We’re all going back. Back to the beach house. Nua and I almost died getting out, and now we’re going back.

Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But still. We’re going back to the beach house prison. For Abigala and my parents. For me. And for baby Julian and his parents, and for everyone else trapped down here in Tent City, for Jimmy. Oh, god, I have to go tell Jimmy that I’m leaving.

I put it off for a few days. I lie next to Ava in our tent as she sleeps, and Nua too, his arm wrapped around her. I just stare at the ceiling in the dark, feeling Ava breathe next to me. I can hear Penny and Bayan in the tent next to us, although they’re speaking too low for me to hear their words. It’s just a murmur in the background, like an ocean, as thoughts tumble and crash in my head like waves.

Ava needs to go back, because she needs to see what Miss Lilly is doing with Abigala, and she needs to find my parents, and she needs to make Miss Lilly leave us alone, stop looking for us. Because if Miss Lilly follows her daughter and finds Tent City, everyone down here is in danger, including new baby Julian. But Ava should have known that Nua and Bayan and I wouldn’t let her go alone, much less Penny. She did know. Sloan tried to tell her. And she tried to make her case to us, to let her go, and of course we couldn’t let her. Nua and I could hardly let her go the first time. How Bayan managed I have no idea.

So now, after everything we did to get out, we’re going to go back. We got a few months of peace, I think to myself, and then I realize I’ve lost track of the days. Julian was born around four days ago, at least depending on how many times we’ve slept, and when Ava wakes up the next morning I ask her what day it is.

She blinks, and then looks at her watch. “March third.”

“Oh,” I murmur when she tells me, and she yawns. “Why?”

I shrug. “Just haven’t been keeping track.”

“You gonna talk to Jimmy today?” she asks, and I sigh. “I suppose I have to.”

“You don’t,” she says. “You don’t have to come. You can stay, with him, look after him.”

“I have to see Abigala,” I say again, and she doesn’t argue.

She does, however, go get us breakfast, with Bayan. Penny and Nua and I all wait in the fire forum, and none of us say anything. I don’t know what Ava and Sloan and Shan have been talking about, but she hasn’t told us any more yet, so we’re just spending the days in waiting. When she comes back, all she gives us is food, and we have breakfast together, the five of us on the ground next to the fire, and it’s nice. But it’s not home.

I resolve to go see Jimmy after breakfast. He’s in his tent with Sina, where I thought he’d be. Nua’s lent them the book of fairy tales, just so they have something to do, and Sina’s leaning against the wall with it in his lap when I tap on the fabric of their tent door. Jimmy opens it a little, and then smiles and lets me in, and I smile too. “You should try to get out of here sometime.”

“What, into the sunlight?” says Sina, and I laugh a little. “Out of the tent, at least. Come to the fire forum sometime.”

“Alright,” agrees Jimmy as Sina turns a page, and he reminds me so much of Nua right now, and I look down at my hand, and say, “So.”

“What’s up?” asks Jimmy, his eyebrows coming together.

“So Ava and I,” I say, and then I pause. “We’re going home.”

Jimmy just looks at me, his hands folded in his lap. “Home?”

“Her home,” I say with a slight smile. “Abigala’s there. And we’re going to try to find my parents.”

“Is she making you?” asks Jimmy calmly, and I shake my head, pressing my lips together so I don’t laugh. I shouldn’t laugh at him, he’s only saying what he knows. “No. Actually, she wants us to stay here, but we, we want to go.”

“Why?” asks Sina, and Jimmy ignores him. “All of you?”

“Me and Nua,” I say, “and her brother Penny, and Bayan.”

“What is Bayan?” asks Sina, peering over the top of the book and over his knees at me. “Like, to them.”

“He worked in the house,” I say. “But he’s known them both for a while, and he loves them.”

“Do you love them?” asks Jimmy, and I look back at him, and I take a deep breath, and I say, “Yes, I do. I love Ava and I love Nua, and I love Abigala and my parents. My sister is at home, with Ava’s mother, so we’re going to make sure she’s okay, and we’re going to try and help Shan, help everyone.”

