Chapter Forty-Six: Minion!
As if to confirm my words, Crystal made a chart appear:
Inventory
Death Boons: 15
Gold: 114
Name
Amount
Condition
Effect
Description
Wooden Scrap
800
1/1
???
It's a scrap of wood. Little more than trash.
Broken Sword
20
1/1
???
Assorted broken sword parts. Hilts, blades, dohickeys. You name it you got it.
Broken Sheild
7
1/1
???
A bunch of broken shields. What are you collecting trash? Are you the dungeon janitor now?
Destroyed book
50
1/1
???
It's a bunch of scraps of paper. Literal trash.
~Uh-oh! Someone burned a book!
Decayed Spices
300
1/1
???
The sewer smelled better.
"Yup, no red sword. Tell me, Thumbs, why did you want a red sword anyway?"
[Blue sword, Rod.]
"Right, the blue sword. But you don't seem like the fighting type, Thumbs. Why is this sword so important to you?" I asked, genuinely curious about the goblin's motives.
His three pointy hairs were sticking every which way, but they jostled in the wind as he threw a temper tantrum, wildly jumping into the air.
Thumbs squealed in horror, his eyes wide with panic. “Bow guy not scare. Not find. No, no, no, no, no, no. This bad. Thumbs bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad.” His voice was high-pitched and frantic, each word a desperate plea.
“Woah, Thumbs, it's okay," I said, trying to calm the frantic goblin. "What's so bad? Why do you need the sword so much?" My voice was gentle, hoping to ease his panic. The truth was, I didn't want to help this Goblin much; they were monsters, after all, but if I could find this r-blue sword, it would probably be worth some amount of money. Maybe.
"Thumbs not know. Kingsley says blue sword here. Appear after Gregory dies. Gregory lives then dies then blue sword. But Gregory is not here today. Here yesterday, or maybe last week? No. Bad, bad, bad, bad. Kingsley lead Thumbs here. Say stay until blue sword. Kingsley hoard all treasure."
“This Kingsley fellow took your treasure? You poor thing," I said, reaching out to comfort him. As I did, I whispered to Crystal, "Hey, what's going on with this goblin? None of the other monsters have talked. Sure, he's odd, but he doesn't seem hostile.”
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
As if in response, a Quest appeared.
Quest Log
Quest name
Type
Description
Reward
[Thumbs!]
Minion
Help Thumbs!
Your first minion!
[I was never a fan of goblin hoarders. But if the dungeon is handing you a minion quest this easy, I would pay attention to it, even if it is screaming nonsense. Maybe if you pull out a gold coin, you can get it to stop screaming.]
At this point, the Goblin had descended into inaudible wailing, punctuating each silent yell with angry back-and-forth arm waving. I pulled a single gold coin, tossed it at the Goblin, and said, "Do you like gold?" The Goblin's eyes widened like ripples in a pond, and he nodded, catching the coin.
"Bowman has gold. Must help. Help. Maybe I can buy safety? Yes, yes. Thumbs be okay. Kingsley lots gold. Take Thumbs's 4 gold.. Sad. but now new gold. Not let Kingelsely take new coin." As he said this, he kept petting the gold coin with a reverence that bordered on obsession. If this was how the goblin reacted to a single coin, I could only imagine what he would do with more. I sighed, sensing the complications ahead.
"I'm gonna regret this," I said under my breath before asking Crystal something. "Crystal, can you create a little baggie, like the ones the coins sometimes come in? I want a bag of 25 coins."
[Sure thing.] The bag magically plopped into my hand, a soft leather pouch with a drawstring. I could feel the weight of the coins through the material as I tossed it to the goblin.
“Here, catch.”
Thumbs' eyes widened in sheer delight. 'Joy! Joy, Joy! Kingley, no king. Thumbs rich. Rich, rich! Golds, golds, golds!' He danced around, clutching the pouch to his chest as if it were his most prized possession. The Goblin approached me then and peered up at me with his comically oversized eyes on his too-tiny face. "Thumbs is me.” He gestured at himself with his right thumb. “Me minion of yous." A magical light glowed around the Goblin and me.
