Alistair and Kanda stood at the edge of a forest. They could no longer see the outer perimeter of Felix’s mansion, yet Alistair did notice signs of humanity, like the path that had been cut into the forest, which curved ahead and led back to the mansion. There was also a bench, the leaves swept away from it, which told him there was a groundskeeper somewhere, probably a masked one.

Kanda continued on. “We should go a little further before we summon them.”

“We’re not summoning them,” he told the older girl as he followed after her.

“You know what I mean. Sorry. My uncle. He’s such a fucker. I’m just annoyed by him at the moment. And the outfits he wants us to wear tomorrow? What the actual fuck?”

Alistair’s eyes bulged as he remembered what he had seen in his room, where he had found a turquoise robe and a suit jacket with a matching bowtie, a white shirt with embroidery on the front, and turquoise shorts that stopped nearly eight inches above his knees.

“The short-shorts.”

She grimaced. “Mine barely cover my ass. How is that appropriate? And the masks? Did you see the masks?”

The masks were designed to sit over their eyes and nose, with sequined frayed strips of fabric long enough to reach Alistair’s clavicle. “They’re weird. They sort of look like jellyfish.”

Kanda crossed her arms over her chest and stepped ahead. “It’s like he’s fucking with us, or he’s not. He’ll have a matching outfit. What the actual fuck? All this couture clothing from Solaria has damaged his brain. We’re going to look like idiots in front of the most powerful assassins in our kingdom.”

Ghost: It’s by design. He’s trying to throw the two of you under the carriage.

“Do you think it’s by design?” Alistair asked as they reached a brook that barely had any water. They crossed it and continued.

“Why would it be—?” Kanda stopped. “It’s punishment. That bastard. It’s punishment for what we did at the banquet. It has to be. He’s going to humiliate us to make a point.”

“But he wants you to take over the Baronblades. Why would he do something that?”

Kanda shook her head. “I haven’t a clue. It seems counterintuitive, but he’s a Bancroft, and all of them have a screw loose.” She looked around. “Here’s a good place. Open the portal.”

Alistair fired off a message to Juno.

Alistair: Portal is about to open. You all ready?

Juno: Fuck yeah. Zolka Dot and I are just sitting here twiddling our thumbs. She’s a bit, well, you know how she can get. Anxious? Nervous yet determined? Grumpy yet firmly friendly? There has to be a phrase for it, but I’m no bard. Also, I have a surprise for you and Ziggy.

Alistair: What kind of surprise?

Juno: For Ziggy, I brought some bread. For you, heh, let’s just wait until we see each other in person. Zola doesn’t know about that one either, and by extension, Kanda. Yep, looks like it’s just two of the most eligible bachelors at the Lumina Battledeck Academy and a pair of beautiful women. Don’t tell them I said that. I don’t even know if Zola is pretty or not.

Alistair: Hang tight and obviously, I won’t say anything.

Alistair used his wand to open the portal. As soon as he did, Juno came through, the boy with his overcoat buttoned, a bag on his back, and a sack of bread in his hand.

“As promised,” he said as he handed Alistair the sack. “Summon the slime.”

Alistair did as instructed and the slime went to town on the bread.

Squish! Squish!

Both Kanda and Zola seemed to think this was a bad idea. “How much bread do you feed Ziggy?” Kanda asked Alistair.

“Almost daily.”

Zola groaned. “You’re not supposed to do that.”

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

Ghost: I agree. I’ve told you before my thoughts on fattening one our our most lethal weapons.

“He likes the bread!”

Squish!

“Yeah, Zolski,” Juno said, coming to Alistair’s defense as always, “he likes the bread. RIght, Ziggy?”

Squish… Squish!

Zola shot Juno a look. “Summons are fed by Resonant Mana, our Resonant Mana. They don’t need traditional food. In the process of turning into a card, their digestive systems undergo a change as well that removes their need for normal food. Neela could tell you more.”

“She’s right, and Neela could,” Kanda said. “It’s like Summons 101.”’

“We haven’t had a class called Summons 101,” Juno told the older girl. “Experimental, or experiential, learning. Remember?”

“I remember what it was like to be a Fledgling, and I’m aware of the hazy learning methods of the Lumina Battledeck Academy. Professor Humboldt seems particularly loose with it.”

