Claire woke up to the sterile aspect of an empty room, alone, and with a raging headache unique to head trauma.

Fuck, where the fuck was she? The first thing she did was realize what she had on her. She didn’t have Totodile’s pokeball, which was the first thing spelled out how truly fucked she was. The walls were not white, they were a solid gray that was dark enough to make her feel as if she was in some type of abyss. The only logical thing she could think of was that she had been kidnapped by the Team Rocket Member.

“Fuck!” Claire said, pulling on the door that was there but it was locked. Shaking the door handle jarred her head and caused her to stumble back in pain. What the hell was going to happen to her anyway? Why didn’t they leave her in the woods if they just wanted to steal Totodile.

She couldn’t think long before the door opened, and she saw a flash of the same gray out in the hallway. Did these guys never hear of another color in their lives? The person who had walked in had dull eyes and hair, looking like they were disappointed to see her. The man wasn’t the one who had stolen Totodile from her, but she was still cautious of him. Then someone far more alarming, walked in.

It was an older woman, a serene look on her face and her red hair chopped in a mechanical style. Her white lab coat was more designed and decorative than to be for functional use. However, something about the woman didn’t seem disingenuous, and all she did was stare down at Claire before motioning the man who opened her door away.

They both sat in silence, all the pain in Claire’s body seemed to fade away as her heart started racing.

“I must apologize for how you woke up; we do not get guests much.” Her voice was smooth, and Claire stepped back until her body was against the wall.

“My name is Arianna; I am an executive of Team Rocket in this division of Johto.”

Arianna’s eyes were silver, which Claire had never seen before. In either of her lives.

Arianna pulled out a notepad, clicking her tongue. “Your name is Ethan, age ten since three months ago. Given a young Totodile by one of the most influential scientists in this region because the scientist deemed that you and it shared a… how to put it? Connection.”

The red-haired woman tucked her hair behind her ear. "Marked for risk of runaway. Your profile was just begging for you to disappear, darling."

Claire didn’t answer. She was practically terrified out of her mind.

“You have a choice here. Believe it or not is up to you. We are not in the practice of killing children. I’ll let you go, let dear my dear Xatu wipe part of your memories. However,” Arianna clicked her pen five times as she brought it out of her pocket. Claire watched it move in debilitating silence.

Then Arianna started writing something down.

“You won’t have your Totodile.” Rocket Executive Arianna said, as if it was the breeziest thing in the world.

“What?” Claire said, feeling as if the world around her was spinning.

“You can leave, but you’ll leave your pokémon behind. Rather easy scenario to imagine.” The woman was looking down at her, her hair a crimson red, dark in the limited light despite how sterile it was.

“That’s…” Stupid so fucking stupid.

“So, what do you choose? I haven’t got all day to let you decide.” Arianna said calmly. Like she was a teacher explaining a function of math to her. Some universal rule.

“Because Team Rocket needs members who are loyal, strong and cultivated. Revy said he saw something in you. Something that would be beneficial for our organization, our cause in the betterment of the Johto and Kanto regions. Then the world.”

That woman was insane, Claire thought. She truly thought that somehow, no matter what her organization stood for, that stealing pokémon was worth it. All Claire knew about Team Rocket was her knowledge of the games, and the gossiping diminishment of village aunties. There was not a cause Claire could be convinced to follow.

However, she knew that ever since waking up in that room that she didn’t have a choice. This woman said she did, because of course she did. Who said that they would let her go at all, even without Totodile? What if that Xatu saw part of her memories fucking with her head? What if they saw her knowledge of legendary pokémon and their future?

She could never stand not seeing Totodile again. She could not stand abandoning him. Not after he saved her and she had grown to love him.

The negatives of trying to ‘leave’ was more damning than joining and trying to escape later.

Arianna snapped her pen again as she waited for her to answer.

“I’ll join. Just give me Totodile.” Claire said, her voice steady despite herself. Arianna grinned like a wolf who had just caught a rabbit.

