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Prehistoric Barbarian
Book 1 - Chapter 7 - Warm smile

Book 1 - Chapter 7 - Warm smile

On the other hand, it felt safer to wait with the little chat until I got my mask. If the situation turned disastrous, I could run if I had my mask. Better be prepared than surprised from behind. What if she called a strike team on me? I wasn't Bruce Willis; I couldn't survive a futuristic manhunt.

[Hey Genna… Let’s say I get into trouble or do something not so legal. Are you going to report me to the police or something?]

[What’s a police?]

[Erm… The police are like a force… a lot of people who uphold the law you know.. Catch the criminals, protect the citizens, give you a fine every possible chance… ]

[I’m sure there isn’t anything like that, or even that there is a need for something like it, to begin with. The closest we have to what you explained is probably the Assistance Department, but I don’t think they deal with those tasks you mentioned.]

[Sounds incredibly stupid, but back to my question?]

[Yes! I have an obligation to report dangerous behavior, but it’s heavily situation dependent. Also, if I detect certain mental problems within the host, I’m required to report it to the related institutes before the host can cause harm to itself or others,] she explained. [Why are you asking me something like this?]

[When you said earlier that you scanned my brain… were you looking if I’m a psychopath?]

[Not exactly, but that was on the checklist, too.]

[But I’m not a psychopath, right? What if I start doing weird stuff?]

[Your brain seems healthy enough, but I can’t be 100% certain with my current capabilities or without proper equipment. If you want to get technical, I can oblige,] she said. [I have a list of dangerous mental illnesses and their indicating symptoms, which I’m required to report if they are detected in the host. All of these have physical signs in the brain or its functions. Your actions are mostly irrelevant in this case. A clever crazy can deceive even an A.I., so we solely rely on factual indicators.]

[So, if I break my neighbor’s window because he’s an ass, you won’t rat me out to the authorities, right?]

[Well… You can definitely ask the weirdest questions. As I said earlier, I’m only required to report situations if I consider them truly dangerous. On the other hand, why do you want to cause property damage to your neighbor? You don’t even know him. What did he do to you?]

[It was just a hypothetical question, calm your bytes.]

It was reassuring that most likely she wouldn’t report me if I told her my real situation, but I still had an ominous scratching at the back of my mind that anytime I could end up on an operating table surrounded by mad scientists.

[Is there TV function on this machine? Shows, films, funny videos or streams? Can I watch something until my delivery arrives?]

[Sure, many channels are streaming predetermined content, or you can choose specific content to watch if you wish, but it will cost you, which I wouldn’t recommend. You spent a bit too much on your mask you know.]

[Holy shit, stop nagging me about the money already!]

After snapping at her, she became quiet. I was sure she took offense. Why would someone make a woman A.I. so real? This was just crazy!

With a heavy yawn, I decided just to watch something.

I was still tired after sleeping so much. Yesterday took way too much out of me. I picked a random stream channel and laid down on the couch comfortably. I didn’t even understand what was happening on the screen. Two feathery creatures were arguing about eggs and stuff. I would have loved to get a deeper understanding of the show, but I dozed off on the comfy couch pretty quickly.

[Aium! Wake up; your delivery has arrived.]

“Whamahadh…” *inaudible moaning*

[Aium!]

“I’m up! I’m up!” I said while trying to sit up with great effort.

“Whoa… I feel like someone knocked me out. How long did I nap?”

[You slept for 8 hours.]

“Wah… That’s way too much.”

I didn’t think I would sleep so long. Ugh, I had after-nap-coma. I hated this. I needed a cold face wash first before doing anything else. Also…

[Hey Genna, I’m sorry I was rude to you before. I shouldn’t have been. I know you were just looking out for me.]

[Apology accepted and appreciated. Thank you, Aium.]

I washed my face to wake myself up, put on my sneakers and my hoodie and went out.

The elevator opened with a gentle sound and I walked up to the reception desk. The same guy was behind it as yesterday.

“Oh...hello. How may I help you?” he asked with a smile.

Oh man… could you not stare like that? I fucking hated when they stared.

“I think I got a package?”

“Could you tell me your name so I can check it?”

“Aium Roowe.”

“Here it is,” said the guy as he picked up my package from below the table and handed it to me.

“Thanks.” With that, I turned around and got back into the elevator.

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“Erm... You are welcome,” said the guy a bit confused at my quick departure.

[I love unpacking new things.]

[Mhm. After unpacking can we get back to the questions I mentioned earlier for your job search?]

[Yeah, yeah… sure.]

I was sure she would forget about it after our small chat. While going up, I couldn’t bear the silence in the elevator.

[Do you know any good jokes?] I asked her.

[Actually, it’s extremely difficult to establish a scale and use that to differentiate between jokes. Ten people can look at the same joke and give it a different rating,] she said with great energy. [Before I start a monolog, let me stop myself here. Hehee. I do know a couple of jokes I enjoy,] she continued cheerfully. [What does the flirting human say to the angry fungar?]

[What?]

[You take my breath away,] she said while trying to not laugh at her own joke.

I guessed she likes jokes? A joke enthusiast A.I.. Although I loved how she laughed at her own joke… what the hell was the meaning of it?

[I don’t get it...]

[Let me explain it!] she offered.

[NO! A joke explained is a joke ruined. It has to come naturally.]

[But… I guess it’s logical. I’ll remember this.]

