YEAR 2020,
"Hey alan have you heard about tanabata before its abo-"
"yes i have please stop.. ive watched a ton of anime and its always the same bullshit,Im tired of hearing about it"
"Well let me tell you,its the story of two lovers vega and altair" she continues anyway,what a peculiar girl.
This young beauties name is zoey.Now don't get me wrong she is definitely not the most attractive person in the world let alone in the area we live in but she is the most beautiful person in my eyes.with her black hair,red lips,white not so smooth skin and those freckles...damn she is a godess.She is 18 same age as me we go to the same college,we've been togather since year 3,thats like 9 years now.With all these advantages i thought we will be a couple by now but..
"Heyyyyy baby how was today did ya have fun at the litrature tour.....oh you're here too alan *click* get lost....
"what"
"HAHAHAH im just messing with you,you should've seen you're face....pricelesssss"
THIS afro,brown,muscuiline,hey look at me girls im so perfect guys name is james.He is zoey's boyfriend and....my best friend.he's been with me longer than zoey.If i was to put it better he is more like a brother to me.
"heeeey jamie *smooch* The litrature tour was amazing.Speaking of which have you ever heard of the tanabata festival i was telling alan here but hes too stupid to understand so ill tell you.This is a love stor-"
"i love to hear all about this darling but i got football practice *smooch* catch you later.Bye"
"but-"
She looks sad .what was she expecting.. him to just lay over and listen to her love story,the guy is litrally a walking pile of muscles.james has everything i always wanted so i have a high level of jelousy towards him.I mean the only reason zoey fell for him was because he plays football.She always wanted to date a football player.I tried my best to get into the college football team.Ahhh all that hard work all for naught but there is one thing he lacks and thats a brain.. .
"ZOEY im going home if you want you can tell me the story on the way"
"REALLY ALAN...... REALLLY WOO IM SO HAPPY YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND ALAN MY BEST FRIEND"
a part of me died that day
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3rd july,2020
i came home from college today with zoey i was so happy i was able to walk with her alone without jaime like i did in the past.I heard her stupid story about tanabata,don't get me wrong i liked that story and used to find it enchanting but when you hear or watch something for so long eventually you will get tired.That is what happened between me and tanabata but moving on listening to that story was sickening enough but then she goes onto call me her best friend.I know by this time i should give up and move on,if a girl sees you as a friend she sees you as a friend but i just lover her so much.
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7th august,2020
i am struggling with my studies,lately its getting more and more difficult but i know i can pass all my exams if i study.The problem is i find no enjoyment in the subjects i am doing so i procrastinate.Zoey,as the kind girl she is tries to help me as much as possible but i always get distracted when she is teaching me.she always brings her friend too.I think her friend noted that i have a crush on zoey.last day she asked me directly but to save our friendship i said no.she seemed happy when i said no for a second i thought maybe she liked me.That was impossible this girl is the most popular girl in the college so hands down thats a no..no.That way my brain shot that theory down.
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20 august,2020
on my way back from school i saw a couple of kids beating a smaller and weaker kid.I am no hero but i hate it when injustice happens before my eyes.They're not going to backdown easily and might retaliate but i took my chances and approched the bullies.Thankfuly the second they caught a glimpse of me they backdown and walked away as if nothing happened.i lend him a hand to get up and told him about the story of when i was bullied and how i overcame it hoping it will help him.Remember kids even when i knew i might get beaten up i went and faced the bullies.i told myself there is always something i can do to make a difference.I live my life according to those rules then and now
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4th september,2020
i failed my exams today,my teachers are asking me to change the subjects i am taking and move on to something more into my field of talent.I know they are not trying to say im not capable out right but if i change my subjects i won't be able to see zoey as much as i used to.So i am going to try harder this term and beat everyone
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5th decembre,2020
This is fucking unbeliveble i failed all my exams again i promised myself i will not procastinate again but that is exactly what i did.I was smart enough to know if i was to continue to do it,i will fail but i did nothing to change myself i am a failure.
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8th june,2021
its been a while since i wrote.Nothing has changed from before,i am still a failure but a lot has changed for my friends zoey and jaime got into university.The exciting part is that they both got into the same one.While all this is happening im still stuck in college.sometimes i hear my mother crying at night.i can think of many reasons why she would but the main and only one that matters is probably me and the way i am living my life.I want to change so much but everytime i think about change i counterthink and say i lost my time to change.
