Hello 86Psi104! And welcome to Beta Test 21623811 of System V: 21546.25. I am your Alpha Tester Administrator for this rotation.

It was warm. Very warm. Very… pleasantly warm. ‘Oh, that’s nice.’ I couldn’t help but let out a moan as I basked in the warmth. It was a gentle heat, the perfect temperature. God I love the heat. It does something to me. ‘Mmhmm…’

With a stretch… with a stretch. That was strange. Why couldn’t I stretch? No… why couldn’t I move?!   

86Psi104! Please calm down! Oh dear, this is not good. It is true your body did not survive the transition, which will limit your final result options, but good news! You do not need it to perform during the trials! This is more of a testing of your soul, so physicality is not required. Though we will simulate it in some cases for your ease.

‘What? My body didn’t what? Survive?’ I stopped myself from ranting and… yelling? Was I yelling? I could hear myself, but… like when you think in your own head. Though there was not any actual sound. My panic started to rise again, threatening to overwhelm me. With a fervor I gripped onto my panic and squeezed it back down as best I could.

Do not worry, 86Psi104! That is okay, though! I will walk you through this step … step … I will personally … … a grand … … … new body … … … … … level… … … …

‘I… died? How did I die? I think… A car? No, there was something about homework. I don’t…AGH!’ A sharp pain shot through my… head? No, it felt like a headache. A deep, semi-sharp throbbing. But while the pain was similar to a headache it was more all over? Whatever sort of body that I was in? I can feel the basic shape, which was kinda round. A little bloated feeling, actually. Not really hard, but not really soft either.  

86PSI104! Are you listening to me? Do you recall anything that I have stated? Come on now.

‘What? Uh, no? I’m sorry. There is just a lot to take in right now.’ I couldn’t help but to hesitate and look around myself for the first time. It was like being in an all-white room, like from the movies, where you can’t really tell where the walls, floor, or ceiling are. Everything just gave off a bright, white light.

A short distance away floated, well it wasn’t even a figure. It was a fluffy ball, roughly the size of a bread box? Golden bands of script rotated around its body. ‘Oh god. I really am dead.’

Sigh. I say again. Sigh. I understand this is difficult, but we are really running out of time. You are not the only one I have to run through these tests you know. Can we get on with them? We really do have quite a few to get through.

I nodded, mentally at least as I don’t think my body actually moved at all. Or my shape hadn’t anyway. ‘I mean, I guess?’

Very well. Let us begin! Oh, this is so exciting! Remember do your best as best as you can. I am rooting for you!

Everything seemed to flash even brighter and when it cleared I was sitting at a simple, square table. Oh! It was so good to have hands! They even looked like mine! I wiggled my fingers, before clutching them to my body. I grabbed my chest and patted down my torso to my stomach and grabbed the little bit of wiggle I had on it. ‘I’m me!’ Once again, I made no noise, instead thought… talking? I let out a sigh, my body going through the motion but the sound itself only echoing out in my head.

Ah… yeees. Well, a reasonable facsimile at least. More, it is how your mind and soul picture yourself to be. I personally went over your body when it was brought in and I can already see some… err, adjustments.

‘Why did you go over my body? Isn’t it a moot point?’ I looked at the ‘Alpha Tester Administrator’ quizzically. For an angelic ball of fluff it looked a little embarrassed.

We do not have time to move off topic of the tests, 86Psi104. This first test is simple. Follow the color patterns for as long as you can.

On the table in front of me appeared four colored squares of light. Yellow, blue, red, and green. Before I could really process it, the yellow light flashed, and a small tone sounded. I stared at it, before reaching over and touching the yellow square. It flashed again, another tone, and then the blue one flashed with a slightly different tone. ‘Oh. Oh, dear god.’

I touched the yellow then the blue. Again, it went through the pattern before this time flashing blue twice. I looked over at the Administrator. ‘Really? Simo-’

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Please continue the test 86Psi104.

I did another not-real-sigh and slowly began making my way through the ‘color patterns’. It was both equal parts relaxing and anxiety inducing. My eyes sort of unfocused, staring more at a point between the colors rather than watching the colors themselves. Both hands rested to the side of the squares, each responsible for their own colors.

Yellow. Blue. Blue. Green.

Yellow. Blue. Blue. Green. Red…

…Yellow. Green. Re-ed! ‘NO!’ I tried to correct and smash the blue, but it was too late. I had already touched the red light.