After getting into the room, I searched for a knife to help me open up the package.

[Why the knife?] she asked.

[To open the package?]

[You want to stab it to death or what?]

I looked carefully at the box for the first time, and there was a little handle that read: PULL

And I pulled. The box opened up nicely. What a brilliant invention! I pulled out the contents of the package which was wrapped in a black, squishy, foam.

Felt so nice squeezing it I wanted to keep all of it. Was this the next evolution of bubble wrap?

“Damn this is heavy,” I grunted while lifting it out.

[Of course, it’s heavy. You bought one with advanced safety. You could have saved more than half of what you spent if you chose one without it. It’s made from strong and durable materials. I guess safety is always number one priority, so I can’t argue about this… but still… expensive.]

[Are you sure you aren’t some kind of greed demon?]

[What’s a demon?]

[Erm… a demon is… hmm…. I’m not educated enough to give you a proper answer,] I said while looking up. [Think of them as evil creatures that torment humans for a multitude of reasons.]

[I’d never torment a human. Even the idea is offensive.]

[I’m sorry, I meant it as a joke, okay? I called you a greed demon because the seven sins you know, and the fact that you are awfully conscious about money... especially spending it.]

Ah, come on. She couldn't be this sensitive. I would have to watch my mouth before I REALLY offend her and she turned off something in my body while I slept. Losing control over my bladder would be pretty devastating. Or something even more malicious.

[You just broke your own rule,] she said.

[What?]

[A joke explained is a joke ruined.]

[Touché. It wasn’t even 5 minutes ago. You’ve won this round.] I had to give this one to her.

[I didn’t know we were competing, but it’s only natural that I’m the winner,] she said.

Pride too. A few more and she would advance into an archdemon.

Back to the mask.

Removing the protective foam I could feel the cold touch of metal. The mask itself had a sturdy feel to it. It was black all around. There was a button on its side, but nothing happened when I pressed it.

[Since it has advanced safety you’ll have to register yourself as an owner first. After that, you’ll be the only one who can open or use it.]

[Even if I’m unconscious nobody will be able to get it off me?]

[In emergency situations I’ll be able to open it up, too.]

[How can I do the registration?]

[At the back there should be a small hole. Try pushing it with one of your fingers.]

That was all? Sounded way too simple. I bet there was a trap.

I pushed my index finger against the small hole, and I felt a tiny sting.

“Ouch!”

[It took your DNA sample. From now on this item belongs to you.]

[You didn’t say it on purpose. You wanted me to suffer.]

[A little sting was suffering to you? Last time I checked you were an adult male. Act like one.]

What the heck? She just roasted me…. Badly.

I tried pressing the side button again, and the mask’s face opened up. It was well cushioned inside, and the front panel had a layer of transparent material. I bet there were all kinds of information projected to the surface of the panel like in the Ironman movie. BWUHAHAHA, this was awesome! I ran to the bathroom like a little kid. I looked at my reflection. Hey, there ugly. I ignored it and carefully put on the mask. I pushed the same side button I opened it up with and as expected the mask closed up around my head.

I would have to get used to it. I was a little claustrophobic in it.

I could see through the front panel perfectly. I looked so fucking cool in the mirror. This pitch black metal mask was badass. I turned my head around to get a look from all angles. Absolutely beautiful.

“How can I turn on the holo info stuff on the screen?”

Ah, I hoped I would have a nice robotic voice, but it was normal. I was a little disappointed about this.

[This mask doesn’t have that feature. You can’t afford one equipped with it.]

I was crushed. I wasn’t Ironman. Ah, the devastation... my dreams!

[How about changing my voice?]

[It’s possible, but you’ll have to buy an appropriate software first. I would advise you to wait at least for your next month’s allowance or until you get a job.]

“Bah!” I grumbled.

This was going downhill. I was so excited...

AH! The holoswitcher!

[Genna! How can I holoswitch the picture on the mask?]

[The name you are looking for is holochanger. You just have to think hard enough you want to change the holochanger.]

Holochanger! ACTIVATE!

I watched my reflection in the bathroom mirror and just as one would expect the picture turned on on the mask.

Looked creepy as fuck and I loved it!

The picture on the mask was just like on the holoscreen of the shop. The top of the mask turned dark red, and I had dark slits with glowing red eyes in them. The best of all was the creepiest smile ever. The marking on the forehead was a bit confusing. It was like a fucked up 4… Whatever… I could live with it. The other parts were compensating me enough.

[Ugh… scary. Why do you like it so much?] asked Genna with disgust.

[It’s fantastic. But I can turn it off fortunately so, I’m not stuck with it.]

I proceeded to turn it off.

[A lot better.]

[Ah, don’t be scared, it doesn’t bite,] I tried to reassure her. [At least not you. Hehe,] I continued with a bit of tease.

Now that I have what I needed, shall we get to the conversation?

[Hey Genna. I have something to discuss with you. It might be a bit… scary, but please don’t freak out and call a strike team on me. Okay?] I told her.

[You scare me Aium… What do you want to discuss?]

[I don’t think I belong here,] I stated it without hesitation. No reason to delay.

[That’s silly talk Aium… Just because you don’t know much and act a bit unconventional doesn’t mean you don’t belong here.] She tried to comfort me.

[You are misunderstanding me. I don’t belong in this world… or time… or dimension. I’m not sure about the details.]

[Sorry, what?] She lost it.