I'm pretty sure I told my friends that camping is just preparing to go back into the wilderness with new technology, the only reason we have to prepare is because doing any of the savage things human did before they evolved is considered illegal now and they don't want to get arrested.

Then again, none of us give a shit enough to actually go hunting or do other primordial crap. In fact, one of them even struggled to make a fire in the middle of the night; I frankly thought he was having a laugh. Well, while that explains why camping sucks to me, there is a more pressing issue at hand and it actually sounds pretty cool.

There was a big ol' forest fire with trees burning, smoke and all that common crap and then the flames went and burnt our skin to ashes, the drill that everyone is made aware of when they watch fire safety videos. I'm still alive, because there's no other way for me to be thinking, so that means I'm either in a badly burnt body in a coma, or in a badly burnt body without the coma.

I wonder if any of my hair survived. Probability is zero now that I think about it.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Wait, is that a voice? Did I develop some voices in my head while I got burnt? "Oh, are you alright? Why are you lying down?"

Who is lying down? Me? Oh, I am a hundred-zero percent sure that I am not anywhere. I guess I'm inside my mind for a bit, can move around and do all the motor skills like a big boy. So, I sat up and saw whiteness, I suppose if I said nothing that would be technically wrong since whiteness is something.

To my right, was a midget, a midget with golden hair which went down to her knees! She wore a golden dress which did fit her, completely disproportionate from her hair. She also carried around a giant golden stick. Oh, I have a good guess what it is... and I am actually astounded that it appeared at such a time.

"I didn't think I had latent paedophile tendencies, you learn something knew every day." The girl's face when blue and she stepped back in fear. "Okay, if you're not paedophilia, then what are you? Materialism? Midas touch? Some obscure concept which is going to try and convince some shit into me?"

"I-I'm Flare, the goddess of fire..." I see now, that's what this is! Well, I got all three wrong, that's appalling. Why a goddess of fire? There's so much better things.

"Oh, so you're my ego, aren't you? I didn't imagine it being a midget girl. Nevertheless a self-proclaimed goddess of fire. Why a goddess of fire? Be something which isn't dumb at the very least, like an oceanologist." I scolded her, I know that people have weird experiences in comas but seeing your ego as a midget who proclaims themselves a goddess takes the cake.

"No! I am not your ego, neither are we in your mind! You're dead! I accidentally used my powers and caused a forest fire and killed you and your friends!" She was quite nervous, her cheeks turned pink as she explained to me the supposed situation. "I'm really sorry for such a mistake! As recompense I shall reincarnate you into another world and give you any boon you shall desire!"

"Oh." I suppose her story could be believable but even if that's the case I still think she is my ego. No one else would hold that stick with pride. "Sounds silly, don't want to reincarnate, I'll stay dead."

"Okay, so if-" she began speaking, only to stop and stare at me. She then proceeded to grab me by the collar of my white shirt and sweat heavily near my face. "Why do you want to stay dead? Don't all humans dream of moments like this from those books?"

"Firstly, I'm not all humans, so you can suck on that. Secondly, life is meaningless, existing is just a pointless speck of dust that really gains or loses nothing. We're all going to die, nothing happens for anything and we can explain a lot issues via science and math, anything else is just a feral desire to have purpose that is just against the fundamentals of the universe which practically gives no shits about anything." I explained to her, she soon began sweating even more. "I've already died, why should I bother living again? It sucks and the end result is the same."

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"Please! Can you reincarnate! If you go to heaven or hell, they will see that you died from a fire that was huge and investigate into it! Then I'll be found out and lose a lot of my status!" She pleaded to me, she even began tearing up! It's as if she didn't listen to a word I said.

"Why the hell should I care for your issues? You're the one who killed me in the first place. I want to die, you lose all your status which you care so much about. I'll laugh at you. I win a lot." She then begins crying full-on, she then got onto her knees and put her head down.

"Please! Please! Please! I'll give you as much boons as you wish, I'll be the ego you wanted so much, I'll do anything!" She really isn't seeing the fact that she isn't even giving anything which is good for me. I want to stay dead and she gets shit for it, I win. What do I get if I live? A bunch of random fucking crap and an entire life full of delusional idiots.

... Now I'm curious about having her as my ego. What the hell will that exactly do? Will I be a whiny and pompous self-proclaimed goddess with insecurities? Or will nothing change and will she just trick me?

What a bitch, she could play me.

"I will reincarnate if you do three things." I declared to her, since living really was a chore at this point. "One, you will become my ego, since that sounds weird and I have no idea what it will do so I want to know. Two, you give me as much boons as I wish. Three, I get to use the stick."

"If I become your ego, then I will only have enough power to give you three boons..." she nervously explained, raising her head and looking at me.

"Yeah, that's not the interesting stuff. Three is enough." I folded my arms, grumbling at her. "So, do I just hear your voice in my head, or is there any other shit which comes along with you as my ego?"

"Uh... well, it's not exactly becoming your ego, it's something on a higher level. We're merging our souls-" I cut her off when she began to explain it properly, the spiritual stuff really bores me.

"Yeah, forget about it, I'll find out when you do it." She nodded and stood up, she even smiled at me. I find it a gift that I made her cry all this time.

"So, what boons do you wish to have?" She asked, politely may I add.

"I want to have a liver which takes in anything I drink. It can withstand anything." I demanded from her, she scratched her head nervously.

"I don't have such a thing, but I have something which is the same thing but better!" She raised her index finger, proposing the blessing.

"Sure, give me it. Secondly..." I don't really have any other things I want, I don't want to have powers which make me live forever... I am pretty sure this conversation embodies why. "I don't know, give me the blessing to go fast, or something."

"Wait, did you really only think the first one through?" Flare decided to get onto my tail about my decision-making. "Did you just want to drink alcohol endlessly?"

"Yeah, that's kind of the point of it. Anyways, so the fast thing and the ability to transform into a giant robotic dragon with a unicorn's horn and instead of scales; fur, I want to feel comfortable." I decided to make an outrageous demand, since I was all bored of making normal ones.

"What the... what the hell?" Okay, it looks like Flare has no sense of humour, she's going to be a shitty ego.

"Okay, fine, just give me the ability to have ultimate moves like the ones in games where they use finishers which do a ton of damage but don't totally kill the opponent unless they're already damaged so that you can gloat." I explained to her, she nodded as if she understood and she also had a smile as if she was scared for her life.

She placed her stick on my forehead, grasping it with both hands and this sounds inappropriate. Still, when she closed her eyes a bright light emitted from my forehead and I could see... A bright light again. Well, that sounds like a cheap move.