Chapter 435: Dysfunctional Dinner
The Noir manor was bustling with noise as the servants ran to and fro through the lavish halls. Tonight was a historic night, one that had not been seen in many years. The entire Noir family was under the same roof.
Usually, Dolores and George Noir would eat in the garden parlor or one of the small dining rooms near their bedroom. Though Elzri had his own private rooms at the academy, when he did come home he almost exclusively ate in his study. As for Elohnoir, well, Lorenz couldn’t remember the last time the young mistress had eaten at the manor. Ever since the tragic loss of young master Aizel, Elohnoir had avoided the manor like the plague.
But tonight was different, Lorenz reminded himself.
Two nights ago Lady Una and her daughter, young mistress Unalla, had come to the manor. And Elzri had tasked Lorenz with preparing dinner for the entire family.
Finally!
Finally, Lorenz’s skill would be put to the test. Finally, he had a worthy challenge. And so, Lorenz had gathered the finest of ingredients from the kitchen’s massive pantries to the highest-grade suppliers in Hollow Shade, and even his own private garden herbs.
The old main dining hall had been opened up and cleaned for the momentous dinner. The table mantles had been set, silverware placed, and candles lit. A dozen servants stood lined up against the wall, ready and waiting to serve the massive banquet Lorenz had labored the last 28 hours preparing without sleep. It was difficult, almost impossible, but Lorenz had persevered through Lord Noir’s short notice and prepared a feast worthy of the greatest of kings and queens.
Tonight would be perfect!
Lorenz took a deep breath and opened the double doors of the dining hall. Lord Noir sat at the head of the table, his sister, Lady Una, to his left, and his heir, Elohnoir, to his right. Una’s daughter sat next to her and across the table next to Elohnoir sat Dolores and George.
“Good evening!” Lorenz smiled and bowed with a flourish. “I have prepared the finest of dinners for your pleasure tonight. Allow me to introduce to you the first of many courses—”
“This is stupid,” Loh snapped.
“You’ve made your feelings amply clear,” Elzri said in a deadpan manner.
“And yet you’re still making me sit here.”
“Indeed.”
Loh clicked her tongue, “This is stupid.”
“Do you not like dinners?” Unalla asked curiously.
“I don’t like having dinner with any of them,” Loh pointed at the rest of the family. “Mom! Can you stop drinking, the food hasn’t even been served yet!”
“Um, about that,” Lorenz raised his hand. “I was just about to introduce the—”
“Ah, Chef Lorenz, you’re here. Well, go on then, bring in the food,” Elzri urged him with not even a glance, but a casual wave of the hand.
Lorenz slumped his shoulders, “Yes, of course, my lord.”
“Mom, stop it already,” Loh grabbed her mother’s arm.
Dolores raised her wine glass and shrugged her off. “~The sun is already set, Loh, darling. Relax~”
“Gods, are you drunk already? Since when have you been drinking? Dad! When did she start drinking!?”
“Um, about that.” George winced, “The better question would be when does she stop drinking?”
“Shuddap, I can stop when I want to,” Dolores slurred.
Unalla stared at Dolores in disbelief. “So this is my cousin? She seems, um—”
“Talentless? A disappointment? Both? Indeed,” Elzri said dryly.
“Stupid. I was going to say unexpected,” Unalla said.
“Trust me, there isn’t anything to expect from my mother,” Loh said.
Dolores turned to her father, and for a brief moment, a glimpse of shame crossed her grey eyes. She tossed her glass aside and reached for the whole wine bottle. Only George seemed to notice the pain in her expression. He reached under the table, grabbed his wife’s hand, and squeezed it comfortingly.
“Maybe we should just let Mom drink herself to sleep and have dinner somewhere else? Like in our rooms, separately,” Loh said.
“Say what you will, it does not matter. You are going to stay in that seat, and we are going to enjoy a family dinner,” Elzri said coldly.
Loh crossed her arms, “Since when do you care about ‘family dinner?’”
Elzri shook his head. “I ask very little of you, Elohnoir—”
“—Don’t call me that.”
“I tolerated your whoring and drinking these last few years. I even tolerated your refusal to your engagement with the son of House Glaz. So, I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable with a little socialization. We haven’t had a proper diner ever since—” Elzri stopped himself, but the word hung in the air just the same.
Ever since Aizel died.
Dolores sniffed, her eyes reddened, and she took another swig of the wine bottle.
Elzri sighed, “Let’s just eat.”
“What a wonderful idea,” George clapped his hands together and dug into his food.
Loh stared at her father scornfully.
George was an archmage, a mage of the highest rank, but when it came to Elzri, he had no spine. The man was all but completely subservient to her grandfather.
