One of Livia’s favorite things about Christmas Day was sleeping in. So she groaned when two tiny hands grasped her arm and shrieked, “Santa came! Santa came! Wake up!”

Livia opened her eyes, and everyone was out of bed except for her.

“Come on, Liv!” Alia urged.

“What time is it?” she whispered.

“5:30.”

“Are you crazy?” she glared at them. She rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. “My mother would kill me if I woke her at 5:30.”

There was a whispered debate that Livia ignored. She was almost back asleep when Corvin’s voice spoke quietly into her ear.

“Fabulous, I know you don’t want to hear this, but we wake up for Santa at 5:30 in this family—”

Livia groaned.

He laughed.

He pressed his mouth to her ear again, amusement warming his voice. “I heard you’re concerned about angering the parents, but I assure you they are not homicidal.”

Livia huffed and tried to motivate herself to get up. “You realize extra sleep was sometimes the best thing I got on Christmas day,” Livia muttered.

Corvin lifted his head and laid his cheek along the side of her head. “Noted, Hun, but you can’t reason with a four and six-year-old on Christmas morning.”

Corvin turned his head to brush his lips over her temple. His affection didn’t send zings of electricity through her or elicit sparks of passion, but there was something warm and comforting about it. Similar to the security of warm soup in your belly on a cold, blustery day.

“Come downstairs, Hun,” Corvin urged.

Dread filled Livia. Christmas wasn’t a happy day in her family. They slept, spent time together, ate a little more, and opened one or two gifts, but the whole thing was low-key.

There wasn’t enough money to have a special Christmas when they were kids. So most of their presents were things they needed. Even when there was more money, no one wanted to celebrate properly. It meant acknowledging what they’d missed out on. So they kept things the same.

Livia resented having her sleeping schedule hijacked by two children, but she could have overcome that on any other day of the year. However, doing Christmas the real way meant confronting everything she’d missed out on as a kid. That wasn’t something she could shrug off.

Livia pulled herself into a sitting position. She put her feet flat on the ground but clutched the bedsheets with both hands.

She explained, “Corvin, Christmas is not a happy day in my family. Is there any reason I can’t sleep through…all of it?”

Corvin crouched on his haunches in front of her. “Besides the fact that’s unhealthy both physically and emotionally? We got gifts for you, Liv—”

Livia groaned, rubbing her hands over her face. “I don’t have…anything.”

Corvin nodded. “That’s okay. We’ll have fun spoiling you.”

“I don’t want to be spoiled,” Livia snapped. Then she looked to the door in a panic, afraid Corvin’s sisters would overhear. She took a deep breath. They’d agreed not to fight on this day. Livia closed her eyes and tried to think.

“Please, just let me sleep,” she begged.

Corvin whispered, “Liv, Hun, I’m not dumb. I understand this isn’t easy for you, but I think it would be healing to create some happy Christmas memories.”

“I can’t,” Livia said. “What if I sob or panic and ruin everyone’s day?”

“Liv, Hun, do you think isolating yourself will prevent that?”

“It’ll prevent anyone else from seeing it!” Livia insisted.

“You’re being insulting again, Livia,” Corvin argued. “Do you think we’re that heartless and cruel? To let you cry alone on Christmas day?”

“Corvin, this isn’t fair. I didn’t get any chance to prepare for this. I’m just here…and there’s no way to plan or strategize. I’m at your mercy—”

“Liv, no one is going to punish you for being emotional—”

“Then what are you going to do?” Livia asked, panicked.

“Hold you, comfort you, support you, the way I have every time you’ve cried on my shoulder.”

“So, now this about me trusting you then?” Livia scoffed.

Corvin rose to his feet. “Liv, if you’re that upset, then choose to stay here and sleep, but it will be the same next year and the year after. I’m offering an opportunity to make a change. To look at Christmas with new eyes, to make new traditions.”

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Livia didn’t respond.

Corvin walked away instead of pressing her more. She was alone in the dark room. She thought about her choices. Hadn’t there been enough suffering? Why did the past have to cling to you and ruin all the good moments of your future? When was it going to end? Was it that simple? Walk out of a dark room one day and choose something different? Livia doubted it.

She did trust Corvin, though. Trust was too strong a word. Perhaps she believed him. She believed him when he told her it would stay the same until she changed. So she crept to the door and peered into the hallway.

Lars and Aurelia were at the top of the stairs. They looked as tired as she felt. Lars pulled his wife against his side and kissed her temple. Aurelia smiled and pressed closer to him. Then they walked down the stairs with their arms around each other. They weren’t upset or angry, and that made Livia feel braver.

She heard Corvin say, “Hold on, hold on! We’re waiting until Mom and Dad get here.”

Lars announced their arrival, and the cheer from Corvin’s sisters made Livia smile. Huh, smiling on Christmas morning. It felt different. Livia tiptoed to the top of the stairs, feeling like if she was silent and careful, she could sneak up on some happiness.

Her heart raced painfully in her chest, but she took a step and then another, and somehow, she stood at the bottom of the stairs. Epiphany noticed her straight off before she could decide to run away.

“Liv! Livia’s here too!”

