It’d been a year since I came here.

And ever since the first time we spoke, Shia had been a mystery to me. Every time I thought I’d had her figured, she proceeded to blow my mind and expectations. Even now, I had no idea just how capable she was and what she was thinking, or why for that matter.

But I suppose that was somewhat true for all individuals. People were dynamic things, and they change. I didn’t know if Shia had changed much since I came here, but I definitely understood one thing: I didn’t understand her.

“It’s still early, think I’ll head back,” I said.

Probably close to ten, most people were going back to their homes about now. It’d be a bit risky to head back but, but I didn’t know what else to say. If I stayed here, I’d be sharing a room with Shia and I didn’t know whether she wanted that. In the past that wasn’t an issue. We were hardly using the room at once. And since there were two beds, that wasn’t an issue either. This time however, I doubted she wanted me near her. Especially after how I just shoved her out of my life. No, perhaps that wasn’t an apt description. I deliberately wanted her out of my life. Maybe to protect her, maybe to make the excuse of protecting her and just running away from the responsibility, from our friendship, from our brotherhood.

This was similar to many relationships I’d ended in the past. Whenever I got close to someone, I always nitpicked on the little things and made-up excuses to not be near them. I guess I was too afraid to disappoint them and have them leave first.

No wonder I didn’t have friends.

I always blamed Mom and my lack of time but… they were just excuses.

“It’s pretty late. You should stay over like they asked you to,” Shia said. Somewhat melancholic but she wasn’t hissing. No, she never hisses at you.

“Sorry I behaved that way, that day. I know you care. I understand why you’d want to stop me. But-”

“You have to go, I know. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks.”

She wasn’t even looking at me. Kind of hurt.

***

I spent the night staring at the ceiling. Shia didn’t sleep in this room. I had no idea where she even was.

I thought about a lot of things. And frankly, most of them made sense in my head.

Leave through Sun port, search every island that’s near the route, and reach Moon port, do some digging, and then leave again and search all the distant islands, and the supposed ship wreckage, and after that… the cursed islands.

If Den was still missing… then….

But no one would want to come with me. Who would want to risk their lives for some cash, searching cursed islands?

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

I didn’t have enough confidence in my own abilities to survive but even so… I wanted to do this.

I probably couldn’t get much better at surviving in these last few weeks but… but I was going to keep practicing. I was going to keep trying.

And I was going to keep struggling till the very last second.

Sometime later, Shia came back and slept on her bed.

The next day, I went back to the academy, cleaned the library, attended classes, did my drills, studied… like nothing was wrong at all. And from and outside perspective that was probably true. It wasn’t though.

I had a whole bunch of shit on my mind and I needed to do something about it.

“Sol?”

“Yeah?”

Apparently, while I was super distracted, I ended up walking to the Girl’s side of the dorm. Luckily Nisa found me before I could walk into someone’s room.

She guided me over to her place and offered me some cookies.

“Considering your mother had issues with these, I’d go a bit easy,” I said.

Haven’t I said that before?

“I barely eat them these days. Just two apiece.”

“Good, I guess.”

“So, what’s with the absent-mindedness? You’re looking paler and paler by the day.”

“Worries,” I said. “Are you not worried?”

“Oh, you mean my ‘ah, my husband might not come back to me after this!’ kind of worry?” She giggled. Halfway through she started acting like a princess in distress but oh well.

“Fiancé, not husband. But yeah.”

“Do you think you’ll die trying to find this man?”

“I sure hope not.”

“Then it’s fine. Besides, I’m sure father will send some troops anyway.”

“I don’t think I’ve told him though,” now that I thought about it.

“Well, I did. You don’t expect me to just send my fiancé to a journey to the other side of the world without any help, right?”

“Technically, I do have help. But yeah… thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” She sat down next to me. Kind of close. “Do come back in one piece though.”

“Will do.”

***

Despite thinking I had a while, the days just kept on running out.

One day, I had three weeks, the next… just one.

It was like I was speedrunning life or something. No, life was just peaceful and I perhaps didn’t want to leave it. Perhaps I didn’t want the peace to end. Perhaps that’s why it was ending so fast.

And then one day, I got called to the headmaster’s office. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I hadn’t been skipping classes either… at least not the important ones.

Was he going to stop me? I didn’t think so. Maybe he was going to try to reason with me?

Probably not. He’d have already done it by now. So why?

Climbing these damn stairs was really draining everything I had. Why couldn’t I have flight powers, or gravity altering magic or something like that?

Sigh.

Anyway, I eventually made it to the top floor and fought the intense urge to lie down. Instead, I caught my breath and knocked on the door. Luckily it wasn’t summer anymore and I didn’t sweat like a fat toddler who’d just discovered the special placed called ‘sauna’.

“Come in.”

I went in, and apparently the headmaster wasn’t alone. There was another man in here. The priest.

We exchanged some pleasantries and sat down.

“Yes, you may leave now,” the headmaster said.

No, he wasn’t talking to me. He was talking to the priest who promptly left.

Meanwhile, the headmaster flashed a piece of paper before me and slammed it on the table. “You see, the church wants me to send you away.”

Study abroad plan.

“Huh?”

“Study abroad or something like that.”

“Why?”

“Rid you of your chances to become a paladin; isn’t that obvious?”

“But I don’t want to become one to begin with,” I shrugged.

“Well, they don’t buy that.”

“So they want to send me away, and then use that to get rid of me?”

“Think bigger kid. What do you need to be a paladin?”

“Lots of bullshit?”

“Yes and- huh?” He chuckled for a minute. “No, I’m talking about royal blood. They can just get rid of the ducal family and your chances are finished.”

“What if I just find another one?”

“Well… yeah, I’m sure the church is being hasty with this one aren’t really all that serious.”

“Besides, it’s not like the dukedom of Alzania is any slouch. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“I agree with that. I still took the liberty of writing a letter to Duke Alzania, however. Oh, and I do propose you go study abroad or at least go on the guise of studying abroad.”

“Oh, I see, I see.”