"Is this really necessary?" Nezani asked her mother in frustration. As she fixed her large afro into a high puff, she turned her deep brown eyes to her mother.
"She doesn’t even like us; we’re not rich and popular enough for her," Nezani commented, referring to Aunt Marie, who allocated her kindness based on people's tax bracket.
"You know your aunt," Mom replied. "She wants to help you look your best for your senior prom. No matter what she says, be respectful. At the end of the day, she’s still my sister, your aunt, and elder."
Nezani began to wonder why her family was always so strict about showing respect to elders. Sure, there were nice relatives, but everyone had those relatives who weren’t very nice and didn’t deserve respect. Annoyed, Nezani turned her head to stare out of the window, mentally preparing herself to meet Aunt Marie at her friend’s dress shop.
Upon their arrival, Nezani’s mom was handed a glass of champagne. "Hello, darling!" Aunt Marie exclaimed as she sashayed gracefully across the shop floor to hug Nezani and her mother.
"I've already started pulling some options for you to try, Nezani. Head over to the fitting room and start trying on dresses. We want to see them all!"
Nezani flashed a fake smile and curtsied before walking over to the fitting room, glad to have a space away from her aunt’s fake disposition.
Since childhood, Nezani had issues hiding her feelings, whatever they were. She had only just learned the art of sarcasm, which helped her feel better when she was forced to interact with people she didn’t like.
"Let’s get this over with," Nezani sighed as she began to undress. Pausing for a second to examine herself in the mirror, Nezani, at 5’4, often wondered why she wasn’t a bit taller, like the rest of her family. Though small in stature, she inherited all her mother’s curves, which she kept covered with baggy clothes most of the time. Her skin was a buttery brown pecan, her glasses sat on top of her almond-shaped eyes and cute button nose. Her 4b/4c afro was cosmic and pulled back, sitting on top of her head like a halo. She poked her stomach, wondering why she could never get her abs to appear. "We are our own biggest critics," she thought, chuckling to herself at the thought of someone watching what she was doing in the mirror. "You’re such an idiot, Nez," she said quietly to herself.
The first dress her aunt had chosen for her to try looked like a 5-year-old's bedazzled dreams: a long, hideous yellow-pink sherbet-colored dress covered in fake crystals that looked like they were dipped in motor oil. Nezani turned her attention to the large portion of the dress that was missing in the back. "Of course, couldn’t be something simple and black. I’m going to look like I’m competing in the Little Miss Black Sherbet Pageant."
As she crouched down to step into the dress, Nezani's ear started to buzz. "Ah!" she screamed, swatting at her ear. Looking around to see the culprit, the buzzing started again. Swatting again, she smacked her ear, pulling her hand away to see a disgusting housefly stuck to it. "Yuck!" she exclaimed, wiping her hand on the floor.
Nezani spent the next two hours hoping her aunt would pick any dress but the backless sherbet dress. She even tried to seem more interested and pick a less princess-y dress, but to no avail; her aunt brought the sherbet dress, even after Nezani expressed her disdain for the color and the large chunk missing in the back. "Worst case, I could just hide in the bathroom all night," she thought.
Finally home after a long day, Nezani floated through the front door. Before she could reach the stairs, her forehead was pelted with a Nerf gun bullet. "Headshot!" Standing in the middle of the stairs was her brother, Darnell Junior, or DJ as he was affectionately called by her family. DJ, a handsome 16-year-old sophomore in high school, was about 6 feet tall with a slim structure. His skin was a buttery deep cocoa brown, and a perfectly manicured high-top fade adorned his head.
He was the opposite of Nezani. He was quite popular with all the ladies at school, and being part of the starting five on their school’s varsity basketball team as a freshman made him the youngest eligible bachelor. His black boy joy and wit made him buddies with all the guys as well.
"Will you grow up!" Nezani shouted.
"Nez, it’s just a joke, lighten up. It’ll make your skin clear," he said as he pushed past her to bear hug their mother.
Nezani walked to her room and exhaled as she closed the door behind her. Her room was her safe space, with a comfy bed, fluffy pillows, and blankets. Hanging on the wall above her bed were tiny yellow string lights. Yellow, her favorite color, made her feel at peace, and made her space feel tranquil when the sun set. Artwork from all the comic conventions she had attended adorned her walls, and on the opposite side of the room was her desk and workspace. Nezani would be perfectly content never leaving but accepted the fact that some human contact was necessary.