“Oh, welcome to Team Rocket, Ethan. May you find your purpose and place in a new world we will create.”

…

“This is where you are sleeping from here on out.”

The room was tiny, with only a bed and bathroom. Also, grey. Now with some red highlights, with the bedspread and pillow case color.

When Claire had been walking through the whole base, she had noticed the stares following her. Not full attention, because everyone was doing something, but those who were curious just stared at her. It made her feel young. She didn’t belong here.

“Thank you.” Claire said, despite herself. The other teenager, the one who had walked into her room before with the dull hair and eyes, looked weirded out that she said thank you at all. He rolled his eyes as he locked her in her new cell.

But Claire couldn’t really care. They immediately gave her food, clothes, and Totodile back and pushed her into a room. It was probably some form of ‘reward’ for her to have. She immediately released Totodile from his ball.

The pokémon whirled around, snarling and prowling. His blue jaw worked as he stared at the door with a glare.

“We are part of Team Rocket now.” Claire said bluntly. Totodile just turned back to look at her. His red spikes on his back shimmering as he wiggled to her on all fours. He nudged her as she started breathing heavily in and out.

“Somehow, I got us fucked over in my past life Toto.”

Totodile just peered up at her, trusting and sniffing her pants for treats. It made her realize she had her new uniform in her arms. The guy had told her before he left, she would get multiple pairs. The Red R was rather damning.

“Fuck.”

…

“Wake up rookie, your training starts today.” Claire could barely sleep in that room they put her in. No other person had gone to her and she was paranoid she was going to be left alone to rot. Totodile was hungry enough he started chewing the metal feet of the shitty bed they provided.

“Get in line with the others.” Claire noted she was a foot shorter than most of the other trainees. How humiliating. Totodile trotted beside her, and she was getting incredulous looks from everyone there.

“Oh, we got a spoiled kid here.” The guy behind her said, like she wouldn’t hear him.

A loud, piercing scream pierced the air. Claire covered her ears and all the other people around her groaned. They all looked at the fearow accepting a treat from what she could only assume was something equivalent to a drill sergeant.

“Now, we are going to start with physical conditioning. Are you ready to be worked like machamps?”

Claire was fucked.

It was obvious after two hours that Claire, as an inactive ten-year-old, was further behind and screwed over compared to all the other trainees at least four years older. Many of them fell behind, but Claire was getting pitiful looks as she would fall to her knees and cough, lungs aching.

The pokémon were forced into their own training regimen. Totodile had been tackling and shooting water guns until he started panting. They put him in a water bucket.

“We, as Team Rocket, strive to create a world where anybody can have whatever pokémon they want.”

The nip of a raticate got her scrambling to her feet fast, to either start doing laps, or the lunges they were assigned. Fuck that raticate.

After three hours of physical exertion, they were drilled and forced to do chants. There were various interruptions of speeches of the goals of Rocket throughout.

“We’ll push you into something better. You’ll be strong, strong enough to do whatever the fuck you want. Aren’t you tired of the rules the League enforces upon us? Aren’t you tired of being told what to do, what pokémon we are allowed to have?”

Claire got a lot of looks for that one.

“You can only be a trainer nowadays with money that don’t grow on trees. How else is the normal man supposed to survive in this economy? The dreams of the ‘pokémon journey’ are lies. They want us sheltered like dogs.”

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The man who was yelling at them all had a full beard, and his eyes were hardened. What happened to make him this way? Claire thought.

“We make all these rules on what the strongest do, so why not live by them? Team Rocket will make you strong enough to accomplish your dreams. So, stand up.” The man stood in front of her, staring down his nose.

“It’s time to battle.”

Claire had never seen a real battle before. She had stayed in her room so much that she had missed every opportunity to. The orphanage in Cherrygrove didn’t have a TV with connection to stations that had pokémon battles. When she watched battles with Lyra the girl would often stop and rewind them to discuss, basically rant excitedly, to the point it didn't even feel like watching a real battle.

