A colorless world of grey. I was placed in such a place. Yet, nothing felt out of place in here.
This is... my desk.
...School? I am... back in school.
Well, there isn't really anything interesting to do here.
I looked at my desk.
There was some scribbling on it, and they were done messily as if not much thought had been put into it at all.
As I moved my tired eyes up and around me, I could see the silhouettes of my classmates laughing silently. Their eyes and mouths were white crescents that seemed to mock everything that I did. Did something happen to me that deserved this treatment?
I couldn't think of one.
...Not that it's something new. I've experienced this before.
I'm used to it.
As I lifted my body up from my seat slowly, the scene changed with the ring of the school bell.
DING. DING. DIN
The surroundings had moved me to the front of the school gates conveniently. There were still a few people who were laughing in scorn at the corner of my eyes. Some pretended not to notice. Some were open about it.
No one approached me.
"S-senior, ...please wait..."
...?
I heard a girly voice behind me calling out towards my direction. I stopped my footsteps, but I never turned around.
But I wasn't conceited nor confident enough that it was calling for me.
... ...It wouldn't hurt to see who it is, right?
Taking my chances with a small interest, I turned my body around slowly while my eyes were closed from skin irritation.
And then-
I felt someone watching me.
...Eyes that didn't belong to this world.
-When I opened them in a panic. Everyone around me was gone.
I was in front of the door to my apartment.
...Yeah, what did I expect anyway. This is just, a depiction of my life. That time never happened, I ran away just like this too.
As I noticed all of the familiar details around me, I pushed the half-opened door with a light nudge. It creaked open slowly, revealing the dark interior of the room.
Entering it, I closed the door shut behind me and locked it with the attached padlocks. I was slightly paranoid of the eyes that were following me around outside. This way, I would finally have a piece of mind. I would regain my privacy and sense of security here.
----------------------------------------
Finally, I was back on the couch. This was my fortress. Settling myself in a coat of warm and fuzzy blankets, I hurled myself up in a ball.
The messy sight of cup noodles and magazines, novels and packed lunches bought from the convenience store nearby, littered the carpet on the floor. These were probably not the only signs of me living here reclusively. But the untidiness just made me feel better about it.
Ah... This feels... comfortable... All... alone... I'm back home...
...Home? I'm back in this apartment.
home? I'm back in this apartment [https://em.wattpad.com/ba6e52d7de72b1bd3eddc85e3af648c0b2aa4dcb/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f51545a6b464f69593663697541413d3d2d3539303637343238362e3135333934643166326666653630356635393636323735363739312e676966?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280]
Nothing will hurt me here, I am safe from everything. I don't have to... talk to anyone...
Adults, children, they're all the same.
Humans, ...I'm afraid of humans.
I plopped myself down onto the sofa, and rested my eyes. Today had been a long day, staying around people whom I never acquainted myself with, people whom I could never understand, people whom never wanted to understand me either.
I rewarded myself as I popped open a bag of potato chips I had brought to my chest from under the coffee table in front of me.
Delicious, as usual. ...I am safe... here...
There's a penknife on the coffee table, and dark murky thoughts started to fill my mind.
... ...
My vision was hazy. I wanted to take the knife.
So I took it. Without hesitation, I-
I took it [https://em.wattpad.com/3f10876fd8b574a01a45878707e129d22551a7e8/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f414168745275635931334e5261673d3d2d3539303637343238362e313533393464363366613261326435663332343939313733363937322e676966?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280]
-Before the blade touched me, the scene around me changed.
It never seemed to stay in one scene. Like the star of a show, I was relocated outside of the apartment as it took the chance while I blinked from my sleep deprivation.
...
I'm outside now. What, you're trying to show me something bad again?
As I laughed dryly with my lifeless eyes looking at the damp ground, I mocked this world. It was clear what it was trying to do. But I no longer possessed any kind of emotion in here.
