Seven days have not passed since the night of Evelyn’s death. During that time, I acquainted myself with the many residents and spent many hours searching for evidence. For a first impression, I had already left a curious imprint that made others nervous about my presence. There have been no foul words or toil in my days, but you never know what might come the following week.
Wandering through this long hall, I come across an old man who stumbles as he carries the many books within his breast, struggling with the chance of tripping over himself; before such trials occurred, I took the liberty to offer him my assistance.
I said: “Excuse me, sir, you seem burdened by the weight of books in your hand. May I offer you my own?”
He presses himself against the stone wall and takes a short breath to gain back his strength, “You—think me useless, you damn brat!? I have you know I can lift swords heavier than you.”
“I do not doubt your capabilities, my friend, but you seemed overwhelmed. It is my duty as a Phader to help those in need.”
“A Phader, you say...? The man who speaks the words of our god and spits his intuition on the many. Tell me, boy, what does Sleeper say to a shite like you?”
“I only question his words and use the meanings for the good of the people. I’m sure Sleeper would fancy himself a bottle of wine than speak to me.”
“Is that so?” he grunted from the burden of taking over his strength. Before the books fell, I had taken half of his stack. When given slight relief, he scoffs at me: “Duty to help those in need, aye...? If you were not Sleeper’s servant, would you still help me?”
“I would like to think so.”
He did not utter another word to me and decided to continue down his path. The silence was bitter, and my good nature followed its resolve... I remember being asked, ‘Why would you help those who are foul to you?’ The answer to me had always been simple, man or woman—we had all dealt with our strife daily, bliss being a rare luxury. If you give a helping hand to those in need, they shall walk with a smile now or later that night. Being a Phader has pushed this idea to me, but I genuinely believe in helping others... even if I had to question myself as of late.
We left the final step of the spiral staircase and went to the lower halls, where the old man led me to the library... A library indeed, the collection is more extensive than anticipated. My curious glance skimmed the many book titles.
“Well... Are you going to laugh at the old man who reads the books of our world?”
“The titles of these novels are curious...”
The books are history and Philosophy, based on old beliefs and stigmas. Even the ones that describe utter hatred towards the Phaders. The old man continued: “Old and curious they are, a youngling such as yourself will never understand the thoughts of the wise... And—as your elder, I say that you are a fraud underneath that black cloak; the gold ropes on your shoulder are weaved with lies and deceit. Sleeper is not real, nor are your beliefs!”
“You may think of me as a deceitful troubadour, which is far from the truth. If I could give you my inner thoughts...”
“You can’t show me anything!” he interrupted, “Don’t waste my time with words of the weak... this is no place for such nonsense.”
“Then you and I have nothing more to say...” I said, defeated.
“Yes! A triumph moment indeed...”
I left his sight, returning to the corridor. I became lost in my thoughts, wondering why someone pushed me away like so. Then again, the callous circumstance will hamper one’s ability to socialize politely.
#
A few hours turn as the sun sets aside Sleeper’s ring. To pass this flowing river of time, I take a moment to join Cresalin in conversation. We joined together in my study where we sat on opposite ends, taking moments of respite—by sipping the mugs of ale... Unfortunately, it is a bit light on flavor.
“Tell me, Cresalin,” I asked, “How does someone such as yourself find yourself under the cloak of Sleeper?”
“Do you object to my duties?” She said, worried.
“Not at all,” I reassured, “You would make a great candidate for the Cathedral’s advisor. I find it strange how I was selected for this role. Is your presence not known to the Capital?”
“I have no motivation to convince of my worthiness, for the people here see me as their mother—the guiding hand for the lost.”
“And you not burdened by this?”
“I have no reason to be. I had grown alongside them, knowing almost everything about them.”
“Come now, you can be honest with me. Caring for the many will weigh the mind greater than any armor on a knight.”
“I suppose there is some worry... Like Evelyne, for instance. Have you found any new information about her?”
