I dump the drawstring bag onto the table. Letting the dice clatter across the table.

“This is a thought exercise. I will explain as we go along.”

I pass a 20 sided die to each of them.

“The Adventurers guild has given you a request.-”

I start.

“What is an adventurers guild?”

Fighter asks.

“A guild comprised of explorers, mercenaries, researchers, and combatants of varying skill level. Tasks, requests, and quests are provided to the guild by third parties, and the adventurers are able to take said request to gain money, fame and influence. Now don't interrupt I'm the DM.”

I explain to him.

“but what's a -"

I roll a d4.

“You take 2 damage.”

He shuts up.

“The adventurers guild has given you a request. A group of kobolds has taken residence in an abandoned dwarven ruin. They've been harassing travellers on the road...that wraps up the training for today.”

I started the game a little over 8 hours ago. They all look mentally drained. This is meant to be a training exercise survive the encounters, and get the loot. Not hand hildy escort you through the first few levels. Rogue understands what he is meant to be doing fairly competently, and the Cleric to a lesser extent. Fighter just bumbles his way through the whole session though surviving through dumb luck, and Wizard suffers from a severe case of damsel in distress syndrome. Failing wisdom saves for sleep spells and falling unconscious. Failing reflex saves for falling rocks and falling unconscious. Getting hit at the start of every fight and falling unconscious. The one time she was awake she deciphered ancient eldritch script that caused her.to.fall unconscious. The cleric used all her heals in no time.

“I'm gonna go take a nap.”

Wizard says, trudging off.

“Again?”

Rogue smirks. A couple from a nearby table goes sailing over his head.

“Oh fuck off.”

The group around the table laughs. We’d eaten through a lot of food and a few rounds of ale, just water for me though.

The party was stressed the entire time their fake death a terrifying prospect. They were playing themselves so a death in the game would have meant a death in real life, at least that's how I, and they treated it.

I had refrained from coaching them during the session letting them make their own mistakes. I lift a sheet of paper, passing it between the remaining three.

“Things to improve on. Never split damage. If you can take a person down with a single strike do it. Use the environment to your advantage, the buildings may be stone. That just makes them squish people inside them easier if they fall. The rest was pretty decent. You'll get better with experience.”

I grab their character sheets, packing them away in the binder. I myself am exhausted.

“This exercise is amazing. Where did you learn something like this?”

Cleric asks. I shrug.

“Actually where I'm from people do this for fun.”

She looks at me wide eyed.

“I'm going harder on you treating it like real life, but this was originally made for people who wanted to go on adventures, but couldn't.”

She nods,

“And where are you from?”

She asks.

“Far away.”

I reply.

“The white desert? I never seen anyone with your hair.”

“Farther”

“Renshin?”

I shake my head.

“Past the endless sea?”

“Keep going.”

I take a sip of my drink.

“Avalon?”

I sputter,

“How do you know that name?”

She squints her eyes.

“It’s a fairly common legend. The king, and queen of Fey led by Morgana Lefaye fled their ancestral home. The Warlock Merlin and the Dread King, and his eternal legion chased them here on Avalon, Isle of the damned.”

I scratch my chin.

“That story is a little backwards isn't it.”

Cleric squints at me.

“How so?”

“Morgana Lefaye betrayed Merlin her mentor, who transformed into a tree. Fuzzy on that part a bit. King art-"

Cleric slams her hand over my mouth.

“Saying his name invites bad luck into your house.”

I quirk, an eyebrow.

“Well Mordred betrayed the king and the knights of the round table laid his body to rest on Avalon. Which then vanished from the British isles. Britania. At least according to legend.”

“You are from the fey lands then?”

I shrug.

“Guess so? Kinda happened a long time ago. Nobody thinks the story is real.””

She lets out a sigh.

“Just don’t talk about this around Elves, or fairies, or any fey okay? They are kinda salty over the whole thing, and saying that nobody remembers would be like pouring salt on the wound.”

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

I think for a moment,

“It’s not that they are forgotten it’s just a story. A man pulling excalibur-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Cleric glares at me.