George had been born into a commoner family and lived a life of poverty until he discovered his innate magical talent and was enrolled at the academy thanks to the city’s scholarships.
Archmages were very rare, usually only appearing in well-bred magical families, and very rarely would they ever leave their Houses behind to marry into another. Elzri had considered himself lucky when he met the young talented drow. He offered George his daughter’s hand in marriage, in exchange for his loyalty. George had accepted instantly.
It didn’t matter that George was a subpar archmage, perhaps the weakest in the city, or that he stopped training once he married into the family, and began living a lavish life of luxury instead. Elzri didn’t care about any of it, all he cared about was trying to counteract his daughter’s utter mundane magicless talent with an archmage’s blood. They had failed with their first child, Aizel, but Elzri considered Loh a success; she had inherited the magical prowess from her father and grandfather. And that was enough for Elzri, he now had his heir, he didn’t care what George did in his spare time.
As for George, he tried his best to keep his father-in-law happy whenever the opportunity arose. So long as he did what Elzri asked, then the family head would leave him alone. Loh hated it. Yes, her father loved her mother dearly, more than anything, but he also condoned her every action, and he had been always so preoccupied with pleasing Dolores and Elzri, that George had never really looked after his own children, even after Aizel’s death, in fact, especially after her brother’s death.
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Gods, Loh hated this family.
“Are you enjoying the first course, young mistress?” Lorenz asked worriedly. “I carefully sautéed the potatoes to a golden complexion. The purple sauce is from these particular blackberry bushes only found in the Northern Lands, it is quite delicious I assure you. And the meat, a rare cut of—”
“Huh, yeah, it’s fine,” Loh muttered and waved him away.
“Oh,” Lorenz’s expression fell. “Yes, of course.”
Elzri glanced at his sister, “Are you feeling alright, Una?”
“...I’m alright, Riri.”
“Really? Because you haven’t spoken much today, and you haven’t said a single word since we sat down.”
Una smiled reminiscently, “It’s just… it’s strange. Being back here after so many years. It almost feels like nothing’s changed.”
Elzri glanced around the table and his mind filled in the silhouettes of his brother, sister, father, and mother; all of them eating together, with the occasional argument. He smiled bitterly, “Yes, I suppose it really does.”
“Oh, sweet Stjerne! What kind of food is this!?” Unalla screamed.
Lorenz rushed to her side, panic-stricken. “Young mistress, I’m so sorry! What happened? Was it the sauce? I knew I added too much salt!”
Unalla leaned back and groaned, “It’s so gooood!!”
“Pardon?” Lorenz blinked. “Y-You like it?”
“I love it!” Unalla moaned in delight and began to stuff her face.
Lorenz glanced at her plate and then at her, a smile slowly stretching across his face.
“My daughter loves food,” Una said, slightly embarrassed over her daughter’s reaction.
“No, I love this guy’s food!” Unalla threw her thumb back at Lorenz. “Ugh, we usually eat dried travel rations since we’re always on the move, but this, this is the food of the gods!”
“You honor me, young mistress,” Lorenz said with a tear in his eye.
“Oh no,” Unalla glanced at her plate and realized in dismay that her plate was empty.
“I’ll have one of the maids bring you another plate!” Lorenz snapped his fingers and a maid hurried to follow his orders.
“My daughter is right, the food is nice,” Una admitted quietly, though she hardly touched her food. “It’s just not…”
Elzri glanced at her sympathetically, “I know. It’s not the same. I’m sorry.”
Una shrugged, burying her feelings of the past with a strong smile. “I’m alright, it’s been 50 years. I’d be a fool to expect any of this to be just as it was.”
“I’d say you’re still as picky an eater as ever, buttercup,” an old woman said from the doorway.
Una turned at the sound of the voice and jumped to her feet. Her reserved expression melted away and she cried out with raw emotion, “Big sis!”
Ismene laughed and opened her arms wide as Una tackled her with a hug, almost toppling them both to the ground. Una hugged her tight and buried her face into Ismene’s shoulder. Una shuddered and cried quietly. Ismene whispered words of assurance softly and stroked her back.
Unalla watched in mute surprise. She had never seen her mother so vulnerable in front of anyone before.
Ismene caught sight of her and smiled, “Hello, Unalla.”
“Hello, Lady Ismene. It’s nice to see you again,” Unalla bowed somewhat hesitantly.
“Elzri,” Ismene nodded.
“Ismene.” He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected Ismene to even be her tonight. In fact, who even told her— He turned to a smirking Loh.
“They deserve to meet each other after all these years,” Loh said defensively.
“It was not your decision to make,” Elzri admonished her.
“And why is that?” Una released Ismene, wiped her tears, and turned on Elzri. “Did you plan on keeping Ismene away from me?”