[https://em.wattpad.com/4e7a6ccd234d2d964f3d14ef36cac6f252d01e09/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f7732524a4e75464b374d433572673d3d2d3539303637343238362e313533393464663938646561633563343335393334323439373935312e676966?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280]
The sky was covered in clouds, giving off a gloomy vibe.
...It's raining again...
I pinched the ends of my fringe. The sky was dark.
I wonder... if she's going to come again today...
Haha... that sounds plausible... if it's that girl...
...She's going to get wet again...
I noticed that I hadn't brought an umbrella myself. I was at the neighbourhood within a few minutes of walk before reaching the convenience store. Just around the corner, where I had always bought my daily necessities from.
"-Nngh!"
A powerful static sound broke loose in my mind.
A-zz-s---g---ou---t---
What was it again? I can't remember it.
There was a sense of disconnection there, as if the video tape had been cut in the middle. I couldn't see that part.
...I don't want to remember it, I feel like it's going to open up a bag of worms.
Worms...
It didn't matter anyway, as I felt some strange entity piecing them together on purpose. My mind started being attacked by a field of needles.
"...! Kuhhhh!!!"
Another current went through my head. It was a horrible and fuzzy sound, like a radio static.
Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.
The hand that was holding the penknife turned cold. I dropped the knife and crouched down with both hands over my head.
Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Cl
The sound of metal resounded through the air.
Rain continued to pelter mercilessly onto my body, I was drenched in an instant.
"..."
I looked at a convex mirror near me.
There was someone following me.
A trickle of blood went down the person's left eye, face covered by a black hood and clothes.
It gave off a very familiar feeling inside my body.
[https://em.wattpad.com/348f477fcd2daa5236e99c2def8dc6a15c6e38cf/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f6556434c417069493449564e34513d3d2d3539303637343238362e313533393464353262636266646664623431343436353633313330332e676966?s=fit&w=1280&h=1280]
Eyes. Red eyes. The one who keeps following me like a stalker.
...!
D-don't come near me.
My body was fully rejecting the existence behind me.
But it was as if the ground was pulling me towards the enigma behind me like a conveyor belt. I could not run far enough no matter how much strength I put in.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
"Haah, Haah, Haah-"
"...This place... Is the same as ever. Gloomy, colorless."
I didn't look back. Those eyes seemed to inject some kind of mental influence over my body, as parts of my body began to rot whenever I listened to those words.
Retreat.
And then everything will be okay agai-
...!
He's suddenly in front of me in the distance, blocking the only exit in this street.
Beneath his hood, the person opened his mouth.
"Coward."
A very familiar voice entered my ears.
No, it's not it... it's not it!!!
My fingers were starting to crack, turning black like charred ashes. Yet I felt no physical pain, while my brain continued to be squeezed by some kind of painful claw grip.
"Coward." "Coward." "Coward." "Coward."
"Coward."
My lifeless eyes began to focus. Those words ate into my soul.
I couldn't sit still.
What do you know... you aren't qualified... to call me a coward...
I grinded my teeth, as my furrowed eyebrows revealed the ignition of my anger, slowly melting away my apathetic heart.
"T-ta..."
"Mm...?"
"Take it..."
"..."
"TAKE IT BACK!!!"
I picked up the knife on the wet ground in an instant. And charged towards the entity with a look of insanity.
"EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!!!"
"How low you've fallen, White."
Huh? He's... not dodging?! Kuhhh!!! He's underestimating me?!
I was even more provoked at his inaction, and lost all hesitation on my attack.
"Cheap. And weak."
"!!!"
The voice was aggravating me. I wanted to kill this person. I've never killed someone, but I wouldn't mind doing it right now-
-The pressure from the red eyes beneath that hood made me change my mind. It reflected the eyes of a killer.
...D-did I... kill someone before...?
During that slight moment of being distracted by my own drifting thoughts, the person grabbed my arm holding the knife and disarmed me easily. The knife fell to the ground with a clang.
"Kuh!!!"