She plopped onto her bed, sinking into the mattress a bit. As she listened to the memory foam hug her, she thought about how her life would change in four months when she left to start college. She wondered if there would be people like her there, if she would be accepted into a friend circle, and if she’d meet someone who would love her romantically.
She also dreamed about her success. Nezani was going to school for aerospace engineering. She dreamed about walking around in a white lab coat, with her afro pulled back into a low puff, barking orders at less qualified men. It seemed like paradise.
Now all she needed to do was get through prom and graduation. She laid, staring out her window, strategizing how to stay hidden at prom, and dozed off.
The weekend welcomed her warmly. She opened her eyes as the sunlight from the bedside window softly kissed her face. Nezani’s mother often would yell at her to sleep with the curtains closed, but Nez enjoyed being softly awakened by the sun each morning.
As prom got closer, Nezani's anxiety grew until it was at the back of her throat. 'All I have to do is wear the dress and hide in the bathroom; it can't get any worse than the sherbet dress,' she told herself repeatedly. Over the last week, Nezani had overheard conversations of people talking about their outfits. ‘My dress is long and black, spaghetti strap. Shouldn’t be too flashy, totally not on trend these days,’ she heard one classmate say. "Should only be blacks and blues, nothing too bright," she heard another classmate say. Every time she heard this, she cringed, thinking of the sherbet atrocity hanging in her closet at home.
The day came, and she prepared herself to go to war. The idea of standing out and being the only person in a long, sparkly backless dress was mortifying.
She arrived home from school to find her grandmother there.
"Nezani! What took you so long?! We must start getting you ready," her grandmother bellowed from the living room.
"Where's my mom?" Nezani softly asked.
"Your mother had to work late, so she asked me to help get you ready; she will be here to drop you off, though." Nezani's grandmother, an average-sized woman with a larger-than-life personality and voice. When she spoke, her words permeated your skull, so you had to hear what she was saying even if you didn't want to. A former drill sergeant in the army, when she told you to jump, you asked how high.
"Okay, hurry and take a shower, wash your face well, we will start with your makeup; I brought some of mine for you to borrow."
Nezani lost her footing a bit and stumbled to her bathroom. Her grandmother’s makeup was as grand as her personality. Nezani walked into her mom’s dressing room and sat at the vanity. She emphasized to her grandmother that she wanted a natural look.
Stolen story; please report.
"Girl, hush!" her grandmother bellowed, and she sat in silence for the remainder of the session.
When her grandmother turned her to the mirror, Nezani felt all the courage she had built up over the week evaporate from her body. The very loud blue eyeshadow that her grandmother donned daily was slathered onto her eyelids. The dark purple blush sat on top her high cheekbones, and to top it off, the deep magenta lipstick her grandmother wore painted her lips.
In that moment, Nezani could visualize walking into her prom and immediately being the center of conversation.
"Grandma, I said natural! This is too much color," Nezani put her hand up to try to wipe the blush off her cheek. She suddenly felt a strong tug on her ear, and her head jerked back away from her reach. She swung around to ask her grandmother why she had pulled her ear, but her grandmother was not there.
"You don't have to look so mortified; you look beautiful; now put your dress on, your mom will be pulling up soon to pick you up." Her grandma said, walking back into the room with her dress.
Nezani stood up, trying to make sense of what just happened; she could still feel the pressure of the tug on her ear. But her curiosity faded away when her grandmother exclaimed, "Hurry out, I have a surprise for you that will complete the look!"
Nezani's heart sank again, 'Please, no more, I don't think I can handle any more surprises.'
Nezani put her dress on and walked back into her mother’s room. In the middle of the room, her grandmother stood with a gleaming tiara; it caught the sun and blinded Nezani temporarily. Her grandmother approached and placed the tiara on her head. "There, now your look is complete. You look beautiful, baby girl. You're so pretty." Nezani could see her grandmother's mouth moving but couldn't hear anything over her own thoughts.
"Nezani, let’s go! You're going to be late!" her mom shouted from the bottom of the stairs. She descended the stairs slowly, and her brother met her at the bottom, snickering. "Nice dress, Nez!" The look she shot him turned his smile flat.
