“I'm glad we were able to find a seat in the train,” Ini said, placing his feet next to the wizard on the welded metal bench of the minecar. “Everyone was so hostile and so overprotective of their own wagon.”
“Yeah, I wonder why,” Figwit said as he rolled up his sleeves and threw a clump of molasses outside of the cart.
“Ugh, when we are getting to our exit?” Ono asked, dangling his arms outside.
“Stop that!” the wizard said, pulling the gnome back inside. “Just be patient. We should be outside the mountain in no time.”
The gnomes sat back down and stared at the ceiling of the cave. Once in awhile the carts abruptly jumped as it met an ill-placed nail or bolt in the track.
“Hmm,” Ini let out as he felt the vibrations of the track through the cart’s metal seat. “You know what? I'm hungry. I'm going to the food cart.”
He stood up and his hat scraped the low-hanging ceiling of the rail tunnel.
“Oh, I'm coming with you!” Ono cried out and followed his brother, hopping from minecar to minecar.
“What are you doing? There's no food cart you idiots! You are gonna get yourselves killed!” Figwit yelled at the gnomes as they leaped away in the distance, jumping from dwarf head to dwarf head. “Oh stars, help me ...”
The wizard steeled himself. He moved to the opposite bench where the gnomes had been sitting and knelt on it, ducking to make sure a random stalactite would not strike him like a golf ball. He edged himself along the metal border of the cart, carefully lifting his legs as he placed them on the dangling metal chains that connected the carts.
“Steady, steady,” he uttered as he balanced himself, one hand grabbing the edge of the cart while the other held his wooden staff. His feet swayed with the whims of the chain, his weight held aloft by the strength of dwarven metal.
He moved his staff hand and anchored it to the opposite cart. Inside it, a dwarven family recoiled at the minecar hijacker in their midst.
“Oh!” he cried out as the train passed over a misaligned bolt and his body violently shook with the chain. In the distance, he heard the gnomes giggling with every jump, followed by annoyed grunts from unsuspecting dwarf passengers.
“Bloody gnomes!” Figwit muttered. Angry, he pulled himself up with his staff, pulling his weight into it and letting go of his original cart. He dragged himself over the edge, landing in the occupied cart as his knee met against the brim of the bench and his head against the opposing metal rim.
“Sir, are you ok?” One of the dwarfs in the minecart asked as his family of three shimmied away from the strange human.
The pain coursed through Figwit’s entire body. “Gnomes!” he yelled at the racing train. The wizard stood up in the railcart. His hat flew away as it became stuck in a passing cut stalactite and as he felt the edges of the cave ceiling occasionally brush against his hair, he brought his staff to his face and cast his spell.
“Virgius, Celius, Orius en normen acta filgeit, Arcam!” the wizard said as he brought his hand forwards and mimed in front of his staff the signs of his chosen planets and stars. Finishing, he pushed his arms forward and, to the shock of the dwarfs, he blinked away and reappeared again in the neighboring minecart.
“Arcam!”
“Arcam!”
“Arcam!”
“Arcam!”
The wizard repeated as he teleported himself from minecart to minecart, edging ever closer to the gnomes leaping atop the racing train.
“Quick, Ini!, He's gaining on us!”
“I'm not going back! Not without a cheese sandwich!”
The gnomes upped their pace, tumbling as they threw themselves from cart to cart.
“Ah!” Ono let out as he slipped on the bald head of an old sleeping dwarf.
“I got you, bro!” Ini grabbed his twin's arm on the edge of the minecart. “C'mon!”
He held him in place, hanging on the ledge of the cart. To his surprise and excitement, Ono smiled, saying, “I see it brother! There, the food cart! Throw me at it!”
“Grab something for me!” Ini cried as he brought his full strength upwards. As he rotated his body, to the shock of the approaching wizard and all the guests in the train, the gnome began to fly, passing over the passenger carts, barely skimming the ceiling of the cave and landing face first onto his much-desired food cart.
“You maniacs!” Figwit cried out in rage as he blinked next to Ini and grabbed him by the collar. “You could have died! I, I could have died!”
The wizard looked down to the stunned dwarf family and, as he apologized, he cast his spell once more whilst holding the gnome.