He pushed my chest, forcing me to stumble a few steps backwards.
I no longer had a weapon, but it wasn't important.
I could still kill someone if I put my mind into it.
Killing someone was about the method, not the form.
"Trying again? Ku, what are you trying to prove?"
...What was I trying to prove?
"YOU'RE NOT REAL...!!!"
Regaining momentum, I rushed forward with a shove using all of strength to push the hooded entity down. I couldn't contain my balance so I fell right down with him.
We were both on the ground right now.
The only thought in my head, was that I could end this person's life with these hands of mine.
SINCE HE WANTS TO DIE SO MUCH, I WILL GRANT HIM HIS WISH.
DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. ...Di...e...
"Haaahhh... haaahhh... haaahhhh..."
...That's... right... I don't need... a knife...
Up close, I could already see who he was. Even though I knew it already without the hood on.
My irregular pace of breathing was mixed with grunts of frustration. Yet the person continued to stay motionless without fighting back.
He was the person. The person who was there my entire life.
The moment I was born, this person came to life as well. He suppressed all the noise in my head, and cleared my mind of impurities. In exchange, I had lost a sense of self-
-Becoming weak-hearted without a personal will.
I was an incomplete, twisted being from birth. He was the other me.
The person lifted his hood while being stradled on the ground, revealing his dishevelled white hair. His red eyes that glowed brightly in front of me was accentuated by the dark skies.
These were the eyes that plagued my life. These eyes that started everything. Everything went downhill with them, I hated those eyes. I wanted to gouge them out. I wanted to erase them from existence.
Even as it gave off an oppressive and dangerous feeling like usual, it now was ineffective against me as I stared right back at his eyes in defiance.
"...You...haaahhh... haaahhh... what do you know... about my feelings!"
My hands were tightening around his neck, but he did not resist still.
Instead, he moved his unoccupied hands to my wrists and moved it forcefully upwards and away from his throat.
"H-haha, you're afraid of death I see! !! Ha-haha..."
Finally, the lethal point was relocated. It was now pointed at his forehead. As he saw the panicking expression on my face, a small chuckle could be heard. A smirk was raised as a scornful response.
"Here, my brain. That's where the prize is. Killology right? Let's put those techniques to the test, shall we? Let's see if you can truly pierce it with just your hands. It will be an instant death. Or is it that, you still need the knife?"
The man gripped my hand even tightly while I wasn't prepared to deal the final blow. My mind was wavering from the sudden actions of this person.
"Through the neck? Heart? You can kill me in a number of ways, why are you stopping now?"
"..."
"Do it then. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. "
The peckering of those words made my eyes bloodshot. My focus was wavering.
"Gggg... ggggh!"
I grinded my teeth even harder. He was trying to incite my hatred again.
I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU-
"DO IT!"
He yelled.
"AaaAaAaHhH!!!"
----------------------------------------
A punch landed right beside his face.
...I couldn't do it.
"...See. Weak. Nothing unusual, as always."
While I was trying to control my trembling hands, the other me grabbed me by the collar and stood up.
"What were you trying to do huh, getting all riled up like that. ...Say something. Oi."
He sighed, and released my collar. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else, but decided against it. Turning his back towards me, he muttered a few words. There was a tinge of disappointment in them.
"You shouldn't be in here. Leave now."
...Leave?
My shoulders trembled.
"Are you screwing with me? Why should I leave?! Thi... this is my world! YOU LEAVE!"
I lashed out on him without restraint in a childish tantrum. This was my space, and it had been defiled by a black-hearted existence like him. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand him at all.
"IF YOU'RE SO COURAGEOUS, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE MY PLACE!!!"
"..."
Emotions continued bursting out of my chest.
"EVERYTHING THAT I DID, NOTHING WORKED OUT! NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS WHEN I CONTINUE TO LIVE!!! SO WHY DO I KEEP STAYING LIKE THIS!!!"
The other me, twitched slightly at my words.
