My very soul convulses in pain, my mind jolting as if high-voltage electricity is hitting it.

I try to cover my ears, maybe not to hear the sound of my own screaming. But it helps me not.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear rock thundering, mountain shattering, ground shivering.

But the pain does not let me even look at the dwarfs or see what they are doing. It’s so gripping and paralyzing, I can't breathe, and feel so... torn, so torn apart and violated that the tears are swelling in my eyes and start running down my face.

In the corner of my eye, I see the dwarfs suddenly stop. That brings me a chance to at least inhale a breath. Then another, as I see them drop everything, their face suddenly stuck with fear as they slowly start to move down the tunnel I came from.

The thundering sound from the very heart of the mountain is getting louder and the Fetid Four have suddenly faces packed with misgivings and fear. I feel as if tears of pure joy drop down my face on the ground as they hustle away from the hole they made.

The thundering sound grows louder, and I start to laugh.

For I know what it is before it gets here. And so do dwarfs.

“Run! Faster!!” the oldest of them screams.

“Water!!!” Gorinx the Frowner screams in horror as he drops down his pick and runs.

They fall over each other as they dash down the dark tunnel. The thunder of water rushing somewhere from the belly of the mountain, coming from the darkness, getting louder, finds me laughing my guts out through the tears that are still dropping down.

It takes me a moment to pick myself up and go after them.

They run fast on their little feet. But in vain. The water comes faster. Their feet are already wet.

“Run, you bastards, run!” I scream after them, still laughing.

The water is running behind me and its cold drops are splashing my back. It’s a downslope, and I’m suddenly enjoying it. The pain is gone, and the water drops are like a salve for my soul. I'm loving it! Almost reminds me of being in a water park.

They make it through the big cave, then in another tunnel to a place I had not seen yet. It’s multiple times larger than the other one, one grand hall indeed, and there is a huge opening to the outside on its far side from where the light of a day is shining in.

The water reaches me here, and I feel its cold embrace, refreshing me, and giving me strength and joy.

I think I'm still grinning.

It overcomes them a moment later, carries them through with the wild ferocity of a treacherous mountain rapid, then catapults them through the opening, sending them high in the air.

Their shrieks of horror fill up the whole cave. About time.

I let the water carry me to the opening, and I stop myself right there on the edge, letting the water rush through me, washing all the remains of pain away with it. It is probably the best shower I ever had.

I stand in the cave opening, looking at the space outside. It’s a sight to see.

The first glimpse of the strange world where I landed. And it's breathtaking. Standing high on a mountain cliff with a very sharp drop in front of me, and a green valley stretching wide, covered by the thick canopy of tall trees. As far as my eye can see. And a snaking river cutting through it all, far in the distance. No any trace of civilization of any kind, for all that I can see.

As stunning as the sight is, my eyes swiftly turn to a spruce tree below me. Its branches are cracking and breaking as the dwarfs fall through them, cursing and yelping in pain all the way down till they hit the ground.

Makes me chuckle hard. That should teach them.

They are slow to get up. Two of the younger bucks help the old dude up. They don’t seem happy. They are slow to start moving again. Still, all four seem to be doing just fine. Resilient folks. All the insults and curses they send my way confirm they are more than just fine.

After tiring of cursing me, they turn and head down the goat trail, getting lost in the green canopy.

Now, I feel good. Pain is a distant memory. But I’m shaken and trembling. And I hear the stones tremble with me. I need to compose myself or else the caves are going to cave in and bury my soul inside.

I stand on the rock, thinking if I should go after them. A magnetic field is there, right outside the cave. I try to push through it, and I feel its invisible energy.

But it lets me through, and I can actually even step out of its border. Except my head goes dizzy and my balance starts to go fuzzy. So, I rush back into the dungeon before I lose that little bit of my mind I still have left.

That would have been great for the first-day adventure if it was not for some folks who seem never to learn. Before I leave to explore the inside of my dungeon, not even ten minutes later, I turn around, and what do I see?

The dwarfs are back, hiking up on the side goat trail, making their way back up toward my cave. Will they ever quit?

More picks and shovels are over their shoulders as they march up, their clothes still dripping with water. Their camp must have been just inside the tree lines, and now that they got resupplied with tools, they are ready to have another crack at me. Shit.

As they come closer, they are all quiet. But their faces burn with rage. They summoned the courage, and now look determined, even frowning. Pumping themselves with angry.

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

They step inside, not minding that there is about a foot of water still covering the entrance hall.

It chills me to see them there, looking all salty and bloodthirsty. So chill I feel the air suddenly becoming winter cold. Did I do that?

Can I do that?

Had to be me. The air would not cool off so fast. So maybe… If I can do that…

I try to remember the coldest place I ever visited. Chicago. Middle of January. Middle of the night. Walking next to Lake Michigan. The wind cut through me as if I did not wear a jacket and three undershirts. It did not matter if there were ten of them. I was so cold my stomach curled up and begged me, “Please, let’s just go inside.” I shivered worse than when I was losing my virginity.

And now… I hear stones shivering with me. I open my eyes and see Dwarfs already deep inside the cave, but not free to move at all. They are trying to break the ice that suddenly has frozen around their short, chunky legs.

It was not just that I chilled the air. It would have been impossible for the water to freeze that fast! I must have chilled the water directly, the ground, the walls, and everything that belonged to the Dungeon! And it worked almost instantly!

Cool! Yeah, it's really cool now.

Fine. Let’s go nuclear. Colder. I imagine taking all the clothes off and jumping in that lake, right there.

Brrrrrr!!!!

I bet the shivering dwarfs are not having fun any more.

