Chapter One: A Prelude to WTF

Waking up with sunlight in Zack’s eyes was becoming the new norm towards the end of his Canadian fishing trip. While the trip had not turned out as he had planned, it was a welcome relief from the crushing pressure of grad school and the disaster of his last relationship. Each morning, he woke up, made coffee and wondered as he looked over the lake, what the hell just happened. Frankly, it felt out of control and disorienting to think about. So, each day he finished his coffee, got his gear and spent the day exploring the lake and catching more fish than he could imagine. After fishing until dusk he came back exhausted and with a small amount of peace in his heart. Fishing had always been the way Zack found peace in times of turmoil. It was his hyperfocus happy place.

For Zack, taking the time to develop an understanding of the lake, the structure, the shoreline, the weather, and the fish's appetite were problems he excelled at solving. Just his boat, his mind, and nature, with a singular focus of fishing. To the eternal frustration of his parents, he would often forget to eat, lose track of time, or come back sun burned after a day on the lake. More than once as a child, he found himself tracking his way back to the family cabin in the dark. Time seemed to stand still while he had a line in the water.

His parents often wondered how fishing seemed to capture his mind so completely. After being diagnosed with wicked ADHD, it was a relief to find something that brought peace and focus to his otherwise chaotic lifestyle. His doctor said to think of it like this, when you have ADHD, you are held back by a lack of daily focus and executive decision making. This is particularly true when trying to manage mundane details that plague our lives. However, the tradeoff was what Zack like to think of as his superpower. His ability to hyper focus and perform at a ridiculously high level on interesting or difficult tasks when stimulated, especially when dealing with crisis. This tradeoff is the cornerstone of many of Zack’s victories in life. When focused, Zack was excelled at strategy games like chess, fishing, or any topic he really liked. The downside was he sucked at paying bills on time, following through with maintenance life tasks, and struggled to stay focused on one thing at a time. So what if his credit wasn’t always the greatest. When there was a crisis, he was the guy to call.

After being diagnosed with ADHD, Zack focused on what that meant for him. He essentially learned that people with ADHD approached life like it is a role playing game (RPG). He treated life’s challenges like a campaign to be defeated and a foe to be vanquished. The peace he felt during the chaos as well as the sense of accomplishment and meaning he derived from solving life’s problems made the world worth being in. He was the most content and present when he was managing crisis. Frankly, it was when he felt the most alive.

As Zack pulled up to the cabin, he noticed again how quiet the lake was and how dark the shoreline became at sunset. It was eerie at first to be the only person on the lake. In his younger years this would have been an awful place to be. Way too much space and quietness for his mind to run amuck with crazy thoughts. The lack of excitement, other people, or the easy distraction of the internet would have drove him mad. Zack would never have felt settled or serenity amongst all this peace and quiet. However, as he liked to joke with his dad. he was no longer a Padawan learner (Thank you Star Wars for the metaphor) on his ADHD journey. Now he managed the ADHD instead of it managing him.

In terms of fishing, this trip had been a dream of his for many years. He remember the stories his dad told him of coming to this lake with his friends and the monster fish he caught. His dad had a close friend, Donald Davids who owned a fly in service and several cabins on lakes in central Manitoba. Lakes that he had the exclusive fishing rights to. The fly in service would bring up to 6 customers out to the lake in a boat plane with supplies for a week. Zack had saved his money and bought a week in late July for him and his fiancé Shelly to relax and fish.

When Zack finally secured the trip. Donald told him "his money was no good here." Donald gave him the trip as a graduation gift.

Zack saw the trip as a reward for himself after completing his PhD dissertation in Communications. Shelly was an avid angler and shared Zack’s passion for fishing. She grew up on Mille Lacs Lake and fished her whole life with her dad and brothers. They met, oddly enough, on an angler’s dating website just a few months after graduating from college and had been together for the past 7 years.

Zack tied the boat at the dock and brought in today’s haul of fish. He quickly cleaned the 4 walleyes and prepared dinner. His mind settled as he ate his walleye with sliced potatoes. With a pang of sadness and anger he thought about the hundreds of time Shelly and him ate this exact meal and as they recounted their days fishing exploits. It stung and his eyes misted up as he struggle to process the days leading up to the trip.

Donald was to fly him and Shelly out to Trophy Lake on July 17th. On July 13th his life was a good as it had ever been. He defended his PhD dissertation with no revisions, a feat unto its own. He planned on asking Shelly to marry him on the trip but simply could not wait. That evening his parents held a celebration for his academic accomplishments. Having a picnic that turned into a bon fire/party attended by both Zack’s and Shelly’s parents, as well as friends and Zack’s mentor Dr. Terrance Wilson. As the day turned to evening, surrounded by the most important people of his life, he got on one knee and asked Shelly to be his wife. It was perfect and she said yes! Both families knew this was coming but had no idea it was happening tonight. Zack remembered thinking, It had been the best night of his life. After working hard to overcome adversity and conquering his learning disability he had arrived. PhD in hand, job opportunities lining up, a new fiancé whom he loved and was excited to share a life with. Finally, going an epic fishing trip he had been dreaming about for years.

