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Chapter 58

The donkey had once been a simple creature. Donkeys were never known for their intelligence, and this one was a particularly dull example. He had grazed. He had hee hawed. He had flicked flies with his tail. He pulled heavy things and at the end of a hard day he was fed until he was full. Life had been simple. Then one day his Human had marched him into the city with a heavy load of something on his back as usual. The Donkey had plodded the many miles without protest. He had always hated the city. It smelled confusing. It was never quiet. Things buzzed and yipped and yapped and screeched and snarled ceaselessly. The hard stones underfoot made the Donkey's knees ache but he plodded on. Stolid and loyal. Still nothing unusual had happened. The heavy load was taken off and the Donkey rested, passing the time by chewing on the damp hay left for him.

Then those strange men had come. In their colourful coats, smelling of spirits and flowers. They chattered and laughed far too much for the Donkey to trust them. Then his Human handed over his reins and disappeared with a jingling bag. The strange men took the Donkey's reins and led him through the streets. They tried to lead him like a horse and one had even tried to ride him but quickly realised riding a Donkey was an ignominious experience. Still they laughed and pranced about, feeding the Donkey strange, hard, little sugary treats.

Then the Donkey found himself in a monstrous building filled with more chortling and guffawing men. The building smelled strange, the floors were hard and slippery, and it echoed sharply in the Donkey’s ears. The strange men had played all sorts of games, putting hats on the Donkey, chasing it around, feeding it fiery drinks that made its vision swim and its legs shake. They had quickly grown bored of the dull creature. Hours had melted into days. Days fell into weeks. Weeks had spiralled into months. And the Donkey was forgotten. In the darkness he had paced. In the silence he had pawed at doors. In his hunger he had chewed through anything he could fit in his mouth. In the loneliness he had stared out of the windows at the outside world.

In the bowels of the Houses, the Donkey had turned feral, and now he lowered his crazed gaze on the first Humans he had seen in months. His belly growled and froth dripped from his mouth.

“What’s wrong with that Donkey?” Ridley asked, backing away slowly.

“That must be the Winter Party Donkey. Gosh it’s been up here for months,” Barney said nervously.

“He don’t look too happy about it,” Jimmy said.

“I don’t suppose I would be either,” Barney said.

The crazed Donkey pawed at the carpet, baring his tombstone tooth like a wolf.

“Slowly back away,” Jimmy said to them. “No sudden movements.”

As if the Donkey heard their plans, he charged at them.

“Run!”

They bolted down the hall, the Donkey hee-hawing wildly behind them. They could hear his hooves thundering across the hall, closing in on them.

“Donkeys don’t run that fast!” Ridley cried out as they skittered around a corner.

Nairo looked over her shoulder and saw the Donkey barrelled head first into the wall, unable to corner at that pace. It shook its head twice and took off after them again, undeterred.

“Quick! Down here! My office is only around the next corner!” Barney shouted over his shoulder, his arms pumping like pistons as he put on an extra spurt of speed only to become tangled in the grey overcoat.

He stumbled and almost fell. Jimmy grabbed his arm but that had slowed them down and the Donkey was gaining. The creature’s insane braying echoed down the hallways, its red eyes gleaming in the halflight. It was almost on him.

“Blasted coat!” Barney roared, whipping it from his shoulders and flinging it at the Donkey’s face.

The crazed beast became tangled in the heavy coat. Barney spun and sprinted away, turning the corner to see his office.

“There she is!” he whooped, pointing at a corner office that had a heavy wooden door with a small frosted glass pane inscribed with gold gilt writing that read:

Barnabus Archibald-Sterling

Rep. Shepping and Bywater

Minister for Game and Tackle

Barney traced his fingertips lovingly across the writing.

“Sorry Barn, but we don’t have time for a touching reunion!” Jimmy said, gasping for breath, looking over his shoulder for the beast. All they could hear was tearing and thrashing as the Donkey fought to free itself of the coat.

“Oh right.” Barney fished a key from his pocket and slid it into the lock.

A crazed bray went up from behind them. The Donkey was free! His bloodshot eyes rolled with madness. He lowered his head like a bull about to charge.

“Hurry up!” Ridley shouted to Barney.

Barney struggled with the disused lock. The key sticking as he tried to turn it.

“The old gal was always a bit sticky. Just give me a mo…”

The Donkey began charging.

“Open the door!” Nairo screamed.

“Get that damn door open!” Jimmy yelled as the Donkey bore down on them.

With a small click, the key turned. Barney twisted the handle and they fell through the door in their haste to get away from the Donkey. Jimmy leapt up and slammed the door shut, slamming the lock shut after it. A second later there came a wall shaking thud as the Donkey slammed itself into the door. Then another one. And another one. The fourth had less energy on it.

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“Don’t worry chaps,” Barney gasped, bent over double. “That door could withstand a battering ram. It has withstood a battering ram I should say.”

They waited, staring at the door. They could hear the Donkey snuffling and wheezing outside. After another minute, they heard the clip clop of its hooves as it wandered away.

“You think it’s gone?” Nairo whispered.

“Back to the fires of the underworld,” Ridley said. “What the fuck was that?”

“Crazed Donkey by the looks of it,” Jimmy said offhandedly as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

“Yes but… why?”

“Isolation does that to a creature. Poor chap.” Barney tutted sympathetically. “We should do something about it.”

“I’m not going back out there!” Ridley said.

“No… maybe we should wait till it calms down a tad.”

“I think it had rabies,” Nairo said, rubbing her face ruefully on her sleeve.

“Depending on which minister it’s bitten, that wouldn’t surprise me,” Jimmy said with half a smirk.