“How?” asks Jimmy quietly. And I sigh again. “Now that, that’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

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But to be honest, I don’t really care how. Because for months now, for over half a year, I’ve been trying to find my way back to Abigala. That’s all I care about, Abigala and my parents, I need to get back to them again. Ava knew that she could not tell me to stay here while she went up to meet my sister. She knew I was going to have to come. She has not said a word trying to convince me otherwise, or Penny; she knows neither of us will budge. She has said words to Nua and to Bayan, but they both won’t hear any of it. Bayan listens to her, at least, not saying anything but not agreeing with her either. Nua won’t even let her even try. Out of all of us, I don’t blame her for wanting Bayan to stay. I wonder how Miss Lilly is even managing to survive without him, without someone to cook and clean for her, without someone to toy with. But I suppose she has Abigala now. I don’t blame her for wanting Bayan to stay, but he won’t lose her or Penny again, especially not at the same time.

It’s a few days after I talk to Jimmy that Sloan finally comes to collect all of us and bring us to Shan, a week or so into March. I don’t notice any temperature difference down here, I haven’t all this time, really, but Sloan tells us as we go down towards the map room that the snow is melting up on the surface. She brings us in to find Ava and Sloan and Haywood and Alis and Nova, mid-conversation, about something seemingly having nothing to do with Miss Lilly, because Sigrid is doubled over in laughter, her head in Nova’s lap. Alis has his face buried in his hands, and Haywood is trying to stop himself from laughing, too. Ava’s just watching them with a satisfied grin on her face, and when Sloan brings us in she says, “Boys, you made it. And Sloan.”

Sigrid straightens up to look at us, trying to compose herself, and Nova reaches over to fix her collar. She bites her lip, smiling, and Alis sits up as well. “Okay.”

“What’s so funny?” asks Penny, not really expecting an answer, and he doesn’t get one. Haywood just stands, coming over to sit next to me where I’ve taken a folding chair. “Never mind. Are we ready?”

“Yes,” answers Nua, and Ava comes over to me too, sitting on my lap again. “You good?”

I nod, looking up at her, and she grins. “Well, we’re going back.”

“Is that what you all were laughing about?” mutters Penny, sitting in a chair too, and Bayan puts his hands on his shoulders. Penny leans his head back to look up at him, and they talk with their eyes but I don’t know what they say. Nua sits at my feet. “What’s the plan?”

“Honestly, there isn’t much of one,” says Sigrid, finally managing to keep a straight face for more than two seconds. She hops up on the table, taking one of Nova’s long braids in her hands to play with, almost absentmindedly. “You guys just need to go home.”

“The biggest thing is figuring out how you’re going to keep in touch with us,” says Nova, ignoring Sigrid. Penny raises his eyebrows. “I thought that was Sloan.”

“Yes,” says Ava on my lap, and Nua looks up at her. She continues. “But slipping out to run there and back, or trying to set up a secret system like Bayan had, it’s all too risky now that my mother will know. We’ve just been trying to figure out how to keep us all safe. All of us, including everyone down here.”

“What about the baby?” asks Nua, and she nods. “We’re talking to Marissa and Nerev about that, too.”

“Will you stay with us?” asks Penny, looking at Sloan, and she nods. “I think so, yeah. At least at first. Until we can figure out how I’m supposed to talk to you guys down here without Lilly following me and getting to you all.”

“Would we just walk in?” I ask softly, looking up at Ava, and she puts her chin on my head, and then nods. It feels weird. “Yeah. We’d just go home.”

“The code works,” says Sloan quietly, “unless she’s changed it once I got Bayan.”

“Bayan should stay here,” I say softly, and Bayan says, “Don’t start.”

Nua and I both look at him, slightly surprised. That’s the most irreverent thing he’s ever said to any of us, but Ava just grins a little, and sighs, and says, “Yeah, yeah. Well, even if she’s changed the code, she won’t lock us out.”

