I stumbled through the torchlit hallways of the stone prison, belching out country songs and hiccuping like mad. I was fond of ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ even though I didn’t know all of the words. I fell over on my back, shaking with laughter after I’d screeched “West Virginia!” at the top of my lungs.
It was fun singing like this! Just walking everywhere and anywhere, singing my heart out. If only I had someone to share my joy with…
After another swig of my friendship juice, I burped and cried out, “That’s it! I need a friend and a-a karaoke machine!” I giggled at the thought of some Dwarf singing with me, having a grand old time as we drank more friendship juice.
“Oh, Dwaaaarfsh,” I called out, “anybody out there? I’ve got more whishkeeey! Oh, wait…”
I’d been summoning a lot of bottles without keeping track of my mana. I’d been so neglectful.
“Shilly me,” I whispered. “Shilly, silly baby dragon.”
Giggling, I pulled up my status. I wasn’t ready for it to pop up so fast. The blue screen was just in my face all of a sudden. I yelped and scrambled backward but it followed me.
“Leave me alone!” I yelled. “I don’t want you! Where’s my shtatush? Gimme my shtatush!”
I whipped my head around, aiming to move so fast the screen would lose me. My head smacked into a stone wall that wasn’t there just a second ago.
Dazed, I wobbled back and forth. My head was ringing like a bell and stars danced in my shaky vision.
“Uh-oh,” I mumbled, shaking my head back and forth. “I don’t feel sho good…”
I collapsed in a heap where I stood, hiccuping quietly as my world went black.
----------------------------------------
Rudola nervously watched as her mates poked at the snoring aberrant with their weapons. She wrung her hands as Luzzic Jadeshield, the brasher of her friends, reached in and put his hand on its head. He gave it a few scritches, laughing softly as it purred in its sleep.
He pulled back and stretched to his full height―a towering 5 feet and 1 inch! A teasing smile on his handsome face, he gave Rudola a light shove. “This beastie is what you were afraid of, Ruddy? Look at ‘er; she couldn’t even hurt a fly!”
She shook her head, hiding her blush behind one hand. “I-I’m telling you, Luzzic, it’s not a normal dragon. I-it had at least twenty-four battle wands on hand!”
Rasehilda Hornhead snorted and put her hands on her hips. “Sure, Rudola; just like you saw that herd of Acid Cattle get blown up from some unseen enemy, the baby dragon can summon a battle wand.”
“It’s an aberrant,” she hissed, glaring at the other maiden. “Commander Battlegrip said so!”
“As if that blundering old fool knows what’s right,” Sirrigit snapped. “It’s about time you stopped trusting that pig’s every word, Rudola!”
She huffed, folding her arms as she glanced over her shoulder down the hallway. They were still in the clear so far. “Yeah, well, Commander Battlegrip has seen more of the surface than any of us combined. I’d rather follow him than that nutjob the Head Maid selected as Co-Commander.”
Luzzic nodded in agreement. “Just because he doesn’t agree with the Head Maid’s policies doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s doing. But you know,” he picked up the aberrant gently and cuddled it in his arms, “I’m still having trouble believing something as cute and cuddly as this thing is―”
“H̸o̷w̵d̶y̵ ̴t̶h̴e̶r̴e̷,̶ ̷p̸a̷r̷t̵n̵e̶r̸.̴ ̸A̸r̶e̶n̴'̵t̶ ̴y̴o̷u̷ ̵j̴u̷s̶t̵ ̴a̷ ̷f̷i̵n̵e̶ ̵c̸u̵p̸ ̶o̵f̵ ̸w̷h̷i̴s̶k̵e̴y̵?̸”
He squealed, throwing the aberrant from his arms and onto Rasehilda who screamed as well and threw it again. Sirrigit, somehow, caught the thing, screeched to high heaven, and threw it at Rudola, who sidestepped.
She watched the aberrant sail through the hallway, cackling like mad until it dropped with a loud thump onto the ground.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
It picked itself up, shaking its head roughly. “M̸y̴,̶ ̸o̷h̵ ̴m̶y̵”, it muttered, stretching out its back. “T̸h̶a̷t̸ ̴w̶a̶s̸ ̵f̸u̸n̷!̴ ̴L̶e̷t̷'̴s̸ ̴d̷o̸ ̵i̶t̴ ̷a̷g̷a̶i̸n̸ ̵e̷x̶c̷e̴p̸t̶ ̸t̶h̴i̵s̸ ̷t̷i̶m̸e̸,̶ ̶h̵o̵n̵e̴y̸,̸ ̷h̵o̵w̵ ̸a̴b̷o̵u̴t̷ ̶y̴o̸u̷ ̸d̷o̸n̸'̷t̴ ̸t̷h̵r̶o̸w̵ ̵m̵e̵ ̶a̵c̵r̶o̶s̷s̵ ̸t̶h̸e̷ ̸h̷a̸l̷l̴,̸ ̷m̵k̴a̶y̷?̴”
All four of the Dwarves screamed and ran when it took a step toward them.
