The feeling of being admonished and reprimanded as a child was something Claire had almost forgotten about. When Matron Mary had found her by the river, she had given her an earful. However, relief had dulled the anger in her words.
Now Claire was getting bitched at and punished like a bad little kid. She wanted to scream that she wasn’t a child, but she just took the angry words with a frustrated mindset. Eventually though, Matron Mary slowed down when she noticed Claire was eerily quiet.
Apparently, Lyra thought that she was going to run away. The girl had proceeded to yell to everyone and their neighbors that Claire was going to run away into the night while solemnly informing Matron Mary.
Well, Claire wasn’t going to tell them the truth, that would be stupid. So now she was being forced to weed the garden while Matron Mary droned on and on about how stupid it would be to run away from the only stability she had. It had been twenty minutes though, and Claire’s hands and thighs were starting to ache from the repetitive activity of pulling and squatting.
Skitty, Matron Mary’s loyal fat pokémon, lazily plopped in the middle of the pile of weeds Claire had been duly dropping into a pile. She then purred as loud as a truck engine. Fuck, does Johto have cars yet? How far was technology progressing? She squinted at the pokémon who started licking her paws to groom her ears. Her mother had died in a boat accident, so she knew that existed. After pulling up another stubborn root, she found that she didn’t care.
“Gah, Skitty go watch the others. Ethan is in trouble; he can’t pet you right now.” Matron Mary shooed.
Skitty ignored her, or at least gave her a look, and then nudged Claire’s aching hands. God, Claire thought, Skitty was so soft.
Matron Mary didn’t say anything. The sound of her dress rustling drew the young girl’s attention as she turned towards her caretaker. With gentle hands, Matron Mary picked up Skitty and put her in Claire’s lap.
“Humans and pokémon used to be the same, did you… well, as they say, you know? You are young dear, so it might be hard to understand fully. We are tied to our pokémon so deeply we don’t know what to do without them...” The older woman looked reminiscent as she continued speaking.
“I… don’t know what you mean.” Claire answered. Honestly, she just wanted Matron Mary to keep speaking to her.
“We used to be the same. People in Sinnoh, Sinnohians, believe that Arceus created us as the same beings, and we became separate. Even when we lived apart from pokémon many years ago we sought them out, even when we feared them. Biology and science suggest we have a common ancestor. Kanto and Johto… even with the Great War… we still believe in being tied with our pokémon both.”
Skitty chirped happily at Matron Mary’s words, and the woman smiled dearly at both her and Claire. The smile was sweet enough it made Claire ache.
“So, everyone believes that?” Claire asked, not even thinking about it. One of those times you just say a question to say a question.
“Everyone knows it, whether they accept it or not.” Matron Mary said, the older woman lightly pushing Claire’s shoulders forward.
It was silent for a moment. Then the Matron picked up the weeds in a swoop, Claire watched her as she started to pick up. When she went to get up to help, Mary chuckled and told her to 'stay and accept some lovin’ from Skitty'.
“I just want to know, Ethan, why wouldn’t you want to run away with Totodile?” The question unnerved Claire. The tone was delicate, light, as if Matron Mary was not an authoritative figure in her life but akin to a parent. Soft and welcoming.
“I don’t know.” Claire said honestly. “I don’t really know why I thought it was a good idea. I don’t think I’m a good owner- I’m not a good trainer for Totodile.” She hid her face in Skitty’s fur, as if to hide herself away.
“Oh honey, that pokémon loves you. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You haven’t done anything that deserves running away.”
Those words caught in Claire’s brain. You haven’t done anything that deserves running away. Matron Mary was right. And not in the self-punishing way Claire likes to inhabit and wallow in. Claire hasn’t done anything wrong, hadn’t been cruel to Totodile in anything but distancing herself away from him. Claire didn’t even want to run away; she didn’t even want to…
“I want to be Totodile’s trainer. I want to read books and eat with him.” Claire said quietly, too quietly for her caregiver to hear.
“What was that? You know I can’t hear you when you mumble.” The older woman said kindly.
“I don’t want to leave.” I don't want to die.
Skitty said her own name softly, and Matron Mary ruffled her head. Claire refused to show her face and the tears that ran down it.
“You don’t have to; you don’t need to.”
…
Living didn’t become magically easier after that. Lyra ended up forgiving her easily once she apologized. Claire still felt uneasy, sometimes she needed to be eased out of bed by Totodile, Lyra, or Matron Mary, sometimes she felt so alien in her body she could only exist. When she was called a boy, she had to childishly resist the urge to cry.
