What followed the meeting was one of the most educationally dense days I have ever had. The first thing Dart did was pull out several books of notes and observations that he had made in his time as a spy and had me read and memorize what was inside. There were detailed accounts of high society Thrainian meetings, how they behave, how they push their own agendas in subtle ways, how they move, how they talk, what I should do as a merchant if confronted by a noble, basically an entire psychological profile of the rich and affluent.
My brain was already feeling like it was about to explode from the amount of information being crammed into it, not to mention my lack of acting skills really coming in to bite me in the ass on this one. Frankly any attempt I made at acting the part of the rich merchant made me feel slimy, and it showed on my face which Dart was more than happy to point out. The guy had an obsessive eye for detail right down to the facial features that could apparently tell a story in and of themselves. I wasn’t exactly blind to facial hints, but if I so much as twitched an aggravated muscle the wrong way Dart would call me out on it.
I also had to memorize a variety of greetings and motions such as the difference between a polite bow and a formal one. There was even a specific way that I should walk, as ridiculous as that is. I had no idea how I even survived that party so long ago. Looking back, I probably stuck out like some sort of uncultured hick in a suit.
Fuck I hate high society. Honestly, who thinks up these things? It was just a bunch of bullshit that was extremely uncomfortable, and for what, so you could pretend that you are worth more than a person with an average lifestyle? Strip away all the pompous attitude and material wealth and you’re just another random nobody. We’re all flesh and blood at the end of the day.
I must have walked several dozen circles while talking in proper tone and maintaining a proper posture. To summarize what proper is to a Thrainian, it’s basically walking around like you own the world and talking to everyone like they are scheming to stab you in the back. Give nothing, take everything.
The only saving grace for all this was that the crammed learning schedule apparently ate time like some sort of reality-bending monster. At the end of it all, I felt like I was on the verge of a headache erupting. This was only the first half as well; I was still scheduled to meet up with Dart again after lunch. I rubbed my temples as I walked towards Velshi’s room, trying to compartmentalize all the information whirling around in my skull.
I arrived at the room and pushed my way inside. The sight before me gave me pause for a moment. Velshi and Kala were sitting close together. Kala was looking miserable, like she was on the verge of crying while Velshi was holding her hand and lightly rubbing a thumb across it in a comforting manner.
My entrance was quickly noticed, and Kala seemed like she was about to stand when Velshi put a hand on her shoulder and forced her to sit. She gave Kala a quick look, probably silently telling her to stay put, before standing up and walking over to me. Velshi got close and started talking to me in a low voice.
“Kala filled me in on everything. She’s taking it pretty hard, holding it together, but only just barely. I’ll take a little walk, give her some comfort.” With a quick tap on my shoulder as she passed, she exited the room.
I looked back over to Kala. She was trying to put on a brave face, but her eyes betrayed her tumultuous emotions. There was a moment of brief nothingness between us before I broke it by moving over and grabbing a chair. I brought it over next to hers and sat down as close as I could to her.
“Come here.” That was all I said as I grabbed hold of her and pulled her deep into a hug. I felt that she didn’t really need me to tell her it would be alright or try to convince her that this was something that needed to be done. She just needed a hug, a quiet moment of affection.
She took a shuddering breath as her head was pressed against my chest. Her body trembled slightly as she held onto me like I was a life raft in the middle of the ocean. I realized that she was silently crying as her tears soaked into my shirt. It pained me to see just how much this was hurting her.
After a minute of this she took several deep trembling breaths in quick succession. Her claws dug into my skin a little bit making me wince, but I just gritted my teeth and powered through it. I could see her physically preparing to speak, and I readied myself to listen to her.
“I don’t want to be alone again.”
It occurred to me then that Kala probably had more trauma than I originally considered, and it was rearing its ugly head. She was always so composed, I just never thought she was hurting so much on the inside. Her family was torn apart, violently so. That in and of itself would be enough to leave someone scarred, but she then had to go through a year of torturous treatment all alone. I guess the thought of even approaching that situation again is making her panic.
I squeezed her just a little bit tighter, doing my best to insulate her from her own worries. She still shook like a leaf despite my attempts to comfort her. I decided that I should augment the physical comfort with some verbal additions.
“Kala, I promise you that no matter what may or may not happen, I will always come back to you.” She sniffled a little and nodded into my chest. I gave her a smile. “At least you can rest assured that I'm not going to be dying anytime soon.”
She let out a pained chuckle. “Yeah, I guess that is a little reassuring.” Her demeanor calmed a little bit from that as she took deep breaths. I just rubbed her back while she slowly came down from her little panic attack.
We both fell into silence for a while, coming to an agreement that that was the best course of action to take. After several minutes of tender love and care, Velshi returned from her “walk”. She surveyed the scene before her for a moment before smiling.