----------------------------------------
I sighed as I watched the soldier midgets sprint as far away as possible. It looks like I wasn’t going to have that karaoke party after all.
I pulled up my status and then paused. There must be a better way to see important things on here without showing the full status, right?
So I instructed the system to show me only my mana, effects, and condition. Once again, it complied without restriction.
“You’re a good system. Yesh, you are,” I cooed, patting the screen when it appeared.
Mana: 6%
Effects: Calming Aura (30%)
Condition: Very Drunk, Hungry
I spent all that time drinking my whiskey, and I only got it up to 30%? This was ridiculous. Seeing how it did absolutely nothing on the Dwarves that ran from me, I needed something better. I needed the Dwarves on my level if I was gonna get anywhere with them.
A drunk bomb! That was it! It would spray a cloud of mist that would instantly make anybody who touched it extra drunk, just like I was. And then we could have that karaoke party before I left!
The image I imprinted on the orb was simple: a small glass ball about the size of a human hand containing a churning, orange-ish cloud-my friendship juice in mist form! At the command ‘sip it’, the ball would burst, spraying its contents to any nearby targets. I gave the ball the ability to hover at will and had minor indestructibility.
I swished my tail with glee when [Rune: Friendship Bomb] popped into existence. “It’s time to par-tay!”
I found my first new friends some twenty minutes later. Two lady Dwarves were standing idly by a sturdy iron door that I assumed led to the outside world.
“Howdy!” I called, getting their attention. Take that, you stupid voice in my head!
They fumbled for their weapons―short spears with a metal tip and a wooden handle wrapped in leather―before pointing them at me, trembling.
“Stop right thár!” the first one snarled, taking a daring step forward.
“Hey, hey! I don’t wanna fight,” I slurred, mentally nudging the bomb forward. “I jush wanna be friendsh! Can you do that for me? We can shing together, drink together, shooo many fuuuun thingsh to do, yunnow?”
The Dwarf hesitated, staring in confusion between the bomb flying steadily toward her and me.
“Ms. Greatfury,” she said over her shoulder, “bo binndêk ÿs-”
Finally! The second Dwarf was in the range of my bomb. With a proud toss of my head, I cried, “Ship it!”
The glass burst a second later, filling the corridor with misty friendship juice.
----------------------------------------
Dukgraeg heard Rudola and three other Dwarves jog tiredly into the guard room, panting for breath. He had been pouring over the security lookers, searching for any sign of the aberrant making its way through the halls of the hill.
“You,” he bellowed, slamming the thin thing called a ‘tablet’ down onto the desk. All four soldiers flinched at his booming voice before putting themselves back together and standing at attention. “Do you 'av any idea av wat you've done?”
The lad in the lead―Dulgraeg recognized him as Luzzric, the tallest Dwarf in the clan besides his da, who had a good two inches on his boy―swallowed and snapped off a hasty salute. “Sir! Everything is my fault, sir! Ruddy-uh, I mean, Ms. Grimbrow was upset bein’ put on feedin’ duty, you see, and I was-”
“Hush,” he interrupted. “Rudola! Oi want yisser report av de prisoners down in de 'oldin' 'all.” When she stood frozen in place, staring at the wall in front of her, he growled and slammed his fist onto the table. “Now!”
She darted out of the room as fast her little legs could carry her. Dukgraeg sat back in his chair and crossed his arms impatiently.
He snorted when he saw the other three were still standing at attention. “At ease,” he said softly.
They relaxed, just barely, until Rudola came scrambling back into the room, a file clenched in her hands.
“Sir,” she mumbled, handing it to him before snapping a salute.
Dukgraeg only grunted, already flipping through the report. She hadn’t written much; all there was was a general overview of what she had witnessed. She made sure, however, to detail how unnerving it was to hear the beast speak when she tried to feed it. After that, though, it only says she dropped the tray at its bars and went away.
He sighed and dropped the file onto the table. So unless Rudola was lying, some other drunken soldier had come by, pried open the cell bars somehow, and spirited away the aberrant.
He looked up at the four quivering guards. “Does any av yous nu 'oy de aberrant went missin'?”
“No, sir,” Rudola replied. She opened her mouth to say something else then closed it and stared down at her scuffed up boots.
“Ms. Grimbrow,” he rumbled, “nade Oi remind yer de consequences av lyin' ter yer superior officer?”
“Sh-she isn’t fibbing, sir,” Luzzic spoke up. “I swear by me grandaddy’s beard, we don’t know how it got out! Sure, we found it nappin’ in the hallway and I gave it some scritches but then-”
“You wat?”