But now she ate every day. Now she allowed herself to think that Totodile was her’s, and that she could be his trainer. Instead of clinging to the childish idea of giving him away. It was denial. Matron Mary was right, Totodile was part of her.
Summer heat had been starting to peak but she was able to think through it, instead of being in a haze. She played tag with Lyra and taught the other orphan's how to read with Matron Mary. She helped Totodile tackle the wooden post outside when he got too antsy and then chew on it as a reward.
Maybe Claire had just been waiting for someone to bring her out of her darkness so long that when it happened it felt so sudden.
Lyra had taken her opening up with a fury. Now they did everything together. Lyra showed Claire her the new dresses her parents had bought her. The young girl was so happy that Claire never seemed annoyed by it, especially since she was a ‘boy’. Claire just had to ignore the jibbing by the other boys in the orphanage when they heard about it. She could honestly care less.
Totodile’s level was now a 5, growing with the stray Growlithe in their village.
Right now, he was currently opening and closing his mouth. Claire was confused by the recent behavior.
“Maybe he is just teething?” Lyra suggested, prodding Toto’s mouth with a stick when he opened it wide again.
“Toto, stop acting crazy.” Claire said sullenly. She had been getting disapproving looks by the old nannies when Totodile flashed his sharp baby teeth at a literal baby and giving it a freak out. It’s been a multiple day thing.
“You think we should take him to see Professor Elm?” Lyra suggested, kicking the dirt. They were both bored as rocks.
“Sure.” Claire said, thankful for the distraction despite the mild heat permeating the day. The walk would be annoying, but at least she wouldn’t be retelling the same story to one of the little kids again. Or thinking about events from long ago, another lifetime. Or getting picked on by the nannies again.
“So, Ethan, what type of trainer do you wanna be? I want to be strong with whatever pokémon I get. You know, like Connor-” Lyra started excitedly, pulling on her arm when she started walking slower to listen.
“Winters. Yeah, I get it.” Claire squinted forward when the sun flashed in her eyes from a small break in the trees. One of the horrors of walking on the path.
“I’m thinking of getting a nidorian. My mom was telling me that would be dangerous, and I should be more experienced first. Yaknow how adults get.” Marill tackled Totodile and they started rolling far ahead of them.
“Yeah,” Claire inputted, nodding humorously even though Lyra couldn’t see her. Lyra lamenting on how she thought her journey was going to go was a common occurrence at this point. It was nice.
“You know, you could get a nidorina and we can match! They can be friends.”
“We could name them after a theme.” Claire suggested, stepping over a root as they walked further through Route 29.
The trek was something Claire had become familiar with. It was comforting to be able to memorize the pattern and turns of a forest trail. The small comfort of learning the tree patterns and ledges was something familiar to Claire. Before she had died, and even with her limited view of her past memories, that feeling of forestry was something she felt ingrained in her marrow no matter her body.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“What kinda theme could we do?” Lyra asked.
“We could do it after berries that are poisonous to humans, but good for pokémon . The Nido evolutionary line has specific measure to not poison themselves or their community so-”
A burst of brown flit through the trees, a whistle and shriek splitting the air. Totodile barked in response, and that was about all Claire noticed before chaos hit.
Claire was interrupted by Lyra screaming. Claire burst out laughing before she could stop herself. The sight of Lyra screaming and running wild because a baby pidgey was chasing her was something unfathomably hilarious. That was before getting plowed in the face by a pidgey herself. Claire grunted as the bird pokémon fought to get away.
“Oh, my Arceus, Ethan, the pidgey army is after us!” Claire could hear Lyra laughing at her as she fought the flurry of feathers and small body attacking her voraciously.
Pinpricks of talons caught her shoulders and shirt as she finally grabbed the panicking bird pokémon . She was about to try and calm it, or throw it away from her, when Toto decided for himself to grab it and tackle the poor thing from her hands.
Her and Lyra watched in mild shock as Toto sat proudly at his knockout, the number above his head glowing a solid 6 at his level up. A sudden shriek of agony had them both whipping their heads to the pidgey who was looking mournfully at his fallen friend.
“Ah, man.” Lyra said, and they both ran like hell as the pidgey flew at them, pecking.
