After tying up and gagging the four men, Nairo, Ridley, Barney, and Jimmy walked out of the water logged toilet. On their way out, Ridley hung an out of order sign he had found on the door. With their chins tucked and caps low, they hobbled along the Opposition’s hallways.

“There’s no way this is going to work,” Nairo muttered to Ridley.

“You look… passable,” Ridley replied without much conviction.

Nairo’s disguise had proved particularly difficult as she was about half a foot too short for her coat and her mane of curly hair was barely contained under her cap. A stiff breeze or a sudden move and she would look like a pouncing lion.

“Disguises are all about confidence,” Ridley explained. “People will always believe you are who they think you are. You just gotta behave like the person they think you are and not the person you actually are. Understand?”

“Not really.”

“Just… try not to draw attention to yourself,” Ridley said.

“This coat really is awful,” Barney moaned, pulling at the heavy grey coat he was suffocating in. “What is it made of? Boar’s brush and dandruff? No wonder they’re all ruffians, I would be too if I spent all day in this thing.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Jimmy whispered back, his eyes darting all around them. He checked his watch and fought against the urge to speed up.

“And don’t get me started on this disgusting cap! Feels like a wet rat on my head! This lack of sartorial elegance is so emblematic of Pleasently’s regime! The man doesn’t respect any decorum or tradition…”

“Hush,” Jimmy said as he spotted two dark coated figures down the hallway having an animated conversation.

“So what happened then?”

“Well my whole crepe had gone to shit. So, I’m panicking right?”

“After you whipped all that cream? I’m not surprised.”

Without missing a step, Jimmy walked by them and gave them a formal grunt and nod. The two men barely looked around as they returned his grunt. Nairo tried to shrink as much as possible behind Ridley. She kept her head and eyes firmly on Barney’s heels.

“Oi mate!”

Her blood froze.

“Yeah?” Jimmy called back.

“Lunch bells ‘bout to go! You don’t wanna miss fish and chips Friday!” he laughed.

“Save us a seat!” Jimmy said over his shoulder. “Just running an errand for old Mabs then we’ll be down.”

“I thought Mabs was out of office today?” the man replied with a look of confusion. Just as with most dullards on guard duty, confusion easily led to suspicion.

Jimmy froze in mid stride.

“You think that stops him ordering us around,” Ridley said sarcastically.

“Ha! Truer words mate!” Lambasting a social superior was always the antidote to suspicion.

Satisfied, the goon turned back to his confectionery conversation. Jimmy nodded his thanks to Ridley and they continued their agonisingly casual stroll down the hallways. As they rounded a bend, Jimmy checked his pocket watch.

“One minute,” he whispered to them. “When that bell sounds these hallways’ll be flooded with hungry Members and their gangs. Keep yer heads down and move swiftly behind me and say your pardon me’s if you bump anyone, but don’t stop and don't look up. If you get lost, keep moving in the same direction and eventually you'll see a fountain. That’s where we’ll hunker down until the crowd clears. Understood?”

“Gotcha James!” Barney said while Ridley and Nairo nodded.

“Alright, any second now.”

They stood in the little alcove, tucked into the shadows, breaths held. Nairo looked down the wide open planned square that was the floor’s main thoroughfare. There was already a steady trickle of men who had slipped out early to beat the rush. They were like the first few drops of water through a cracking dam. With an ear ringing peal the lunch bell sounded and doors flew open all around.

“Now!”

Jimmy pounced from the alcove and dove into the throng of hungry men, the others following him like ducklings behind their mother. Despite the sudden tsunami of men, it was a surprisingly civilised affair. There was no shoving or bumping into people and eventually the crowd became uniformed lines of men all feeding towards the staircase going down the canteen. Everyone seemed to understand their place and the process that would guide them toward their fish and chips in the most efficient manner. There was, however, a torrent of noise. Conversations in every stage were awash around them until they became a homogenous lump of sound. Nairo, chin glued to her chest, stuck behind Ridley as she weaved in and out of the mass of men.