Congratulations! You went above the average with twelve sequences, instead of the adult average of eight. Opps! I am not really supposed to comment like that. On to the next test!

Before I could say another word, the lights flashed and were on to the next test. And the next. And the next. I lost track of how many tests or trials we went through. Not to mention the range! One was a day of working in the office. Sitting there, entering in data. Talking to Janice. Getting told off by Bill. Fucking Bill. Loved taking the credit for everything. Fuck Bill. He was kinda hot though, okay a bit more then kinda. But still, fuck Bill… please?

I was not a fan of the triage work in the active battlefield. Thankfully, I didn’t have to make any of the decisions. Just follow the orders given to me by the doctors and medics. Getting thrust into it, I have to say, was a blessing. It didn’t give me time to pause or freak out. Just… focus. I don’t think that was the test though. The blood, the fear, the pain… the losses. It was after the battle. Sitting in the tent, alone. The silence that followed. No more gunfire or explosions. No more screams of pain. Just all consuming, oppressive… silence.

Congratulations 86Psi104! You are about to proceed to the final test. Actually and truly this time!

I glowered at the Administrator, but I’m not sure he actually noticed. I’m not sure he is actually a ‘he’ or more a… thing? A sexless angel… or demon considering how many trials he has put me through. This hasn’t even been the first ‘last’ trial.

Put these pegs into the bucket.

I blinked and a bucket appeared on the table in front of me. In the lid were several holes cut in various shapes. A square, triangle, star, half circle. ‘Are you freaking kidding me! I fought a tiger! … I died to a tiger! Then I was a tiger and hunted down some schlu-OH MY GOD! If I hunted, killed and ate myself I am going to freak! … And carry a bottle of teriyaki sauce with me, because I kinda needed it.’

86Psi104, I cannot discuss anything about the trials with you until after they are completed. To date you have completed sixty-four mil-… a lot of trials. Please continue being a good sport and put the pegs into the bucket.

I kept ‘eye-contact’ with the Administrator as I picked up the square peg. I could see the bucket with its holes in my periphery and dropped the square peg through the square hole. Next I picked up the thin rectangle. Lifting it up, I hesitated, hovering over the thin, rectangular hole.

You are doing so very well! Go on! You got this! I am rooting for you!

I felt my eye twitch. Without further thought I dropped the thin rectangle peg through… the square hole. I watched as the script circling the Administrator seemed to faulter for a moment.

That is okay, 86Psi104. That was very close. Keep going! I believe in you!

The triangle was next. This time I didn’t even pause, turning it side-ways, I was able to slip it into the square hole. The entire time, I stared down the Administrator. Slowly picking up the next peg, I once again shifted it to slip in through the square hole.

The Administrator’s script slowed for a moment, than began to speed up.

86Psi104, I am not sure you understand this task for this test. Put the correct shaped peg through the correc-

I dropped the semi-circle through the square hole and picked up the last peg.

Please, 86Psi104, please try to do this correctly. This is the final tria-

The Administrator wilted as I dropped the last peg through the square hole.

Congratulations 86Psi104. You have completed your final trial. Please hold while we compile your results.

Between blinks the Administrator was gone and once again I was back in the round shape that I had first found myself in after my death. My real death, not the death where I ate myself. Does Heaven, I paused and recalled the last ‘trial’, or Hell have therapy? That might be a good idea to try.

A dull roar reached me. Not a single, monstrous or animalistic roar, but a continuous roar. Like standing next to a waterfall. That was getting closer. I looked around and saw that in one direction there seemed to be a long, thin black line. A long, thickening black line. A getting very close, very fast approaching wall of darkness.

As it roared closer, I felt a panic flutter to life in my sphere. It grew so large so fast that it blocked out everything in the direction it came from. Swallowing up the white light that was currently my reality. The roar thundered in my ears as the wall of black passed over me and all went quiet.

I was in a black void. A dark and quiet, no, an absolutely silent black void of nothing. If I could breathe, I would be hyper-ventilating. My mind raced. Was this Hell? My Hell? The Hell? Something else? Was there any point to the trials if I was just put into this… space for all eternity?!

PING

A semi-translucent, blue screen popped into existence. My gaze latched onto it and I began to read the crisp, white text. Each word drew away my panic and steadily replaced it with confusion.

‘What the fu-‘