No way I could do this!

“Fuck, what was I even thinking,” I groaned, pulling the blankets over my head.

It was a new day, and for some reason yesterday’s excitement had evaporated. What sort of crazy ideas was that: going out again? Just because we needed more milk?

Yesterday must have surely been a fluke. I felt like I could conquer the world and now I lay on my bed, hanging onto the last thread of my sanity.

Yesterday I had been lucky, but what would everybody think if they caught me walking outside twice in a row? What kind of people even did that? I would do much better to stay inside, taking care of Mom, and maybe I could push father to go out and do the groceries.

That was how it had always been, after all…

“Fuck… I thought this would have been easier.”

I had managed to do something amazing yesterday and now… now I had to do it again? But I couldn’t!

And yet… what did Dad say? That it gets easier each time.

I pulled the blankets off with a frustrated grunt and I sat on my bed, rubbing my face in frustration.

“I have to do this. I have to.” Mom still needed my help. It would get easier. Plus, today I only needed to refill my milk bottle. The market only took place once per week, but people from the countryside came in Bùrian pretty much every day selling their unused milk. So I would have to do this again…

“What would Madama Kishirra do…?” I thought, my cheeks growing flusher at the thought of the blonde paladin. Kishirra would be there.

She would stand tall and face the music, as I used to say back then. She was a brave Elf, and I was just a cowardly human, but maybe I could take a page from her book once again.

Wonder how it did happen to Mom. How she turned into the confident woman she was now.

Maybe bit by bit. Maybe once, in a time beyond reckoning, Madama Kishirra had also been afraid, but she managed to walk past her fear.

I pictured Madama Kishirra coming back for more armour fitting, next time we met each other. We could talk. I could tell her I was trying to be a little braver. That she inspired me.

“So I either die of embarrassment, or I die of anxiety,” I grumbled. “Nice second try at life, Lugana.” I stood up, balling my fists.

Milk first. Tears later.

+++

“I would like… this… this filled, please,” I said handing over the bottle to the farmer. He was about my age, maybe five or six years older, and he had an easy smile that put me a little more at ease. He nodded and picked up the bottle, starting to squeeze the cow’s udders. The animal seemingly took it in stride, swinging its tail without a care.

As he squished milk in, I stood in the square, looking at the overcast sky or at the rest of the city’s population, coming and going. This would be over anytime soon. Then I could go home and take care of the rest of the day… it would be over soon.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

“There,” he said, passing me the filled bottle. “Say, are you the Delebasse girl?” His smile reached his eyes and he brushed his fingertips against mine as he took the money.

“Y-Yes. That’s me.”

“I haven’t seen you here before. But your family is famous, and does good work. I hope you will like our milk, and maybe come back to buy more next time? I could… ah, it’s nothing.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away. Was… he coming on to me? I felt even more awkward. This was so different from spending my time with Madama Kishirra.

“I might come back for milk,” I said. What would Mom say? What would Kishirra? “But… uh, just for the milk.”

“I…”

“I’m taken!” I blurted out. It was a big fat lie! “Anyway, thanks for the milk, I have to go back home to take care of the forge! Good day!” I turned and walked off, as far as I could without starting to sprint.

My cheeks flushed even harder now. I couldn’t have dealt with that in a worse manner. Surely Mom or Kishirra would have been able to explain themselves better, but… I just needed to get out of there.

Once I stepped out of the square, I stopped for a moment in the main street, catching my breath.

“You did it. Come on Lugana, you did it.” I said giving myself small slaps on the face.

I picked up the bottle and walked back home – on my way I noticed a couple farmers stopped talking in the middle of the streets, blocking passage. Maybe if I stood there silently and tried to make myself as small as possible, they would notice me and gently push their carts away?

Mom would not call it a good idea.

“Uh, sorry, may I…”

“… three of my calves, I tell you. Strewn about like bloodied strings. All over the place.”

“Happened to me too. Is that from those…”

“Do not say it out loud. It’s bad luck. I think that strange woman has something to do with it.”

What were they talking about?

Oh god, was I actually going to insert myself in a couple strangers’ conversation?

“Excu-se me,” I tried, my voice trembling like crazy. “A-Are you talking about… monsters or something?”

The two turned to look at me and it took all my willpower not to turn away and run. I tried to take low, deep breaths. That would keep me calm. For sure.

“Maybe. Maybe it’s brigands. But they usually do not turn animals into mince-meat,” the first one groaned. “Do you know something about it, girl?”

“She’s the Delebasse daughter. It’s not like she ought to,” said the other.

“Ah, your father is…? He makes the best rivets in the entire Mar da Candèa! Tell him I’m going to need even more next month, and for the festival, of course! If I still have animals to keep in their pen, that is.”

“Sure,” I replied. “You’re always welcome at the… at the workshop. Couldn’t it have been wolves, though?”

“Wolves are not that cruel,” the other one scoffed. “Berio, move your cart. We are in the way.”

“Maybe it’s yours that’s in the way,” but Berio, the farmer with the dead calves, complied, gently pulling his horses aside so I could pass.

But there was something else…

“Did you perhaps see someone? A woman? With the calves I mean.”

Berio frowned.

“Are you sure you do not know anything about this?”

“I don’t! But there is a Knight who comes to our workshop to get her armour fixed from time to time. She’s an Elf, you know. Madama Kishirra… this tall, dark skin, blonde hair, silver eyes.”

And a gentle smile, but I did not add that to the list.

“That… I think I have spotted someone like that. Do you think she has something to do with my poor calves?”

“I really really don’t! I think she’s the one protecting them from whatever is out there!”

“Well she’s doing a piss-poor job then.”

I frowned. He just did not get it.

“She comes in often to get her tetrarmide plates refitted and repaired. Hooves surely are not strong enough to break those,” I retorted crossing my arms over my chest. How dare he accuse Madama Kishirra? “There’s something out there, and she’s fighting it every day.”

“Maybe. Whatever you say, I will try to keep an eye out for this… Elf.” He shook his head and pulled the horse further down the road. “Let’s go, before my eggs spoil any further…”

They both left, and I came back home feeling even more uncertain.

I had never gave it too much thought, but it seemed almost no one really knew about Madama Kishirra and what she was doing out there.

All that secrecy could not be good.

I needed to talk to her next time she came in.

As soon as she did.

Because she would, wouldn’t she? She had to…