So, watching these trainees fight was something entirely new to her.

“HOOOT!” The hoothoot screeched as it pecked the small sandshrew. The amarillo-like pokémon had curled up to protect itself, but it did little use to the hoothoot’s aggressive attacks. Claire found herself staring at the brutality in front of her with panic and fear. No matter how many battles she was having to watch, this was nothing like she had imagined. It wasn’t exhilarating to watch these pokémon get brutally beaten. Totodile pressed against her as he got scared.

The referees, Team Rocket members in uniforms, ordered the battle to go on until the other pokémon passed out and was bleeding. Merciless.

“No one will hold back on you. It’s important you learn that on the first day. You are a villain in their eyes, even though they will one day understand and join us. Or fear us.”

Two battles were held at once, and whichever pokémon was weakest or held back was crushed. The more it went on the more people accepted that they had to do this. Even though the people around her were looking sick themselves. Only one person was happy at the needless suffering, and he was given a wide berth. His level 13 pidgey had nearly clawed a zubat to death.

That guy was fucking terrifying. She could tell Totodile was getting nervous the more the sounds of pain and battling went on. His eyes were glued to everything he perceived as a threat around him. She rubbed his head to calm him.

Then the battles turned into one, and Claire had a sinking feeling that her name was not called yet. When their drill sergeant walked up to her and pointed at her Totodile, she knew she was being made into an example.

“Come on tiny, I got a surprise for you.”

All Claire could do was follow, even as her heart fell to her feet. Totodile sat tense in front of her, looking back at her.

She was placed on the other side of the battlefield. She stared at all the fur and features throughout the field. Evidence of battle in the changed battlefield and blood. There was still a pile of poison in the corner from a level 9 spiranak who had been chewed by a growlithe.

“There are some pokémon born with more power than others. Warfare pokémon, pokémon from breeders, and even lab pokémon.” The man drew out a pokeball. Holy fuck, was she about to have to fight a grown adult who had years of experience for no fucking reason besides to prove a point?

“Totodile,” Claire whispered, “We need to be careful.”

Then the man pressed his button while brushing dust off his uniform, and a fucking Machoke with battle scares appeared in front of her. He was taller than her and he looked down at her Totodile with malice. The highest number she had even glowed above his head. 40.

“I wanted to do this to show you that no matter what pokémon you have, if you train enough… you can accomplish what I’m about to do.”

What happened next was nothing short of a massacre.

“Go on, pipsqueak, do a move.”

What the fuck was he expecting her to do?

“Totodile, do not get near that thing. Use water gun.” The shot of water did nothing against the skin of the fighting pokémon, who just tilted his head down at the jaw pokémon as high as it’s knee.

Claire felt as if she and Totodile were fighting a god right now. Untouchable.

“Macho, grab that little fuck by his head.” Fear raced through her.

“Totodile, run-” Macho roared, interrupting her sentence. Her pokémon was already running back to her. She was looking into his eyes and he hers when the machoke picked him up by his head. Totodile was terrified, squeaking and crying for her.

Claire ran forward before she could think.

“Grab him!” The man walked in front of the other recruits who were looking at them with slight horror and unnamable emotions. Claire saw all their faces as she fought against the Rocket Grunts. That they were doing nothing. Totodile was yipping, begging her to help him or something similar.

“Punch him.”

The machoke did without question, and Claire could hear the impacts and the screaming of her pokémon in pain. All she could do was watch. The general walked up to her, stepping to the beat of every punch.

As he got closer, she could see every detail about him. The wrinkles around his eyes, the gray in his beard. The way he had hatred in his eyes, or at least some sort of punishing anger.

“Macho, stop.” Her pokémon was in a crater. With the way he was crumbled and covered in blood and dirt, she couldn’t tell if he was alive. Claire's ears started ringing but she heard the next words very clearly.

“Remember this, all of you. It’s up to you from now on if you win or lose.” He then looked at her, dark eyes blinking as he took her form in.

