Concealing Shield had a complex Spellform. Perhaps complex wasn't the right word to describe it, but Amy did find it peculiar. For every other Element she knew, the Spellform would be practically useless, except maybe Dark. Nothing about the Spellform seemed to work; that is, without the properties of Unknowable supporting it. She barely knew anything about Unknowable other than what Felin taught her yet this Spellform told her everything she needed to know.

It was cruel. Incomprehensibly cruel.

The Spellform was memorised, in all of its agonising splendour, and Felin had given her the go-ahead that she was allowed to use mana again, so she was waiting by the table, staring at the paper it was written on. I'm honestly surprised Felin didn't teach me Fae before this. Although I did leave that as an afterthought. As much as I like the sound of Fae, my absurd affinity towards it creeps me out. Hell, just look at what happened with Monstrous Visage. I hadn't even intended for Fae to be in there, but when I made the working, it crawled its way in and... perverted it. I don't mean to deprive myself of such a powerful tool if push comes to shove but I'd rather not touch it for now. Unknowable, in spite of its horridness, and my somewhat high affinity towards it too, doesn't intrude on my life.

"Magecraft shouldn't be an issue like last time," Felin commented. "Unlike Illusion, Unknowable and Fae don't mingle. Your regular Magecraft will work fine."

"Got it," Amy nodded, expression calm.

"Be careful with the attunement, as it is Unknowable at the end of the day, and there's a reason only higher Tier Mages study it. Remember all I've told you about the Element and it should all go swimmingly."

"Understood, Felin," Amy said, cracking a smile. "Ready for me to go ahead?"

"Ready."

Taking a deep breath, Amy focused inwards, looking towards her expanded mana pool. It was jarring for a moment, seeing it in such an unusual form, but as she touched upon it with her will, it felt natural in seconds. The mana was responsive, shaping itself to her commands in all sorts of ways. The one moment that didn't feel natural however was when she went to start Magecraft. With the mana pool's size, it felt difficult to decide where to begin. No longer sparse enough to make it dance one mote at a time, the solution eluded her. I could isolate a small section in the middle? Rotate that then join it up again with the rest of the pool? That feels wrong though and Felin, if he could hear me, would no doubt berate me for thinking it. He never mentioned doing anything different with my Magecraft so what am I doing wrong? Should I just... spin it? Like it's the same size as always?

Directing a tentative thought towards the centre of her mana, the pool trembled for an instant, as if stuck in indecision. Then, to her surprise, Amy's mana pool began its dance. Coming to her unbidden, the stage of life appeared, far more vivid than before as if the imagery in her Magecraft had become reality. A faceless crowd, the audience too was there, silent among the myriad seats of the universe. At the centre stage, the dancer spun. She began slow at first, before suddenly speeding up, reaching speeds Amy had never thought of before, faster than before by a long while. The dancer, the Mage, Amy, was a spinning top, indistinct, whirling around the stage, a never-ending pirouette.

And, from the heavens, mana descended. Drawn from the mill of life, it flew towards her pool, falling to the dancer, like flour. It was the sands of time itself, dropping down the hourglass, fuelling her with every drop. The grains flowed and time continued its endless march onwards into eternity. A shadow that was no shadow at all enveloped the stage like a dark curtain. Time ceased to be within the curtain's sealing dark. The sands were sapped, the march continuing, unaware of the ebb in its ceaseless river. Without the support of time, space began to lose its meaning. Everything was constant, and everything was changing, all at the same time, in no time at all. The spinning grew wobbly, as if disappearing from sight, so fast that perhaps it was no longer able to be seen. All of that which the curtain held within its gaze could no longer be seen, caught up in the currents of the dance. It was indecipherable. It was unseen.

It was Unknowable.

The dream shattered as the realisation hit her, Amy's consciousness returned to her with the breaking of her reverie. She barely took notice of something floating almost directly in front of her, barely touching her face, her eyelids closed in concentration. Amy still knew it was Felin.

Revolving around her whirlpool of mana was a sickly purple-grey sludge, tendrils of its horrible form caressing the sides of her self, reaching out, corrupting. The way her mind had almost been overrun, swamped by the weight of her thoughts, reminded Amy of an Advanced Element. This was nothing Advanced though. It was 'only' Esoteric.

Something that confused her though was an oddity, creeping along the edges of the grey Unknowable. Her Mage Sight told her nothing about the Element but her other mana senses did. The rushing of a river. The gentleness of grains of sand, falling. The smell of a burning that only increased in severity, but never getting noticeably worse. The taste of everything at once. Oh. It's Time.

