I drifted along the dark stream of unconsciousness, reveling in the sense of calm that it brought to me. However, something was off, not in a concerning way, but more like there is more going on here than I can see. It was then that I began to realize that I was somewhat lucid right now, enough to know that I should be unconscious and that I shouldn’t be able to think this clearly at any rate.
Lucid dreaming was never something that I had been prone to in the past, though I couldn’t say I wasn’t fascinated with the idea. Still, this was bizarre, and felt completely out of place from what should have been happening. I had fully expected to just pass out, maybe die depending on how messed up my body was when I did, and then wake up whenever was appropriate. This, whatever it was, felt like how one would imagine purgatory to be.
Now I was beginning to feel concerned. Did I slip into a coma? That could be problematic, though if I didn’t wake up, wouldn’t Kala try to off me to bring me back? Well, maybe not her, but someone should try it at some point, right?
I wasn’t sure how long I would be here, and my sense of time was probably skewed to hell and back all things considered. There were stories of people who slipped into a coma and then woke up years later wondering what happened. No, they wouldn’t let it go that far. Still, there was nothing I could do right now if that was the case, and that really grated on me.
In the middle of my lamentations, a feeling like a cold drop of water trickling down the back of your neck shot up my spine. I was now acutely aware that something was here with me, and I couldn’t have been unhappier about it. My skin crawled, my hair stood on end, and something was telling me that whatever was with me was dangerous.
The shadows held unseen eyes, staring at me relentlessly. Then, they started to speak amongst themselves, voices carrying outwards from the dark.
“What is it?”
“Some broken thing.”
“Mother’s new pet I believe.”
“She must be really angry at you.”
“I have done nothing.”
“Then why is it here?”
“One of her whims I imagine, you know how she overreacts.”
The bickering voices seemed to only regard me as something akin to an object in the room. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or thankful that they hadn’t seen fit to mess with me directly yet. From what I could tell, there were four voices, maybe more that hadn’t spoken yet.
“Someone just get rid of it, it’s hideous.”
Hey, rude.
“With pleasure.”
“Don’t touch it, unless you want to piss mother off, again.”
“Could you stop judging for one second, I am innocent.”
“Then why the haste to remove it?”
“How is it that you are both still children at your age?”
I really wanted a way out of this situation, but wherever I looked I just saw more black, and felt more eyes. Despite my desire to be rid of this place, I dared not move. There was this overwhelming sense of menace all around me, and I felt that if I moved, it would be like a lunging predator spurred on by my attempt to escape.
“This is foolishness. It does not belong here. I will remove it.”
Suddenly the calm surroundings turned downright suffocating as it seemed like the air itself, or whatever passed for it here, was turning against me.
“I really wouldn’t do that.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I'm not you. Now silence! I will remove it, and your ceaseless complaints won’t...”
“ENOUGH!”
A booming voice like thunder hit me with the force of a concussive wave. Whatever or whoever was lurking in the dark was chased away by the voice, though in reality it was more likely they were thrown out. The pressure and hostility of the surroundings vanished instantly, and it felt like I could breathe again.
I chanced looking around, but there still wasn’t anything that could be seen. There was still a presence here, but I didn’t feel like it was threatening me in any way. On the contrary, it felt almost warm. The authoritative voice returned, much more restrained, and now identified as feminine in quality when not thundering.
“I apologize for their behavior; they still do not know how to handle mortals well.”
A million questions ran wild in my head, but only the most prominent of them managed to make their way out. “Who are you? Where am I? What’s going on here?”
“I suppose I do owe you an explanation.”
I whipped around as the voice was now coming from directly behind me instead of everywhere at once. From the dark came the form of a person, barely distinguishable from the surroundings as they were wearing a loose dark grey robe. Their hands were clasped regally in front of them, and their feet were bare, sticking out like a splash of color whenever they briefly came into view from beneath the robes. I couldn’t get a good look at their face until they got closer, but there wasn’t much to see anyway. That is to say, they didn’t have a face, it was almost blank, possessing only a mouth and a petite nose. Despite the lack of features, it held a certain feminine quality to it, as did their gait and disposition.