Claire didn’t care though. She didn’t care what he saw. One day, she was going to put him and his Macho on their fucking knees. The girl hoped he saw that in her eyes. Maybe he did, because he grunted and spit on the dirt floor of their training area.

“Grunts, one of you go grab the healing items. Someone tend to that Totodile immediately.” The grunts let her go and Claire watched them go before running to her pokémon.

Oh gods, his rough skin was broken in multiple places, and his blue skin was discolored. His tiny arms looked broken. The small form of her pokémon in that crater was wheezing and whining.

Claire felt hatred and anger so intense it whited out her vision. She dug her fingers into the bloodied dirt around her and swore she would never let this happen to her pokémon ever again.

…

That night Totodile was more reserved than she had ever seen before. She had had dogs that were depressed or acted depressed before, but he refused to react to anything she did. It terrified her.

“Totodile, I am so sorry. It’s not your fault.” Totodile’s eyes flickered to her and then back down. He groaned in pain and what she assumed was guilt.

“You didn't fail me, they put you against something impossible…” She trailed her hands on his spikes over and over again, trying to soothe him. He just groaned continuously in pain and sorrow.

That night, Claire, some part of Ethan, whatever you wanted to call it, missed her mother. The one who had cared for her in this world. Her smile and small wingull that died with her in the boat crash. The lullabies she had forgotten about until now. Maybe her mind was trying to adapt to what had happened, but she felt as if she was a lost child.

“We’ll fly away, with love, away from here…” She sang, over and over again. Totodile sat in her arms in silence.

…

They spent days repeating the same thing. Except without the battling. Days of hearing speeches and her body being pushed passed its limit. She was just listening until the next order. All she could think of was how Totodile was beaten into the ground. If she broke the rules, the possibility of the same thing happening dominated her mind.

The exhaustion made her empty. All she could remember was songs, Ethan’s (her’s) mother, and paintings. She told Totodile about every painting she could remember in that silent room. The silence was driving her mad. She assumed it was supposed to. They were ordered to eat with all the other recruits and somehow the beatdown of her pokémon helped the others get over beating each other.

They all cliqued up. It was natural and even expected to build connections, loyalty to Team Rocket. Claire wanted no part in it.

She didn’t learn any one of their names. She didn’t speak to anyone but Totodile.

The struggle was having to explain paintings when they were a visual art. Do you explain every brushstroke? How do you differentiate a master of lighting from one who is not? Impressionism? Totodile had begun to stop playing, but he still listened to her reverently. They grew silent together, besides Claire’s disillusioned ranting about paintings that no longer existed.

…

First Hour

The next trial they were forced to do was in a room. Claire was forced into an empty room with a tied up rattata on the table.

“Kill it.”

Claire thought with a very extreme panic that this could not be happening. She stared at the tied rattata on the table as its squirming body was drugged. Then it stilled.

“Kill the rattata or make your pokémon do it. You will be able to leave when you do.” Was this desensitization? To prepare both of them for death? To condition them both to get used to killing. Even with all the past days of experience both she and Totodile had to go through, this was the factor that made her realize how bad of a situation they were both in.

She didn’t answer and the man left the room.

When you hunt, you hunt for food Claire. Her Grandfather had told her once, back when she was a girl in her previous life. You shot this deer because you begged me to go hunting. Did you see its eyes before it died? Was it ‘cool’ and ‘fascinating’ like you thought? That is what it is like to hunt for sport.

That memory had stayed with Claire her whole life before she had died. In them deep woods, with various oaks and a creek with a bleeding, dead doe.

Totodile didn’t understand what was happening. He kept nudging her arm before she snapped at him to lay down. He yipped quietly, but laid loyally beside her. In her mind, there was a raging river. All Claire had was her fading memories of her past life, her experiences in this one, and her hard-earned morality. How could she give up every part of herself more than she already had?