Blinking finally into the food cart, the chocking gnome in the wizard's hand let out a struggling, “Ah, the food cart.”
To the wizard’s shock, he had teleported to a rather elongated minecart. Instead of benches, there was a welded metal desk and various cupboards on the right side of the minecart; while opposite to it and was a long pub table and a few metal stools that were welded to the floor. In the center of the cart and behind the desk was a mustached dwarf, who Ono was leaning on the table to converse with.
The wizard approached, confused and still choking Ini.
“Oh I'm really sorry lad, but we don't got anything solid today,” said the dwarf bartender. “Some idiots caused a molasses flood and it ruined the train’s entire food stock. Won't be able to sell anything until the next stop.”
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
“Damn!” Ono cried and banged his fist on the desk. “I hope they find whoever caused that and make them pay! It's inexcusable that I have to go this entire trip without eating anything.”
“You and me both, lad.”
The wizard fumed at the gnome’s words. He approached Ono, dropping his staff, and started choking the last brother with his free hand. “Why, you little— --”
“Huh. If I were you, sir, I would sit down.”
“Huh?” Figwit let out as he looked back and saw a fast-approaching white light.
Suddenly, air flung him backwards and he lost his grip on the gnomes. It propelled the brothers and the barkeep toward the stools, while the wizard was left flailing and hanging from the back edge of the cart, his hands the only thing holding him down to the train.
The darkness of the cave gave way to the blinding light of the surface world as the train left the mountain and took a sharp drop toward the swampland below.
The wizard screamed in fear and agony as the speed of the train threatened to smash him against the rocks.
In front of him, the gnome brothers squealed in pure ecstasy at the pressure of the sudden train drop.
“Oh I love this Ono!”
“Yeah, it's so much fun!”
“I'll say,” the barkeep by the gnome’s’ side uttered as his mustache flew into the air current. “I wish every dwarf hold was this amusing to enter and leave. I would pay good money for it. Care for a drink, sir?” The dwarf poured a mug of dwarvish ale for Ono as the train continued its descent, letting the free-flowing drink naturally climb up to the mug that he held above the open bottle.
It was as if time itself stopped for the gnome brothers. They looked at each other and, with the wizard flailing in the back, they realized in unison.
“Amusing.”
“Amusing.”
The ground now quickly approached and as the train stabilized horizontally again under the flat rail track, the wizard began to run along whilst he still held on to the train.
“For the God's sake, help me!” he uttered as he struggled to anchor himself.
“Figwit! We know what we have to do!”
“We have a plan to get the money!” the brothers said as they peaked out from inside the cart and looked at the struggling wizard, each holding a mug of dwarven ale.
“That's great. Help me inside now!”
“No, Figwit, you don't understand. We have a plan, a park, a place where people can have fun and amuse themselves!” Ini said as he stood on the edge of the cart and scanned the horizon.
“What, what are you doing?” Figwit said helplessly as Ini climbed on top of the cart.
“It's a great plan. You'll love it! Also just in time, huh, Ono?”
“Yeah, just in time for our stop.”
“Wait, what do you mean? The train is still going!” the wizard exclaimed as he saw the gnomes preparing to jump out of the moving train.
“Don’t worry, Figwit. The swamp is right here. We’ll be fine! Feel free to follow us if you want.”
“Or not. We don’t mind being unsupervised for a little bit.” Ini said
“Yes, but I do!” Figwit uttered as, to his shock, the gnome brothers held hands and jumped at the same time.
“No!” the wizard screamed out as the gnomes disappear behind him. “You idiots! The stop’s just a few minutes ahead!”
The wizard struggled to think of what to do. He felt his grip loosening, and the more the trained moved, the more he felt his honor disappearing back into nothingness, together with the gnomes.
“Ah!” the wizard screamed as he let go of his grip on the train and tumbled down into the left side of the track, rolling on an embankment below into the marshland.
A great splash ended the wizard’s roll as his face met with the dirt and muddied waters of the greater swampland. He struggled to lift himself back up and as he looked back, to his surprise, he saw the gnomes sitting atop two lily pads, their clothes clean and both of them slurping the last of their dwarven ale.