Jimmy led them expertly through the flow of human traffic. He followed the mass clockwise until he spotted the East wing hallway. Now was the artful part. If he turned too sharply he would surely bump someone and attract attention to their infiltration. What they needed to do was gently blend across the lines of moving men, getting in the way but never stepping on any toes. Like a prowling tiger, he picked his next footsteps with the utmost care and attention; whether his comrades could do the same he was unsure.

Fortunately, Barney’s naturally good breeding meant he had been avoiding stepping on the toes of powerful men since he learned to toddle and Ridley had spent so much time on the underbelly of society around violent men with hair trigger tempers that his muscles had built in the instinct to avoid clumsiness. Nairo, on the other hand, had grown accustomed to people moving out of her way. Coppers didn’t tend to need to tiptoe around. As such, she quickly became detached from the group. She narrowly avoided the distended gut of one man only to kick the back of the shoe of another and she tried to move horizontally.

“Sorry” she grunted in her deepest voice and got away before the man had turned around.

Nairo followed the flow of traffic for a few moments, waiting for her opportunity to jump lanes. There! A man had stopped to shake hands for a moment. Nairo hopped to her left, and then again, when she saw an older gentleman struggling to keep up and had left a space in front of him. She could see the East hallway exit. But the lines of men were marching inexorably past the exit. She needed to move now before she missed her chance. Hastily, Nairo took a gap to her left as soon as it appeared. As she leapt she saw a foot appear where she intended to land. She twisted in mid air but still clipped the man’s toe as she landed.

“Woah… I say easy on there, young fellow!” The heavy set man in a pinstripe suit admonished, placing his hands on Nairo’s shoulders. “I dare say, they won’t run out that quickly!” He gave a great bellowing laugh, his belly and lips wobbling in sync.

“Do apologise!” Nairo said, hiding her face underneath the collars of her coat as she tried to move quickly away.

“Now hold on one mo’ there young man,” the rotund man said as he raised a chiding finger. “You don’t just step on a minister’s hoof and then run off.” He reached to grab Nairo but she took off before he could get his hands on her. “Bloody rude!” he cried after her.

Others were looking now, so Nairo decided to take the risk and she darted through the last two lines of men and made a break for the Eastern hallway. A few men called after her, but no one pursued, they weren’t giving up their spot in line for fish and chips. As Nairo rounded the first corner she found the gang.

“Thought you were done for,” Ridley said, smiling when he saw her.

“Worried, were you?” Nairo said with a wolfish grin.

“No,” Ridley replied, his smile disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

“Well done Sally,” Jimmy said. “Now let’s move. We got at least half hour before anyone starts coming back this way. I wanna be on our way back before the first plate is collected.”

They were moving at just a step under a full jog. Jimmy would check around the corners and then they would scurry across hallways like mice at midnight. Within minutes they saw the staircase leading up. Jimmy put on an extra spurt of pace and they were at a full jog when one of the black shirted guards came walking around the corner in front of them. They froze, the staircase equidistant between them and the guard.

“What exactly are you lot doing up here?” he shouted down the hall, his club swinging loose at his hip.

“We’re just going to the canteen,” Jimmy called back, still walking towards the stairs.

“Canteen’s the opposite way,” the Black Top shouted down the hall.

“Yeah, must have got turned around,” Jimmy said with a laugh.

“Let me see some Parliamentary Identification,” the guard demanded.

“Run!” Jimmy dashed the remainder of the hall and took the stairs two at a time.

Nairo shot after him, with Barney and Jimmy behind. She heard the Black Top’s feet thudding on the staircase as they reached the top.

“Oi! Stop them!” he barked.

Another black shirted guard appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Split up,” Jimmy ordered as he saw more black shirts appearing down the hallway. “Sarge, with me!”

Jimmy grabbed her arm and they shot off left around the grasping fingers of the guard. Barney and Ridley ducked right and out of sight. Jimmy ran like a man who was used to being chased with Nairo doggedly on his heels. One of the Black Tops still pursued them but he was clearly built for power rather than speed and they soon left him behind in the twists and turns of the hallways. Jimmy put his head down and put on an extra spurt of pace. Nairo, in her oversized coat, was pouring sweat and struggling to not trip over. She rounded another corner and found Jimmy waiting for her.

