To the north of Winona lay a forest. Mommy, Momma, Bobbi, Aisha’s parents, and Uncle Arkaziel were taking the day to enjoy a picnic. Meanwhile, Lilith, Aisha, Derrick, and I explored the woods. As a compromise to get to adventure, one of Arkaziel’s clones hid in each of our shadows. It took the sense of danger out of everything, but he said he’d only intervene if things went badly. Unlike Momma, he wasn’t so overprotective, so he’d probably let us fight on our own.

“I can’t believe he tried to jump you,” Aisha cursed Cassius under her breath. Lilith had been telling the story of the encounter, while I lead the way with into the woods. We each had a walking stick, but I ended up being the one in the front breaking branches out of our way with a rapidly dulling lopper.

“Any ideas on what we should be looking for, Lilith?” I called back while it took me a few strikes to lop a particularly thick, thorn covered branch.

“Trust your instincts. You’re the Master of Disaster, the King of Catastrophe, the Baron of Bedlam, the Hero of Havoc, the Wizard of Woe.” She didn’t have to sound so happy while she listed a litany of fake titles that made me sound like an evil demon, did she?

“Wait, your grand plan was just follow me to trouble?” I turned around and stared at her, and the other two.

Lilith smiled, Aisha nodded as if it made perfect sense, and Derrick seemed slightly dubius, before he made an apologetic smile and nodded to Lilith.

“It makes sense, sorry.” Derrick tried to console me, but I just spun around and hacked at the brush. Oh, I’d find them trouble. So much trouble we’d all become amazing level tens, and get our classes. That would show them! Wait, no… that would prove them right.

“Stop sulking, oh Progenitor of Peril,” Lilith teased me. In the brief moment while I saw red, I tripped over a branch and fell down a steep incline hidden by brush. I quickly got control of myself by using Dragonfly Strike to teleport to the flat ground at the bottom of the hill.

“First steps pretty rough!” I called up, even before the other three reacted to my fall and cried my name. At least they might feel guilty for poking fun at me now.

All three peered through the brush and down the steep drop to where I stood now.

“What’s that next to you?” Derrick asked.

“Uhm…” I looked down. Next to the base of the tree was a toy tower. It looked very fake, but something about it made my skin crawl. “Looks like a kids toy! Come on down and give it a loo—”

I poked the toy. The world went dark around me.

You have entered a Dungeon. Welcome to the Tower of Toys. Difficulty Level: 9.

I stood on a four meter by four meter platform that was elevated about a meter above the floor of this strange place. Half of the platform I stood on boxed outward, but the walls behind it were a strange crackling energy instead of real walls. Maybe that was the exit? Before me, a room full of conveyor belts, strange metallic arms, spinning gears, and half-finished toys processed through the stages of construction.

“What the heck?” I muttered, and tried to figure out what my next action should be. Were Lilith and the others going to join me? Was I trapped here alone? Should I wait a minute or two before I leave the platform and explore the room? Steam spilled out of pipes all around the room, but especially on the open floors. The conveyor belts had the machinery, but seemed like they might be safer than the ground.

A faint shimmer of light separated me from the rest of the room. I touched it with my finger, to hear a message in my head from the System.

You must gather your party before venturing forth.

I sighed. If there was anything worse than waiting, it was the idea that I was missing out on something. Why did the System sound smug about that line? Usually the System, or as Momma called her, Libby, was monotone, or only slightly emotional, she didn’t taunt you. Somehow, this was momma’s doing.

“What the what?” Derrick mumbled as he materialized onto the platform, along with Aisha and Lilith. All three looked surprised.

“You fell down a hill into a dungeon? Really?” Aisha sounded strangely jealous. I feel like she was glossing over falling down a hill in favor of finding a dungeon a little too quickly.

“Shh.” I whispered, as the barrier that separated us from the room vanished. When it did, there were aspects to the room I couldn’t see before. Toy soldiers marched up and down the sides of the conveyor belts, and the random geysers of steam from the brass works made the floor of the room extremely dangerous. The far side of the room had two doors.

“The far end of the room seems like the obvious destination. Each conveyor belt has some controls along the way, I bet if we disable some of the machines it will stop making toys.” Lilith whispered while she surveyed the room.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“We don’t know the toys are enemies,” Aisha pointed out.

“Maybe not, but they do all have weapons,” Derrick countered with a grimace. He pulled out a short sword and shield from his inventory, which got Aisha to pull out a staff. Lilith drew a crystalline staff mommy made her. Aisha and Derrick looked at me expectantly.

“I don’t use weapons,” I tried to say it playfully, but I think it came out more like I was scoffing at their weapons, because Lilith rolled her eyes at me, Derrick looked hurt, and Aisha just looked disappointed in me. Why was she always disappointed in me? I thought disappointment was an adults only emotion.

“Do you think the steam blasts would destroy the wood toys?” Derrick asked Lilith.

“If they’ve already been injured, I think so. This is a dungeon of our own level, so it should be challenging, but passable. We might not be able to retrieve any treasures they drop if we have to do that, so let’s keep that as a last resort. Alexander, why don’t you hit that closest toy soldier with Tides of Woe, Aisha and I will hit it with ranged attacks, and you and Derrick will finish it off if it reaches us.”

