If Kishirra thought about it, she might have started her journey way before she took the first step on the road.

Laying on the grass, surrounded by poodles of destroyed grimy chalk, she raised her arm towards the sky, between the burning sun and the silver planetary ring.

“Peace be to the Unreturned,” she whispered, “for they are now in the embrace of Ansàrra and do not suffer the wasting.”

She had prayed for the Unreturned many times even before she took the Votes. It was just that she had praying the wrong way.

The journey that brought her here, on the shores of this inland sea, watching over people considering her a weird outcast who sometimes stepped into their town, and rarely into their lives.

Which was fine by her.

It had been enough, at least until she met the Delebasse girl. She had pulled her once again into attachment to life, to all its treacherous joys. She raised her other hand, flexing her fingers. Did she want to grasp the Sun? Or maybe she just let sunlight play between her fingers. How would those Mannish fingers feel entwined with her own? Just as warm, just as gentle?

Perhaps.

She wanted to see her again.

“Starless night, what a mess.”

She closed her eyes, and came back to that moment. The moment that set her on this journey and to her Quest.

The moment she saw the flesh of her first-of-kin turn crimson with unrelenting heat. The skin broiling, cracking at the seam like dried soil. His eyes boiling and running down his cheeks as his bones creaked and snapped and broke as easily as thin branches. And the flash of heat as his soul, once again grown too large for his body, burst in a searing roar.

Her hand withdrew, brushing her finger over her forehead.

All that cinder stuck to her face.

“Peace be to the Unreturned,” she said again.

That was her biggest sin, wasn’t it? No matter how many Chalkers she destroyed, no matter how many prayers she sang – she was so selfish. She was doing this for her own good.

The world was full of songs about brave Knights, Prodi d’Ansàrra much more valiant and kinder than her – and there she was, a selfish Elf focused only on her own ends.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

There was no future for her in the Elvish congress. Any connection she may make would burn and feel all the more painful for it. Let alone mingling with Mannish kind.

But that girl… she was so worried about her.

Why would such a lovely sprout of Mannish life waste her time thinking about her? The Delebasse girl had all her life in front of her and she could do so much better than a selfish Elf bent on saving her soul from the eternal grinding maelstrom.

She listened to her surroundings. The wind played with the grass and the trees, rustling all around her, carrying dusty chalk in grey spires.

Kishirra set her hand against her sternum. One of her plates had been broken again. She’d have to get it fixed.

And she’d have to see that girl again.

So selfish.

May Ansàrra have pity on her soul. She was smiling like a fool already.

+++

I poured a little more milk in Mom’s cup. She held it to her lips, drinking slowly.

“I can heat it up if you want,” I said, sitting next to her, putting the pile of notes on my lap as I kept her company.

“It’s perfect like this,” she replied. Her voice was still a little raspy, but her fever was gone and she looked much better. If you looked at them long enough, her cheeks were even a little rosier. “I’m more stunned by the fact the workshop is still in one piece.”

“Mom…”

“Proud of you, Lugana,” she said putting her hand on mine. “Your father told me all about your little expedition to the market square. Was it really so hard, in the end?”

I bit the inside of my mouth. I knew that Mom was just trying to be supportive in her own way, but said that way it almost belittled everything I worked for…

No. I would not allow myself to think like this. She was just trying to help. And besides I was almost her age, if I combined both my lives. I ought to know better by now.

“It was indeed that hard,” I replied with a huff. “But being constantly afraid was harder… in a way. It was more tiring. I mean – I’m still afraid. I still get that moment when my stomach clenches and I can’t find the right words and I feel like I’m completely out of place… you know? But it’s better than feeling like I’m getting hollowed out.”

“I do know,” she said sipping through the rest of her milk. She finally set her cup on the floor. “I never told you this, but there was a time when I couldn’t even look people in the eye.”

Dad had already told me about it, but I felt that replying with ‘I know’ would break the moment. I let Mom explain at her own pace. It was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?

“I grew out of it little by little. It was also thanks to your father, you see?”

“Really?” He did not mention this.

“Oh, for sure. When you decide to spend your time with someone, things do indeed change. Your father and I…” she sighed, trying to gather more strength. “We tried so hard for you. For a time I thought I just wouldn’t… couldn’t.”

“Mom…”

“But then you did come, and that’s the reason I want you to cherish every moment you have. You have a good soul in you, Lugana Delebasse. Please do not forget this.”

I blushed and looked away.

I wouldn’t tell her. I couldn’t.

“Now let’s hear it.” She glanced at the notes I had collected in my lap. “Forge may be fine, but I want to make sure you did not send the shop belly up while I was out of commission. Let’s start with the list of provisions.”

I smiled. She was truly back.

And that meant that maybe I would be able to spend more time with Madama Kishirra when she showed up again. Soon enough, for sure!