"Huh? What the fuck?" As I came to, that was the first thing I heard. I found myself lying on the cold hard ground in what seemed to be a dimly lit cave.

I turned my head towards the voice. There were five men sitting by a table looking as confused as I was feeling. Before I managed to utter a word, they grabbed some knives and swords, and jumped up. "Who the fuck are you?" One of the men yelled.

They were looking at me warily with their weapons pointed at the ready. One of the men whispered to another "Ya think he's some kind of wizard? He just popped out of nowhere."

As a sensible person who had never been in a physical confrontation in his life, I did what anyone else would have done. I ran like hell.

Their footsteps followed quickly behind me. One of them yelled "Hey, stop!"

Is he dumb? Who the hell would stop in a situation like this!

My heart was beating so loudly it felt like it had switched places with my brain. It was at this moment I truly regretted never keeping to my new year's resolutions of starting a new and healthier life. Noodles and pizza don't do much good for fitness apperantly.

Unsurprisingly I could hear them getting closer. Before they managed to catch up, I fell flat on my face. At first unable to understand why, I soon did. Pain. A sharp shooting pain through my leg. It hurt worse than that time I stubbed my toe or when I stepped on those legos.

Looking down I saw an arrow pierced straigth through my calf. It was throbbing, and with every throb it brought more pain. I let out a scream along with curse words I didn't even understand myself.

The five men chasing me caught up. Standing directly above me pointing their weapons at me, one of them spoke. "Now listen up you little shit, you're going to tell us exactly who you are, how you found this place, and if there's any more of you."

Too bad for him, but I wasn't listening at all. The fear and panic had grabbed ahold of me long ago. The beating of my heart and throbbing of my leg trumped any words he could speak. Pretty certain I pissed myself at some point too, how shameful.

Looking down at my foot I thought of the countless hours I could have spent to become a professional football player, which I never did, and now never will be able to. I could take up golf instead, but who the fuck cares about golf. Who has ever uttered the phrase "Wow, that golf person is really cool." No one, thats fucking who.

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While I was lost in a world of pain induced fantasies, the man kept yelling at me. "Are you listening, you little piece of-

"Uhhh, Derrick, you're getting piss on your shoes" was the sentence that put a stop to the yelling.

The first hit knocked the air out of me, snapping me back to reality. "You little motherfucker, I'll teach you to piss at someone!" The kicks kept coming and coming, and lets not forget the stomps. My bones were creaking and cracking with every hit.

I tried to speak, but I couldn't get a word out. In the end it was one of the other men who stopped it. "Derrick, calm down, he'll die at this rate. Why do you even care? I've seen you piss yourself more than once during one of your famous drunken escapades."

"Shut the fuck up, Niles, or you'll be next! Fuck this, I'm going. Take care of this mess yourself if you're so great." The man called Derrick stomped off into the distance. How childish.

Niles let out a sigh and looked at the other people around "Such a temper. Well, what should we do about this this guy? I don't think he'll last much longer" At this point, I was lying crippled on the floor in a pool of piss and blood, wheezing like a hundred year old chain smoking alcoholic.

Searching deep within myself I managed to find the willpower to force out the 2 most important words in any survival situation. Through my cracked teeth and bleeding lips I uttered. "Help me." I am certain they would have done so, if I didn't cough blood in the face of the man called Niles while speaking. I should really get that checked, because blood is supposed to be kept on the inside I hear.

Niles let out another sigh and wiped his face. "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are or where you came from, all I can do is make this as painless as possible. I hope you end up in a better place than this one, so just close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream." As his words ended, I felt something cold and hard being inserted into my chest.

At least the painless part was true. Along with all the blood leaving my body, so did the pain. My vision blurred, and I thought about about my life. There were ups and downs, well mostly downs... You know what, let's not think about my life after all.

Dying isn't half-bad, it felt weirdly pleasant and cozy. All I could do was hope that he was right; that I was going to a better place after this. My heart released its last thump and I died.

"Huh? What the fuck?" As I came to, that was the first thing I heard. I found myself lying on the cold hard ground in what seemed to be a dimly lit cave.

I turned my head to the voice. There were five men sitting by a table looking as confused as I was feeling. They grabbed some knives and swords and jumped up. "Who the fuck are you?"

They were looking at me warily with their weapons pointed at the ready. One of the men whispered to another one "Ya think he's some kind of wizard? He just popped out of nowhere."  

Wait a god damn moment. This isn't a better place at all, this is the exact same place.