Alistair, Juno, and Zola approached the room pointed out to them by Professor Halor’s autobiography. Zola checked the cover of the book again and nodded. “Whatever it is, the map is telling me that it’s in there. We’ve made it this far…”

“Check out this old ass door, too.” Juno stepped forward, his wand at his side. “It looks like it hasn’t been opened in a hundred years.”

Alistair had noticed this as well, the way the door itself seemed distressed under the weight of the Underhall, bits of it splintering out.

“I wonder if it can even open.” Zola placed her hand on the door knob and a shimmer of Resonant Mana sparked outward. She jumped back as the door straightened, all the splinters smoothing out.

The Underhall growned, subtle at first, until it became louder.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuummmmmm…

“Holy shit, is it… orgasming?” Juno laughed.

“What!?” Zola shoved him.

“Listen, Zolski!”

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuummmmmm…

Juno nearly fell over with laughter. “He—is it a he?—awww, poor guy just needs a little love.” He placed his hand on the door and gave the wood what looked like a little massage. “Like… this? How’s that feel, buddy?”

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuummmmmm…

Ghost: Juno would be the type to have this sort of fetish.

Alistair disregarded the assassin in his head as the door slowly began to tremble.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

After what sounded like a built up sigh of relief, the door finally popped open.

“Umm, yeah. Yeah. Let’s put a pin in that and let’s see what’s inside,” Zola said.

“Put a pin in the fact that the Underhall is a Mechanical summon that seems to respond to pleasure?” Juno snorted again. “I’ll write a book about it. Call it something like Sensual Oddities of Resonant Mana.”

“You hardly read and you plan to write a book?”

“I have to start somewhere, right? The best way to become a writer is just start writing, yeah? How hard could it be?”

“Let’s just see what’s inside,” Zola said as she entered cautiously.

The three stepped into the room, the interior glowing with mana-powered lanterns. The space was cluttered with items that had been used for Lumina Battledeck Academy graduations, from hand-carved signs to aged gowns and rolled up commencement carpets. Dust bunnies played about in one of the corners, a few the size of a toddler’s fist.

“Wow. This crap has got to be a hundred years old,” Juno said as he picked up one of the signs. He dusted it off to reveal the words. Power Puns & Words Coterie. “At least. Heh. look at this dumb name.”

“The spirit of stupid coterie titles lives on,” Zola said.

“Slimeclad Sovereigns isn’t stupid, but it does give me an idea.” Juno glanced at Alistair. “Let’s get Ziggy in here. We could be going through this stuff forever.”

“Good idea.” Alistair summoned Ziggy, who jumped to the ground and looked up at him.

Squish?

“We’re looking for cards,” Alistair told his slime. “We believe one may be in this room.”

Ziggy’s body moved as if it were saluting him. Squish!

It took off into the pile of junk.

“I can call Noctarii later,” Alistair said. “He’ll help us get out of here. If he’s not mad at me, that is.” He also didn’t mention he could call upon Lionel, who would likely be able to help as well. The two still didn’t know about Professor Lysander’s dark summon.

“Why would Noctarii be mad?” Zola asked as she started leafing through graduation banners. She moved one aside and Ziggy squeezed around it and under a cabinet.

“My fight with Chane.”

“I know why you did what you did,” Juno said. “You don’t want to bring attention to yourself with all the wacky ass shit we have going on, the last thing you want is higher-ups at the Academy shitting down your neck.”

“I believe the phrase is breathing down your neck,” Zola told Juno.

“Same difference. I think.”

She turned her focus to Alistair. “So that’s why you did it? I didn’t even consider that. I thought you legitimately had some plan.”

“Noctarii isn’t bad, and he could have beat Chane’s butt slug,” Alistair said, using the fae’s word for the other boy’s summon. “But I told him not to. So he may be annoyed if I summon him. Or not. There’s no telling.”

Squish? Squish… Ziggy continued to sift through the stuff.

“Let me see if Gem Gaze helps.” Alistair almost told them it was how he found the Card of Rumors but stopped himself just in time. “It might work.”

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Once he refocused on the room, the forbidden card’s location became immediately clear. It was tucked away at the bottom of a shelf carved of stone that looked as if it would be impossible to move. Yet Ziggy had already seen that, the slime now flat between the wall of the room and the book shelf.

“Ziggy will get it,” Alistair told the others. “It’s over there.”

“I was close,” Zola said.

“And it’s a card, right? Who gets it?” Juno asked her.

“Let’s see what the card is first and we can decide.”

Ghost: Tell her that’s not fair. You clearly get the card. Ziggy found it and you spotted it with your power.

Alistair: You don’t have to weigh in on everything that happens around me.

Ghost: Don’t I? I’m literally a prisoner of your teenage mind. It is my duty to weigh in. Speaking of which, I have an idea on how we can get out of here.

Alistair: The door is right there.

Ghost: Not the room, Alistair. The Underhall itself. I have an idea of how we can get out of here, but it’s going to sound strange.

As Ziggy reached the glowing Resonant Card, Ghost detailed his plan to Alistair.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in a while,” Alistair said under his breath.

Ghost: It will work. Trust me.

