It’s all black. Not a speck of light. I cannot even see a finger in front of my nose. Damn, how much I miss the light.

Can’t believe I ever complained about it.

Of course it has to be dark. A dungeon. I’m managing a dungeon. What else can I expect? A dumbass.

Still, I should be able to see in the dark, no? How else can I work here?

There must be a light switch somewhere. Maybe if I can only feel for the wall?

And if this is some old fashion gig, there has to be at least a torch or two lying around, just to light up the atmosphere a bit.

I should stop goofing around and figure this thing out.

I tap in the dark. Find nothing but void. Not even a ground under my feet.

Scary.

If someone so much as whispers, ‘Whooo’, I’ll shit my pants.

Now, the first impulse is still to open my eyes. But as wide as I open them, I see only black.

Or listen. Do I hear my wife? My kids? That doctor or that elf wanna-be? No. It’s all black and it’s all silent.

The air feels different though. Cold and damp. An ugly smell of decay with no ventilation. Just like a dungeon should. No. I accept.

I have to.

I’m not in a hospital anymore.

That dude was not kidding.

The vortex took me, my mind, my soul, whatever is the very essence of being me, to somewhere else.

Panic attacks me right away. What happened to my body? When he said, I didn’t need it, what exactly did that mean?

Am I a ghost now? A ghost?!? To scare little children and… basically, almost everyone else?? For people to call exorcists and try to send me toward the light???

Weird thoughts start to spin in my head, and they spin and spin till I do not know what is up and what is down. So mind-twisting it is, I feel like throwing up. And I do not want to think about anything anymore.

But. I’m not dead. I feel like I can move around.

And… there is pain. Still pain. In my chest. I'll never be able to escape it, will I?

Then I remember. RPG games. The messages. My interface. Level 100. It has to be like a game. With level of course. What else could it be?

“Can I have some update? Some manual, something? I know how this shit works. You have to give me something. Don’t keep me hanging.”

“Or floating.”

But it gives me nothing. Whatever ‘it’ is. Not even stinking little letters and messages in my vision. It’s all just freaky black.

“Maybe something went wrong,” I mumble to myself. “Of course, it had to go wrong with me. Why would I think it would not?”

I float around, moving my hands in front of me, peddling the stale air with my feet and hands.

I think of how many people pay big bucks to be launched to near space to experience weightlessness. Can I not be happy I got it for free?

I flip around. Another time. But I’m not feeling happy at all. What a bunch of suckers. Besides, now, I cannot even guess what is up and what is down.

“Is there not gravity here? Am I inside some comet? Or an asteroid? Hurling through dark space.” That thought makes me almost laugh. “And I thought I had it bad being in a hospital bed. A comfortable hospital bed that probably charges ten plus grand a day for a privilege to stay there. And that was not good enough for me?”

My extended hands suddenly touch something. It’s rough, like a rock. It is a rock. But at the same time, it’s not so tough. As I run my finger over its cold surface, I feel it getting softer. I press cautiously against it, and my finger goes straight in!

I’m sure of it. I pull my finger out and then do it again. It almost feels like sticking my finger in a thick pudding. Almost makes me want to lick it.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

I drive my finger in again, wanting to see how far I can bore in, but as I find no obstruction, I end up putting my other fingers in, then my whole hand.

[The First Contact: Established]

Suddenly and finally! The letters are back! Flashing in front of my eyes, bringing relief to me. “Here we go. Thank you, letters. And I thought I was going crazy. Now tell me, tell me more.”

[SAMS Dungeon Management Basic Version Activated

Upload: 100 Percent Completed and Verified

SAMS ready for the Integration…]

“And SAMS is short for?”

[SAMS is short for the Soul Administration and Management System, the most widely used and highly acclaimed dungeon management system]

“I see. Nice to meet you, SAMS. It seems we ran into some difficulties. Just to clear it all out, where exactly am I?”

[You are inside your targeted zone. The Dungeon of Blackins Mountain, River Green District, Planet Zylon Rich, Sector 23XL32nn2.

Your landing incurred Class 10-x-50 Error of Third Degree.]

“I see, so there was a screwup. A big one, wasn’t there? Of no less than three degrees!” I yelp.

But then, not wanting to be an ignorant prick who tries to be too smart, I ask, “What does that actually mean?”

[Due to the recent and unexpected tectonic and energy shifts, you have landed within a hundred meters of the targeted area.]

“Hundred meters? Well, that is not that bad. I could be there in what… mere seconds. Now which way do I go?”

[The map and directions can be provided once the Integration is complete.]

“So, then, start the integration, what are you waiting for?”