A shot of water shot by Claire’s face, and she whipped around to see Totodile, her Totodile, using a move she had never seen him use before. Then bubbles filled the air, as Marill chirped loudly beside him, casting a Bubblebeam Claire had only seen in the Pokémon Shows Lyra forced her to watch.
They both watched the two water pokémon gang up on the poor level 4 pidgey, before turning to each other, eyes bright.
“Claire, do you see this! They are shooting water, oh my Arceus, our babies!” Lyra said, fist bumping and jumping around a preening Marill.
However, Claire’s eyes were just on Totodile, whose mouth was open in the same practiced way he had been perfecting for days. Scaring babies and aunties for Water Gun. All Claire could see was a towering Feraligatr, glorious over some other grand pokémon one day far in the future. Her pokémon, sun shining on him just the right way.
“Did they team up together to surprise us like that?” Claire wondered, still in awe.
Lyra picked up Marill, slipping on a stray root and falling into a pile of leaves but not caring as she cradled her starter. They were both laughing. Totodile was looking at her with that endless want for appreciation, and all Claire could do was give it to him with her little hands and smile.
…
Apparently, it was common for Totodiles to practice for their first Water Gun by exercising their throats and position. Some instinct in them knows when they level up for it, or she assumed because Professor Elm used the word ‘growth’. So that the moment their body was developed enough to do it, they could put it into practice. It was a leftover denning instinct, for protection when mother Feraligatrs left their offspring for food.
According to the Professor, Toto was waiting for her to mimic it back at her. So, when he did it at the upset babies and aunties, he was trying to comfort them. Or something of the sort.
Professor Elm looked on with amusement as they both told him the story of the enemy pidgeys and the collective waterfront counterattack. With how Lyra told the story, you would’ve thought they were in the Great War themselves. By the time they had told Lyra’s parents, and the neighbors, it was getting dark on the horizon.
“Lyra, let that boy go, he needs to get home to Mary before the sun goes out. Shoo now, while light is still leading your way home.”
“Yes, auntie.” Claire said, bowing politely because this was one of the traditional grandmothers in Little Bark Town. Lyra was sulking but by the time Claire was headed off she was waving widely. That was the last time Claire saw her for a year.
Claire really felt as if things were looking up as she began to walk home. Totodile was yipping and barking in his unique way in front of her. He was full on Professor Elm’s kibble, and she was full of Mrs. Elm’s steak and rice and greens. Life felt good, endless and full of opportunity in front of her.
…
To Claire, it made perfect sense that something so horrible and life-changing would happen once she started getting better and moving on with her life. Some irony, reckoning. Just one instant of her life, a mere moment and choices building up into one catastrophic future. If Claire, if this Ethan, had killed themselves, maybe many more people would have lived in the following years. Maybe less would have.
She knew she was being watched before she even knew something was wrong. Totodile had been tilting his head for a minute now to the part of the woods left of them. She thought, rather paranoidly, that maybe another pidgey was going to pop out and scare them both again. Childishly, she thought it was silly.
By the time a tall, sick looking man walked out onto the path, leering at Toto, it was a sick joke. Instantly she shouted, and Toto only glanced back at her before shooting his new water gun at the guy’s face. It did little to stop the rattata from tackling him into a tree, and a pidgey to knock the wind out of her.
It happened sickeningly fast, she fought against a literal bird pokémon until she settled at the pidgey’s beak closing on her throat in warning. Her mouth went dry and her body started shaking without her permission.
When she felt the man grab Totodile’s pokéball off the clip of her pants, was when reality started setting in. It was too dark to see anything clearly, the sun had started setting and the light was dimming dramatically around them. She heard Totodile barking in pain. She felt the harsh ground under her and the forest matter getting in her hair and clothes. But that didn’t matter, the bird pokémon threatening the weak point of her neck didn’t matter.
“You can’t do this. Stop! Don’t take him from me!” Her voice was shrill, and despite the bird pokémon's beak on her throat, she started digging her fingers into the bird’s body. The bird chirped and tightened its grip. She sat up before the man kicked her shoulder roughly.
“Kid, you really aren’t in a position to be telling me what to do now.” He sounded off, like he was drowsy, and his words were slurred. He reeked of something that Claire couldn’t name. The sear of light from her pokéball activating was like a flash bang.