“Now that was fun, eh, Figwit?” Ini asked. The wizard merely grumbled, snapped his fingers and, to the brothers’ surprise, his hat and staff materialized once again.
“You are lucky that I'm so patient. Let's go,” the wizard said as he grabbed the gnomes by their collars.
As he trudged through the mud and water, Ono let out with a struggling voice, “Enough mucking around, eh?” His throat tightened as the wizard moved his hand and relented.
“Ok, Ok, I'll stop.”
#
“Careful, don't step in the puddles. Stars only know what lurks around them,” the wizard said as the trio made their way, wading through the bog as a late morning fog fell over all.
In front of the wizard, Ono and Ini merrily skipped from grass pocket to grass pocket.
“I heard Goblins camp out in the swamp here.” Ini said.
“Goblins? Oh, I hope we aren't attacked,” the brothers said to one another as they waited for the wizard to catch up with them.
“Oh please, I would be more worried about the swamp itself! I thought nothing could beat the molasses stench, but this bog odor is even worse. There's something wrong with it.”Figwit cried as he leaned on his staff, letting out an occasional grunt at the stagnant water seeping into his shoes.
“Don't look at me. I wash my hat every morning, unlike stinky over here,” Ini called out as he pointed to Ono.
“Hey, I told you! My hat’s fabric is specially designed to retain all the stench trapped deep inside. Besides, I don't sweat. I don't need to bathe that much.”
“Wait, what? What do you mean you don't sweat?” Figwit asked as he had finally made it to the grassy patch and stood towering over the gnome brothers.
“It was the result of an unfortunate mechanical accident.”
“Yeah, we were trying to work on a prototype waxing machine. But instead of removing hair, it ended up removing my sweat glands.”
Figwit’s expression changed to one of befuddlement as he shuddered, imagining Ini being mechanically waxed, before Ono continued.
“Well, I mean ... it was either that or the witch curse that same day.”
“Wich?”
“The witch curse! Of curse,” Ini answered the wizard's non-existent question. “She did not like the design of the improved waxing machine version 2.0. Not strong enough, and not broad enough for her, apparently.”
“She only paid us half for it and then set a curse on us for failing. Of course, she still kept the machine.”
“Wait a second.” Figwit stopped the brothers and took a deep breath to regain his composure. “If you think it's a witch's curse, how come Ini is the only one who can't sweat?”
“Well, I can't sweat, but Ono can't cry for some reason. No machine related injury there.”
“Is that true?” Figwit asked with a morbid curiosity as he got closer to inspect the gnome.
“Yeah! Try to make me cry, c'mon.”
“Huh, alright.” The wizard struggled to think. “Hum, I think your hat is ... stupid.”
Silence befell the swamp and the wind picked up, whistling through the shocked silence of the brothers. They stared with their mouths agape at the wizard's words.
“Figwit ... why? Why would you just say that ... it's so mean. That hurts.”
“You asked me to!”
“Yeah, well ... I may not be able to cry in here,” he said, pointing to his eyes, clearly shaking and vibrating from the deep emotion. “But I can cry in here.” He pointed to his heart. “Also here.” He pointed to the hat. “Apologize to it.”
“What?”
“Apologize to my hat! I know we have only met for a little bit, but there are lines no gnome or gnope should ever cross.”
“Gnope?”
“It means non-gnomes,” Ono whispered to the wizard.
“Ugh, fine. I'm sorry Ini, I— --”
“Hat”
“What?”
“I said say sorry to my hat, not me!”
“Ok, whatever!” The wizard threw out his arms and said, “I'm sorry for saying you were stupid, hat. You are very clearly a ... pointed, high-quality piece of headwear.”
Ini smiled at the wizard’s words. He and his brother began to snicker to themselves. “Oh Figwit, don't be silly. It's just a hat.
It doesn't have feelings. What are you? An idiot?”
The wizard fumed at the brothers’ trickery, his breathing speeding up as his eye began to twitch. He tried to grab Ini by his collar again, but as he leaned down the bog's stench overpowered him, sending him standing upright as he covered his nose.
“Oh goodness! This is unbearable! Let's keep going, I can't stand it here.” The wizard began to walk as the gnome brothers too waved away the air and jumped from plot to plot, slowly overtaking the wizard and passing him.