"FATHER AND MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME IF I DIDN'T CALL THEM SELFISHLY THAT DAY! I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALONE! IT'S ALL MY FA-"
His hand went past my face at this moment.
A heavy whack resounded within the surroundings, and I quickly fell onto my feet.
He turned around and faced me on the ground, a face of intense hate. As if he was looking at a fly.
"...Don't get too full of yourself White...!!! How dare you... Did you think, that you were the cause of their deaths? How very conceited of you!!! You want me to take over your place? Sure. That would be a pleasure."
The other me. The tips of his fingernails turned dark red, and his eyes started to glow ominously.
He moved closer and closer to me, making me crawl backwards unconsciously in fear.
"Y-you... ...no... no...!!! I-I didn't mean that... I... I... don't want... I don't want to die...!"
"Yes, keep running. Run from the truth, White. Run from it, disgrace the death of our parents! IT HAS BEEN A CONVENIENT THING FOR YOU TO DO HUH?! KEEP DOING IT, WHY DON'T YOU!"
A powerful kick connected with my abdomen while I was still on the ground, and I flew a meter backwards from the impact. The pain seeped into my bones before long, as I screamed in shock.
But he didn't stop following me. As color drained from my face, I attempted to move my writhing body with my chin and arms. My legs had already turned completely black from the decay and lost its functions entirely.
"I... No... NOOO!!! Don't...!!! STOP TALKING!!!"
"Never learning the truth, never wanting to learn the truth. That's what I am to you aren't I, I'm JUST DISPOSAL FOR YOUR UNWANTED EMOTIONS! DON'T FUCK WITH ME!!!"
"Guhaaaaa!!!"
I was kicked without mercy again.
"...Have you had any idea... what I've taken in? Do you even know, what you've made me become?"
"...I... I..."
...There was... a truth.
"That's right, the truth. Haven't it occured to you how vague of a memory you had of our parents' deaths?"
Taking the advantage to pull me up with the collar of my shirt again, he stared at me with focused eyes. His tone turned a little colder.
I could hear a crack.
The background suddenly showed signs of tear, revealing something beyond the mirror.
A re-enactment of the scene of the car crash that started everything. My body was aching, locked as I watched the horrifying scene over and over again in playback.
"St...op... ple...ase... sto...p...."
"Stop? Stop thinking? ...On the day of our parents' death, ...you were there. Those memories of yours, are a product of manipulation."
"I-I was..."
"You had just forgotten about it, no, pushed it away. Pushed it deep into the subconscious that is me. White."
"Khh..."
I struggled to open my eyes with the overflowing tears. He stood there with me motionlessly, as words continued to come out of his mouth without a change in facial expression.
"There was always the question, why the driver had done this. There were no records that linked any form of negative feelings towards our family. We were well-liked. But the catalyst was found recently. The catalyst that placed you here."
"N... no more..."
"-On that day, that car crash was staged."
"NO MORE! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"
"An orchestrated event. From the backseat of that car, I'm sure you saw with your eyes. Our parents."
It all came flooding back.
The memories. The plan for a family visit to Tokyo. The taxi. The crash. Th-
"?! Nngh!! Arghhhhhh!!! S-stop!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!"
My mind began to experience a painful migraine, as if unlocking a memory from the deepest depths of my mind that I didn't want to remember.
"That Parasite, incites the taxi driver. Those eyes of hers. Cold and bearing that same kind of aura we could perceive with our eyes. They were the same as the taxi driver!"
"Do you understand, White? This was never a coincidence why she had found you in the first place!"
"A mental state full of negative emotions, exactly what she had wanted before consuming us. When you were slowly getting better, that was when she had decided to act. Everything linked back to the beginning. You were right, nothing good happens in your life!!!"
"!!! AARGHHHHHH!!!"
