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Re: Pessimist
Chapter 12: Groceries

Chapter 12: Groceries

Here we are, the one place I was in need of visiting! Alright, now that we are here I think it's time to get some very important shopping done. Flare, I'm putting you in charge of getting the eggs, they can't be your own. Sophia, I'm going to need you to be the list, since you have nothing better to do. Finally...

"Sylvia, you get milk, and it can't be your own. If you do pull that prank; hats off to you and go fuck yourself." With that it looks like we can finally get some groceries out of the way.

Sylvia hit me on the head in disgust.

Ugh... why can't it be my own? I've just woken up.

I was going to be the list anyway... Flare did you even hear yourself when you said that.

Now, now, if Flare wants to use her own then she can, but she also has to get the ones I want.

Great! ... DAMN IT, I TOLD YOU I JUST WOKE UP! Besides, I'm not sure I can even get the eggs here, or any at all.

"Why on Earth do you require milk?" Sylvia looked ahead at where we were standing and resumed to glaring down at me with a confused look. "This is the Valley of the Dragons."

"Oh, so it's not taking any names from Dark Souls!" She gave me an even more complex look, explaining it to her would take too much time and effort. "I need the milk of a dragon, the tears of a dragon and the blood of a dragon and the egg of a dragon. It's more or less grocery shopping."

The part which annoys me is that this isn't solved by just flat out murdering everyone here; which is my forte. That will probably make me achieve the blood and tears of a dragon but I'm not so sure on the milk and egg part.

The egg sounds pretty simple, so all we need is the milk of a dragon. Do dragons produce milk? Is that a thing nowadays?

Technically only mammals lactate, dragons of this world have both a reptilian and mammalian form, their extreme exposure to primordial magic caused them to develop scales and the common features known to dragons yet their young still required the same amount of nurturing. Due to the effect of magic they instead of evolving into different species they instead retained their own humanoid appearances with the benefit of being able to use magic to transform into a reptilian form.

Flare, that's a long yes. It's a middle-finger yes. It's a you dumb-cunt yes.

Insulting me aside, how are we going to do this? I'm not sure Ewan understands how powerful dragons are. They came before Gods.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

I'm not sure how age works into this, I'm not sure why the dragons are living on the planet and the Gods are in fantasy land. Actually I've just lost interest in history. If I can't kill dragons, I need to figure out how to get them.

What do you need them for?

Wishing ritual thing.

Ewan, here's a suggestion that you may not like; try and be nice.

YOU MOTHER-Flare I'm not some unsocialable dumbass who can't play well with others. Grow up.

Why not offer to help them with an issue in return for the things you need?

Oh, so the God who is apparently weaker than a bunch of freaking dragons is going to help dragons? Does that sound right to in any way?

You're the God of the void, that's not an easy power to acquire.

Great, Sophia level embody Flaryvna up.

What? That's cheating.

Do you realize who you're talking to?

Fine, but only until you get what you require.

There you go.

Embody Flaryvna has levelled up!

1>30

Embody Flaryvna30 Release the power held deep within you! The power of the Goddess of Wine, Fire, and Nihilism/Void!

Active:

* All stats +900%

Passive:

* Access to all flame abilities

* Access to all wine abilities

* Access to all void abilities

0.00%

 Wow, level 30? I knew being a God sucked but I suppose you learn something new everyday. Also, Sophia you changed it; more organized and less shit in your face.

Is that a compliment?

Not sure, but hey since we now can beat up some bitches with the void let's go commit dragon genocide!

Whoo...

"You have been standing still for five minutes, what are you doing?" My sister appears to have taken notice of my conversations with Sophia and Flare, I have to cover this up somehow!

"Talking with my slave and consulting Wikipedia." Nailed it, now to continue with the task at hand. "Okay, let's go extort some substances and materials which dragons excrete out of their orfrices!"

"Whoo..." Flare, are you telling me that this blatant copy of a woman isn't you? She even has the same reactions as you! Are you sure you didn't accidentally incarnate a bit into her? Isn't this really you just trying to satisfy the deep desire of paedophilia?

SHE IS NOT ME AND I AM NOT A PAEDOPHILE!

Can you explain why she acts and talks exactly like you?

Chance.

Can you explain why she is my sister of a particular race that just happens to inbreed?

Blind luck.

Well, either way I'm already approaching the place where Sophia told me is the lair of dragons so I'm going to try and avoid your attempts to molest me.

THERE IS NO PART OF ME WHICH THINKS MOLESTING YOU IS GOOD!

I should have made another bet. Oh wait, I did!

He didn't, but Flare you really need to work on using negatives.

Then this wouldn't be as interesting.