“Yes… yes, the Donkey was an unexpected bit of colour in our already kaleidoscopic adventure.” Barney waved a dismissive hand as if homicidal beasts of burden were just another happenstance of the Houses. “Welcome to my humble little office!” Barney said, beaming at them and throwing his arms wide. “How I’ve missed the old gal!”

Nairo caught her breath and looked around the office. The musk of the room was the first thing to hit her: the unmistakable smell of a room that had been shut for months. The office was layered in dust that now twinkled in the air after being disturbed by their sudden arrival. Barney didn’t seem to notice the dust nor the smell. He strode straight to his medium sized desk and large comfy chair. He threw himself into the chair and placed his feet on the desk with a deep sigh, followed by a racking cough as the dust he kicked up clogged his throat.

“Perhaps… she needs a little TLC,” he said through coughs.

Jimmy walked over to the window and pulled it open while Ridley put his ear to the door to listen out for the crazed Donkey. Nairo looked around at the minimalist office that was only a little larger than some of the store cupboards she had seen. On the wall hung an ornate sword in its sheath with a golden handle and silk tassels hanging from it. Next to the sword was the terrifying face of some insectoid creature, its facial carapace was larger than Nairo’s head, bushy hair included. It had mandibles longer than her fingers and bulging black eyes bigger than her fist.

“The Mungulas Scarab,” Barney explained to her. “Hunted it myself in the depths of the uncharted Forests. I can tell you, that was a thrilling summer! We lived in the giant trees, sleeping on boughs three men deep, and hunted at night. That little bugger there actually tried to hunt me! Woke up with the bloody thing wrapping itself around me!” Barney laughed as he looked fondly at the trophy.

“Impressive,” Nairo said after pausing to search for an appropriate word.

“Oh, nothing really,” Barney said humbly.

“You expect me to climb out on to that?” Ridley exclaimed.

Jimmy and Ridley both had their heads out of the window and they were arguing animatedly about their route.

“How bad is it?” Nairo asked as she joined them.

She had to tiptoe and crane her neck to see out the window and when she saw what they were arguing about she wished she hadn’t. Their route was a small flourish of the building’s architecture. A ledge, little more than a foot wide and slick with the morning’s rain. The crossing looked to be about fifteen metres across the edge of the building. At the end of the ledge was a thick metal drainpipe leading up to a window that she assumed was their destination. Nairo looked down and, again, wished she hadn’t. The drop was dizzying. The ground looked so small from up here and Nairo felt her stomach churn with the thought of standing over such a drop.

“You’re nuts!” Ridley said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Unless you have a better idea?” Jimmy retorted and crossed his arms.

“Yeah! How about our Parliament isn’t run by a bunch of lunatics that barricade and burn down staircases!”

“And if my old nan had wheels she’d be a bicycle,” Barney said sagely as he tucked some papers into his inside pocket. He then stuck his head out of the window and sniffed the air. “Pish posh, Master Ridley, I’ve seen bigger drops than that! Why I’d dare say a body could survive that fall.”

“How?”

“If you land on a tree I suppose,” he said with a thoughtful stroke of his chin. “Why Bouncing Bodric once fell out of the fourteenth floor window after one too many at lunch time.”

“And he lived?” Ridley asked.

“Oh… no… Bits of him went everywhere in fact. That’s why he got the nickname Bouncing Bodric because…”

“You’re not helping Barn,” Jimmy interjected.

“This is ludicrous! You’re gonna get us killed!” Ridley said, rounding on Jimmy.

“Ridley,” Nairo said sharply as he opened his mouth to cuss Jimmy out. “We’ve come this far.”

Ridley looked at the determination on Nairo’s face and he scowled at her but said no more.

“I’ll take silence as consent,” Nairo said with a playful smile she certainly didn’t feel.

“All we gotta do is shimmy across, then up the pipe and jimmy open the window,” Jimmy said with a tone of assuredness. “Only problem is, one of you will have to go first.”

“Why?” Ridley asked.

“My hand’s pretty busted from that brawl in the toilet. The last thing I want to do is drop the tool or, you know, myself.”

“Ughh… this is such a bad idea,” Ridley groaned as he bent over double with the weight of it all.

“I’ll go first,” Nairo said.

“You sure Sarge,” Jimmy asked her. Nairo nodded resolutely, pushing down the creeping anxiety in her chest. “Alright.” He handed her a thin, yet sturdy, strip of metal. “Get that into the crack between the lock and window. Give it a few wiggles, you might need to be forceful, and it should pop right open.”

“Got it.” Nairo tucked the metal into her inner coat pocket and then looked around at them. “Well, no time like the present.”

“Good luck,” Ridley said to her, and he only sounded somewhat sarcastic.

Nairo gripped the edge of the window and placed her foot on the window ledge.

“I’ll keep hold of you until you're secure on the ledge,” Jimmy shouted to her as the wind began to whip.

“Do be careful, Miss Sally,” Barney said, wringing his hands.

“What happened to pish posh and all that?” Ridley said to him.

“That’s when you were doing it,” Barney said. “Oh Miss Sally, I would be sorely heartbroken if you ended up like Bouncing Bodric! Do be careful!”

Nairo tried to give him a cavalier smile, or at least a reassuring one, but she couldn’t manage it. The corners of her mouth twitched momentarily and that was it. She took a deep breath through her nose. With Jimmy’s grip on her coat anchoring her, Nairo grabbed the window frame and stood at the window. The sky was thick with heavy clouds, the city stretched away before her. Only now did she realise how high up they were. Suddenly, this all felt like a bad idea. Before doubt could gnaw at her will, Nairo gripped the window frame. She took a deep steadying breath, stepped on the sill, and pulled herself out onto the ledge. For a blurred moment the whole world opened up before her.

Then there was a sickening second where she stepped out into nothing.