“You feel better now?” Velshi asked Kala.
Kala broke out of our prolonged cuddle session to answer but still kept ahold of my hand. She let out a deep sigh. “Yes, much better. Thank you, Velshi.”
She raised her hands. “Hey, I'm not the one cuddling the bad thoughts away.” She smirked over in my direction as if it wasn’t already obvious who she was talking about.
Kala put a hand over my heart as she turned her attention back over towards me. “Thank you too, James. I love you.”
“Love you too.” I gave her a quick little kiss to drive home this whole scene. She was smiling contentedly now as she held onto me, so I considered the whole interaction a success. Not to say I expected her to suddenly stop worrying, but she seemed to have gotten quite a bit of weight off her chest.
Velshi for her part was watching all this like it was the most interesting romance drama show around. Probably was considering the statistics for the number of relationships in the camp and the unique nature of our relationship in general. She quickly regained her usual demeanor though as she took her seat, launching into conversation almost immediately after.
“So, James, you’re officially going to Yol’vastume then?” I just nodded in response. “You have my pity, and other than that, you have my support as well. In the interest of preparing you as much as possible, I will endeavor to impart upon you all that I can in whatever time you have left in camp. I feel you can hold your own in a fight, especially against Thrainian opponents, so we will focus instead on advancing your understanding of healing.”
“Hold my own? I still haven’t landed more than a glancing blow on you. Maybe superficial wounds that wouldn’t be lethal in any way.”
“But that’s the thing, you’ve only ever had me for a sparring partner. Not to sound particularly prideful, but I am rather experienced in sword play, and while I hope that you won’t have to use what I've taught you out there, I think you’ll be surprised by the differences between opponents.”
I scratched the back of my head a little. “I don’t know, but I guess I really wouldn’t, so I'll just take your word for it.”
She nodded. “Good. Now, let’s start cramming as much knowledge into that thick skull of yours as we can.”
Here we go again. This was starting to feel like finals week with the amount of material I was having to review. I was learning the biology of multiple species at the same time along with all the tricks and techniques that would make treating them easier. We were going one organ at a time as, apparently, while they varied in size, shape and position, most species had similarly functioning internals.
I was convinced that my head would, in fact, explode from an overload of information. The sprint through magical medical school coupled with what I had already had to commit to memory earlier with Dart was overwhelming. There was no getting around it though, so I just flipped a mental switch that put me into overtime mode.
Over the next couple hours, I kept my brain running at a capacity just short of frying it. By the time lunch rolled around I just wanted to melt into a puddle and do nothing. Velshi calling an end to the learning for the day came as a major relief as I was able to shut down my brain for the first time in a while.
Kala and I got up to leave and get something to eat when Velshi spoke up. “Before you leave, might I have a word in private with you, James?”
I looked at her questioningly but figured there was no harm in hearing what she wanted to say. “Sure, I guess. Do you mind at all, Kala?”
“No, but try not to take too long, I am pretty hungry right now.” She gave a quick dip of the head to Velshi before exiting the room to wait outside.
I turned my attention back to Velshi. “What’s up?”
She gestured back towards my chair. “Have a seat.” I did so and noticed that she had a rather stony expression on right now. She took a fairly deep breath before launching into her conversation. “I wanted to have a chat with you about going out into enemy territory, and no I will not try to convince you to not go if that is what you are worried about.”
I nodded. “Okay, so what’s this all about then.”
Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.
She cast her gaze slightly downwards as a shadow seemed to creep over her features. “I want to give you a bit of advice, and a story to go along with it. I also feel that after so long of me listening to your darkest moments and secrets that it’s only fair that you hear mine. A warning though, it’s not very pleasant, so if you would prefer not to, I won’t burden you with it.”
I considered for a moment. I had a certain level of dread curiosity after a set up like this, and she said that it came with advice as well. This looked like it was going to be a heavy conversation and considering how difficult it appears to be for her, she may never feel like talking about it again. “I’ll hear what you have to say.” I confirmed.
She gave a resolute nod and a sigh before starting again. “To start this story, you must understand that I was a very different person a few years ago. Hot-blooded would have been putting it mildly. I joined the war effort after I had turned sixteen, picked up my father’s sword and what I could carry and left home. At the time I believed completely in the war effort, thinking that the Thrainians were all evil incarnate and would not stop until we were driven beneath their boot.”
“I started as any soldier would, a nameless face in the sea of souls that charged into combat. After a time though, I had begun to be noticed by the officers as someone who could hold their own in a fight and keep their wits about them even if everything went to shit. That was when I got my first promotion, a sub-officer of a sorts. Think of it like a test to see if you have the potential to lead others while under the supervision of a ranking member. I suppose it didn’t hurt that war tends to speed up the promotion process, but I proved I could lead, and it was made official shortly after.”