“Please, don’t take him from me!” She begged. The pidgey let her go but she was thrown back as soon as she stood up, bird pokémon hovering over her. She got up again and again to only be knocked down. She felt the pain, but it was barely there. Nothing compared to the fact that a stranger was holding her pokémon, with a red R on his chest on a dirty uniform.
“You should’ve thought of that before having a warfare pokémon ripe for the taking. Honestly, it’s your fault for walking alone at night.” The slur in his voice made it hard to understand him. Claire wished she was able to think of a way to get out of this. To take advantage of his inebriation. But she had no idea what to do.
Pidgey knocked her down again, and she tried to hit him but the bird pokémon pecked her for it.
Maybe another person would’ve done the smart thing and let their pokémon get taken. Or at least the most realistic and reasonable option. That they could report it to the league and the police and the pokémon would be searched for reverently. All that Claire thought, Ethan thought, however, were two things in perfect sync:
Mother Matron’s words echoing that Totodile was a part of her, and the notion that she would never see the pokémon again made the decision easy, if stupid.
A stupid thought came into her hands like a ghost. She focused and her mind raced until she could make something tangible with it.
“I’ll join!” Claire shouted. “I'll join Team Rocket, just give him back.” She blurted out, stupidly. The man scoffed at her and brushed off the leaves of his rattata from scuffling Totodile to the ground.
“Kid, I wasn’t born yesterday. You just want me to hand it to you so you can book it. We don’t need literal children in our organization. I already work with children who are triple your age.”
“Your Pidgey could easily catch and maul me if I ran.” Claire reasoned. The bird was smallish, and a light 10 hung above him. The rattata that peered at her from her master’s side had a solid 15. Three times as strong as Totodile, even if it was too literal for reality.
“Jesus, kid, what is wrong with you? Just- just let me take your damned pokémon .” The man leaned over her again, trying to intimidate her, but even shaking Claire stood her ground.
“This organization is fucking pathetic at this point if I’m reasoning with a fucking lunatic kid to steal their pokémon . Fuck.” He started to turn away, laughing at himself like he was amused. Claire’s heart felt like it was at her feet. Totodile’s pokéball was still in his hands. His hands. This dumb fuck’s hands.
“I want to join.” She reiterated. “Are you allowed to take the pokémon of someone who wants to join your cause?” What the fuck was she doing?
“Fuck kid, I’m not sober enough for this. You want to join that badly? I’ll let the boss deal with you.” The man then promptly picked her up. She saw it coming like a horrible moment in a movie, she froze as he manhandled her on his shoulder.
She was too afraid to speak for a moment with the way that she could hear his breathing and grunting. Then she started squirming recklessly, animal fear taking over.
“Let me the fuck go! I’ll kill you!” She beat her palms into the man’s back and then the back of his head. The man easily dropped her for it, squinting at her like he was confused.
“Do you want to join or not?” Why did she feel embarrassed right now, this guy was the criminal? She eyed her pokéball in his hands, and he caught the look.
“I-” Claire started, and the man just whistled, walking forward without saying another word. His pokémon following. Without thinking for her safety, she lunged for the pokéball, like a dumbass.
Her being instantly tossed into a tree by the batty rattata shouldn’t have been shocking, but she was still gasping as her head knocked harshly into a tree. Her vision spun and she started hacking as she tried to get up.
“Kid, you just don't know when to quit.” Claire grunted but ran forward anyway, hitting the man but not taking him down, barely pushing him back at all. She cursed how weak her body was. He easily grabbed her and pushed her back to the ground. It was humiliating.
“He’s mine! We, he’s part of me, you can’t just take him!” She screamed and tried to get up. The man just stepped on her chest with one of his boots and put his weight on her. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. The man didn’t say anything, just kept pressing down with his foot. All the rough edges of the soles were being pressed into her body.
She could barely see the illumination of his face, but the anger was there. No longer was he willing to play the inebriated man stumbling through the woods.
Even in that river she had not felt so helpless. Was he going to kill her, like all the horror Team Rocket stories, and then kill pokémon with sweet Toto? She had to get up, she had to fight.
Her attention was caught by the man leaning back slightly to grip one of the pokémon his belt. Oh gods, is he going to kill me, Claire thought. What pokémon did he have?
The eyes of a multicolored butterfly, larger than her face, stared down at her.
“Sweetpea, knock him out.”
Dust sprouted from the butterfly pokémon, and Claire wheezed as the powder burned her nose and eyes. Artificial and consuming drowsiness took over as Claire lost control of everything around her.