I heard that years later this night would go down in history as “The Corpse Fire”, but we had bigger fish to fry for now. This ‘Undead King’ had just set the fucking place on fire, Effie was still missing and Ron and Casidhe were here fighting a horde of the undead. I had some work in front of me.

“Casidhe! He’s made of my Source. Can’t I just assimilate him or something?”

“Of course, you idiot! The Source always detests separation.”

“How do I do it?”

” Gust!”

I blew a wave of the undead back against the walls they came from to give her a moment of respite to answer. I followed it up with a blast of raw magic to help Dog out, but I had to say watching him bounce around like a kid in a candy store just making faces based on what he ate didn’t exactly make him seem ‘distressed’. A zombie here caused him to retch, but a solid femur from a skelly and he would grin from ear to ear and crunch it.

“Just think about what you want and say the word ‘assimilate’ and it should be plenty. For you that’s pretty much how magic works anyway.”

“Wait huh?! Just say the word Assimilate and it will work?”

The magic had already activated. The Undead King froze in his tracks and if you can believe the hollows of his eyes went even darker and he just kind of…powered down? A dark aura began to seep out of him and traveled slowly like fog in my direction.

“I really hate how easy magic is to use for you, but that should reall-----”

“Kekekekekekeke…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

The laughter started kind of out of the nowhere and seemed to be all around us and nowhere all at once. The sound was like the other skeletal laughter except it seemed to reverberate like it was inside a series of pipes.

“What in the fuck is that?!”

The black fog stopped flowing towards me and began going back into old King Skelly, except this time the black fog also was emanating from the walls and the mass of undead fodder around us. After a moment of fog leaving each zombie and other undead, they collapsed to ashes on the ground. I am fairly certain that was Source and most likely mine, but the worst of it was that it kept flowing into the King fellow.

The roiling fog surrounded him and cocooned him. If there was one thing, I had learned from tv and anime it’s that enemies that went into shadow cocoons always came out more badass than before and it seemed like for good reason. He was cocooned in my overwhelming magic power.

“Get close to me guys, this is going to fucking hurt.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. This guy smells like you but has yet to scratch me even once. Beat his ass.”

“This dog is as stupid as you are isn’t…HEY DON’T DO THAT!”

Ron had interrupted her rude tirade to pee on her leg. He snickered the whole time. A quick look conveyed my seriousness to him.

“Casidhe, support me from behind.”

“Magic doesn’t work on the undead, remember?”

“I know but if you are behind me, you won’t be in the way.”

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I brandished my sheathed sword like a club and prepared for the worst. The sphere of darkness began to dissipate and my instincts were right but also it was a worst case scenario. The Undead King did in fact evolve into something more powerful by a metric shit ton, but worst it was the condensing type of metamorphosis that brought the old adage to mind, ‘Big things comes in small packages.”

The Skeleton had shrunk in size to something more normal. He was about my height, but instead of bones, he had pale flesh and a full suit of black armor on. The armor was decorated in blood red rubies all over and his sword had turned into two bladed cesti. Each one had two savage blades extending about a foot out and they were positively dripping with blood lust.

“No chance we can talk this out?”

I asked into the silence in the air. I got no answer right away as the guy had the gall to check out his new metamorphosis. I was feeling some old anime vibes about a certain set of balls that when gathered could grant wishes and whole episodes were dedicated to preparing to fight or transform. The new and improved Undead King checked each bladed arm and even did some jumping jacks to check out the new digs.

He cracked his neck and disappeared. He moved so fast; I could not keep up with him. The next thing I knew my head rolled off my shoulders. To be quite frank with you, I was pretty tired of ‘dying’ or temporarily killed whatever. Like seriously, what the fuck is the point of being a classic over-powered character but dies all the fucking time. I lost consciousness for a brief moment before my head reattached itself via tendrils of blood.

“With this latest upgrade, why not refer to me as Licht.”

A malicious grin ran across his stupid face as he said this. Like he was the only one who could make stupid ironic comments…Shit, he’s a lot like me isn’t he?

My head reattached itself fully and I thought better to fight this guy with my full strength. He definitely seemed like he would be the strongest foe I have fought so far. I can’t lie though; I was kind of upset he cut my head off when I was trying to make peace. Like what would he have done if I didn’t have freakish recovery abilities?

“So what? You transformed into the undead ranger? I think I prefer Sharpey.”

“Ok, refer to me as that.”

“Sharpey?”

“Yes.”

“Casidhe…”

I looked over at Casidhe as the Undead King got all placid and shit and let me rename him. My hope was that Casidhe could kind of just narrate as we went to avoid all of these questions.

“Hmmm, well the only thing I can think of is that since he has such a huge portion of your Source, that he is worthy of being ‘Named’. Like a Super Monster if you will.”

“Like a Boss Fight?”

“I guess he is a boss so yes?”

“Hey look out for this tough guy. Where’s some shoes to color when I need them?”

“Shoes?”

“Eh…from my homeland?”

“Whatever idiot. He deserves a name but you have a such a mastery over your Source that he must comply with whatever designation you give him.”

“So if I said his new name was ummmmm… Baron Samedi!”

“Bear run some eddy?”

The Undead King asked me himself as he thought of the new name that he was compelled to accept. This situation awkwardly diffused didn’t it? This was supposed to be a joke about a god of Death from back home. Turns out Death isn’t funny…

“Baron Samedi. Either way, if you won’t give us the list and or continue to attack us, I will be forced to destroy you. What say you Sammy?”

“Now it’s Sammy?”

Baron frigging ass Samedi is starting to get annoying with his puppy dog act and names. This event took such a left turn, I just kinda want it to be over now. This seems like it is going to take a while. Here’s to hoping.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Vampir Darkness - (Shawn Mullins)

Date of Birth: Reign 23rd 3015

Title: Undead Lord

Race: Vampire (Human)

Hair: Black

Eyes: Red (Evil Glow)

Current Value: 239.9 million Gold Coins, Approx. 149 trillion Gold Coins worth of Invisibility Potion, Resurrection Token

Magic Pocket: Pretty much one of everything (semi-verified), Journal of a Lunatic, Bottomless Bottle of Ron’s Piss, Large collection of Magic Tomes and some childhood photos

Powers: Voice Mesmer, Animal Transmutation, Super Strength, Mach 3 Speed, Immunity, Kinesis (Psycho), Regeneration

Magic: Derbegun (Cleaning Spell), Hemiowgun (Healing Spell), Stop (Time Spell), Dauntlet (Shadow Armor), Raze (Sea of Fire), Folioran Magic, High Magic

Weaknesses: The Sun, Holy Water, Dog, Cries Blood, Leyara, Grave Box at Witch’s, Shit Memory, References, Still has a Lack of Patience for Bullshit, Creepy Skeleton Laughter, Hedge Mazes

Strengths: Barfights, takes arrows to the chest like a champ, Digging Holes, Fungus House Demolition, Blood Rage, Sword Fighting, Can Cast All Magic, Gravel Throwing, Casidhe