“And if it brings friends?”

“Then I’ll improvise,” Lilith’s confidence bolstered my spirits, so I glared at the first toy soldier and activated Tides of Woe upon it. I half expected that it wouldn’t work because it wasn’t alive, or because it was a toy. Instead, flames burst to life all over its exterior and the soldier cried in panic.

“I’m on fire! Oh god, it burns! It hurts so bad!” The high pitched, child-like voice screamed in pain and terror, while the soldier spun in circles.

“Wow, that’s…” the soldier burned to ashes before the fire affliction wore off, and the soldier never made it to them. “… that’s hard to watch,” I winced.

“The next one,” Lilith demanded, and I obliged.

The Tides of Woe crashed into the next wooden soldier. The oak colored wooden skin of the toy split into horrific wounds, and sap flowed out as it cried out in aguish. It, and the next soldier down saw our group immediately and ran alongside the conveyor belts to get to us.

“Did you just land a bleed effect on a wooden toy?” Lilith mused in deep interest, before she lifted her staff. Light danced along the crystalline staff and coalesced into the tip, where a bolt of power shot towards the non-bleeding enemy.

“You don’t get out of the fun either!” I cried to the second soldier, and unleashed Tides of Woe again. A cloud of gray energy swept around the second soldier, it’s speed cut in half as weakness afflicted it.

A ball of light flew from Aisha’s staff to finish off the first soldier, and it fell over, incapable of moving. The gaping wounds leaking sap stopped.

“This feels slightly wrong, doesn’t it?” Derrick asked me in a quiet voice, not wanting Lilith to hear. I nodded. The poor toys were getting obliterated, but at the end of the conveyor belt, a wooden soldier and a clockwork mouse emerged.

“Here, you finish this one,” I told Derrick as I darted past the weakened soldier, lightly tapping it on the back to send it off balance towards him. I thought because the wood soldiers walked along the conveyor belts it would be safe for me to do so, but I heard multiple clicks behind me, and although I was gone before they went off, the platforms showed that the segments were actually detached and could fling someone across the room.

The sounds of a short sword against wood, Derrick cursing at the ineffectiveness of a sword against hard wood, and then the magic detonations from the girls played in the back of my mind while I fiddled with the controls for the first conveyor belt. I figured it out pretty quickly, but the belt didn’t shut down immediately, it finished the last piece on it before it ground to a halt. The other three had stopped the weakened soldier by then.

“Behind you!” Aisha shouted to me, at the same time I heard a clicking and whizzing sound. One of the clockwork mice had snuck across the steam shrouded floor and hopped up onto the far side of the conveyor belt, and leaped at me with a mouth full of pointed teeth and sharp claws out stretched. I narrowly dodged the mechanical rodent, and slammed my elbow into its back. I wasn’t as strong as Lilith, but I was strong enough to knock around tiny clockwork mice with ease. A few cogs went flying, and I stomped my boots down on the mouse repeatedly until it quit making ticking sounds.

“Incoming!” Aisha and Lilith shouted, before bolts of light and force each hit another mouse crossing the steam covered floor. Derrick rushed down the conveyor belt to meet me, and pointed to where the soldiers on the next belt were waiting for us to cross over.

Derrick put his sword away and pulled out a sling shot. When I looked confused he looked embarrassed. “Aisha’s dad says once you get alchemical clay balls with effects on them, it’s a great weapon for a trap master, and nothing seems to be reaching me.”

“Right, right..” I nodded, before we all moved to switch belts. The assembly room wasn’t hard. The toy soldiers and clockwork mice weren’t terrifying foes. They went down easily and didn’t have any ranged attacks. A few minutes later we deactivated the last belt and made it to the doors. I opened the left one first. It was a big storage room, full of boxes.

“Maybe there’s some treasure in all of the boxes?” Aisha inquired. “I don’t have any spells that would get more than one or two.”

“I could open them,” Derrick offered. When no one told him no, he crept into the room and placed a black clay ball against the boxes, fiddled with it, then ran towards us. Three of the boxes exploded on their own, and vicious racoon sized teddy bears landed on Derrick and attempted to grapple him.

“Stuffed bears?” Aisha and Lilith asked in unison.

“Help! I’m being mauled by bears!” Derrick struggled to get further away from the boxes, but then his bomb went off. Fragments of wood, clay, fabric, and other debris filled the room. I darted in before the dust had cleared, activating Tides of Woe on one bear, while I grabbed another one and tried to throw it off Derrick. Instead, I ripped the fabric off its back. Stuffing spilled everywhere. The doll twitched strangely, then stopped moving.

The girls didn’t cast any spells, Derrick and I finished off the attack teddy bears, then took stock of the room. Lots of teddy bears had been destroyed in the bomb, but there was no way to know if they’d been actual teddy bears or monsters to start with.

“The other room has to have better stuff,” Lilith harumphed in disgust at the utter lack of treasure. Derrick’s cheeks were red, despite no one blaming him for any possible loot having been blown up.

I cracked the other door and, unfortunately, it didn’t have any enemies.