My expression seeps despair, “I’m afraid to say that—I have not learned anything new. I took some time out of my day to follow any trail I could, yet there was nothing I could find.”
“It’s a shame... And Phader, forgive me for placing this burden on you.”
I waved my hand, “I take full responsibility...”
She takes a sip of her ale while hiding her worried expression. Glancing away momentarily, I tried to think of another topic of interest. Think away as I did; she has already set course among the populace. She thanked me for my company and left my study. Taking the time, I needed to set aside the pitcher and mugs. Looking outside the window, I find the old man from before sitting on the bench below me. Weird this position is to the common eye; I turn away before anyone thinks my curious gaze was that of stalking... Then again, the words he said to himself were—fascinating. Mumbling in isolation, bitter words in tone: “How can our community be corrupted by greed and speak of gods and philosophy with the simple mind! The people should be free and not worrying over petty tribulations...”
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I somewhat agreed with his monologue—knowing that most people think collectively. Their worries over simple matters become a heavy burden when everything becomes an easy chore.
He continued: “I know the truth, far greater than any man or woman...! Damnit... Why was I burdened with this knowledge? Was I supposed to be a martyr? Yes! Yes! I shall shape their minds like I, and we no longer fear these worrisome trials in the capital.”
My accord turns to suspicion; this old man locks himself within the cage of his mind and expects to change the world in the blink of an eye. Having passed his youth, what does he hope to accomplish? And... What does he mean by the worrisome trials in the capital? When I had left my home, there were minor disputes, but none befitting a revolt or organization of chaos.
He took a deep breath and spoke to someone I could not see, “Show me the visions ‘All Seeing Eye,’ let me learn of these trials so I may learn from them.”
‘Is he mad?’ I wondered.
From that point forward, he remains in silence. Allowing his thoughts—his person to turn colder by the minute. Lost forever in his mind.
I turned away from the sorry sight, then stretched my fingers against the dusty shelves. Though I do not know his name, I am tempted by his past. I want to learn what turns his cold heart. No... I should not scavenge for simple text; rather, I should speak to him further if I can manage it. Difficult it may be, and yet I strive for the mile more.
I had walked that mile to find him alone in that same spot. He stares continually at the grass below his shoes, never blinking his eyes.
I suddenly speak to grab his attention: “May I accompany you?”
The dots in his eyes dilated from my interference, and his focus centered on me, “Your very presence is a nuisance, boy. Why would I want your company?”
“Being alone with your thoughts can hinder your outlook on life. Would you not agree?” “Don’t be foolish—the mind must be focused, Vigilant! When times of great disorder come, I must keep this head soaked in the waters of knowledge. Do you not see the corruption and disorder?”
“There are weeds in the garden, yes, but it is not my place nor in my power to change the world in my image... Let alone change many souls. You should focus on your surroundings for a change.”
“Oh yes! I should stare at the many empty halls and listen to the children babble on and on about how much this day bores their simple minds.”
Frustrated, I sighed, “What led you to this sorry state?”
He took a moment to respond, “People, they are unpredictable and callous...”
“Now, I must ask. Where are you getting this information from? We're far from the capital, and messengers rarely visit such places.”
Suddenly, he became nervous, grasped his knee, and looked away, “Why are you leeching onto me? You must enjoy watching your elders turn to ash.”
“Nonsense... I am here because you left a curious print on my mind. A print I must discover for myself. I know you are talking to someone who I cannot see... Tell me, is this entity a demon or Phantom?”
He clenched his teeth, shaking his head with the widest grin I had ever seen on a man, “Sleeper’s mouthpiece once to know the truth of it all! You could not comprehend such sights... Better to live in ignorance, I say.”
“Live in ignorance... Are you expressing your thoughts? Well—I shall not waste your time anymore, but if you want to accompany me for a drink, you are more than welcome to join.”
“One day, boy. You will see how bitter this world truly is.”
“I know the mind far more than I let on, and yet—I walk the mile more.”