While my mind was still trying to get a hold of the whole situation, they stopped at a respectful conversation distance from me before addressing me. “Should I give you a moment, or do you wish to begin the introductions?” Her voice was silk lathered in honey, and it wouldn’t have been surprising if the words just flowed freely without any effort on her part.
I blinked a few times as I began to catch up to the current situation. “Who are you?” The question just about leaped from me without a thought.
She dipped her head slightly. “You may not recognize me in this form, but we are intimately familiar with one another.”
The hamster wheel in my head was running full speed as her words spurred it into motion. Then, everything clicked. This place, this feeling, that voice. My eyes widened for a second before my expression dropped down to stony and blank.
“You’re the eternal goddess?” My voice was flat, eerily so.
She nodded. “Yes. I know you must have many questions, but we have to make this brief because-”
I punched her in her non-existent face.
She recoiled slightly from the hit, though it seemed more out of surprise than any pain. Her hands dropped to her side and her demeanor changed from regal poise to exasperation. “Happy?”
“Content.” I answered with simmering resentment.
She sighed before moving to sit and actually managing to find rest on what was seemingly an invisible chair. “As I was saying, our conversation must be brief because this connection is fleeting. I will answer as many questions as time will allow, but there are important things that must be covered before you leave.”
“Yeah, I got questions. First, why the FUCK did you ruin my life!”
Another sigh escaped her. “I suppose I could have guessed that this would be the first question you asked. You should know that I did not find any enjoyment in what you had to go through, and it pained me to witness it all.”
“Oh, it pained you!” I said in a mocking tone.
“Yes, it pained me!” The outburst from her caught me a little off guard. “Because not only did I have to persist with the knowledge that I was responsible for your suffering, but I experienced every second of agony that you did!” She jabbed a finger at my chest. “What you see as a snake is a fragment of myself, my very being, willingly severed and given. Every time you died, I could feel it, every wound that was healed I had to experience myself with the knowledge that this was my doing.”
The flame that burned in my chest shrunk a little, but still sparked with indignation. “Why me? Out of everyone, why rip me out of my own world instead of choosing one of millions of other people who could have done a better job than me?”
She slouched in her seat, propping her arm up on the invisible chair. “You have to understand that my options were more limited than that. Not only did I have to find a soul I deemed to be kind and just enough for the task, but it also had to be one that had touched death and lived.”
“What? Touched de...” Oh, right.
She nodded, apparently able to guess the realization I came upon. “Yes, the day of your accident you died briefly. That is a major criterion that needs to be fulfilled in order to transfer someone's body and soul across the boundary of worlds. To attempt such a thing without meeting these demands would result in said soul being torn from its hold.”
I considered that for a second before launching into another question. “Why not just chose someone from this world then if it’s such a pain in the ass to bring a person from another world?”
She turned her head away from me, and if she had eyes, they probably would have been staring off into nothingness deeper than this abyss we were in. “I made that mistake once, and I promised never to do it again.”
There seemed to be a story there, but that was something she didn’t seem too keen to talk about. “Whatever. So why does it work this way? Why does it bring me back just a bit stronger every time instead of just making me invincible?”
“For one thing, in order to make you ‘invincible’ there would have to be major changes made to your body and doing it quickly could have lasting effects on you. Secondly, I always wanted it to be something that would force the other side to the negotiating table. I have no delusions about how this world works, and those in power tend to make their problems disappear through many violent means. If they can’t just get rid of you, and the problem only grows, well, I wanted them to talk.”
“So you’re naive.”
She snapped her head back at me, a feeling of annoyance emanating from her. “It was the best move I could make. I made a divine vow to never directly involve myself in their lives, and I only ever act if the balance of life and death are threatened. Regardless, I can’t just give unfettered power to you, it doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not?”
“Because you would die.”
“I’ve died a thousand times.”
“No. You would die in the truest sense of the word. That is what I need you to understand. My power was never meant to be bound in flesh and blood. I am formless for that reason. This thing that you see now is nothing but a puppet I created to better talk to mortals. What you did by taking on my power in such a way was reckless beyond your comprehension.”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
“Explain then! I don’t know jack shit about any of this! You just injected a part of yourself into me and then threw me in the dirt without so much as a ‘good luck asshole’ for my trouble. The only time you’ve ever said anything to me is when you repeat that oh so fucking infuriating word when I die.”