“Of course not. I was going to invite her over tomorrow,” Elzri explained awkwardly. “Tonight was meant to be a family dinner. A bonding moment you could say.”
“~Hiya Ishmenaayy~” Dolores waved her entire arm around.
“Good evening, Professor Ismene,” George bowed politely. “It is wonderful to see you again.”
“Hello, George. Have you been practicing your meditation practice like I taught you?”
“I admit I have been somewhat lax,” he chuckled.
“Sister, please take a seat,” Una said warmly.
“Thank you,” Ismene smiled and sat down at the table.
Lorenz snapped his fingers and several maids stepped forward and set the silverware and food in front of the old woman.
“Please, forgive me if the food is not to your liking, Tempest Archamge,” Lorenz said anxiously. “I specifically designed it to the tastes of drows, I am uncertain if it may meet the standards of a human tongue.”
“Calm down, man. They’re vegetables and meat, I’ll be fine,” Ismene said wryly.
“Ah, of course,” Lorenz bowed and stepped back.
Ismene and Elzri shared a brief look and continued on with their meal as if nothing had happened, but Una caught their silent exchange and grinned.
“Even after all these years, you’re still in love with each other, aren’t you?” Una grinned.
“That is none of your business, little sister,” Elzri said coldly.
“We are not together in any capacity, we are just colleagues,” Ismene corrected.
“Oh, I’m sorry, what happened between you two?” Una asked.
“What happened?” Elzri asked ludicrously. “We thought you dead and everyone thought I killed you.”
“I didn’t,” Ismene said.
“Of course, she didn’t,” Una nodded as if it was obvious.
“But then he married a woman from House Glaz and I left Hollow Shade to travel the realm, just like Elzri and I always talked about back in our youth. And that was that,” Ismene said quietly.
Regret filled Elzri’s expression. “Ismene, I married her for the good of my House, it was necessary—”
“—Is sleeping with your secretary for the good of our House too?” Loh asked innocently.
Una frowned, “Secretary?”
Elzri glared at his granddaughter, “Loh—”
“She’s this young hot redhead. I mean, I don’t blame grandfather, she’s got these—”
“Elohnoir, that is enough,” Elzri snapped.
Loh bit her tongue, but she turned to Una, grabbed her own breasts, and expanded her hands outwards. “Huge,” she mouthed silently.
Una glanced at her brother with a raised eyebrow, “Really?”
Elzri thought of the futility of responding, there was no satisfactory answer. He sighed and ate his food in silence.
George laughed, breaking the tension. “Well, this is fun! How about more wine?” He glanced at Lorenz, “The strong stuff,” he whispered.
Dolores raised her empty bottle, “Yes, please!”
Loh clicked her tongue in disgust.
“Well, isn’t this just a peachy family?” said a stranger at the doorway.
“And who are you supposed to be?” Elzri frowned, “Loh, Ismene was an exception, this petty charade ends now.”
“I didn’t invite her,” Loh said warily.
“I let myself in,” the petite vampiress winked.
Una looked up in surprise, “My lady, you’ve returned!”
Unalla coughed up her food in shock and quickly sat up respectfully.
“Oh, you two know each other. How wonderful, more guests!” George grinned. “Lorenz, set a spot for our friend!”
“Well, aren’t you a sweet handsome man? At least someone in this family is a welcoming host,” the blonde vampiress winked.
George blushed. Dolores was too drunk to notice, her head was lolling to the side.
The vampiress strolled into the room and sat at the other end of the table. She glanced at Loh and smirked, “Hey, cutie. Been a while.”
Despite the different appearance, Loh recognized the sudden change in voice. “Captain…!?”
“Wait,” Elzri narrowed his eyes. “I know you… You’re Una’s vampire friend, from our father’s wake, Holly… You danced with me in the ballroom. That was over 50 years ago… how do you still look the same?”
Holly crossed her legs, propped her feet on the table, and sighed in relief. “~Ah, that’s nice.~ It’s been a long trip, I just got back. It’s nice to rest for a bit.”
She stretched her open hand out. Lorenz glanced around and placed a glass in her hand and hurriedly filled it up.
Holly sipped the wine, “Mm, that’s the good stuff.”
“I take it you have a very good reason to barge into my home?” Elzri said icily.
She smirked. “Elzri Noir, it’s been a long time. You’ve become the lord I knew you could always be.” She shrugged, “Albeit with a few hiccups along the way.”
Elzri stared at her suspiciously, “Who are you?”
“Yes, I suppose we should re-introduce ourselves. Ahem,” she coughed lightly. “Nice to meet you, young man. I am a family friend, you may call me Holo— Holo the Tall.”