If I had to say what excited me in this world, I probably couldn’t give you one answer. I had some things to look forward to and I had some things I wanted to do: and some things I absolutely detested. But I didn’t have anything remotely close to a proper goal. Like sure I wanted Askavan to fall. Sure, I wanted to go back home, hug mom and eat her soup. I had those goals but I didn’t know how to actually achieve those and that made things… difficult. That made things hazy. I didn’t have an end goal, like what I wanted to do with my life, settle down or do other things and stuff. What if I screwed Askavan and things got good. Then what? Lately, I kept missing video games and even those third-class novels and manga I used to throw away…. I really wanted some entertainment….
But, right now, in this very moment I felt a surge. A surge of emotion with the pure heat of a thousand suns, I must touch them!
Unlike the other complicated matters, this one wasn’t very complicated. I could feign weakness, have her pick me up and then… except I wasn’t a creep and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Besides, she knew Den and that complicated things even further. To begin with, was she even single? “Are you married, mam?”
“Not really. Never thought about settling down to be honest.” She was leading me somewhere. Somewhere to study.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
Okay so I had a shot. Calm down, calm down. What shot? You’re a student. You’re here to survive. You’re here to escape the church. You can’t be chasing ti-girls!
Yet my heart was not listening. I hadn’t gone through puberty yet, so my little buddy wasn’t actively saluting but my heart was more than just pounding, it was going full throttle, threatening to go over the manufacturing limit. I might have looked five, but technically I was 22 when you counted my previous life.
This was bad, really bad. I might or might not have fallen for her ti-I mean, her.
She stopped, turned, opened a door and invited me in. I gulped. I kept having fantasies of what we were going to do inside that room… hmm… Get your head outta the gutter!
I didn’t even remember her name and yet my mind just wouldn’t calm down!
I took deep breaths, really deep breaths and followed her in. Yeah, I admit I like her. I have a crush on her. Now for fuck’s sake, calm down you throbbing meatbox!
Once inside, she locked the door and stared down at me. “Now, mind telling me about that rapid breathing and ogling? Something wrong?”
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“Ah…” The words stuck in my throat. She knew… she frigging knew.
This wasn’t bad, this was a disaster.
With a snort, she smirked. “Well, I suppose you are nearing that age. Of course, you’d be interested in the opposite sex. However, it is very rude to stare like that. Hmm… Maybe I should give you a proper course on sex education first. Oh and don’t worry, your impulses will pass and you will become a respectable adult-”
“I love you, mam!” I declared, not missing a beat. Oh yeah, it wasn’t just a crush. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Heck, I didn’t believe in love at all. Yet, yet I wanted to jump into those round mounds and pummel my face in the softness of her being and live. Isn’t that just lust? Well, fuck it, lust it was then! “And it is not just an impulse. I sincerely love you, and always will. It will not pass.” I spoke the boldest I could, knowing full well, that wasn’t the truth.
“Oh my…” her smile broke into an awkward laugh as she sweated and tried swatting the lock behind her, still facing me. “Do you even know what you’re talking about?”
“Yes. And I plan to take full responsibility. I will marry you, shower you with praise every day, take care of all your needs, and love you till you die and I only ask that you return my love and let me ju-hug you….”
She gulped, quite audibly. Great going dick, you done fucked us both… Sigh.
“Well you know, women like strong men. Right now, you’re just a little kid. I don’t like kids.”
“That makes me very motivated to work hard mam.”
She facepalmed herself with a sigh. “I like your dad, not you… sorry.”
Huh.
Wha?
Oh…
Ah…
Shit.
…
……
I didn’t know what happened after that but I somehow ended up in my room. Gerar had been poking my nose for a while now but I couldn’t really say or do anything. Actually, I couldn’t even blink properly.
My first ever proposal, and my first ever rejection… arghh!!!
I felt like tearing my frigging hair out. “Woah! Calm down,” Gerar held me down. “What happened? You look… dead….”
“I feel dead too. Like my heart just crumbled and died.”
“Did you get shot down?”
I sniffled, stared at him as he studied my face with amusement, and nodded.
“Oh damn, that sucks. Who did you propose to?”
“… An older lady.”
“Yikes.”
“She said, she only likes strong men…”
And Den wasn’t even that strong! Damn it!
“Well, you could always work harder and try again.”
“Won’t work but I’ll work harder from now on…” I sniffled and wiped the tears. “Thanks dude.”
“No problem. Thanks for the cookies.”
What cookies?
Without me knowing there was a plate of cookies on my desk and Gerar took two and left. I stared at the cookies for a few minutes before realizing they were from the teacher. The note said, ‘I apologize for handling the situation in such a poor manner. It is unbecoming of a teacher. However, what I said were from my heart. I do not find you attractive in any way whatsoever. You are your father’s son, so you’ll grow up to be a wonderful man, I’m sure. However, by that point, I’ll be middle-aged and unworthy of your attention. Therefore, I cordially decline. I hope you understand.’
A sigh escaped. Yeah, I knew what she meant. I didn’t have a shot to begin with. I was a kid, so who was I kidding. It wasn’t like I was back in my teenage body or something. Actually, even in that case, it wouldn’t have worked out. Yet, it still kind of stung. Let’s try to not make things too awkward… I mean, I still wanted to at least stare them even if I couldn’t have them….