“The connection between us normally doesn’t last more than a few seconds at most. When you die, I have to safeguard your soul while your body recovers, a simple task that only takes a few seconds, and it is in those few moments that you hear me. So, I want you to think for a second. If we can only talk for a few seconds normally, and your body is easily repaired, why is it that this conversation has lasted as long as it has?”
I thought about the question for a moment, and the answer seemed as simple as it was disconcerting. “Something’s wrong with my soul.”
“Exactly! This is what I am trying to tell you. You took on my power completely, tried to contain it within a mortal form, and in doing so, you didn’t just tear apart your body, you scarred your soul.”
The unknown ramifications of that left a chill inside of me. “What does that mean?”
“It means, you have to promise that you will never do that again. It took a lot of work on my part to try and piece together the lost fragments of your being, and if you subjected yourself to that again, I don’t know if I would be able to save you. I want you to realize that if you break your soul, that’s it, you're done, forever. I wouldn’t even be able to return you to the cycle. Everything that you are, ever were, or ever will be, would be gone.”
That made me think about a lot of different things, none of them pleasant. Death of the soul sounded kind of cliché, yet the thought of it almost happening to me was unnerving. I never was extremely religious, but recent events may have had a slight impact on my views of the matter.
Still, even though it was scary to think about what could have happened, I didn’t regret my actions at all. “I had no choice, I needed to save my friends.”
“And I do not fault you for that, but I just want you to know the risks of what you have done.”
I just hummed a little bit, thinking deeply for a moment. Eventually I just shook my head. There was no point dwelling on it, and I didn’t plan on going through that sensation ever again. She ended up breaking the silence after I had remained quiet for an awkward amount of time.
“Our connection is growing thin. If you have more questions, you should ask them now.”
I had one that had been a rather large concern for a while. “Will I live forever?”
Her lips curled up in a smile. “No. Everything must die eventually, and you are no exception. You may live a longer, healthier life than most, but age will still find you in the end.”
That was a strange thing to be relieved about, knowing that I would die for good. Many people would probably have been upset at first to find out that they couldn’t become immortal in every sense of the word, but experience had taught me that such a thing would be more curse than blessing.
Another question came prominently to my mind. “Who were the other voices that were here?”
Her smile lessened a little. “Ahh, yes, those were my children. Again, I apologize for their behavior.”
“You have kids?”
“Of course I have kids. Can you imagine just how dull this existence would be without someone to share it with? They may bring me trouble and headaches on a cosmic scale more often than I would appreciate, but I still love them all the same.”
“Really? I heard one of them claim you were angry at another.”
She sighed. “Frustrated is more appropriate, though I may very well become angry if I learn he had a hand in this. It is my sneaking suspicion that my son was in part responsible for the current war threatening this world.”
“You mean you don’t know?”
“I value freedom, and I am not so hypocritical as to subject my own children to my omnipotence just to keep them out of trouble.”
“Sounds like a pain in the ass though.”
“It was worse when they were perfect.”
That got an eyebrow raise from me. “Perfect?”
“Yes. When I created them, I made them perfect beings because I thought it would be best for them. My ignorance quickly showed itself in the first millennium. They were only ever concerned with appeasing me, and they thought that because I made them perfect, that that was the standard by which I would hold their actions to as well.” She brought her hands up and rubbed the sides of her head. “I still get migraines thinking about the plagues they created that threw whole ecosystems out of balance. Can you even imagine the results of a literally perfect predator being introduced to a world? It wasn’t pretty.”
She calmed herself down with a deep breath. “I realized after that time that they needed to have just as many flaws as I did, so I freed them from the burdens of perfection and allowed them the chance to make something of their own existence. They developed their own personalities, desires, and goals. They may make their fair share of mistakes, or cause problems just for the entertainment of it, I went through that phase as well, but they still grow with every passing century, and it makes me proud to see it.”
Family matters aside, there was a potential god who might be actively working against me right now, and their motivations were unknown to me and even the goddess. As if my life wasn’t already fucked enough as it is. This entire conversation thus far had been utterly insane.