"BUT SO WHAT?! IS THAT WRONG? IS IT WRONG TO LIVE, EVEN AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER'S? EVEN IF YOUR LIFE PLAGUES THE HANDS OF THOSE IT TOUCHES, WHY IS IT BAD? IS IT BAD TO LIVE? ARE WE WRONG? NO!"
"G-ghhh!!!!"
"TAKE MY HAND, IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!"
"I... ...!!!"
"LIVE THROUGH IT ALL, THAT IS WHAT OUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE WANTED! LIVE, ...WHITE!"
A powerful scene appeared in my mind that instant.
----------------------------------------
...I recalled the dying words of my mother in that car. Even now, I still missed those tender eyes of hers. Waking up to the smell of eggs and toast. The flipping of pages through a newspaper as Father adjusted his spectacles.
I would have given everything to relive those moments again.
But... everything was gone. Only memories stayed through the flow of time.
The familiar voice of Mother wrapped around my body like a hug filled with unconditional love. I could see Mother in front of me, smiling brightly.
"What seems to be the matter, White?"
"I... don't know... my... my life... it's a mess..."
"A mess? ...White, are you being bullied? Tell me, who was it-"
"It's no...t... that... no... it's... ...Letting go..."
"Letting go?"
"Letting go... is hard..."
As I sniffed the familiar scent coming out of Mother's hair, my mind instead was in turmoil as I knew that this was but a mirage. A moment that wouldn't stay forever, and I wasn't ready yet.
"I'm not ready... I'm never ready for departures... They're... so hard to take..."
"Ara. Little White, you're thinking hard about this, aren't you..."
As we left each other in that embrace, I looked at Mother and reminisced the times when I had experienced such feelings of familial love. I felt like crying.
"...Isn't it fine?"
"...Why...?"
Mother looked into the distance, and narrowed her eyes happily. The surroundings began to be painted with vivid colors as I saw the smile that formed genuinely on her face.
"There is no such thing as a painless departure. Everyone comes and goes throughout life. You learn new things, meet new people. Share emotions with people. And the cycle repeats itself while you continue to collect fond memories, sometimes unpleasant ones like a jig-saw puzzle..."
She pressed my heart with her finger and winked.
"Don't you think, memories are the most important things that connects everyone together? Why bind yourself to the past, when you are truly free if you live without regrets? Do you have regrets, White? If you do, why don't you just crush them all and blow all of those unpleasant feelings away? After all, you only live once!"
"...Mom..."
My migraine had long stopped hurting. My hands remained in a hugging posture as the image of Mother faded away, leaving a cloud of golden glitter in the air.
The mirage was gone. But I no longer felt too sad about it.
I looked down to the ground with my hands stretched out. The other me, he was still waiting for me to take his.
Memories... huh.
Smiling weakly to myself, I slowly reached out to his hand.
"...Good answer."
A warm sensation filled my surroundings suddenly.
The other me began to merge into my body as the setting around me changed into red. There was a smile on his face for a moment, but I was sure that it was just my imagination.
"You won't remember everything that happened in here ever again just like usual, but I do hope..."
"That this part of you, remains the same. If things turn rough again... please hold on to, this memory of yours. I am confident... The fond memories of our parents, will remain in your possession forever now."
It was... a beautiful color. An embodiment of who I am. A contradiction to my name. Ah. ...I see why my parents named me like this. I... see...
----------------------------------------
[Ru'Ah]
Licking my lips, I looked down at the boy who had fainted on top of the bed.
Fufu~ Riding in a cowgirl position like this, at least you've died feeling the sensation of an woman. Feel proud of yourself, White~
As I ridiculed the unconscious boy, I couldn't help but snicker a little.
Two years? That's well worth the wait, ...for something... this. Delicious~
-Before I sank my teeth into the boy, his body twitched a little, causing me to flinch.
"-It pulled through at the end huh... really... that took too long."
The boy softly muttered, as he slowly opened his eyes.
"!?"
W-what's going on? This atmosphere, and those... those eyes that look down on everything beneath him
That person... ... is back?