“Quick in here,” he said, opening a door to their left.

Nairo bundled in behind him and he locked the door. Both of them sank to the floor, gasping for air.

“I ain’t never had the stamina to be a coward,” Jimmy said.

“I ran out of stamina somewhere on the ninth floor,” Nairo replied.

“Oh shit!” Jimmy leapt up when something shifted in the darkness of the room. “What’s that?”

A figure moved across the shadows with a swishing sound. It hadn’t seemed to have noticed them.

“It’s just a Pixie,” Nairo said after her heart climbed out of her throat and her eyes adjusted to the gloom of the room. “Hi there, sorry to burst in like this.”

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She got no response.

“I wouldn’t waste your time,” Jimmy said, massaging his pounding chest. “You're better off talking to the furniture.”

“What’s wrong with the Pixie’s here?” she asked him.

“They’ve had the chop,” Jimmy said miming scissors cutting.

“They’ve been Cut?”

“Yep.”

“All of them?”

“Most of ‘em. Can’t have a bunch of Pixies floating about broadcasting everything they see to millions of other Pixies. Would be a massive security risk.”

“Are they always so…” Nairo couldn't find the right word.

“Empty.”

“Yes.”

“Usually yeah, I’ve heard a few of them can sort of lose their minds. Can’t blame ‘em really. Imagine spending your whole life daydreaming in some twilight orchard and then you wake up in this shithole. They tend to end up living in isolation, they creep out the other Pixies.”

“Do they?”

“Yeah, could you imagine running into a feller with no eyes or mouth?” Jimmy said. “Although I heard some do still try to communicate, but they can’t do it properly, it’s almost like they're ghosts or something.”

“It’s hard to imagine,” Nairo looked at the Pixie sadly. It didn’t even register her presence.

“But they still understand? I mean they still take orders and do their work?”

“Oh yeah, no problem there. But it’s just like… like they haven’t got a soul anymore. Well most of ‘em. Like I said, some of ‘em lose their marbles straight away. Most of ‘em do eventually.”

“That’s so cruel.” Nairo walked over the Pixie and knelt down in front of it. “Hi, my name’s Sally, what’s yours?”

The Pixie’s eyes dilated and focused on her. They were dead lumps of black. Like the beady glass eyes of a teddy bear.

“Does Miss have work?” The Pixie slowly intoned.

“No, I just… wanted to say hello.”

The Pixie continued to look at her, expressionless.

“Do you, umm, do you need anything? Are you okay?”

The Pixie cocked its head at her and said nothing. It was looking at her but it didn’t seem to see her, like it was looking straight through her.

“Do you… do you understand me? Are you… ummm…”

“I told you Sarge, there ain’t nothing in there,” Jimmy said softly from the other side of the room.

“I want my Tree,” the Pixie whispered, its voice echoing in the darkness.

Nairo turned to look at it. Its expression hadn’t changed, but there was something in its eyes, some hint of understanding.

“You mean, the Tree that your people come from?”

“I miss… them.” The Pixie voice was a hoarse whisper. “They won’t speak to me. They hear me but they won’t speak.”

“The other Pixies?”

“I am dead but I live,” the Pixie whispered again, its eyes wide and unfocused. “Why do I live if I am dead?”

Nairo felt tears sting the back of her eyes.

“What have they done to you?” she said, feeling an ache in her chest.

The Pixie seemed to see her for the first time. It took the dustpan and brush it had been sweeping up with and then floated out of the room, without another word.

Nairo watched it go and then rubbed her face, trying to stop the tears from flying.

“Come on, Sarge.” Jimmy said, his voice quiet and thick. “We need to meet up with Barney and Ridley.”

“Yeah… I hope they’re okay.”

“Don’t worry, Barney knows what he’s doing.”

*

“Are we lost?”

“Only if you define being lost as not knowing where you’re going.”

“That’s exactly how I would define it.”

“Then yes, we’re lost.”