Quest Complete
I probably should have felt something at getting a minion, but all I could focus on was the fact that Thumbs kept changing the way he pronounced Kingsley? Kingley? Kinglesley? Whatever it was, it was probably the floor mini-boss. A mini-boss goblin, considering he had an actual name. Couldn’t there be more variety? I was getting a little tired of goblins. It couldn't be the real Goblin King, right? I was interrupted from my thoughts by Crystal chiming in.
Quest Log
Quest name
Type
Description
Reward
[Thumbs!]
Complete!
Minion
Help Thumbs!
You have received your first minion. They follow similar rules to penitents. They have a limited number of lives and respawn when you do.
[Congratulations. You have unlocked Minions! Each floor has an unlockable minion, but there are also monsters that can be turned into temporary minions through certain means. Collect them all, or don't! I couldn't care less.] Seemed like Crystal was back in her sarcastic streak. I was trying to figure out what the deal was with the floating thing. Some days, she was quiet; some days, she was sarcastic; and others, she was monotone. It was like the Merchant was sitting at a desk writing with a quill and parchment, uncertain what lines to give her every time she talked. I shook my head to clear my rambling thoughts.
“Wait, there’s minions on every floor? What's the minion for the first floor?” I asked.
[Shhh, it's a secret to everybody.] I rolled my eyes at her antics and turned my attention to my gold-obsessed minion. He was making a stack on the ground, counting his gold coins. I don't know why I gave him my gold, but he was cute and could unlock chests. I'd been lucky so far, but who would know if future runs could guarantee me keys? "So, Thumbs, what do you like most about gold?" The Goblin jumped as if forgetting I existed.
"Shiny Shiny Shineeeeey." The Goblin threw the gold coins into the air, jumping up and down underneath it. "Miney, miney, Miney! I have the gold! Gold! Gold!" The Goblin was already starting to annoy me with its sing-songy voice and repetitive words. But at least it would be easy to control. I grabbed the Goblin by the hand and picked him up. He didn't even try to fight me, but he held a single coin and put it in his mouth. "Mine," He snarled through the coin. "Mine."
"Woah, okay there, Thumbs, we gotta discuss some ground rules if you're to be my minion. First," I said as I gathered up all his coins and returned them to the bag. "We need to talk about gold. It's yours, fair and square. Consider it your starting pay. But if you want future gold, you must do what I say. Do you understand?" The Goblin nodded in my grip. "Second, you need to be careful; if you lose your gold again, I'm not replacing it. You'll earn new gold every time you pick a lock or loot an item for me, but that's it. And third, you stay behind me at all times. I'm not letting you get yourself killed and wasting my money. Wait…" I paused and thought for a second. "Crystal. How do minions work?"
[Am I wasting my time? Why do I even bother with describing these things in the charts if you never even read them?]
“It’s just there’s always so much to do. And there’s so many I lose track!”
[Fine. It's so simple a toddler could understand. You get the creature to follow you, and then it becomes your minion. It dies when it dies and respawns when you respawn. Each minion is based on a different one of the classes. Though obviously much, much weaker. Now that you've unlocked a minion, you can spend your death boons on making them more powerful, too] I could hear the frustration in her voice.
“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better about reading them… but one more thing.
I had been so focused on the events at the start of the second floor that I hadn't been paying attention; in fact, I don't think Crystal had even mentioned how many death boons I had been gaining. "Hey, Crystal, how many Death Boons have I gained on this floor? With everything that's happened—the guard, the god—I must have earned some extras, right?" The long, suffering sigh that she let out made me want to tear out my hair. "Sorry."
[Please. I’m begging you, Rod. Read the charts. You have accrued 15 Death Boons since the last time you spent them.] I nodded frantically, worried she would flare the light again, but instead, she said, [Would you like to see the list again? There are several new options.]
"Yes, that would be great," I replied, feeling a surge of adrenaline at the prospect of new power.