Chapter IV

Year 11 of the reign of pharaoh Ramesses XI, 20th day of the third month of Shemu

A couple months later, after the ECSS threat was fully neutralized and all the other matters were taken care of, so that the mission could be considered fully completed, the KIA agents departed the Cimmerian lands and returned to the Commonwealth. Muwatalli himself continued his campaigns, but not for too long either, as by the end of the year he had crossed the Don river, secured western Caucasus, and so circled back to Hatti right in time for the new year celebrations.

Meanwhile the KIA agents landed back in Khemenu, where the headquarters of the agency were located. They reported their results and were congratulated for succeeding in the mission, as well as unexpectedly saving Muwatalli’s life. The agents were given extensive paid leave so they could recover from this lengthy trip, though Neitheret stayed in the debriefing room with the superior officers for a while longer, discussing matters which the other agents were not cleared to hear. She did, however, promise to tell them everything once she was done.

A few hours later, as the four agents were drinking and waiting in the dimly lit so called officers’ bar – an establishment where only OFK intelligence and military personnel were allowed, located near the KIA headquarters – Neitheret entered and sat down next to them, ordering a drink for herself as well.

“So, is it over?” Ithobaal asked.

“Yes. The mission is complete. You all get three months of paid vacation, plus a thousand shematy bonus for this mission. The initial offer was smaller, but I negotiated for more. Plus, everything that you heard while you were still there also stands, of course, including the Pharaonic Medal of Honor for Arqam,” Neitheret said.

“Fuck yeah,” Arqam said as he gulped his beer. “You know how many women will want to lay with me once they see this?”

“By my calculations, quite a lot,” Harsiamon said.

“Damn right!”

“That’s great. But now the most important part – you gotta tell us what the actual fuck we have been doing there all this time,” Ithobaal said.

“Alright, I’ll tell you, don’t worry. I promised you this,” Neitheret said as she got her beer and opened it. “You must have gathered that the ECSS agent had something important to deliver to Muwatalli, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, those were plans for a hypothetical OFK invasion, mostly from the Commonwealth, but also involving the Mycenaeans, of Hatti. In case it turned to the EC, or something similarly unfavorable happened there.”

“Huh, fair enough. And I suppose the ECSS stole those documents from us before that?”

“Yes, in a way.”

“That’s not the full story, of course.” Harsiamon knowingly added.

“No, it’s not. The fact is, the EC stole the wrong documents. The ones we wanted them to steal.”

A year earlier…

“So, let me get this right, you want to plant fake invasion plans so that they would end up in Muwatalli’s hands?” Ramesses asked, during a meeting involving him, Amenemheb, a few generals, and some KIA officers.

Stolen story; please report.

“That’s right, my lord,” Rashaken said. “Get him to further prepare for an invasion that would never come, not from us at least, while guaranteeing that our true way to depose the Hittite leadership would remain open for the foreseeable future.”

“He wouldn’t be mad about these plans, so we wouldn’t lose a valuable ally, but he would still probably take a look at them and make some changes to his defenses,” Sutenhi added.

“That is true. But how do you intend to deliver them?” Ramesses asked.

“I may have an idea for that, my lord,” general Ranubkheper said. “I know there must be some EC spies lurking around here, particularly those Assyrian-Egyptian women who can play both sides due to both the OFK and the EC having considerable Assyrian populations. I could, say, pretend to lose those fake plans to one of those spies, after having too much fun with one of them, hehe.”

“We would, of course, supervise this royally sanctioned one night stand to make sure it all goes according to plan,” Sutenhi said.

“This could work…” Ramesses pondered. “But wouldn’t this reflect badly on you, Ranubkheper? Few people would know the truth, and most would think that you really did lose important classified documents. I would have to relieve you of your duties afterwards.”

“That is fine by me. Someone would have to take the blame anyways. And I’d rather that was me than some young prospective officer. I fucked up more than enough during the Kushite campaign and I am nearly of retirement age. I would be honored to be of service for one last time, and this mission seems perfect.”

“Ranubkheper would attract the right type of spy,” Sutenhi confirmed. “Other generals are either too fresh, and so unlikely to know any important classified information, or too secretive and well protected to be considered.”

“And then, the EC agents would undoubtedly try to get those plans right to Muwatalli,” Rashaken said. “And we would make sure that does happen, but nothing more. Our agents would keep Muwatalli safe at the same time.”

“This is an insane plan. So much so, that it might just work,” Amenemheb said.

“Well… It is indeed unconventional,” Ramesses said. “But I’m open to unconventional ideas. Prepare a full detailed mission plan and give it to me when it’s ready.”

“With pleasure,” Sutenhi bowed.

Present…

“So, you planted them right up for EC’s grabs?” Ithobaal asked.

“One of the generals did, yes. So that the EC agents would steal them, take them to be the real plans, and deliver them to Muwatalli,” Neitheret explained.

“But… why?”

“So that Muwatalli would have the wrong plans, of course. So that he would reinforce the points which would defend against other invaders, but not us. So that it would be difficult for any force to enter Hatti, except, of course, ours,” Neitheret smirked.

“So that means our purpose was to…”

“Make sure Muwatalli got those documents. Not prevent that,” Harsiamon said. “And make sure the ECSS agents got just close enough to give those plans to Muwatalli, but not any closer. So that we could save him from the inevitable assassination attempt. Get some good will from him and have him remain on good terms with the KIA. While still leaving the plans in his possession. So that he would reinforce the points we want him to reinforce.”

“Precisely,” Neitheret said.

“Wait, hold up,” Ithobaal said. “How did we know that the EC would try to assassinate him?”

“And how could we be sure that he would not leave the OFK or do something similarly drastic over these plans?” Mehi added.

“We knew he wouldn’t overreact,” Neitheret explained. “Other officers consulted Amenemheb over this, who told them that this would be no big deal, him in turn learning this from Ramesses himself. And if Muwatalli rejected the EC’s deal and was not about to change course, why wouldn’t the ECSS do the next best thing for their faction and try to kill the king, so that Hatti would become destabilized once again?”

“And Amenemheb was also involved later. By pretending to tell me the actual mission, but even what he said was not fully true. It did strike me as odd at the time, but I am not one to question the envoy himself,” Harsiamon said.

“Oh, that. Yeah, that was also planned. Did you really think I would be so careless as to leave classified documents just lying around so that any guy who slept with me could find them on the way out without waking me up?”

“I suppose not. But then again, I am not so well versed in such situations.”

“I told him to tell you this partially correct mission objective, so that your curiosity would be satisfied enough, and so you would keep an eye on the EC agents and tell me everything about them. After all, everything up until the last step of the mission remained the same in both cases.”

“But why the envoy of all people?” Ithobaal asked.

“I dunno. I thought Harsiamon would take it more seriously and not question it more if it was the royal envoy himself who told him this, right before the mission.”

“And I guess I did,” Harsiamon said.

“Man, this is wild,” Arqam chimed in. “Back in the day, KIA operations involved nothing more than sneaking into a palace and killing the king right there. This is some convoluted ass plan.”

“It did work though,” Neitheret said.

“Looks like it did,” Ithobaal replied. “We fooled Muwatalli and the entire Eastern Coalition too. Thoth truly has blessed our beloved agency.”