Barney and Ridley actually had a relatively easy escape. Their Black Top didn’t even bother giving chase, his bouncing stomach suggested it wouldn’t have been much of one anyway. They had since wandered the hallways trying to figure out where they were.

“Been an age since I was up on these floors, I’ll get my bearings, don’t you worry.”

“Don’t worry, I’m enjoying not being chased… It's a pleasant change of pace.”

“Change of pace? Oh I see what you did there! You are a whiplash Master Ridley,” Barney said with his usual chortle.

“It’s nice to be working alongside someone with a refined sense of humour,” Ridley said.

“Miss Sally’s not one for a double entendre?”

“Naa, she’s too… straight for all that. I’m telling you, I can’t wait to be done with this case and see the back of her.”

“Oh pish,” Barney said, waving his hand at him. “You and Miss Sally are quite the duo.”

“Me and the Sarge?” Ridley snorted derisively.

“Oh yes. Once you’ve skinned your knuckles and shed claret in the protection of each other you are linked in brotherhood, Master Ridley. And Miss Sally has done more than skin her knuckles to protect your backside.”

Ridley shrugged begrudgingly.

“She’s alright… I s’pose. But either way, we’re done once this case is over. I’m not big on sidekicks.”

“Are you close to solving the case?”

“That’s the problem, I feel like I got my hands on so many pieces but the picture’s still not making sense.”

“Tried turning it around?”

“What?”

“The puzzle. Usually does the trick for me,” Barney said. “I once had a thousand piece set depicting a forest at night. That was quite the doozy. It was six months before me and mother realised the damn thing was upside down!”

“Turn the puzzle round?” Ridley asked pensively. “How do you turn a bank robbery around?”

“Well…” Barney bounced on his heels for a moment. “What is a bank robbery?”

“When someone nicks something from a bank?” Ridley said, nonplussed.

“Aha. Exactly.” Barney nodded sagely.

“What?”

“Well the reverse of a bank robbery is someone putting something in a bank.”

“So a deposit?”

“Precisely.”

“Thanks Barney, very helpful.”

“Of course, no problem old chap. Sometimes one just has to approach the pig from the offside.”

“The problem is, someone took something out of the bank, we know that. Putting something into the bank isn’t a crime. Taking something without permission is.”

“Of course. Of course.” Barney’s brow crinkled in consternation. “This detectoring lark is a real workout for the little grey cells.”

“It’s why I’ve always got a headache.”

“That I can understand. Still I suppose the opposite of someone coming and taking something is someone from inside walking out with something. Right?”

Ridley thought for a moment.

“Like an inside job?”

“Exactly.”

Again Ridley chewed on this.

“The only fella that could have done it was the bank manager and he was ruled out of the investigation… with extreme prejudice,” Ridley replied. “Besides, the damn vault is impenetrable. There’s no way someone could have got in and back out without setting off a single charm.”

“Well stump me then Master Ridley, seems like you’ve come at it from every direction. ‘Tis a vexing quandary you have found yourself in.”

“Oh believe me, I’m vexed.”

“What about the manufacturer of the vault?”

“The Elves?”

“Could be…” Barney dropped his voice to a dramatic whisper. “Good old fashioned conspiracy.” Barney waggled his eyebrows at Ridley and nodded knowingly. “Of course, you hear all sorts around these halls, enough to make a chap a touch paranoid.”

“Oh yeah?” Ridley asked, his thirst for gossip pushing the thoughts of the case aside. “Do tell.”

“Oh, I couldn't possibly.”

“You could.”

“Well of course I could… but I shouldn’t and besides the only relevance to your case is that it involves Elves.”

“Now you have to tell me.”

Barney paused to think.

“You did say you owe me one,” Ridley cajoled.

“I did say that,” Barney agreed.

“And Archibald-Sterlings are men of their words.”

“Let a man say otherwise!” Barney cried with a raise of his fist. “Oh, I see what you have done. You are good at what you do, Master Ridley.”

“I’m a professional.”

“Quite.” Barney looked around as they walked, despite the fact they hadn’t seen a soul since the staircase. “Well, gossip on the vine is, that earthquake in Ling a couple weeks back, well it wasn’t a natural disaster. If you catch my meaning.”

