There comes a time in our lives where we must ask ourselves a question. It is the same question that has pestered us many times before and maybe even left us undecided in the past.
"Is what I'm about to do... right or wrong?"
Yet, there are many instances where the action you choose blurs between the lines of good and evil- right or wrong. Though, one may argue that the concept of 'right and wrong' is socially constructed- we are forced to obey the rules of the society we live in.
Nonetheless, we will all be judged on our actions by God. That's why we must always conduct ourselves in a proper manner. No matter what circumstances, we must never sin. As long as one continues to do good deeds, they will be rewarded in the end.
One may ask, why do I think like this? Well, it's pretty obvious if you think about it. After all... I believe in God.
"God is omniscient."
He already knows everything that has happened, is happening, or will happen. God tests us in life. We go through many trials and hardships, ups and downs- but for what?
"If God already knows the outcome of each and every person, why does God test us?"
Why? Well... it requires a bit of deep thinking, but this is the conclusion that I have come to.
Mankind's existence is within a certain set timeframe. God is not limited in the same capacity as a human. God exists in our past, present, and future all at once. Therefore, He knows our choices before we make them, because He has already been there and seen them.
However, just because God knows your choice, doesn't mean you don't have one. Thus, you are tested. Your choices prove the measure of your value.
Instead of instantly sending us to heaven or hell, God tests us. So that on the day where we are all judged, where all our life, our sins and good deeds are revealed, no one can say...
"If there was a way to be tested in the worldly life then I would definitely be in Heaven today. God has sent me to Hell unfairly."
God is clearly then the most just and the most merciful. He doesn't just do everything because He is omnipotent. God is never unjust to anybody. Although God knows the future and outcome of the test, He does the physical test anyway for the purpose of justice.
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Imagine a world where you could see the future and know the crimes someone would commit before they committed them. It would still be unfair to arrest and punish the person before they actually commit any crime. That is... before you establish proof, it would be unfair because you know the future but the person doesn't.
So... God lets people live, so that they can never meaningfully complain that they wouldn't have disbelieved or sinned if they had the chance.
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"God... what's the point of all this? I have nothing to do but think and speak to myself. You know, how crazy I sound sometimes? Absolutely delusional. You know... I feel like I might finally actually go crazy."
However, no matter how many times I think or feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point- I never do. In the end, I just continue to be 'me'.
No one has ever entered this library except me. Ever since I've been here, I devoured each book one by one. But... there was one I couldn't stomach.
I've immersed myself into this particular book for a long time. To the point where I realised that I didn't want to leave. The library had become my castle, but as time has gone on- it started to feel like a prison. But, one thing I knew for sure was that, no matter what-
[I wanted to continue this story.]
I was attached to this one character. Originally, he was neither the hero of the story or the villain- he didn't play a supporting role either. One may say that he was just a background character, someone totally irrelevant.
He was someone that considered himself to be boring. This character was aware of himself. Sebastian knew he had to change, and when he finally did...
[The whole world changed for him.]
I felt an unusual connection with this character. Maybe, I wanted to have the courage to be like him. That's why I kept reading, I wanted to see all the choices he made. I wanted to know what the ending for this character was. Maybe that's the reason for why I've struggled to leave this place.
'I don't want to leave yet.'
Is it really something as simple as that? Of course not. There may be other possible reasons as to why I haven't left this place. I mean...
Have I gotten scared of the world outside? I can't even remember what it was like... I'm not even sure if it was my decision to stay here in the first place. Maybe, God placed me here for a reason.
Whether this life that I'm living is a test or a mere dream, I have no way to know. No one knows God's plan... It may be that this is part of the test, for me to read and wait by myself. It could even be that the world has already ended- but, if God's test has been concluded...
Why am I alone?
Where exactly am I? How do I leave this place? What is my purpose? Why am I here? The questions never end.
Maybe, I'm just scared to be by myself. I don't want to walk alone anymore, is that it? If I wanted to wander around the world, then I want-
Ah, I've realised. This one feeling I have inside my heart, it's just as if I'm yearning for something- no, someone. But if that's the case, then who exactly am I waiting for?
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[After all this, the only thing left in my mind is the belief that I won't regret the choices I have made. I hope I will not regret anymore.]
- Sebastian Quent, the powerless boy who wished to change the future.