother you?”
Alisson’s response was one that I wasn’t at all prepared for. Without thinking, I spouted my feelings on instinct.
“Of course not Alisson!”
I, guess I got a little heated from his words…’Do I bother you’? Huh…so that’s what he was worrying about. He really was thinking about me. It’s something I think about a lot, especially with Alisson, I hope never to be in his way; but it looks like I’m not the only one who’s been trying to appease.
On that thought, my heart flares. Alisson, he’s a lot more similar to me than I thought…I’m, I’m happy that he’s even thinking about such things.
“I…I’m glad…”
Alisson voices my thoughts.
-W-wait what the hell did he just say!?
His words and expression, they convey a sense of sincerity that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s, he’s glad not to be a bother to me…huh…He, he thinks of me a lot more than I’d previously thought, doesn’t he?
With the two of our faces being only centimeters away from each other, we both smile at each other for a long moment.
My belly is empty, it’s light, there’s nothing there. Instead, my upper chest throbs with a certain, unfamiliar weight, the weight of this, this care I feel.
***