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Pill Cultivation
Ch3: I Hate to Be a Pill, but ewww, wipe that boot!

Ch3: I Hate to Be a Pill, but ewww, wipe that boot!

“Uhnn…” The groaning mound of damp earth, composting and composted leaf debris, and Beast hybrid girl shifted as consciousness reared its ugly, throbbing, spinning head once again. The first thing she noticed was that the dim forest light was reduced to near darkness. Either she’d been out for half a day, “or I fell into a cave?”

Something landed, chittering, on her head, slamming her face back against the debris and hard stone floor and nearly breaking her nose. Eyes already starting to water and her vision swimming from the combination of pain and undoubtedly a concussion, Terra managed to roll onto unsteady legs. The burning weakness that permeated her everything suggested that she hadn’t be unconscious for very long. The shouts that were growing progressively louder once more seconded that assessment. They were definitely on her trail again, or had never lost it. She had at most a minute before the hole from the collapse was located.

“This is it. I don’t… I don’t think I could even make the jump to get out of here on a good day.” It was a only a very small step from watery eyes due to hitting her nose to tears streaming down her face. So stream they did. Her soft sobbing as quiet as she could manage. Stopping though, remaining totally silent in the vague hope they wouldn’t actually find her?

That was beyond her at this point. Even if they didn’t find her, she’d likely be trapped in this cave or killed by whatever Beast had dug it. The walls were clearly made and reinforced with Qi at some point. Formations were carved all over, their energies failing now as they had been broken by the collapse.

“Wait, that’s not like any Beast cave I’ve ever seen. A cultivation cave? This far into the Wilds?” Stumbling over to an unbroken wall, she ran her fingers along the stone. The remnants of Qi were so incredibly pure. Even Beast blood refined Qi was rarely able to achieve this degree of purity. Her blood froze as she realized she must have stumbled into some Immortal’s inheritance, That, or, some discarded private cave.

Scrubbing tears from her eyes and snot, and blood, from her nose, she turned to survey the rest of the space. Hoping. Praying. Perhaps the mysterious Immortal had left something behind. Some thing worthless to them, but a powerful Treasure to her. Some last chance to escape!

What she didn’t expect to see was the most resplendent, fluffy, well groomed looking squirrel clacking its teeth angrily against a fist-sized pill. The squirrel chittered and screeched in frustration as it failed to even fit a quarter of the pill into its mouth, though it tried. It tried so hard it was almost comical, if it hadn’t been so clearly desperate.

Wide eyes that gleamed with far too much intelligence stared at her as she approached, the squirrel freezing in place when it registered her movements.

“…Death Commanding Chitter?” Terra blinked. “Wait, Immortal Death… you’re a Beast! No Immortal level Beast would call themselves something like that!” She gesticulated wildly, trying to pull her swimming, scattered thoughts together. “Also, squirrels are at best minor Beasts!”

“You want to refine a squirrel body to an Immortal level?” The mere thought was so absurd that despite the situation she was in, laughter started to overtake her. The world was shifting and swaying so badly that she fell to her hands and knees, yet could not stop laughing.

When the laughing turned to tears, then the tears to vomiting, she was reminded of a few things.

One, she’d fallen a long ways and hit her head. Vomiting, that was bad. Very bad. She might be bleeding inside. Cultivators were tougher and more resilient, but she wasn’t a particularly powerful one, nor did she have hardly any Qi left in her body at all. Even Cultivators at the upper Foundation Establishment level had succumbed to head injuries that seemed shockingly minor, in her experience.

Two, the shouting was getting very, very near now. She could hear the crackle, rushing wind, booming thunder of various movement Techniques. As they grew closer, so too did their skirmishes and battles between one another increase. It was a test, a hunt, a game. Whoever could catch and hold onto the Beast girl could use her as they saw fit, until she was a husk or dead. She might not be pretty, but having her body violated would be downright desirable compared to being used forcibly as a Furnace. Her Beast blood would be forced to process and purify Qi and impurities to advance their cultivations and solidify their Foundations before they break through to True Core realm. It would leave her dead or crippled to worse state than even being a Mortal.

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Three, that ‘Immortal’ squirrel was holding onto some kind of cultivation resource that it had found in this cave.

