How did you guys find me so fast?

"Hmm?" Zero leaned in. He lazily drummed his fingers with a soft rhythm.

Steven looked back at Zero. He didn't say it out loud. Did he?

Besides them, Mayo sat on the cafeteria bench, her mouth parting open and then closing once more. Maybe she was afraid of saying too much… either that, or she was part fish.

His theory? Her hair was stuffed with secrets – secrets, she didn’t want to slip.

And hey, her features were easier to remember than before. Perhaps he'd been overthinking it.

The chatter of the lunchroom gradually grew louder and louder as everyone settled in. Several minutes later, the late bell rang and a few stragglers stumbled in. One of them, a boy from their class, plunked himself down next to Steven.

Steven greeted him.

"Huh?" The boy yawned, whose head had been slowly descending. "Um, yeah. You're... Steven. My name's Jackal."

"Just call me Jack." Jack scratched his dirty-blonde hair and looked at Zero, "and you're Zero, right?"

He watched Zero, who for his part, was looking out the window.

"Hey..." Steven nudged him, but all he got was a distracted ‘hmm?’ from Mr. Dreamer. He looked back at Jack. “Don’t mind him. He’s just practicing his impression for the ‘hmm’-lympics.”

Jack awkwardly smiled.

"And this is Mayo," Steven introduced.

"Her?" Jackal pointed to a random girl.

Steven pointed at her again, but Jackal didn't seem to see anyone.

"Are you sure there's someone there?" the blond-haired boy squinted.

Mayo remained silent.

Steven, not keen on sounding like a guy who'd brought his imaginary friend to lunch, decided to drop the matter altogether.

SCREECH. The sound of a microphone piercing the lunchroom chatter yanked everyone's attention to the front. A woman, her brown hair showing hints of silver and kindly aged with a hearty stature, sternly glanced at the room.

"Hello, I am Mrs. Watson." She bellowed into her microphone once everyone settled down. "I am the Head Cafeteria Chef at this school. Since it is the first day for some of you, I will be laying down the ground rules at this cafeteria."

She read out loud four lengthy rules, before pausing to herself. "…and one last thing before I forget… Rule 5: Do NOT ask stupid questions. You have your parents for that. Any questions?"

Mrs. Watson glared at the students.

The students looked back at her. They had long stopped listening after the first “RULE-”

"GOOD. Now," Mrs. Watson bellowed, "we'll start serving. Today, freshmen get lunch first. Line up when your table is called!"

Steven groaned. They had to wait? He clutched his stomach at the pleasant smell permeating from the cafeteria kitchen. Look, maybe they would be called early, just not last… wait.

As if the fates or the kitchen gods had heard his silent plea, they were called last. He hoisted himself up and briskly walked to the front.

LOADING… Cafeteria Food.

Entering the serving room felt like stepping into the Jade Emperor's personal pantry, a spectacle of silver platters performing aerial acrobatics and gold appliances adorned with fluttering wings. The room was draped with beautifully decorated napkins that would have impressed Cai Lun, the inventor of paper.

[Dieze: "Why are you describing the napkins?" X]

The opening course: an ode to the humble egg. Scrambled into creamy tufts, preserved as opaque century eggs—each one…

“They were donated by Pangu-corp.” Mayo murmured.

“What…?” Steven turned around so hard he almost had whiplash. “Pangu-corp?”

Mayo repeated her words. “Pangu-corp’s organic eggs, that’s the premium brand of eggs you can’t buy at supermarkets. Supposedly, the school’s got a contract with them, because one of Pangu’s great-grandchildren is attending this year.”

“How do you know that?” Steven asked.

“I overheard it,” Mayo shrugged, twirling her hair. “There’s a lot you can overhear when everyone else thinks no one’s listening.”

In his contacts, Dieze buzzed a “yep.”

Steven ignored it. Okay, so the eggs were like a relic from the singularity spawned by Pangu, who was the Chinese mythological figure believed to have created the universe… (not to be confused with Pan, the Greek god of cooking).

(See, he knew a little mythology, too.)

Steven picked up a pangu-century egg and watched the center glow like a miniature galaxy. The egg looked like it was cradling the center of the universe, except this time, it was eggy… instead of, y’know, stir-fried.

“That’s a lot of stir-fry.” Mayo muttered, her gaze veering to the side. Steven followed Mayo’s gaze over to Jackal, who was getting an entire plate of different types of stir-fry.

Together, the two of them mouthed a quiet ‘woah’.

Jackal, who must have had great hearing, replied “guilty,” with his ears flushed.

Steven browsed some more food. And was that… raw liver?

“Fox spirits love to eat raw liver.” Mayo mulled to herself, “Jiang-shi likes to eat livers too, although they’d probably eat any organs raw.”

“Jiang-what-now?” Steven asked, scratching his head.

“Jiang-shi, y’know those zombies that like to hop around and wear funny caps?” Mayo explained.

“You mean like that?” Steven pointed. He watched as some kid with a funny cap hopped over to plate the food. Sadly, they tripped and fell.

“Hey, you alright?” He reached out a hand to help the capped girl who had fallen down.

“I love you,” The girl blinked her eyes.