That was a can of worms to deal with at another time. There was only one last question that I could think of. “Can I ever go home?”
What little there was of her face became expressionless for a moment before she answered. “If there was a way, would you really want to leave?”
“What the fuck do you mean if I want to leave? My life in this world has practically been nothing but distilled suffering since moment one!”
“Yet, if I told you I could send you back to your world right now, no strings attached, would you leave?”
“I...” My words unexpectedly caught in my throat. Despite my mind telling me to say yes, there was only more suffering left for me in the future, I couldn’t manage to get the words out. If I chose to leave now, even if I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, could I ever not think about this world, the people in it, the unknown fate I would have left everyone to... Kala? The more I thought, the more I became sure that I would be in constant agony over the decision, always wondering what would become of everyone. I couldn’t leave, it would hurt more than anything else.
“...No.” I finally said.
She smiled at me again. “I thought so, because you’re a good man no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you’re not. It is reassuring to know that I chose the right person.” She then turned to stare off into the distance for a second. “It seems our time has reached its limit. You will soon wake up again, and don’t worry, you’ll be in good company.”
“Right...” I looked at her again, understanding her at least a little more than I had before. “You’re still a bitch though.” Her shoulders drooped and she let out another exasperated sigh, though still sporting a slight smile on her face. “Honestly, who doesn’t even fucking ask before uprooting someone from their life? Prime asshole behavior that.”
“You do know that I can unmake you at the atomic level, right?”
I shrugged. “Well, I might only get one chance to say it to your lack of a face, so I might as well say it now. Try not to be such a callous bitch in the future, kay?”
She rested her head casually on her hand, smug grin on her lips. “Get the fuck out.”
A sensation like falling suddenly took hold, making my stomach lurch as I fell into the inky blackness. I tumbled in a free fall, flailing my arms while trying to stabilize my strange descent. After falling for who knows how long, it felt like I was slowing down. As I lost momentum, I started to lose awareness as my consciousness was fading, eventually going completely blank.
The first thing I felt after that was softness. My equilibrium returned next, and I figured out that I was on my back. My head was still spinning a little from the jarring manner through which I returned, a far cry difference from how it usually feels coming back from the other side. She did that on purpose. Perhaps that was her getting back at me for calling her a bitch.
Whatever. Time to figure out where I am. I opened my eyes, wincing a little as it was a bit too bright for comfort. My vision refocused after a second of bleariness, and I found myself staring at a wooden ceiling. The next move I made turned out to be full of regret, as when I attempted to sit up my whole body exploded in complaints.
“Gah! Nope, nope.” My head fell again with a soft flump against the pillow. I breathed deeply, my chest straining a bit with every intake. Feels like I got run over by a fucking bus. Some experimental wiggles revealed that everything was still working, but it was like all the muscles in my body were overworked and making damn sure I knew about it.
I wasn’t going to be able to move without assistance, so I decided to call out and see who answered. “Hello? Anyone there?” I stayed quiet for a moment to listen for any kind of response, and just before I made another attempt at getting someone’s attention, I heard something from below me.
The sound of something crashing to the ground beneath me made it clear that I was on the second floor of whatever building this was. After the banging came the frantic sound of footsteps sprinting up the stairs. Once the footsteps reached the door to the room, it exploded open to reveal a wide eyed, panting Kala.
“James!”
I gave the best smile I could manage. “Hey Kal-” She dashed in and leapt at me. “No no no n- ahh, fuck!” Her landing was directly on my chest which sent a wave of needling pain throughout my body. She seemed to instantly realize her mistake and pushed off me just as fast as she landed.
“Oh gods, I'm sorry. I just... I didn’t...” She stumbled over herself, looking both apologetic and ecstatic at the same time. Eventually she just collapsed on top of me, though she made sure to keep most of her weight off this time and nuzzled into the side of my head.
“It’s fine, I love you too. Sorry I can’t reciprocate right now. It feels like I'm one wrong twitch away from my body locking up on me.”
She snapped up again, realization striking her features. “Oh! Right! I’ll be right back.” She jumped off the bed and raced downstairs again. I listened as she tore through the house for a moment before her steps started to ascend again.