“We’ll just ring the doorbell,” says Penny flippantly, and Ava smiles again, pressing her hand against her chest. “I mean, if we have to.”

“Abigala will be there,” I say softly, and Ava nods. “Yes, she will.”

“So will Lilly,” says Nova quietly, “so you all have to make sure you really want to do this.”

Nua and Ava and Penny and I all look over at Bayan again, and he’s quiet for a moment, and then he says, “I’m not going to send you all back without me.”

“You weren’t the one protecting us,” says Penny quietly. “We were the ones keeping her mind off of you. Look what happened once we left.”

“Well, you won’t leave this time, will you?” asks Bayan, looking at him, and Penny sighs, and then reaches out his hand. “No.”

Bayan takes it. “And besides, I’m the only one here who knows how to drive. Might come in handy.”

Ava laughs, and then says, “Yeah, actually, that’s true.”

“I wanna learn how to drive,” says Penny musingly. Everyone ignores him. Sigrid says, “When will you be ready to go? Just so Haywood knows when to start planning the schedule without Sloan.”

I look at Haywood, who’s been quiet this whole time. He’s sitting on a stool, with Alis standing behind him, his arms wrapped around his neck, and I feel Ava on my lap, Nua leaning against my legs. Oh, god, I don’t know who has it better, he has Alis and he’s had him for years and years, and they’ve been happy but they’re stuck down here, and I have Ava and Nua but we have to go back, up to the surface, yes, but right into the hands of Miss Lilly LeGatte. Haywood looks at me, too, and smiles a little, and says, “Let’s give it a few days. We can send Alicia and Keshi and some others up to see what they can figure out about what she’s been doing lately. Sloan, you can take it easy for now.”

She twists her mouth, and doesn’t answer save a nod. Penny says, “Sloan, you could just bring us to the house, you don’t have to come in.”

“I do,” she says. “I can get to Tent City whenever I want, but I can’t get to your house whenever I want, not with the fence and the locks. I need to set up something with you first before coming back to Shan, not the other way around.”

I think about the locks, the locks that Ava showed me in the foyer, the same day that she told me about Keol. One of them was hers, she told me, her mother had used them before to lock her in her room, and she wanted Ava to use one on Keol too, to lock him in his room, or at least be able to, whenever she wanted. But she never did. Our rooms never locked. The bathroom didn’t lock either, except from the side of Ava’s bedroom. My room and Nua never had any privacy, though, and I never even considered the idea that it gave us more freedom than if the doors had been able to lock.

It’s just the little things, isn’t it, that Ava did. She tried to do the big things, she married Owen, and she kept him clean, but it didn’t work. Did her mother wear her down? Or did she just realize that the big things wouldn’t work? It was just the fact that Keol could go outside whenever he wanted, and the fact that our rooms didn’t lock, and the fact that she smoked, all the time, that showed her mother that she hadn’t given in yet. But I don’t know how long she could’ve kept it up.

“Let’s do day after tomorrow, then,” says Ava suddenly, and I snap out of my thoughts. “What?”

She looks down at me, leaning one of her elbows on my shoulder. “Where were you?”

I shrug, and she smiles a bit, shaking her hair out of her eyes. “I actually think we won’t even have to go all the way to the house. Sloan has noticed that a particular woman hangs around the train station, whenever she passes by.”

“Your mother’s women all have a certain look,” says Sloan, and I think of the women in black who put me and Jimmy and all the other boys into a van and took us to Ava before taking the rest away after she chose me. Ava nods. “We might just be able to get picked up at the train station.”

“Let’s just go to the train station,” I say quietly, and she looks down at me. “Day after tomorrow?”

I look up at her, and then down at Nua. He’s leaning his head back against my knee, looking up at the both of us, and then I nod. “Day after tomorrow. We’ll go to the train station.”

“Okay,” says Nua.

“Okay,” says Penny.

Bayan does not say anything, but Penny looks up at him, and he nods. Sloan nods too. “Okay.”

We’re all going back.