#
The mile more, I ventured through the cathedral, finding solace among the dark, vacant rooms that spread throughout this place. It is incredible to see vast space without occupants wandering, let alone discussing pointless topics. No, what remains now is old furniture, cobwebs, and dust. The more I strayed, the darker this place became. Eventually, I had to stop myself and turn back to my studies.
From there, I took a moment to rest my limbs and listen to the hollow ambiance. Such music was abrupted before I was able to enjoy its calm melody... I can hear a voice beckoning me. The room darkens into this strange black shade. I tried to escape from this room but became lost in the void with no door in sight.
The sun reveals only a part of itself before me. From there—I could see something. The light shows me a blackened statue perched in the way of wonderment. The statue stands alone in the darkened void. I walk closer, and not soon after, I see the stone chips falling from—flesh? Red, pulsing lively to my presence.
A great breath exhales from his lips, exposing his bare teeth and bright violet eyes, staring with a wide, unblinking gaze.
“Let me show you the world...” the statue said with a—almost human-like voice.
“Show me the world? Could I not gaze at it with my own eyes?”
“You only see the world that surrounds you... Do you want to see all of it? The wars—the beautiful woman and the fate of this world?”
“There is no need for me to gaze into oblivion. Should I not be content with my condition?”
“Only if you want to live your life unknowing of its fate. Allow me to show you...”
“I do not need such sights. To be burdened with truth will only lead me into the pitiful spiral.”
The statue chuckled, “You will allow yourself the path of ignorance?”
“I would better for me to live unknowingly...”
“Why would you betray your intellect!?” The old man appears from the darkness, standing beside the statue while grasping the black stone arm. “There must be something you wish to know that has been bothering you since your arrival?”
The truth about Evelyn’s disappearance. That question burdens my mind, but I must retract from viewing the stranger’s perspective.
“There is something, isn’t there?” The old man continued.
“Everyone wishes to have their questions answered, but I must reframe myself—for I may give in to the lonely spiral... I hoped that my words could convince you to remove yourself from comfort and experience the world through a different lens, and yet—It’s too late for you to change.”
“You’re a fool, youngling...”
“I am a student learning the world outside the many books.”
The black stones that crumbled off the statue began resting on the flesh... watching as this black cloud evaporated from my surroundings. Pressing myself against my desk, I take a moment to catch my breath. The sense of relief is absent, replaced with weariness... There is some vitality left in this body of mine, and with its last drops, I should check on that old man again. When I arrived at his chambers, the door was already wide. A foul smell creeps into my nostrils. Upon my investigation—the smell could not counter the sight before me. A mutant of disfigured proportions. I stare at a creature whose head contains a black void, and his forehead limbs lack structure. Expressing only regret, the old man looks at me with discontent... My dread planted me like a tree. I could never turn myself away from that sight.
He muttered words that I could not understand. However, the black void in his head spoke more to me than I had previously encountered... A spiral of calamity, depictions of abstract images, resembling... I constrained myself to look at those images any further. Now focused on the old man again, I see the blood trickling down from his eyes and ears. The pain must be too much to bear, and with the limited time I have, there is nothing I can do to end his suffering... No, there is something. Committing to this motion of mine, I would have to ask myself, ‘Is it justified?’ Contemplating will get me nowhere; his moaning grows louder by the passing minute... I see a dagger next to his mutilated hand. I retrieved it and then aimed the edge against the lump of his neck.
I—try to convince myself that there is another way to save him. Yet, I must remind myself that I am no god—no martyr, just a man who chose to take these burdens for himself. There is no pleasure, no growth in my reputation, and my obligations as a Phader play no part.
With this final moment, I tell him, “There will be peace in the land of dreams. May you finally rest there.”
“There—will... be nothing more me... Just the void,” The old man uttered his final words, and now—I stand alone with a blade coated with his blood...
How bitter this was for me to participate in... foolish the old man was. He did not deserve such torment. There is nothing more I could do for him besides prepare his body and hope he arrives in the next world.