“So it was that my rank and renown grew over the years. When I turned twenty, I was tested for any aptitudes for magic, an exciting prospect for a warrior looking for an edge over her enemies. Imagine my disappointment when it came to be known that I was a healer of all things. I cursed my luck that I wasn’t given something that could help me fight, and I flat out refused to spend time learning it when I could be out there fighting the war. There was even a time I tried to brute force another aptitude out of myself that I thought would be more useful, but nothing ever came of it. That went on for about a year, and my frustrations boiled over to the point that I did something I deeply regret to this day.”
“I had my own team back then, a group of fire bloods like myself that would go out and hit military targets or pick off the random roaming group of soldiers along the border. This time, though, I was not in the right mind, and I felt like destroying something. We entered Thrainian territory and went deeper than most small forces would dare to. The target was a village, a small little place that had only a dotting of farms for their livelihoods, a soft target.”
“The raid began just as the sun was setting, when everyone would be tired from a day's labor. We charged in and started setting fire to some of the houses, looting others and stealing their food stores. Most of them ran in fear, but there were a few who tried to fight back, defend their homes. They were cut down by my team, all of them good soldiers who would not lose a fight to a peasant in single combat. I observed the destruction with satisfaction, that I was showing them what it felt like to be on the other end of it. It was about then that I encountered one of the braver ones who was sneaking around amidst the chaos.”
“We saw each other, and he readied his lumber axe and me my sword. The fight did not last long, and I ran him through, killing him quickly. Just as I thought it was over and I turned my back on the body did a shrieking cry sound out. Startled, I raised my sword to strike the new threat only to find a young boy crying over the body of his father.” Her eyes went distant, staring into the past from the present as if she was there right now.
“I was stunned, just staring at the scene before me as the child who couldn’t have been older than ten years tried desperately to wake his dead father as if he was just sleeping. The moment seemed to last an eternity, and then, the crying boy looked up at me, and his features turned into a snarl of tormented rage. He took hold of his father's axe and hefted it up, it’s weight only barely being managed by his small frame. He screamed at me as he brought it down in a clumsy strike. Before my mind could even think about doing something, dodging, blocking, anything, it connected with my chest.”
“Didn’t even break through my armor, doubt it would have even been more than a flesh wound even if I wasn’t wearing any. It was, however, enough to get the attention of the rest of my team. Someone yelled my name from behind me, clearly concerned as they only saw an axe planted in my chest. I turned to see our archer with an arrow fully drawn and aiming at the kid. By the time my mouth even opened to scream at them to stop, he loosed the arrow.”
“I can still see it all happening as if everything and everyone was underwater. My body could not move fast enough to intercept the arrow no matter how hard I tried. I could only stare at it helplessly as it flew and struck its target. You could hear the air being knocked out of the boy's body as the arrow sunk deep into his chest. The only thing I could do was catch him as he went limp and collapsed.”
“I cradled him in my arms as my mind desperately tried to come up with a way to save him. He was gasping for air in a weak attempt to claim any as his lung was most definitely punctured. His entire body shook and the blood from the wound was soaking into his shirt at an alarming rate. The only thing I could do was place a hand over the wound in a vain attempt to do anything to save his life. If I had learned healing, if I even had the most basic of understandings about the subject, committed any amount of time that I thought was better spent fighting to the art, I might have been able to do something for him.”
“But I didn’t, I was a foolish, arrogant, stubborn idiot, and I was paying the price for my ignorance as I could do nothing but watch as the young boy's life slipped away. I felt the very moment his heart stopped, watched as the last breath that he fought for escaped his body and the light left his eyes. I broke down right then, surrounded by the fire and blood and death that I had brought to that place. I cried over the body of that child.” She was on the verge of crying now, tears welling up in her eyes, yet she did not let them fall.
She took a deep pained breath before continuing. “I spent a long time blaming everything and everyone for what happened, even got into a fight with the one who shot the boy, beat him bloody. The team fell apart, I could no longer lead them or anyone else, and after that I decided I would never take up the sword to attack someone again. I’m sure that you can infer the rest, dedicated myself completely to being a healer which led me all the way to now. It was my attempt to repent for the things that I had done, and even after all this time, I still feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of my sins.”
“My advice to you, James, is that when you are out there, in the midst of the worst that the Thrainians have ever done, please think things through, look at it from a different angle and consider the outcome. No matter what happens, what you might see or think of everything, don’t do something that you might even remotely regret. You don’t want that kind of weight on your soul, trust me.”
That was... fuck.... I had no idea how to respond to her story. It was heart wrenching, and the weight of it alone was enough to crush my voice. I could only stare, anything that I wanted to say I simply choked on.
Velshi smiled and gave a wispy chuckle. “Seems you weren’t quite expecting that huh. I did give you fair warning though.”