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Zack painfully considered how Shelly had been a such an important part of his life. She supported him as he worked through his ADHD as well as graduate school. She was his rock as he was hers. They were a team that sought to take on the world. Second, only to her, was his mentor Dr. Wilson. He had been Zack’s undergraduate advisor at the University of Michigan. Zack took a few years off before going into a direct to doctorate program at the University of Minnesota. He had been recruited to the program by Dr. Wilson, who had himself been recruited to the U of Minnesota two years prior. Since then, Dr. Wilson had been a mentor and friend. After Zack’s dad died, Dr. Wilson had filled in with life advice and encouragement. He even became a semi regular visitor the Tighe family compound on Island Lake for fishing and hunting.

On the morning of July 16th Zack was supposed to go out with his with one of his best friends Andy, to buy the equipment he would need for their big fishing trip. He was excited to finally have the time to plan for the big trip and get needed supplies and gear. However, Andy called and said he had been throwing up in the early AM and needed to reschedule their plans for the next day. Hoping Andy would feel better, Zack put off the supply trip until tomorrow. He decided to risk Shelly’s wrath and head to campus. He had promised Shelly he would not go back to campus until after their trip. He knew she felt like she was competing with his PhD for attention. Despite her misgivings, he thought it would give him a chance to connect with a few people and start the process of cleaning out his office. After all, Shelly went back to Wisconsin to visit her family early this morning to share the news of their engagement with her grandparents. She was coming back into town the morning of their big trip.

The Communication studies building was adjacent to the Political Science department and joined on the 6th floor by a sky way. The elevators had been down in his building all summer, so he took the Political Science elevators up to cross on the skyway. Zack absentmindedly got into the elevator and pressed the 6th floor. On the second floor another student entered the elevator and pressed the 5th floor. Zack was deeply engrossed in fishing report about the lake he was flying out to in two days. He did not notice it was the wrong floor when he got out with the student and walked down the hall barely avoiding other people as he watch a video of some guide pulling out a monster 27 lbs northern pike.

As he walked up to the door leading to the skyway, he almost ran into the glass pane window where a door should have been. Confused he looked up and out the window. Sheepishly, he realized that he got off a floor below the skyway and was looking across the gap to his building. As he was about to walk away, he noticed movement in the window of Dr. Wilson’s office next to the sky way in the other building. He shut off his video and looked closer as he knew Dr. Wilson left this morning to see his family back in Santa Barbara, California for the next two weeks. But he was sure he saw something. He looked closer and saw Dr. Wilson with his back to the window having what looked like an animated conversation. Zack was confused as to why Dr. Wilson was still here, but happy to have a chance to talk with him. Zack went back to the elevator and got off on the correct floor while reengaging his northern pike video.

As he walked across the sky way, he glanced over to Dr. Wilson’s window and noticed the blinds pulled partly over. Through the crack in the blinds, he could still see Dr. Wilson standing there. Something about Dr. Wilson’s movements caused Zack to pause and look closer. To his utter surprise he saw the top of another person head moving back and forth in front of his mentor’s midsection. Suddenly, with his face turning red, he realized that Dr. Wilson was on the receiving end in his office from a blond woman. Zack cackled out loud in a burst of laughter as he quickly looked away out of embarrassment. He knew Dr. Wilson had been a ladies’ man in his past life and still had a few friends with benefits, however he never thought they might be students or at the very least on campus.

Whatever Dr. Wilson did in his spare time was his business. However, without thinking about it he glanced back again and saw Dr. Wilson was clearly “finishing” for lack of a better word. To the woman’s credit she was clearly giving it her all while on her knees. Zack was about to look away when the women, having accomplished her goal, leaned back on her haunches. Zack stopped in horror as he realized the woman was Shelly. He dropped his coffee and phone to the floor. His heart started racing and he was frozen in place. He could not believe what he just saw. He could not move, he just stared at her as a sense of nausea tried to take over his body as his heart ripped in two. His shock replaced horror and nausea with mounting fury.

Not sure what to do, knowing his rage and impulsivity was growing, he decided he needed to leave. If he confronted them there would likely be a brutal exchange and possibly violence. Finally, he looked again to see shelly leaving after planting a passionate kiss on Dr. Wilson. Zack just slowly turned around and walked back the way he came to the elevator. He immediately went back to his car and sat there staring out at the sky, oblivious to the world around him. He heard his phone chime telling him he had a text message. It was Shelly telling him she just arrived back home safe and sound, that she loves him, and she was looking forward to their trip. Zack put the phone down and looked up to see Shelly her put her phone in her pocket and get into her car.