Bonus Chapter: Harper versus Jo Anne
(The next few chapters’ canonicity is debatable. Whether they happen or are in Harper’s head, is up to the reader to decide).
A cool summer breeze moved through Nacrene City, while Harper, Brandon and Pedro sat outside the Warehouse Café eating their lunch: nachos with tons of cheese – Brandon’s favourite, and Harper and Pedro liked it as well. Harper was in a good mood; Team Rocket hadn’t caused them any problems that day – usually, Toby and Havana would pop out of nowhere and cause havoc. It was a peaceful day for everyone – Harper decided to use this chance to go and train her Tepig – who needed some training for the journey ahead.
Also in town was Ash Ketchum, getting his Pokéballs healed at the Pokémon Centre. Misty was nagging him about whether he was ever going to buy her a new bike to replace old the bike he destroyed. She was storming about the Pokémon entre with her arms crossing, ranting on and on about that stupid bike. When will she stop? Ash wondered as his Pokéballs were being rubbed clean. it’s starting to get to him. Ash thought he should better well replace it so she can stop nagging him. The nurse handed him his Pokéballs back and he began to wander towards the door when some short guy with an emo haircut came through the door. What made him even more notable is his moustache. Looking closer, he realized that the person before him was Thanos himself.
“Wait a minute!” he yelled, stepping back. “You’re supposed to be dead?”
“I am,” he said simply. “But since some witch – a troll to be precise - has raised me back from the dead. Now it’s time to unleash my dream goal.”
“But that it is impossible,” Ash tried to logically explain.
“Logic is relevant when it comes to trolling,” Thanos explained. “Now tell me where I can get rabies?”
“Why do you want that for?” Ash asked, shaking his head in disgust. Misty looked pretty annoyed as well, caused by this stupid tyrant’s comment. “There is no way in hell will I tell you anything like that! You should be in hell anyway, evil scumbag!”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
“Well, I will find someone to get me rabies,” he said.
Back at the Warehouse Café, Harper, Brandon and Pedro had almost finished eating their nachos with tons of cheese. Suddenly a girl with long dirty blond hair walked up towards the café. As she was walking, she stepped on her own long hair – it was too long – and tripped over it. She fell face-first into the ground hitting the muddy ground. While she tried to get back up, some group of trainers came out of the café - after eating a big and mean meal – and walked over the girl like a carpet, moving towards the outer Pinwheel Forest to find some massive stone named the Challenge Rock. They off to see if their Pokemon are strong enough to punch it and gain its trainer a Star Piece.
“I wonder who she is?” asked Brandon, as he approached the girl to help her up.
The girl mumbled something but none of them could understand. She kept mumbling the same thing repeatedly. Yet again they still could not understand a single word she said. She started to get annoyed, and when she had enough, she took out her fist and punched Brandon, knocking him out cold.
“Why did you do that?” Harper said.
“Me angry – punch punk!” she screamed, slapping Harper in the face. “Jo Anne angry - slap need you!” she said in a very butchered way that only she could truly understand properly.
“That’s very mean what you did,” Harper tried to explain to her. She spoke to Jo Anne as if she was a small child. “You should not have done that. Go say sorry.”
“No – battle – me – win,” she said, one word after the other, none of them connecting that well, nor easy to be understood. Except for Toby. He was fluent in retard.
“She wants to battle you,” he said obviously.
“You don’t say, Sherlock,” Harper said longingly and sarcastically.
“Boy – rite – battle – GO!” she said, taking out two Pokémon – she was too stupid to realize that you keep them in Pokéballs. It was a Magikarp and a Psyduck. She did not even bother announcing what Pokémon she was using. Nor did she instruct her Pokémon during the battle. And it was obvious that she had not bothered to train her Pokémon. They walked around idly.
“Very well,” said Harper, taking out her Pokéballs. “Tepig and Pansage – let us get this over and done with, quickly if possible.”
The Magikarp flapped its arm thingies, trying to splash its opponent, but it was not effective as well. Pansage chuckled a little bit before shooting some seed bombs, knocking Magikarp back to kingdom come. It was the move of a mega-crap. Psyduck, seeing this, started to panic; running around and then charging into the door of the Warehouse Café, knocking itself out.
Jo Anne, realizing what had happened, started to hit herself with a random pan she had just picked up, knocking herself out. As she was doing this, Thanos arrived at the Café.
“Rabies anyone?” he said.