“Ziggy’s back!” Juno announced as the flattened slimed slid up the wall and fell down onto a banner, where it rolled to the floor and reformed to his normal, translucent green self as it produced a card.

Squish…

“Let me see that,” Zola said as she took the card from Ziggy.

Squish! The slime moved like it was going to attack her.

“It’s fine,” Alistair told Ziggy.

Zola briefly read the card’s description. “Huh…”

“Yeah?” Juno asked her as he watched her eyebrows raise

She nodded. “Look, an Imprint Card.”

Alistair and Juno read the card’s description together.

[Watch your enemies collapse around you. Plague Bearer infuses the mage with a toxic, airborne plague that spreads to all enemies in the surrounding area. It will also make the mage and their party gravely ill, so should be used with caution. The Plague Bearer card can only be used once.]

“Why they heck would Professor Halor want us to find this?” Zola asked. “And by us I mean anyone—why?”

Ghost: Equally important, why would Provost Weaver give you the opportunity to find it.

Alistair repeated what Ghost had said.

“It makes no sense,” Zola told him. “This is dangerous.”

“You both know how much I love danger, but nah, I don’t want that card.” Juno showed them the palms of his hands. “I hate going to Seraph’s Rest. And I don’t know how good that thing would be at killing people.”

“Zola?” Alistair asked, but he could already tell the way she was going to go by the look on her face.

“This is too dangerous.”

Ghost: Us! Us! Us! Obviously, get the Plague Bearer card because it may come in handy with the things we will do in the future. Promise them they can have the next batch, assure them that you’ll only use it against assassins and Dracolichs. Seriously, Alistair, don’t make me take over, slap Zola, grab the card, and stuff it into your chest.

Alistair: Why would you slap Zola in this scenario?

Ghost: We need—

Alistair: Relax, I’ll get the card.

“I can take it,” Alistair told Zola.

“Are you sure?”

“Trust me.”

She gave him the card. Alistair slid it into his chest. “And don’t worry. I’m not going to ever use this if I don’t have to. I don’t know exactly what the plague would do to me or any of you, but I don’t really want to find out. Now, getting out of the Underhall.”

Squish! Ziggy hopped onto a bookshelf and peered up at the ceiling.

“What’s your plan?” Juno asked Alistair, a sly grin already forming on his face as if the boy could interpret some shenanigans were set to happen.

“It’s going to sound weird. But I think it might work.”

****

Alistair and Juno got into position near the door, which had since shut on its own. They moved some things aside so they could stand on either side of the door.

“Are you ready?” Alistair called over to him.

“Of course, I’m ready. This shit is about to get wild.” Juno cracked his knuckles. “Zola?”

“This is the dumbest idea either of you have had yet, and that’s why it’s likely going to work. Proceed.”

Ziggy, who now sat on Zola’s shoulder, squished in agreement.

Juno let out a short breath. “Fuck it, let’s get freaky with the Underhall.” Juno stroked the wall, Alistair doing the same on the other side of the door.

Ghost: That’s it. Roll your fists against it, too. Maybe give it a few small chops.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Alistair mumbled as he started to percussively chop the wall.

A low rumble filled the room.

Oooo….

“Heh!” Juno started doing the same thing as Alistair. “That’s the ticket. Keep it up.”

The two boys drummed in unison, the Underwall responding even further.

Ooooo… Ooo!

The stone floor shook.

Ugh… Ooo!

Heeeeeeeeeehhh!

“Keep going!” Zola shouted, a disgusted look on her face as she watched the two boys continue to drum their hands against the wall.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuummmmmm…

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooughhhhhhhh…

Whoosh!

The floor felt like it had dropped beneath Alistair’s feet. It was only once he felt a shift in his stomach that he realized the room was moving up, not down.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuummmmmm…!

“It’s gonna blow!” Juno shouted as the floor picked up its speed. “Hold onto something, Zola!”

Squish? Squish!

“What am I supposed to hold onto?” Alistair shouted as the mechanical summoned moaned even louder.

“Can’t help you there,” Juno called over sound. “I’m busy at the moment!”

Wham!

Juno and Alistair flew up to the ceiling of the room as the Underhall let out a deep, satisfactory groan.

Ahhhh!

Everything around them settled, the room suddenly a mess as all of the graduation gear seemingly collided. Zola pushed one of the wooden banners off her. “Thanks, Ziggy,” she told the slime, who had stopped a wooden shelf from falling and potentially crushing her.

Ah! The door popped open.

Juno laughed, Zola gasped, and Alistair turned away.

The Underhall had shifted their room all the way up to the main floor of the Wraithen Archives, which was filled with students, all of whom were suddenly gawking at the sudden appearance of the three Fledgings and likely—Alistair couldn’t be sure—all of the groaning sounds they heard.

“Salacious, indeed,” Juno said as he started to flip everyone off.

“Let’s get out of here,” Zola hissed, her face red with embarrassment. She grabbed Juno’s arm as he continued to laugh, her eyes filling with desperation as they fell on Alistair.

“Sure, Zola. We can go. Come on, Ziggy.”

Squish!

“Nothing to see here,” Juno yelled to the students as Zola dragged him away. “Nothing to see here!”