“Oh,” Alia grinned. “She decided to wake up.” Then she tilted her head and studied Livia. “Come on! Don’t be scared of us.”

Corvin turned and offered his hand. Livia rushed to him. She stood at his back and buried her face between his shoulder blades.

He laughed, warm and gentle.

“You going to hide there, Hun?”

Livia nodded.

To her surprise, he didn’t try to coax her to be more social. Instead, he ensured she could wrap herself around him comfortably when he sat on the ground.

Livia laid her cheek against the back of Corvin’s shoulder and sighed. She loved holding him this way. She slid her arms around his chest and clung to him. He still smelled a little bit like Lavender but also of wood. He’d probably filled the fireplaces after he woke up.

The family started opening presents, beginning with the youngest. Livia nuzzled her nose into Corvin’s back to ward off feelings of emptiness and envy. Corvin lifted his hand and rested it over her hand on his chest and squeezed gently. An unexpected wave of security flowed through her.

It wasn’t the happiness or joy that Christmas promised, but it was good and didn’t disappear. The longer she held him, the more deeply the feeling of safety sank into her body. Livia’s body relaxed against his, and there was something miraculous about that.

She closed her eyes and savored how each inhale gave her the sensation of being rocked. Her fingers tangled in the folds of his clothes, relaxed and loose instead of clenched and frightened. She liked it when he spoke, and she could feel the vibration of his voice with her entire body.

“Liv, Hun,” Corvin’s gentle voice called her name.

“Hmmm,” she said.

“Are you awake?” He reached back and pressed his palm up and down her thigh. A delicious warmth cascaded through her at the touch.

“Barely,” she whispered.

“We have a present for you,” he said.

“Do I have to open it?” she grumbled.

“Yes,” he laughed.

“But this is all I need,” she whispered. “I don’t want anything else.”

“But I’m so excited for you to open it,” Corvin said, turning back toward her.

He was breaking her hold and pulling her to the side. Livia had been too relaxed to stop him. She pouted, displeased.

Corvin grinned and kissed her lips lightly. That felt comfy, too; hot bread with melted butter comfy. Livia contemplated pressing her hands into his hair and pulling him in for a feast. A gleam of amusement in Corvin’s eyes made her realize he sensed her intentions.

“You are Taurus tired,” he declared.

“You lot woke me up at 5:30.”

“You’re making me not regret it,” Corvin teased.

Livia’s cheeks grew warm as she realized his family watched them. Part of her wanted to hide in the hollow of his neck and let his smooth skin ease the burn on her cheeks. She even moved to execute her plan, but Corvin stopped her and placed the gift on her lap.

Livia wanted to whine like a toddler. She sighed instead and turned to open the gift. Her fingers were clumsy and slow.

“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to untie the bow for the third time.

Corvin pulled on the ribbon, and the entire thing came untied.

Livia rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me….”

“You’re sleepy,” Corvin said. “That would make anyone slow.”

He ran a reassuring hand along her thigh. Livia bit her lip as the same wave of pleasantness passed through her again. Corvin smiled as if he knew.

Livia managed to get the box open. There was a layer of tissue paper to fold back. A bright red pair of beautiful silk pajamas were in the box.

“Corvin,” she whispered, voice hoarse.

Livia had never been given anything so beautiful and luxurious before. Expensive clothing was only purchased for work. Her family bought pajamas and work clothes as cheaply as possible. Indeed, Livia doubted that her most expensive coat was this nice.

Livia’s eyes filled with tears. Her hand shot out to reassure Corvin. Afraid she would upset him with her crying.

“I don’t hate it,” she insisted. “Thank you,”

“You like it?”

Tears poured onto Livia’s cheeks. “It’s so beautiful.”

Corvin pulled her face into his hands and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. “Are you alright, Hun?”

Livia nodded.

Corvin pulled her into a hug. Livia was terrified her tears would escalate, and she’d make a mess of everyone’s day by crying her eyes out. Instead, the gentle way Corvin wiped her tears and cradled her close calmed her tears.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s so beautiful. I really like it.”

“It’s alright, Liv, I understand,” he said. Then mischief entered his voice. “Why don’t you go try them on?”

“Right now?”

“Umhmm,” he said, pressing the box into her hands. “Go on. Come back out and show them to us.”

Livia shook her head. “But they’re so nice, Corvin.”

He smiled. “You’re supposed to wear them, Hun. That’s the point.”

“Okay?” Livia took the box and went to change because what else would she do?

Livia took her time because she wanted to figure out her emotions. She wasn’t sad, not lonely, not mad. She felt…loved.

Livia’s eyes overflowed with tears again. She wiped them away with toilet paper. She must be going crazy. Yet, there was this feeling inside her, the small, frightened girl that recognized that this was what she’d wanted. A life full of security and kindness. It was sitting before her, within her grasp.

Livia buttoned up the pajamas with her back turned to the mirror. She was afraid to look at herself. She almost walked out of the bathroom without looking in the mirror. But she wanted to check that she’d buttoned it correctly.

She turned, and seeing herself in something so gorgeous took her breath away. Tears overflowed again. Livia wiped them away. Finally, Livia faced the door, and her emotions steadied.

She could do this.