“That said, Proffy Humbly, when not sleeping on the job, is super chill. So I can’t fault him there. Anyway, how’s the bread, Ziggy?” Juno asked the slime.

Ziggy finished the last piece and rolled to the side, where let out a long, troubled sound.

Squish…

Ghost: Summon Noctarii and get on with it. Ziggy may need to start joining us for our morning exercises. And it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, your friends, particularly Juno, are wasting our time.

Alistair summoned the shadow fae. “Ah, I’ve been called!” Noctarii looked around, his elven ears immediately flitting back. “Why are we here?”

“You know where we are?” Kanda asked.

He swiveled to her and drew his bow. “I do, I didn’t forget that you—”

“It’s fine, Noctarii,” Alistair said before he could light into Kanda about attacking him.

“It is?” He looked around again. “I guess it is. As to where we are. A forest near the human city of Rumina, yes? Fae like myself have a sense for these kinds of things, you know. Plus, those trees there with the red leaves only grow in this region. They say eating them can make you feel intoxicated.” Noctarii raised his hand. “Who wants to get high?”

Juno laughed. “Hell yeah!”

Squish! Ziggy squished in playful agreement.

“We’re not getting high,” Zola said. “I’m guessing Alistair summoned you to scout ahead. So….?”

“Fine, I’ll scout, but I’m taking some of these leaves for later.” Noctarii faded away with an unnecessarily creepy laugh.

“Anyway—” Kanda was just saying as Juno clapped his hands together.

“Guess what, everyone, I took a quest!” He turned to Alistair. “That was the second surprise. There was a quest in the forest outside Ruminara and I took it. I wasn’t going to, but then I just happened to be at the Wraithen Archives, and I just happened to be standing in front of the Quest Board, and I just happened to hear of a quest called The Skull Fortress of Forest Mountain. Apparently, there used to be nebulogres in this region. But they died, fuck those things anyway.”

“Juno,” Zola started to say.

“Let me finish, Zolski. This is good. Real good. Lucratively good. There was a vanguard of Dracolichs way back when that set up a fort here that was later destroyed by the nebulogres, who were later killed by battledeck mages to better protect Ruminara. Sure, there are summons in this forest, but we can’t have nebulogres, can we? What I’m trying to say is there’s a cache of Dracolich armor and stolen cards in the abandoned forest, and all we have to do is find it. Which should be easy considering I bought this.” He produced a golden charm that looked like a bee.

“You didn’t,” Kanda said, yet the tone of her voice told Juno that she was intrigued by his potential discovery.

“What the hell is that thing?” Zola asked.

“This thing is a dungeon core finder.” Juno released the golden bee, whose mana-powered wings began to buzz. “Abandoned dungeon? Probably has a dungeon core, and if it doesn’t, there are remnants of one.”

“You said it was a fortress.”

“Fortresses have dungeons, Zola, duh. It’ll probably have a really big dungeon too because they will need to stuff nebulogres in there. Or they needed to back in the day. Find the dungeon,” he told the golden bee.

The objected buzzed away, leaving a golden glow on the ground that followed after it.

“Where did you get the money for something like that, Juniper?” Kanda asked.

He puffed his chest up. “Juno. And I got the money from that The Weatherman’s Throne quest, which you wouldn’t know anything about because you weren’t there. But trust me. This quest is good. Not only can we find the stash, if we bring back a dagger made from a human femur—called the Bonesdoggle Femur Blade, sounds creepy—we also get a gold coin reward. Gold coins. Like fifty of them.”

“Then the split will be—”

“Not so fast, Zola,” Juno said. “I took the quest, and I decide the split. And I think we keep it fair. There are four of us, so we each get twelve coins.”

“What about the following two? You said fifty was the reward, right?”

“Yup. I thought we could use those two to celebrate by having a really good meal in Solaria. Kanda has to know a place.”

“I know many places, Juno,” she told him.

“See? This is the best idea I’ve had yet, taking this quest. And really, it’s right up our alley. Maybe we’ll get lucky and get some tight shit we can use in the Dracolich Empire next weekend.” Juno gave them all the thumbs up. “All we have to do now is follow the golden light. And really, what’s the worst that could happen?”