This time when she emerged, she held a glittering crystal a little bigger than a softball. “Velshi said that your body seemed fine, but if you woke up and felt something off that I should give this to you.”
“Remind me to thank her later, that’s exactly what I need right now. Can you put it in my hand for me?”
She was quickly at my side, extracting my hand from beneath the blankets that rested atop me before placing the warm crystal in my hand. I focused myself and started drawing on the power in the stone that I now held. My intended target was my frayed muscles, fixing any of the tears that were present and metabolizing any lactic acid back into my body.
I breathed a sigh of relief after the process was over. “That feels a million times better.” This time when I sat up my body didn’t feel like it was about to fall apart, but my verticality was denied again when Kala tackled me down onto the bed.
She wrapped me up completely now, squeezing me tight as pure joy seemed to radiate from her. I hugged her back, enjoying the attention that I had been so deprived of since setting out on this insane mission. Kala was shaking as she latched onto me, which seemed a little extreme of a reaction despite what I went through.
I brought a hand up and rubbed the back of her neck. “Hey, I'm okay, don’t worry.”
She just squeezed tighter. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
“Come on Kala, I'm pretty difficult to get rid of.” I gave her a reassuring smile, but that didn’t seem to help much.
She stared right into my eyes; concern still present even with me now back. “James, you were unconscious for a whole day.”
That took me a bit by surprise. “Oh, damn.”
Kala only sighed with a slight shake of her head. “What happened? What did you do?”
I thought about how much I actually wanted to tell her, and eventually decided to just omit my conversation with the goddess and the whole damaged soul thing. There was nothing she could do about that, and I didn’t want her to worry. Besides, doing something like that again would be the last thing I would ever consider.
Instead, I just gave her the rundown of the origin of my rampage being me demanding more power from the snake inside me, and it begrudgingly handing it over. The excuse for why it took me so long to heal was that the process did a number on my body which took a while to fix. She seemed to accept my story, but that might have been just her being grateful that I was still here.
As I finished my story and had a little more cuddle time, my stomach decided to validate Kala’s claim that I had been out for a day as it growled painfully. Kala snickered a little at me for it. “Come on, we got food downstairs. Can you walk?”
“I think I can manage.” A little bit stiff, but I could indeed move around. Kala helped me all the way even though I didn’t need it, but I still enjoyed her being close.
We made it downstairs where I saw that we were currently inhabiting a decently sized house with a moderate amount of furniture. There was a sitting area around a fireplace with a few chairs coupled with some small tables. Kala directed me towards a part of the room with a larger table with several chairs around it that was probably used for meals. One of the chairs was lying on the floor, looking as if it had been thrown almost. I realized that Kala had been sitting in it when I called out, which explained the banging noise.
With a little direction, I found the stash of food and just grabbed a few things I could eat immediately, namely bread and fruit. I was ravenous and scarfed down the food, only stopping to take a drink or catch my breath. After consuming a decent amount of the food stores, I leaned back and decided to catch up on what happened.
“I take it the coalition has captured Yol’vastume?”
Kala nodded. “Yes. There were a few hours that the holdouts in the inner keep stubbornly refused to surrender, but apparently Durdan was able to convince them to give up in exchange for their safety and wellbeing. They wouldn’t have been able to keep that position for more than a few days before they ran out of supplies and people started to starve.”
“That’s good, I'm glad that it didn’t have to be more bloodshed.”
“The captured soldiers are currently imprisoned in the former slave pens, and the other people are simply staying in whatever houses are still standing.”
“Well, I hope that this isn’t a hostage situation at the very least. I suppose I should go talk to Durdan and let everyone else know I'm awake now.”
“Are you sure you’re okay to do that?”
Her concern was touching, but unnecessary. “I’m fine Kala, in fact, I feel a little restless having missed so much. It will be better if I get out there again.”
“Okay, but I'm coming with you.”
I smiled at her. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Leading the way to the door, I unlatched the lock, opened it, took one look outside, and slammed it shut again. My mind was doing cartwheels, trying to process what I had just seen. “Kala...”
“Yes?” She sounded very confused by my actions.
I slowly turned towards her, my brow furrowed in concern and confusion. “Why is there a mob kneeled down outside?”