Look, I'm not saying it was the brightest course of action, and I sure as fuck wouldn't recommend it to anyone else, but I've always had a screw or two loose that tells me it'd be fun to just flip over the table. It's not so much that I wanted to kill myself in my old life, I don't think, but rather it was always a case of I wouldn't have minded dying. Now, though, I definitely wanted to die if it would get me out of whatever this crazy blue-haired woman was trying to drag me into. I just didn't have that spark that keeps most people engaged with the whole 'living' thing. Right as I reached the balcony for hopefully the last time I was suddenly... back in bed?

"What the?"

"Soft reset," she said. "I'm exercising my discretion here. This is your last chance, but I'm not gonna let you just end it that easy. It's bad for my numbers and, frankly, a dumb way for you to go out, don't you think?"

"I don't give a shit if you think it's dumb or not. I'm not playing your fucking game."

"Yes yes, you've made that abundantly clear. Fine, whatever. Live your life however you want, with one exception: no killing yourself."

"Why the hell do you get to decide that."

"Because, you git, I'm the closest thing to a god you're likely to encounter. I have a vested interest in guiding tales to a certain conclusion and I've seen literally thousands of people like you. Sure, you're a bit rougher than most but You still owe it to yourself to take a proper stab at this life."

"So I can do whatever I want so long as I don't try to kill myself?"

"Well... yes."

"Someone else killing me is fair game?"

"I... yes, if that happens I won't be able to interfere."

"And then I'm done with this bullshit."

She sighed, frustration and a hint of sadness playing across her face.

"Yes, if you die this time without finding a patron, that's it. You're done with this existence. Snuffed out and returned to the primordial. You will have successfully defeated the evil system that was trying her best to provide you with a new chance at life. Won't that be an achievement for the ages?"

"Cool, bye."

She stared at me for a moment, perhaps wondering if there was anything she could say to get through to me, but I didn't give her anything to work with, I just lay there in bed grimacing at the discomfort of a set of wounds that couldn't heal because I kept getting reset.

Look, I'd be lying if I said that her words didn't linger in my mind a bit. It was perfectly possible that I could go through the journey, build up a core group of friends and/or family that I treasured enough to want to live in this world. Lord knows I wasn't pining for my old life (excepting the technology that had made it all bearable) but that sure as fuck didn't mean I wanted a new one. If I'm honest, I've read a lot of these stories and while I always enjoyed seeing how the characters overcame their initial hardships, I always got bored with things once they settled into the routine of taking on the REAL threats they had to best.

That's not to say that any of that was what was holding me back here, not really. Id definitely made it easier to justify to myself than a pretty basic mix of self-destructive impulses and general stubbornness. Still. I sure as hell wasn't going to back down now. My course was set and I was going to be done with this shit soon enough. I closed my eyes and tried to get a bit more sleep before the day started.

* * * * *

"Why the hell are you still in bed?"

There was that angry voice yelling at me before ripping my blanket away. Well, trying to. I held on to the corner of it with a strength-enhanced grip. Since this was to be my last round of this, I was going to have a bit of fun. Another firm tug. I held on again. Leanne grunted in frustration and then moved for to put her whole weight into yanking the blanket away from me. I let go.

"Ah!"

The yelp was followed by a pretty satisfying thud so I finally opened my eyes to see my maid crumpled into a pile beneath the admittedly comfortable blanket she'd spent seven time loops yanking away from me.

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"A fine good morning to you too, Len," I said with a genuine grin.

There was a rustling and a fuming Leanne extricated herself from the pile of comforter. She scowled at me, but I had already made my way to the dresser to pick out something nice for the day. If this was going to be my last day on this world, I might as well look good for it.

"Well, get to it," I told her, gesturing at the dress I picked.

I'll admit that I had no idea what I was doing here. Oddly enough, in my past life I hadn't spent much time wearing elaborate dresses and had no idea where to start. Sure, I was mostly doing the imperious thing to get her goat, but I also desperately needed the assistance. I'd kind of expected her to put up more of a fight on the doing her job stuff. She'd been pretty troublesome throughout the loops and I'd just assumed she was a total bitch outside of those moments where I was literally dying. Instead, she went about the work of getting me dressed with few complaints. She even did her best not to aggravate the cuts on my legs, not that there was much to be done on that... wait a second.