Sixth Hour

The sedative fell off after six hours. The Rocket member didn’t say a word as she sedated the pokémon again and then walked out.

People who wanted to make monsters did monstrous things to them; it was that simple. Totodile was a baby pokémon whose wild counterpoints hunted for food. He would adapt to this, she knew, but what would it do to him? He had become more aggressive since they had been forced to train and battle the other trainers. However, he was like her. Raised in society. Would killing this pokémon teach him that it was alright?

The rattata was drugged, sedated, but when it looked at her, she could see it was like that deer she had killed long ago with a hunting rifle.

Totodile’s hunger, his growling stomach was all up to Claire’s own morality. Her own hunger in that room.

“Remember the painting I told you about, the one with the..” She trailed off. The rattatas feet were so small. “The ones by Salvador Dali. Melting clocks?” Totodile nodded loyally, as he had started doing when she asked him questions. She had no idea if he fully understood her or not. She refused to look at the rattata as she spoke.

12th Hour

Claire had many siblings in her past life. From her father’s side, she wasn’t sure. She was distinct from them in a way that was absent. But her siblings from her mother’s side, she basically raised herself.

It was one of the reasons she had wanted to die so adamantly when she was first isekai'd. The idea of living without them, and her friends that she had cared for so dearly, seemed foolish. Claire had also surrounded her life to explore art; the theory of it, the music, and the visual arts.

To be thrust into a world without all the stuff she loved and had studied, even if it was a fun game world, was soul-crushing. She would never hear the music that had become part of her, or be moved by another piece of art from her home. She was homesick for Earth, her America.

She could suck it up, maybe. Especially with the threat of her life on the line. But overall, what was life worth living if you had nothing to live for?

All she had was Totodile and the chance that maybe she could go back to Lyra and watch competitions again.

18th Hour

Totodile started gnawing on the table, and Claire didn’t tell him to stop.

24th Hour

Claire went to sleep, curling around Totodile. She wasn’t sure how many hours had passed, but they had come in at least four times. The rattata just sat there, shallow breathing and haunting her.

??? Hour

Claire was hungry enough she couldn’t ignore it. Totodile had been laying down for hours now. He hadn’t moved, and Claire was terrified that if given long enough he would stop breathing entirely.

She grabbed the rattata with a soft embrace. She put it in her lap and reigned herself for what she had to do.

“I am so sorry for what I have to do to you, baby. That these people took you from your home. Or that they breed you for this.” The rattata had been barely responsive, but its heart calmed down as she spoke softly to it. She would probably be punished for this kindness, she knew it. Claire was speaking too quietly to be heard, but she gently scratched the rattata’s ears and soothed its fur.

“You deserve a name. I think Artemisia is a good name. She is my favorite painter. Baroque period… she was known for… for…”

She and Totodile would survive this. This rattata would not be used for fighting and for Rocket’s whims. She was going to kill Artemisia, and this rattata was going to be forever a reminder of what she had to do. That she had to take down Team Rocket no matter what.

“I hope you are reborn somewhere nice, in a field. That a nice trainer finds you and you are their world. You are so, so kind. You don’t deserve this, and I am so sorry, Artemisia.” The rattata looked into her eyes, turning its head for a brief moment with all it;s strength, and Claire could swear she heard the rattata forgiving her.

It’s okay… I understand…

The silence consumed them.

It moved her to tears. Eventually, after a few more hours of holding the rattata in her arms, Claire grabbed the rattata’s head in a cradle and broke its neck. Handing Totodile the body confused him, until he licked the blood off her hands. He had been asleep, despite her speaking. She had to pry his jaw open and drip blood on to his tongue for him to open his eyes and look at her. His tongue was slightly swollen. He followed the stream of blood with confused yips. Then instinct took over, and he knew what to do.

Claire watched him eat and turned her face away. Hunger gnawed at her own stomach. Ethan was the downfall of Team Rocket in the games, and she swore with a vindication that she would make him do it again, or help bring them down in any way possible. No matter what.