“HELP! HELP!”

Someone is causing a commotion in the street. The staff resting on the chair seems to vibrate. I think back for a moment, I hadn’t brought this down. I leave my gear at the table, grab the staff, and walk out of Inn.

A bloody woman, is stumbling through town. She grips an arm, not her arm, a loose arm severed from someone body in her hand. The pungent smell of blood washes over me. I’d dealt with worse. My staff hums once more, tugging me towards the direction she came from.

“Woah slow down buddy, every woman in town will be chasing me down at this rate.”

The staff seems to hear me, and mellows out. Letting out a mellow whirr, like a fan. I head over to the woman, who has drawn a respectable crowd. I step through the crowd which parts for me, and into the small circle of emptiness the woman stands in.

“G-g-goblins, in the woods, coming here.”

She collapses her message said.

“Get a healer!”

I command.

“ROGUE GET WIZARD, WE ARE GOING HUNTING! CLERIC, FIGHTER ON ME.”

I shout over the crowd.

“REST OF YOU LOT, THOSE WHO CAN FIGHT GRAB A WEAPON, THOSE WHO CAN’T GRAB ONE, AND HIDE INDOORS.”

The staff hums pulses with light rising from the bottom to the top, the robe billows in a non-existent wind. I stride through the crowd, towards the edge of town, and the palisades. The familiar KLANG of Fighters armor behind me.

“Goblins are an excellent opponent of the burgeoning adventurer. Goblins are a naturally cowardly creature, most afraid of dogs, horses, and words. They consider books to be evil able to entrap the souls of goblins inside. Depending on the situation this can act as a demoralizer, or something to further their fury. Particularly conniving goblins have been known to follow Orc’s, or other equally cruel beings.

Don’t let this be a deterrent however, as goblins make excellent thieves, and rogues. Their small stature, and natural stealthiness a fantastic benefit. Thus an unorthodox, but excellent choice for thieves, and assassins guilds. Goblins are also natural gloats, and often inflate tails of their own prowess. The oldest goblins that tell the tallest tails were likely the weakest and most cowardly of all.

Cleric why is this information useful?”

We are approaching the palisades now some guards are dragging a body missing an arm further into the town.

“Uhhhm, we can goad the goblins into making mistakes. And use ones that we capture against the others? Also we can frighten them using dogs, horses, or books.”

I nod my head.

“Wizard?”

I ask.

“What? Yeah.”

She calls back followed by a yawn.

“Cast mage hand, and have it hold up the binder. I’ll let you know when.”

A bush nearly 30 feet into the woods rustles. An arrow soars out and embeds in the ground a few feet to my right. Holy fuck that was close.

Two more arrows fly from the woods, one on a direct line to my chest stops a foot away from me in mid air. A golden glow. From around me halting it in place. The arrow falling to the ground.

“I thought there was real danger not a bunch of WORTHLESS GOBLINS. Cowardly vermin WON’T EVER DO ANYTHING MEMORABLE.”

I stand still, and when none of the attackers come out I turn around. I hear a snap of a bow, and the golden shield activates 5 times. The soft clatter of wood behind me.

Cleric sucks in a breath. I smirk.

“Cleric, you must have faith.”

I pull the dagger from my belt, and hand it to Rogue.

“Hit one.”

He takes the dagger from me, throws the blade into the air a few times. I throw him a gold coin. His arm whips, I hear a strangled scream, and a body falling through the branches. It hits the ground with a thud.

I turn to face the forest again.

“If you come out now you get to live.”

I pause for a moment, then whisper to the group.

“Leave the smallest one alive.”

I hold the binder out in my hand, and it lifts into the air. I flip through, and through the pages. I lift my staff in the air, and begin to speak. The goblins come tumbling out of the bushes. 9 in total the tenth laying on the ground already.

“Watch the trees, to few of them.”

They are kneeling on the ground blubbering, snot running out of their noses. One of them is bowing down, sobbing. I approach them.

“Why are you here?”