That broke some of the tension and I gave my own light chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you did.” There was a pause in the conversation for a moment. “I know my opinion isn’t worth all that much, but...”
“I would like to hear it.” She said, looking at me expectantly.
“You may have made mistakes in the past, might have been young and stupid, but you are still a good person. Just the fact that you recognize what you did wrong and are trying to make amends is proof enough of that. If you weren’t, then you would probably still be out there fighting. You’ve helped me so much the last couple of months, and I've seen you save lives before as well. You are worthy of being forgiven, and at the very least, you should forgive yourself.”
She sniffled which turned into a deep breath. Her hand came up and wiped her eyes to rid herself of the tears that were loitering. After she had composed herself once again, she replied. “Thank you, James. I wasn’t sure what to expect once you knew, a part of me might have even been expecting you to damn me as a child killer.”
“You didn’t kill him, and you couldn’t have predicted what would happen. War is chaos in the best of times, you can’t expect yourself to be omniscient about these things. Making up for mistakes is all well and good, but if you don’t forgive yourself along the way then you haven’t made any real change.”
She chuckled slightly. “I think our therapy sessions have rubbed off on you.” We both shared a smile and some light laughter before she continued. “Thank you again, James, you have given me something to think about, and I shall. Now, you should probably go get something to eat with Kala before she comes in here to collect you herself.”
“Yeah, that probably would be best, it would save me some bruising from her dragging me out of here. I’ll see you around, Velshi.”
“Likewise, James.”
With the conversation well and truly over, I exited her room to meet up with Kala who was patiently waiting outside. She was just absent-mindedly tapping on the rock she was sitting on with her claws. She noticed me approaching and gave me an exaggerated smile.
“Finally! Thought you’d be in there all day.”
“Sorry, she just had some advice to share with me, came with a story.”
“Oh, what about?”
“Kind of personal stuff. You’ll have to ask her if you really want to know.”
She gave a shrug. “I’m not that nosey, I’ll just let her decide if she wants to talk.”
“Probably for the best. Now, let’s get something to eat.”
“Yes, please, I'm starving.”
We set off in search of food, Kala holding my hand and hanging off my arm. She was wearing a smile, but there was a shadow over it that I could tell was her still feeling uncertain about the future. There was not much I could do for her in that regard other than provide some comfort and hope that she would come to accept the situation.
As we walked towards the food line, I thought that this might be a good opportunity to inform Chef about my change in schedule. I would need to tell him something that wouldn’t be giving away more than necessary about the mission. It would have to be easy to tell and consistent as well, so that way my students don’t start cross referencing things. They’re smart for kids, and I wouldn’t put it past them if they figured out something was up.
I thought about what I would say up until the moment I stood before him. Kala and I received our rations and we all exchanged some of our normal banter during the process before I dropped the news of my absence. “Hey Chef, just wanted to let you know that Durdan needed me to help him out for a while, so I won’t be showing up to help out.” Simple and partial truths are the best.
He huffed and adopted a smirk. “Well, at least things will go smoothly again without your bumbling getting in the way.”
What did I expect? Tears? It was very much a reply that he would give, and I could not help but roll my eyes at it. “You’ll miss me, you’ll see.”
“I’ll look you up if I ever need a blood sacrifice for something.” He laughed at his own joke, and I could only sigh and shake my head. I ended the conversation by waving him off and taking our food to go eat.
Kala and I decided on some alone time away from our normal group. We did that every now and again so it wouldn’t come off as strange to anyone, and Kala seemed like she wanted to just spend some personal time with me. Even after we had finished eating, we just stayed together and enjoyed a moment of calm that we both seemed to desperately need.
“James, what is the plan they are making for you?” Kala suddenly asked.
That was a little out of nowhere. “They don’t really have much of one at the moment. What they told me so far was that I will be a merchant with a couple other volunteers acting as slaves in my service. Don’t go telling others though, they don’t want it to be widely known.”
“Huh, okay.” She didn’t really say anything after that, and I was rather confused by her sudden question. We just went back to cuddling for a while until we could no longer spare any time as I had to tell my class that our sessions would be canceled for the foreseeable future and make it back to Dart for more training.
Most of my students had already gathered outside our room, so I waited for the rest of them to show up so I would only have to say it once. After all the kids were in one place, I went about giving my explanation of what was going on in more or less the same way I did with Chef. The disappointment on all their faces was palpable, and it physically pained me to have to send them all away with such sad looks.
Now that that bitter pill was swallowed, I could head towards Dart for my second helping of training from him. I said goodbye to Kala for now, giving her a lengthy hug before letting her go and starting off towards Dart’s tent. This would be the last part of my new routine, at least until the plan was made and I was called to action. I had to make the most of the time I had left.