I have a complicated relationship with some of my friends and family.

I want to laugh and spend time with my friends, but in the back of my mind, depression whispers that I'm a burden and that I'm selfish when I talk to them asking for help. I'm worried that there will be a day when my friends say that enough is enough and I drive them away.

So I close myself off. Every conversation runs through my head, every text is doubted, just seeing them makes me wonder if they'd be happier with someone else, without me in their life.

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People think I'm closing myself off and need some space, but the reality is that I want to have those days of laughter, the car rides to and from football games, the late nights, the times where I can text about anything and they'll always be there. I close myself off because I don't want to make them sick of me, think of me as someone who just dumps all their crap on them all the time.

It doesn't make sense and Logic knows this, but Depression feeds me lies and makes me close myself off, build the walls, close the shell. I want to change, to get my friends back, but I don't know how. I don't know if I can.