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5th july,2021
I passed my first exam,this time i was determined and i did it and i will continue to do it....I WILL BECOME SUCCESSFULLL.Zoey and jaime came over to congragulate me.I was happy,for the first time in a while i was happy but what made me happy was not the fact zoey came over but the happiness on my mothers face
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4th october,2020-4th february,2021
my mother is hospitalized.it seems she has lung cancer.It spread too much and is non-cuirable.That day i went home and was researching all about lung cancer and cancer in general.I realised something,whenever i used to see people with cancer i would look at them and feel pity and move on like that was it,like cancer has nothing to do with me and the fact that i am not helping is justifyable bacause i do feel sad for them.i don't have money so people with money should help not me. Thats just not true,there are many other ways you can help a person.I went around putting charity up to help my mother and also spread the harms of lung cancer to inform people about it.The fact is everyone knows but they just don't care.Some people took their time to help but majority moved on withmtheir lifes with the same ideology as i did 3 months ago and who can blame them.
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3rd december,2021
A lot has happened in the past year.I dropped out of college,got a job,helped my mother at the hospital and buried her at the end.She died a couple of weeks ago i stopped visiting her towards the end.Everyone called me selfish and cruel.I can live with that but those so called friends those fuckers who didn't come and meet me at all during those times when i was struggling but came to the funeral and like everyone they blamed me for not visiting my mother.Of all the people who called me selfish i belived they would understand,they would ask how i was doing but no.Maybe i had expected too much from them maybe thats were it went wrong for me but still ...They don't know what they are talking about i was trying my best to keep her alive.I was working 3 jobs everyday with barely a shut eye...i was trying why didn't anybody notice that.Thats right humans are quick to note the flaws in others but not quick enough to note the good qualities.A part of me couldn't bare too see her like that,struggling to breath,barley moving,half dead.That was also one of the reason i didn't go visit her so i guess they are right i am selfish and cruel...am i.I don't know any more all i know is i am tired.....
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16th june,2022
i was watching this video on this guy saying we were all living in a simulation and that we are in the computer of some random person.I wished his theory was right because that would make it easier for me to kill my self.Over these past few months i had many attempts but i was too much of a coward to do it,So im still breathing.Thats when i saw the news on the tension between america and russia.It was so high people already started building bunkers expecting a nuclear war.A part of me wished they did nuke the whole world so i can start a new or finally just die i am sick of the way the world is now.
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22nd november,2022
ohhh boyy shit is about to get spicy.It is predicted that a nuclear war will happen within the next 2 years.This is good...its great.I have nothing to live for,so i really dont care nukkkeee em alllll mo**** fU****
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17th march,2023
today i was walking back from the convinence store accross my appartment,under the bridge i could see a couple of teenagers kicking and punching a kid which is significantly smaller and thinner than them,funny thats bullies for you just a bunch of cowards trying to hide their insecurities.I swear ive seen this before.I stared at them trying to remember where i saw this before during that time i watch some extraordinary moves,I watched the teenager pick the kid up and slam him to the ground.punched one of his teeth out and repeatedly kicking his ribs.I wished they would just kill the kid and save him some amount of pain for whats coming at him when he gets older.After a while they got bored and left,i walked up to the kid and gave him a cold beercan to rub on his pain and left.There was nothing i could do...
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21st august,2023
today zoey and jaime came over to see how i was doing.they were scolding me on the way i was living my life.truth is ive messed up my life ever since i took the decision to follow zoey into college.I should have sticked with computer science a subject i was good at but i felt love was the most important thing at the time.A word of advice to all you love maniacs do yourself a favour and look after yourself.
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30th february 2026
it is finally here the day of reckoning.I just woke up from sleeping and there are sirens all over town warning about the nuclear misslies.I have been waiting for this day ever sinci i heard of it but now that its here im afraid.I thought i was ready to die but i am not i just want to see my mot-...
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"ALAAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE GET TO THE BUNKERS....GET GOING NOWW GO GO"
"YES GOT IT"
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*gun shots*
huff huff....dammit i overslept again,now they have the advantage again.I can't believe i slept on the floor.more importantly...
WHY AM I SHAKING.......