I suppose I did focus quite a lot on the time-aspect of Unknowable, Amy admitted, and probably far more than what was needed. The burden of an additional Element is also what probably did it for me and almost made things go badly. Unknowable seems difficult enough on its own already and although I've never touched Time or Space I've heard that they're of a similar degree. Too late now though, so I just have to filter the Time away and channel the Unknowable into the Spellform.

With a gentle, guiding hand, Amy channelled the Unknowable away, splitting the Time's connection away from it one mote at a time, like splitting threads on a tightly bound rope. The strange Element soon dissipated, returning to the Mana Ocean, Pure, Amy's command over the mana flittering away. Only Unknowable remained. Hopefully.

Amy, for the first time since she started, opened her eyes, noticing that Felin had retreated to a few steps away, on the edge of worry. She gave him a reassuring smile - or at least tried to - and began to Spellcraft. Innate mana spun out of her pool with ease, constructing itself into the cruel shape she memorised. Coalesced mana, the horrid colour of Unknowable, swam it's way along her arm, coming out of her. Slower than her innate, but it was still a massive improvement compared to how coalesced mana usually acted when she was a Mageling. The sickly purple-grey mana touched upon the Spellform the second it completed, turning it the same colour. The corrupting Unknowable transformed the Spellform, running through every channel almost instantly, as if it was begging to be filled.

The Spell activated. And, almost anticlimactically, a small bubble took shape. It was almost imperceptible in the way it darkened what was inside it, only covering about the length of her forearm, it centred on the tips of her fingers. The Magick took barely any mana to sustain, surprisingly, and Amy reckoned she could fuel it for days without it becoming an issue. Felin was looking at her funny however, and so made it stop with a thought. Mana left her, and the Spellcraft finished.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Well done," Felin smiled, somewhat tense. "For a first try that was really good. Of course not everything was perfect, and the Spell wasn't as good as it could be, but practice makes perfect."

"What does make something Unknowable anyways?" Amy asked, confused at the Magick. "I didn't notice much other than the shadow."

"As you casted the Spell undirected, it simply meant any changes to the environment within the Spell would become 'unknowable'. If you had specified the parameters of the Spell, then you could target specific items with the shield, for example.

"Either way, we have more important things to talk about."

"We do?"

"Indeed," Felin nodded, a fleeting moment of doubt darkening his feline features. "You got very close to losing control there, during your Magecraft. I didn't think that there would be such a risk, but I didn't anticipate the particular way your affinity would interact with you. And that makes me even more concerned about what would happen if you further attuned Fae."

"What do you mean?" Amy frowned. "I already attuned Fae before this though, with Familiar."

"I know you did, and there was no effect. That's why I thought you would be fine with Unknowable, even if your affinity is lower. It could just be the nature of the Element that gave you a hard time, but something tells me that that's not the case. From now on though, I... I don't know what we'll be able to do, but be cautious when it comes to Fae Spells."

"Felin... I know you mentioned it before," Amy said softly, "But what makes a high affinity so dangerous? I assume it's to do with the whole turning-into-mana thing and that's why you couldn't tell me properly before."

"Indeed..." Felin trailed off, his gaze going distant. "Affinity is a complex topic, one too large to cover in only one sitting. I'll try to be brief though.

"Affinity is the tendency towards attunement that your self as a Concept has, initially of course. It can change, and is changed, only usually by higher Tier Mages who have better control over what their body is. When you're not a Mage, it's far more set in stone. Your Concept of self is shaped by your experiences as much as it is by your genetics. Affinities, strangely, don't. Affinities can be described as the prototype of your being, in the magical sense. They are determined at birth, and can only be altered through severe events.

"Have you ever heard of nature versus nurture?"

"Not really," Amy said, thinking back to both her mundane and magical schooling and failing to recall anything.

"It's a belief that was introduced to me by my last contractor. It's a debate in psychology that argues between what part of your mentality is pre-determined at birth by your genetics, your 'nature', and how much it is determined by your experiences growing up, your 'nurture'. Affinities, then, can be described as the 'nature' of a Mage. Even if, arguably, it is easier to break free from than your 'nurture', what you experience during your foundation, it makes or breaks a Mage more often than not. All you need is to get tripped at the start of a race to lose it, and it's no different here with a Mage's path.

"Even if we only consider the positive side of affinities, where no negatives exist, they are still detrimental to a Mage's path. That is no more obvious than here, with you."

"Fae," Amy muttered, disgruntled. "It starts to be a problem at Apprentice, if I remember correctly."