I say, my staff raised above the largest one. They continue to mutter, and beg.

“Fine I will kill one of you by vote every time you fail to answer my question. If no one votes you all die. Choose someone now!”

The other goblins gather up, and immediately shove forward the smallest one. I pat his head,

“Close your eyes this will be quick.”

I whistle, Rogue takes the first one down. A dagger burying into the goblins heart. Fighter is upon them then. He butchers the surprised goblins. The sword made for killing dragons just as efficient at butchering goblins. Wizard throws a spell which causes the flesh on one to melt off. The small weak creatures lay in piles of blood and broken bones.

The small goblin in front of me shivering. He flinches at every move. I squat down in front of him.

“Are there more?”

I ask softly. He hasn't opened his eyes yet.

“r-ran,”

He stutters.

“b-book man scary man, demon. We small, or stupid goblins stay behind.”

I stand up.

“You are a small goblin. Follow me,”

I start to walk away, wiping a bit of blood off my face with the robe. The goblin let's out a small gasp, presumably looking at the corpses.

“Hold onto that fear little one, it will serve you well.”

I tell the goblin. I hear the pitter patter of little feet, and feel a small trembling hand grab the edge of my robe. I lead him through town, and to the constabulary.

Damien is shouting orders at some of the guards who dip out of the room. He looks at me, and then to the small trembling green creature. He unsheathes his blade. The goblin yelps and crawls under my robe.

“Put this one in a cell.”

Damien squints at me.

“Are you sure, it’d sooner stab us in the back then return the favor.”

I smile.

“This one is smart. I'm going to try some experiments on him. For that he'll need to be fattened up. Make sure he gets enough food to eat, and is kept clean.”

I pull him out from under my robe, and pinch his skinny arm.

“Why are you starving?”

He looks at me.

“no fude.”

I grab a dragon eye.

“What about these.”

I peel back the skin, and take a bite. He recoils.

“uh uh, vegetale bad, froot too. Elder says so.”

He nods his head matter of factly. I bend down.

“Wanna known secret?”

He looks at me curiously.

“The elder lied, to grow into a big strong goblin you must eat the vegetables, and fruit. If you don’t like the flavour I have ways to hide it so it tastes just like meat.”

He looks shocked, like his whole life he has been leading a lie.

“Reawy?”

I nod.

“Yes reawy- really.”

Damien comes back with a ring of keys.

“Now come with me. We are gonna put you in a cell, you won't stay there forever just until we can get a place for you to stay.”

I'm not entirely sure he understands what I'm saying fully, but he nods, and follows after me and to the room. The cell is kinda small, but the perfect size for the goblin. When he is locked in the cell, I pull Damien to the side.

“For now, just leave him bowls of dragon eyes, and other cheap plant matter carrots, potatoes and such. We'll find what he likes if he starts eating all of one thing leave more of those.”

He shakes his head.

“Why go through all the trouble?”

I let out a sigh.

“How much trouble do goblins cause? How many deaths? How much lost livestock? Now if we worked with the goblins, they picked the dragon eyes for us for example. And we provide protection, creature comforts, supplies, and training or education for those that wanted it in exchange? We would never have to worry again.

So the trouble that I'm going through is to make the strongest goblin to ever exist, not a goblin chieftain, goblin lord, or even a goblin king. A goblin emperor, a goblin to rule over all other goblins. Essentially a second army that works our lands. Our enemies would fear the small quick goblins that would hamper their armies, and our people would be able to pursue skilled work instead of the task of collecting dragon eyes.

A lesson for you, never make an enemy when you can make a friend.”

He shakes his head not believing my words, but I know. Humans are capable of extreme cruelty the likes of which would make a demon shudder, the opposite is true however.

I grin, a goblin to rule all others he needs a suitable name. Something terrifying, but not revolting. Arthur might be good. It already packs some weight. If he has a magical knack I might go with Merlin.

I look at the sun creeping down. The sun is almost setting.

“OH FUCK.”

I sprint out of the constabulary. I have shopping to do. I wonder if anyone sells mason jars?