“They did it?” Ridley hissed incredulously.

“Things have been heating up on the international front. Our faye friends are none too happy with the continued Gnome expansions towards the Forest.”

“So they sent a message?”

“Quite a blooming correspondence,” Barney said with a chuckle and Ridley gave a low whistle.

“It would take quite a powerful object to cause an earthquake,” Ridley muttered to himself.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing. Just putting more dots together.”

“The ones on the puzzle pieces?”

“What… oh yeah, right. Consider our debt paid.”

“Splendid!” Barney clapped Ridley on the shoulder, and after they both winced from their various injuries, he pointed down the hallway.

“By the way, you call ‘em Humpers because of the caviar brand right?”

“Hmmm?”

“The nickname for junior ministers. It was Humpers because that was that big brand of Caviar, Edwards Humpar’s fine Black Roe Caviar.”

“Oh yes, well done,” Barney nodded his head. “Well, that plus all the buggery!” He laughed heartily and slapped Ridley on the back. “I recognise that chaise longue, we’re not far from the burned stairs. Let’s rendezvous with the chaps.”

*

Nairo and Jimmy were waiting at the staircase when Ridley and Barney sauntered around the corner.

“Nice of you to join us,” Nairo said. “Pleasant stroll was it?”

“The companionship was top notch,” Barney said with a smile. “And you?”

“Peaches and cream,” Jimmy said as he looked up where the staircase had once been. Now, there was a massive burned out crate between them and the next floor. “Got the grapple, Barn?”

“Here you are,” Barney swung the sack he had taken from Cripper off his shoulder and fished around for the grapple and rope. He handed them over to Jimmy and looked at the burned out staircase.

“Touch higher than I thought it would be,” he said.

“How did this get burned down again?” Nairo asked.

“Can only speculate I’m afraid,” Barney said with a shrug. “What goes on in the bowels of Pleasently’s floors one could only imagine.”

“But your office is here?” Nairo asked.

Jimmy threaded out the length of the rope and took a few practice swings.

“Oh yes, I’m the minister for Game and Tackle,” Barney replied. “I used to have such a lovely little office, with a quaint view over the water.”

“How d’you lose a whole office?” Ridley said.

“Lost? No dear chap, the office is still mine. It’s just that the party is no longer welcome on the floor. Pleasently saw to that, toot sharp after he took power,” Barney said with a noticeable curl of his lip.

“Right, I think I’ve got it.” Jimmy hung out over the chasm, spinning the grapple, he let it fly and they watched it soar high up to the next floor and disappear. Jimmy began pulling until the rope went tight. He gave it a couple of tugs and decided it was safe.

“Nicely done,” Nairo said.

“You reckon that’s safe?” Ridley asked.

“You reckon any of this is safe?” Jimmy retorted.

“Fair point.”

“I’ll go up first…” Jimmy began saying.

“No, no James, allow me!” Barney grabbed hold of the rope, letting his arms take his weight before he swang out into the stairless chasm. After the rope steadied, he began to pull himself up while assuring his comrades. “Fret not, I was the rope climbing champion in PE at Buttersby Academy,” he said to them. “Three years in a row!”

He heaved and pulled himself up the rope till his feet finally disappeared over the edge.

“Of course he was,” Ridley muttered.

“All good?” Jimmy called up to him.

“Can report the coast is clear!”

First Ridley, then Nairo, with Jimmy leading the rear, they ascended up the rope, huffing and puffing. Nairo took her commandeered newsboy's cap off and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

“I’m roasting in this coat,” she huffed.

“Tell me about,” Ridley said, his face red.

Jimmy shushed them and cast his eyes up and down the hallway, his ear cocked for any disturbance.

“Shouldn’t be any bother James, this floor’s been slowly abandoned since the stairwell burned down. My office is right around this corner!” Barney began walking and then froze midstep. “I say… is that a donkey?”

The creature wheeled around to face them with a crazed look in its eyes, foam dripping from his mouth.

“Oh hell,” Jimmy breathed.