"Mom, I don't want to go anymore, I can't do this, I don't want to do this."
"Nezani, I didn't raise you to be this way; you're going to go and stay for a little while. We brought this dress and paid for your prom ticket, so you're going to go for at least an hour." Nezani felt like she was walking the plank; she couldn't visualize life past this moment.
"Ouuuu, Girly!" her dad exclaimed from the couch, "You look so pretty!" Nezani forced half a smile across her face. She got in the back of her mother’s SUV as waves of nausea and anxiety washed over her body.
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The ride to prom seemed like the longest ride of her life, 'Okay,' she thought, 'I'll go in and head straight for the bathroom and call my mom in exactly an hour to pick me up.' The car stopped, and her mom turned around and looked at her and smiled.
"Go on, have fun, make memories with your friends, and I'll see you in a few hours." Nezani exited the car and entered the school doors, 'Oh my gosh! Bill! Look how beautiful Nezani looks!" the head English teacher yelled as she waved over the photographer.
"Nezani, pose for a photo." Before she could decline *FLASH* the photo was done. She made a beeline for the girls' bathroom.
Once safely in a stall, she exhaled, "This has GOT to be one of the worst moments of my life; why does this stuff have to happen to me?"
Just then, she felt something on her shoulder, and she swiped at her shoulder before turning to see if there was anything there. She sat in the stall and listened to the bathroom door open, but no footsteps followed. Dipping her head slightly to peek at the floor, she didn’t see anyone either. A cold breeze shot up from the other side of the bathroom stall. Nezani began to feel uneasy and scared, “Hello? Is anyone there?”
“I have been looking for you.” The voice sent chills down her spine.
Just as she fixed her mouth to scream, the bathroom door burst open. “Nezani! I know you’re in here! Come on out, dear; gosh, it’s cold in here; we’ve got to get that fixed.”
It was Mrs. Lucas, the head English teacher who had watched Nezani sprint into the bathroom. Nezani slowly opened the door to find the woman looking at her softly.
As she walked out, she examined every corner of the room to find the voice that spoke to her. When she didn’t find it, her body chilled, sending goosebumps all over her arms.
She followed the English teacher to the cafeteria and spent the rest of the night at the table closest to the exit, pondering on what had happened to her in the bathroom.
She was so lost in thought, by the time she took out her phone to call her mother, two hours had passed.
“Great,” Nezani sighed in relief, “I can finally leave.”
She opened her phone and called her mother. “I’m already outside, love; I expected you to call me much sooner! This must mean you had a great time! Come outside, I’m waiting; let’s talk about it!” Nez’s mom exclaimed.
Nezani slowly walked out to her mother’s car, dazed, trying to shake the voice she had heard in the bathroom earlier in the night.
Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder, followed by warmth on her cheek. She turned her head to see who it was, and no one was there. Oddly, she felt more relaxed.
She got into the car with her mom and fabricated a story about how she spent the night making new friends. It seemed only fair given the amount of effort her mom and grandmother had put into the event. When she arrived home, she quickly walked to her bathroom to wash away the memory of the night.
“Just two more weeks and then I graduate,” Nez thought. She applied her whipped shea butter to her skin and sank into her bed for the night.
The next two weeks seemed to fly by. Nezani had one of the highest GPAs and had tested out of the finals. She spent the last weeks of high school in her own world in her head. She sat in class with her eyes glazed over and staring into space, reflecting on the last four years of her life. She had spent most of her life unnoticed. Never popular or extraordinary, most of her time she was lost in her imagination and books. Every once in a while, she would peek over her book to inspect her surroundings at the request of her mother. She had never taken any risks or went anywhere alone.
That all changes tomorrow.
Tomorrow my life will change.
The thought of leaving this all behind and starting new somewhere was exciting. The last bell she would ever have to hear rang accompanied by a loud intercom message from the principal, “Good luck to all our seniors! You will all be missed.” And with that, Nezani left school grounds excited for what her life was about to become.
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The day of her graduation was an unusually gloomy and rainy day. The rain was falling so fast and heavy it was difficult to see more than a foot in front of you.