"You are correct. Affinities, for the vast majority of Mages, are a blessing. A wonderful thing that gives them a head start. However, these very same Mages are the same ones who barely make it to Journeyman. In truth, clear to any experienced and high Tier Mage, affinities are a curse. They exist to only hamper a Mage's path. They hinder Mages from building one, and lead others astray from the one they should truly follow."

"Then... if you advance far enough up the Tiers, and your body is almost entirely mana... the affinities would change you." Amy surmised. The way Felin talks about a Mage's path is very different to how I would too. Almost as if a path is a physical thing. Maybe, at higher Tiers, it is.

"Correct. They will alter not only your body, but your mind. That's why they're so dangerous. And that's why it's paramount that you find a balance for your affinities, some way to cancel out the effect they have on you. For you, however, with an affinity as high as yours? I don't know what we'll do but it'll have to be before Archmage, otherwise it's simply too late; the affinities would've already had an effect. Archmages and, to a lesser extent, Journeymen follow a sort of process to prevent this changing as it's not just unique to high affinity Mages. All mana of any kind carries corruption, influence that will change you if you aren't careful. It involves encapsulating your entire being, your Conceptual self, and concentrating it down until it can be properly shielded and protected. This condensed 'self' as mana forms the basis of an Ascendant Element of sorts, well before you even consider Ascending. Without it, you grow insane."

"I understand... I think," Amy contemplated, thinking over the implications. How would you even do that? Must be something that makes more sense when you're actually there. I couldn't imagine making my self into mana.

"We've gotten a bit off-track so I think I'll stop it here," Felin said. "All you need to do is practise when it comes to that Spell and, well, I don't think I'll be teaching you anything else for now. Likewise with Fae. I know it may be disappointing but-"

"It's for my own safety, I know," Amy smiled, nodding along.

"After you've finished your practising make sure to dismiss me, as I've been sustaining this form for quite a while now and it's digging into my reserves," Felin grimaced.

"Oh! I forgot it took you mana to stay here. Don't worry about me, I doubt I'll cast any more Spells today as I'm pretty tired. Just get some rest, Felin."

"Alright," Felin smiled, Amy recognising the now familiar feeling of his dismissal approaching. "Good night, my young Apprentice. Good night."

"Good night, Felin."

With a snap of mana, the cat was gone; and Amy was, once again, alone. That's three things off my list, Amy thought, getting up to begin cleaning the kitchen. I'll make sure to ask about the Tower tomorrow. Maybe I'll summon him later in the day as he did say he needs his rest. I can't believe I forgot he needs to sustain himself with mana! He's been doing that for, what, almost 2 days now? Usually he starts complaining after only half of one. Definitely giving him a longer break then.

Enjoying the silence, Amy found solace in the monotony of what used to be her daily life, coasting along and doing nothing but eating, cleaning and sleeping. It sure has been an interesting couple of weeks, hasn't it Amy? And to think we almost gave it all up because we were afraid of leaving all of this behind. I wonder... Mana attracts onto other mana; and the Wizard's Tower was a font of Fae mana, lurking beyond what I could see as a mere Mageling. I wonder... was the reason I endured it all for so long because I was attracted to this place? My absurd affinity drawing me into that living hell, all so that it was closer to the Tower. Maybe. I never felt attracted to here, rather repulsed actually. I think it would be nice to imagine that I only stayed here because of some magical reason. A whim of fate, one could say. That would only be deluding myself though.

I stayed here because, for the longest time, it was all I knew, Amy realised. She stepped back for a moment, stopping cleaning the bowls she used for baking, and looked out her window. All of the wonders of my life before that - my family, the few friends I made in School, magic itself - erased by this safe, comfortable abyss. What matters isn't that I was trapped here, no, it's what I do now that I've realised it. Writing the letters to my family. Connecting back up with those I've missed. Making up for the time I lost.

Even though I'm subject to this hell, to the whims of this cruel destiny, I won't allow it to dictate my future. My path. I will continue denying this fate every step of the way. Affinities? The village? Hell, even the Empire? Damn them all if I have to. Perhaps it's selfish to think that way. Perhaps it's irresponsible to leave everything behind. But, for once in so long, I won't allow myself to suffer for the sake of others' comfort. No more sacrifice. Not unless I want to.

With a confident smile on her face, Amy turned back around to finish up when something disturbed her. A twitch in her mana pool. It wasn't caused by her. Rather, it was something natural. It was the expansion of something other into something more. An attunement. Feeling more at peace with herself than ever before, her mana pool further attuned to her self, and her smile just a little wider, Amy got back to work.