They are not angry any more either. I froze that anger right out of them. Now they look cold. And scared. And cold.

“I told you it is, it izzz… eeeeviiil,” Yogrix the Young says through his shivering lips.

“Every dungeon is evil, you fool!” the mean one corrects him, trying to be angry and brave. But it’s hard to do that while your body convulses uncontrollably from the cold. And you’re even afraid to touch your own beard as it’s frozen solid.

I remember how they cut me. All the pain they caused me. I scream, and the pieces of ice that had formed on the ceiling come down hard.

They raise their hands to protect themselves, but that helps only a little. The ice smashes against them and they yelp in pain.

“We need to leave, Fertrix,” the fourth dwarf I do not know the name of grabs the old dude and pushes him backward, “This dungeon will need more of us to crack.”

They wrestle their feet out off the ice and move cautiously backward.

But it seems they are not finished with me as they yell insults, cursing me. But out they go.

I watch them leave the cave, raising their fists. “We’ll be back! And you’ll be sorry!”

“Yeah, don’t touch your beard, it may come off!” I tell them, feeling funny inside.

But to be honest, they do look quite comical. All their clothes - frozen solid. Their hair - all frozen solid. Beards and bushy eyebrows all white, all ice.

They can hardly make a step, yet their mouths do not rest with insults and threats.

“Ha, ha, ha,” I laugh out of the bottom of my gut. “Frozen bastards! Don’t let my bad memories scare you, you little hairy stinkers!”

They don’t hear my words. But the wind howls and they try to rush out, waddling clumsily like a bunch of penguins.

“We’ll be back!! And we’ll dig right through you!?” Gornix the Frowner yells at me with his fist up.

“Ha, ha, ha. You little bastards! I’ll freeze your balls off the next time. You just try me!!”

I can’t stop laughing for a while. I need that.

When they are all gone, the laughter is gone with them, and then, I remember the pain. Not the one of them drilling holes into my stomach. Something way worse. The tears on my kids face, their sobbing voices. It’s on a whole different level, and I wonder what the fuck do I have to laugh about. And the memory of pain is suddenly not so distant anymore.

When I settle down, I also realize it’s not funny at all how easily and how deep they could cut me and almost take me down.

Yeah, I really need to get on top of this thing. Figure it all out. I have to accept that I just got incredibly lucky here.

I also have to accept that when the Baron dude said there was no time for a tutorial, he was not kidding.

Damn. That just dawns on me. If I was half an hour late, it might have been too late for this dungeon.

I breathe slowly and think of an early spring day, the one where the gloom of the winter is over, and you finally see the sun, and when it hits you, it warms you and you think you do not need anything else. The whole cave instantly warms up, the frozen ice stalactites rain down and the water drips from the ceiling.

But it’s not as warm as I would like so I want to think of a summer day, on a beach.

The update interrupts me.

[Warning:

You have used up all your stored LIC Energy.

The Climate Controls have been disabled.]

Nooo! I should have known. Climate controls. That was the answer!! Options, damn you, options! Should have frozen them right away.

But now, my Energy is all gone. I guess there are no free lunches here either. Nothing comes for free. Anywhere you go in the galaxy and beyond.

But it was still worth it.

I look around. So, what the hell happened here? This place looks ancient. Not new. Carvings on the wall. Its size. Rooms. What happened here?

“SAMS, any idea what happened to this dungeon?”

[This Basic version does not include historical documents]

“Why do I even bother asking you? What? You don’t want to answer that? Really? Should I be glad you’re at least not passing advertisements in my brain?”

The thought scares me. I can already see pop-ads being played inside my head 24x7.

I gulp a ball of saliva and then say in a much nicer voice. “Can you at least tell me something I do not know? Or even better yet, tell me how much would an upgrade cost me.”

[Upgrade possibilities:

Standard Model - Requirements

Level 2

License Fee - 4,000 coins

Advanced Model - Requirements

Level 5

Total Estimated Value of Assets Held 50,000 coins

License Fee - 10,000 coins

AI Personification Model - Requirements

Level 10

Realized Profit for the last Financial Year: 100,000 coins

License Fee - 40,000 coins

Would you like to see their Benefits?]

I bet all those systems are worth the price. Right. I was born yesterday, and they can sell me anything. If I end up going to North Pole, I'll make sure to bring enough money to buy ice.

All these things make me think of a big scam. And they got me as a sucker playing it along.

I realize I’m wasting too much time on things I cannot afford or fully comprehend while I have more urgent things to do.

I need to see how this dungeon works, maybe try to understand how it worked before. Because those butt sniffers will be back. I’m sure of it.

The way they raised their fists at me, the way they were upset. No way they would just let it slide. Might come back with a whole army of them. They definitely want what I have. But what is it that I have?

I don't even get to contemplate that question as another message confuses me.

[Processing the Integration: 95 percent completed]

“We’ve been at 95 percent for a while now. What are you doing? Slacking? Or, SAMS, did you just get tired?”

[Warnings:

Integration with the Dungeon has been halted.]

“Why?”

[The full functionality of the Dungeon is beyond the information I can access.]

“I see. You feeling okay, SAMS? Not scared?? Because... Since I started talking about replacing you, you suddenly change the wording. It’s not any longer, 'The Basic version does not include...,' huh? Are you trying to be nicer now?”

[Negative]

“Ah-ha. Sure. I believe you.”

I drop down the urge to ask a bunch of other questions as I have to accept the inevitable truth.

“So, again, I will have to figure it all out on my own, huh? Why does that not surprise me?” I say and move on as it’s about time I go and see what this dungeon is all about.