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Get off! Get off you rabid forest rodent! I don’t want to be eaten by you!

Go play with your acorns!

How the hell is that different from the other guy? Eh? EH?!? You’re just as evil as the fat ass who put me here!

When, a short bit later, Immortal Crazy Nutcase, drove the girl to laughing so hard she literally started barfing, it was apparently the limit of the squirrel’s patience.

What, no ‘chittering’?

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of smug satisfaction as the squirrel hurled himself at the girl. The girl who looked up with determined eyes. Determined eyes with one pupil dilated much more than the other… ah, I see, thus the vomiting. Poor girl must have brain bleed going on. Well, since the squirrel couldn’t possibly fit me into his mouth thanks to my prodigious cultivation base having expanded my size manyfold and the girl on the verge of death by either squirrel or brain bleed, I was probably safe. Probably. I really just needed another ten or so minutes to consolidate my Soul just enough to start gathering Qi again to refill my drained Crystal Qi Core. Just a little would be enough to start smacking around Immortal Acorn Mash around.

The squirrel hit the girl like a rhino, despite its diminutive size, sending her flying back against the stone wall with a wet cracking sound. Like some kind of weird martial arts movie, the squirrel appeared to hang in the air for a long moment, one squirrely foot extended in a tiny kick, before he dropped silently to the floor in what would probably have been a pretty badass move.

You know, if he wasn’t a super fluffy squirrel.

“Found you!” CRUNCH

The heavy boots hit the rubble and dirt covered stone hard, sending cracks through the stonework and causing me to bounce several times. Fresh rubble from the already damaged ceiling rained down, seemingly unnoticed where it harmlessly struck the hulking man. Muscles upon muscles were visible despite a quite substantial robe and loose pants covering the absurdly scaled body. The guy must be eight… yeah, at least eight feet tall. Like six hundred pounds of pure hulk.

A face that looked like it was chiseled from granite based on an algorithmic determination of the ultimate standard of male body builder beauty looked about, seeking something. Before he managed to notice the slumped over, possibly dead girl, his stance shifted and he bellow in rage and shock.

“WHAT THE F-“

CRUNCH!

“Oh god, I think it’s stuck to my boots now.”

CRUNCH! CRUNCH! SPLAT! SPLURT! KRKGGL! <…I… I surr-> CRACKPLURP!

<……>

Scraping the remnants off on a chunk of dropped stone, the hulking man failed to notice the movement until it was too late. Hell, I failed to notice it too. At least, right up until a rough hand grabbed me and slammed me into her mouth.

Correction, tried. Tried to slam me into her mouth.

Hehe, my prodigious cultivation has once again-

“Ah! My little Furnace. Ha! Get it! Cause you’ve got fur!” A huge hand reached out while the girl tried and failed to force her jaw open far enough to fit me inside.

Hell no, lady! I don’t want to be eaten by your any more than by the squirrel!

“Just give up and I’ll promise to be gentle…” the Gigachad smirked, “…sometimes.”

“Only if I lend her to you!” Gigachad turned to face the newcomer who dropped down through the ceiling. It occurred to me I’d been so focused on stuffing the hypothetical popcorn into my mouth over the most entertaining and dynamic events since arriving what felt like an eternity ago, that I’d completely failed to notice the explosions, howling winds, and flashes of thunderous lightning that indicated some kind of epic battle outside. The walls were shaken repeatedly, more debris dropping everywhere and cracks starting to propagate.

Even Gigachad and the newcomer, Skinnyjeans (I’m the best at naming, no doubt) glanced nervously at the crumbling structure.

“Maybe we aught to…”

“Yeah, yeah let’s take this outside. Temporary truce to get the Beast out of this cave?”

“Truce.” A massive hand clasped what was probably a totally normal sized one, before the two turned to look at me. Rather, at the girl still trying to force a too big pill into her mouth while hyperventilating and doing the ugly cry. Real, real ugly.

“What are you HOLY SHIT IS THAT A MASSIVE PILL?” Skinnyjeans hit a few octaves higher as he realized my freaking awesomeness. What happened next though, gave the three of us guys pause.

Because girlie grabbed her jaw with one hand, and yanked, freaking snapping something. Unhinged girlie. Totally, oh wait, I see, she literally was unhinging her jaw so she could-