Every morning prior, when I'd been woken up to the lovely experience of getting scolded by my maid, I'd been distracted by how much my legs hurt and how many open wounds I had. This time? I glanced down at my legs. They were mostly healed. That was neat. Apparently dumping those points I'd been getting into my constitution (hey, I don't mind a quick death from falling but puking myself to death had not been fun) had rewarded me with a nifty healing factor. No superhero regeneration or anything like that, but it was still nice.

"What's got you so full of energy, Renee?"

I stifled a chuckle. It wasn't that I actually wanted her bothering with any of that creepy "My lady" stuff, but it was pretty funny how she only used it when she was angry at me or scared. The status nonsense wasn't something that mattered to a dead person, and it wouldn't have mattered even if I wasn't planning what I had, but it was hilarious all the same.

"Oh nothing, I just feel like today's going to be a hell of a day."

"You're not planning on causing trouble, are you?"

"Oh, Leanne, when have I ever caused trouble?"

She then proceeded to list off a truly impressive amount of trouble that Renee had gotten up to over the years. From silly little stunts that had resulted in staff getting injured to nearly drowning because she'd wanted to get a closer look at the fish to that time she'd almost burnt the mansion down because she'd tried to make bread. It all rang a little false to me, but I hadn't gotten Renee's memories as part of my reincarnation package, so I couldn't exactly refute it.

"I mean, besides all that," I said with my best attempt at an impish grin.

"Well besides all that nothing springs to mind, my lady," there was a snarky twist to the words, but there was also a faint twinkle in her eyes.

This was... nice. I kind of hated it. Not only was it showing me how much differently a day could go based on some pretty basic changes in behavior, but I was seeing a side of Leanne that I hadn't been able to see during my initial attempts to break free of whatever game was being played. I honestly could see a world where I played along and that scared me a bit. If I was really going to break free, I needed to hold firm with my resolve and any fractures in that could be ruinous. I hadn't asked for much by way of specifics about the 'patrons' that the system had to offer, but attracting one would be an absolute disaster at this point. No, I was going through with this.

All things being equal, I had to admit that Leanne did a good job preparing me. I hadn't really spent much time paying attention to my looks since I'd started the time loop bullshit but I looked decent enough. 5'8" with a slender (terribly malnourished, really) build and auburn curls that a more pleasant person would probably describe as 'lovely'. The sullen hazel eyes weren't doing much for my looks, but Len did try her best with the makeup.

"Thank you, Len," I said with the cheeriest smile I could muster. "I think I'd like to eat in the dining room this morning."

"Are... are you sure about that?" her nervousness made me want to laugh, but I kept my poker face.

"Oh, very sure. Lead the way."

When I'd been performing my more blatant acts of rebellion she'd been more hesitant to obey but now she seemed content to follow my lead. So long as I wasn't behaving too outlandishly, at least. This wasn't loyalty or anything like that, but at least it was a willingness to go with the flow. I was finding it a bit hard to dislike her now that she wasn't directly at odds with my purposes. I kind of enjoyed the waspishness.

"I don't need to tell you this, but I'll say it anyway. Watch your words around Mrs. Mirielle. You know what her temper's like."

"Oh, rest assured, I'm well aware of that," it was actually a key part of my plans for the day, but I kept that to myself.

A thing that had become clear to me the night I'd managed to wander the halls of the mansion was that it was pretty shoddily maintained. Too large with not enough servants to keep it up. It was a hell of a lot more clear to see in the light of day. There were some spots where the paint was actually peeling. Not really what you expect to see attached to the sort of wealth you'd assume someone who owned a place like this to have.

This was all the more apparent as we entered the dining room. The table itself was a massive affair, meant to seat dozens at once. It was completely devoid of any sort of decorations, just a number of chairs and four people seated at the end of it. The hall had clearly had paintings adorning the walls at one point, but they had all been removed, probably sold off. Frankly, it was a shoddy affair. I turned my attention to those already seated.

My apparent family members looked a little confused that I'd joined them. Mirielle was there, scowling of course, as was an older man that I'd seen a portrait of in the halls. Also seated was a boy close to my age with a sullen look to him and a younger girl with a scowl to match Mirielle's.

"Hello, dear family members," I chirped with false cheer. "You seem to have forgotten to invite me to breakfast, so I thought I'd join you."

Behind me, I could literally feel Len's wince.