“Hurry up, guys; we’re going to be late!” Nezani’s mom yelled up to her husband Darnell Sr. and Darnell Junior or DJ.
“Mom, she won’t even notice we’re there,” DJ snarked.
“It’s the thought that counts; as long as we’re there for her, that is all that matters. Now run up and tell your dad he’ll be walking if he isn’t down in two minutes.”
No sooner had Darnell touched the stairs, his dad was barreling down. “Okay, I’m ready! Let’s Roll! Today is Baby Girl’s big day!”
They all piled into the car and drove towards the local stadium.
Nezani had been picked up early by her grandmother and was waiting at the stadium for everyone to arrive.
She felt so uncomfortable in her overly expensive thin graduation gown. Her mom had forced her to wear a strapless dress under her gown. Another donation from Aunt Marie.
When this is over, I’m never wearing anything I don’t want to wear, and I’m not talking to anyone I don’t want to talk to!
Anxiously fidgeting with the straps of her dress, she wondered where her family was. They promised to come to see her before the ceremony started.
“Okay, let’s get ready to walk in! If you don’t see your parents, they are probably already inside; look up in the stands when you get there!” yelled the assistant principal.
She looked up into the stands but couldn’t really make out the figures in the crowd through the bright lights.
I’ll just see them outside after the ceremony.
After the ceremony ended, Nezani pushed her way through the crowd to make her way to the big oak tree outside the venue. Not really wanting to be stuck in traffic getting out, her dad had devised a plan to meet at the oak tree and to leave and take photos and celebrate at their home.
She waited and waited, watching families take photos and give out flowers.
Me: Where are you guys? I’m at the oak tree?! She texted her brother.
Almost immediately her phone rang; it was her Aunt Marie.
“Hello?” Nezani answered.
“Nezani! Get down to the St. George Hospital; your parents and brother were in an accident, HURRY!” *click*.
She stood there for a minute in disbelief and then quickly ordered an Uber. She had never been more aware of her own body; her stomach was in knots, and her head felt light. She arrived and ran into the emergency room.
When she reached the waiting area, her Aunt Marie was there to greet her.
“What’s going on?” Nezani asked. “Sweetie, it was a very bad accident; your parents were driving in that terrible storm on parkway, and a car lost control and ran headfirst into your parent’s car,” Aunt Marie answered.
“Well, where are they? I want to see them!” she yelled.
“Sweetie, they’re gone,” her aunt said through tears. Nezani felt her whole body tense up, and then everything went black.
When she woke up, she was in the guest room in her aunt’s house. Nezani sat up, clenching her head, and overheard voices coming from the other side of the bedroom door.
“It’s unfortunate, Kim; everyone in that family was such a bright light, except Nezani. She’s the gloomiest, most unenthusiastic person I’ve ever met. I don’t know how my sister raised–.”
Nezani dug hard back into the mattress and covered her face with a pillow. Tears began to run down the side of her face; pinching herself, this couldn’t possibly be her reality.
I want to go home; I want to be in my own space.
Nezani got up, gathered her things, and snuck past her aunt and out of the door.
Back at home, Nezani walked into her house; all the lights were on. It was clear from the mess around the stairs that her family had been rushing out the door to get to her.
She rushed upstairs to her parents’ room and wrapped herself in their bed comforter. Sitting in their closet, she sat staring at all their clothes. These were their things, but it seemed different somehow; the disconnect to these items was palpable. She grabbed her mother's favorite sweater and inhaled. Tilting her head back as the tears started to roll down her cheeks again, she wished and wished that she was in a dream.
ROE'S NOTE
If you made it this far thank you! I'm really excited to be releasing this story, and I hope you enjoyed what you read. A couple of things:
This first chapter is about 3k words, mainly because I thought it best to include all of this information up front, I couldn't figure out a good way to split this chapter without it being a little frustrating. So I just added it all up front.
Going forward my chapters will be 1,500-2000 words.
Also I will release twice a week on Tuesdays & Thursdays!
My releases will be weekly twice a week in 12 week sprints. Every 12 weeks I will take a week to either catch up on writing or put energy into other things I'd like to pursue in relation to my story. What that is will depend on the success of my story, engagement etc.
If you have any feedback I'm so happy and eager to hear it, please just be kind.
Anywho! I'm happy to be here! Enjoy!