[The Integration with the Dungeon has started.

Processing the Integration: 1 percent completed.]

I sigh. Take a break. Now, at least I know I’m not inside some space rock, hurling through space… Well, scratch that, but still, I know… there is a system. Yes! There is a system.

I check on it again.

[Processing the Integration: 3 percent completed.

The Sense of Sight has been partially recovered.]

This thing is integrating slower than the Windows upgrade. I guess I’ll just have to wait.

But, suddenly, it’s not so dark any longer. I can see dark shapes of the wall, even the floor, a meter or so below me. I push myself down softly and land on it.

It feels weird. Spongy.

I look at myself. My perception of my body is there. My hands are there, legs. But I bet it’s just my perception because my body parts shine with a strange glow as if I’m...

I am a freakin’ ghost! So it was true. When he said he did not need my body, he really was not kidding. I glow. But it’s more than that. Whenever I look now, the wall glows as well.

I try walking, but my feet drop deeper inside the ground, the ground that looks as solid as a stone, yet it is… like mud? I move, lift my leg up, and land it on another stone. But it sinks again as if the stone is a sponge… or pudding. Actually... I prefer pudding.

It's like walking through the ankle-deep mud. It takes more than a dozen steps to get used to it, to learn how to properly walk without going inside the floor further.

I have to be slow and soft. It’s almost like walking on eggs. Softly. But it’s nonsense. I realize that. I can fly now. Why would I want to walk?

So, I move up, flap my hands, and up I go. Flap harder, can’t push off the ground for I will sink in it again.

But I move up so slowly. Then I realize something. It must all be mental. I have no body. It has to be my mind that moves me, not my body.

I imagine myself rising up. That’s it. Finally, I’m free. Up. Up I want to be and up I go. This is not hard work at all. Only a mental process. I move where I want to. It’s so awesome. It’s all so invigorating. It’s all so inside my own head.

I look around and I feel the size of the cave I’m in. Probably five stories tall, more than ten meters in each direction.

There is a tunnel leading to my right.

But before I reach the tunnel, the letters pop up again.

[Processing the Integration: 50 percent completed.

Your Holdings finished updating.]

“Okay, that's nice. A breath ago I was so broken I did not even have a body of my own. And now, I have something called Holdings. Holly crap. So, give it to me. What are my 'Holdings'?”

[The Holdings:

Dungeon of Blackins Mountain, River Green District, Planet Zylon Rich, Sector 23XL32nn2: 450,000 coins

Land Size: 10,000 square meters

Souls: 0

Denizens: 0

Equipment: 40,000 coins

LIC (Life Inducing and Constructing) Energy: 3/4 of 1 Unit

Coins: 0

Other: 0

Please note: The values of the Dungeon and Equipment are estimates based on the last transactions of similar items and may differ from the actual.]

Damn, I'm rich! Didn't know it, but I'm stinking rich!

Well, kidding aside, a moment ago, I had only a very large debt to my name, growing by a minute. And now, in the blink of an eye, there are hundreds of thousands worth of coins at my fingertips. I just hope those coins don’t come with the face of a penny.

Suddenly, something pinches me. In no particular place. Actually, when it happens again, I sense as if it’s pinching me from the inside. As if some nasty bug had crawled inside my gut and decided to throw a stinging tantrum in there.

Strange.

“Why do I feel pain?” I ask out loud. “SAMS, do you know?”

[Negative.]

“Really? Aren’t you supposed to know shit?”

[This basic version of SAMS Dungeon Configuration does not include the Invaders Detection and Intruders Alert.

Once the Integration is completed, you will be free to choose an upgrade.]

A basic version? An upgrade??

Cheap bastard! The cheap-ass-Lord bastard did not even bother to give me a good system to work with. What an ass!

I guess I got suckered in. I bet an upgrade is where they make the killing. I wonder how many coins it will set me back.

[Processing the Integration: 60 percent completed

The Sense of Hearing has been partially recovered

The Sense of Touch has been partially recovered

The Sense of Sight has been almost fully recovered]

I see a light, a different light. Yellow, specs of it, coming from the twisted tunnel I approach. And a noise. Distant but present. Someone is banging something metallic against the stone...?

“SAMS, what is that noise I hear?”

[This basic version of SAMS Dungeon Configuration does not include-]

“You’re telling me this for a second time, and I am standing here and thinking! How stupid did I get? Of course there must be intruders. What are you supposed to do, huh? Draw me a picture so I understand it clearly?” I say as I decide to go and check what is going on. And who those intruders could be, the ones that the basic system could not inform me about. What a dumbass.