“That’s how Jiang-shi say thank you,” Mayo explained, quickly pulling Steven away. The two of them continued to walk ahead, until another table caught their eye. The table, filled with seeds and nuts, had a plaque out front that read: ‘Treasures of the Eight Immortals’.

Which was confusing because he had no idea who they were.

“They're called the Eight immortals because no one remembers their individual names,” Mayo quickly explained.

Made… sense.

Dieze, perhaps feeling a bit left out by the conversation, left a message for Steven to read: ['Treasures of the Eight Immortals?’ Pft, food never mattered to me. I do not have a mouth.' X]

As Steven moved on, a riot of colors flooded his vision. He began to describe the food in detail to Mayo, which led out an annoyed buzz from his buddy-

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

[Dieze: 'Your detailed emphasis on food items has me puzzled.' X]

Next, a buffet of entrees representing every corner of the world greeted him next. Every dish, a new adventure, promised thrilling palette odysseys. Steven, undeterred by Dieze’s previous comment, enthusiastically presented the food like he was on the food show: ‘Can You Brie-lieve This Food?’

[Dieze: ‘Keep talking. The delete button is looking really nice right now.’ X]

Steven was brought to a halt by the final table. It was dessert, the sweetest macarons plated like a lotus flower,and he was just about to describe them, but ____. And ____. ______ Wait, what? ____, _____ ____ _____ . . .

Strange how text could disappear like that.

[Dieze: “Finally, peace and quiet.” X]

* * *

'Tasty, ' Steven munched, sitting down at his table.

"W-wow," Jack muttered, sitting down beside him. "That's a lot of food."

Steven off-handely replied that it wasn't much.

In front of the cafeteria, the lunch lady bent over with a pale face and she quickly exclaimed: "I'm going to use the bathroom for a second, no fun-neh business while I'm gone."

She muttered something about burritos before quickly stepping out, a little anxiousness seeping through her steps.

Of course, as soon as she was out of earshot, a loud crash sounded out. A tray of food flew across the air and skidded onto his table.

What. How'd that get there? Steven looked at the tray that had landed near him. Somehow, none of the food had fallen out. He drew his attention over to the commotion in the front of the cafeteria. Amidst the huge mess, a boy sprawled across the sad remains of a lunch table.

'He's lying on the floor,' Steven noted, then looked back at his four trays of food. Chew, gulp. He continued eating.

"Wait. Isn't that-" Jack pointed out.

Steven turned to take in the unfolding scene. There was Zero, facing off against a taller guy. The other guy had eyes that glared with a quiet fiery… disdain which the white-haired boy appeared to ignore.

Lying casually on the floor, Zero looked up and lazily said, “Ow.” His gaze met the eyes of the guy who had pushed him down.

"Why is he just lying there?" Jack added insightful commentary.

In contrast to the situation at hand, Zero appeared sleepy like he was lounging on a bed rather than shards of a broken metal table. He aimlessly brushed his head, which was full of broken table dust, and fluffed off the metal particles. The scene was almost… peaceful.

"Get up." The taller guy commanded.

Zero slowly stood up and dusted off the rest of his body.

"Don't disrespect me, punk." The taller guy gruffly demanded. "Let's see… What's your name, dweeb?"

Zero said his name.

"The name's Bull E. Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Nobody. Get it? Cause you're of 'ZERO' importance!" Bull E. started laughing to himself, slapping his knees in amusement.

Steven liked that nickname. He noticed Zero's head was tilted to the side, as he repeated the name.

[A CROWD OF NPC's start to form…]

"Yep," Bull E. blinked. "That's my awesome name. Bull E. And you…" He turned to the CROWD OF NPC's, launching into his boastful proclamation.

"In only one year, I've achieved feats that make the rest of you look like children. CHILDREN! My Spiritual Sea roars with the ferocity of an ocean, yet possesses the calm of a tranquil lake. My Wei Qi? It's so dense it could stop a bullet. My Ying Qi is refined to perfection, I can heal faster than some of you TIE your SHOELACES!"

He paused for effect, looking around as if expecting applause.

Seven, confused, sent a quick chat message to Dieze, for an explanation:

Dieze: "Initiating definition protocol..." A pause. "Wei Qi is not to be confused with Wi-Fi, which is a wireless local-area networking technology. Ying Qi should not be mistaken for 'Ying Yang', the concept of dualism in Chinese philosophy."

Steven: “I don’t think that's right…”

Dieze: "No," it agreed happily.

Meanwhile, as if to rile up the crowd, Bull E. reached behind his ears, revealing a quaint miniature plow. He held it aloft for a moment. With a sly grin, he brought it to his lips and exhaled a gust of breath. Instantly, the plow expanded in his grasp, transforming from a mere trinket to a sizable weapon right before everyone's eyes… "And this, my friends, is the 'Heavenly Bull's Gilded Plow'. An unparalleled artifact born from the heart of a fallen star. A tool of the earth. A weapon of the heavens!"

"But of course," Bull E. concluded, turning back to Zero, "All of this means little if not for my determination to ascend. And when that day comes... I will be invincible!"

Having finished his performance, Bull E. turned back to Zero, his expression now one of pure disdain. "And you, Zero. Let's see you try to match that, you damn loser."

He grabbed Zero by the scruff of his neck. All of a sudden, Bull's eyes widened as he discovered something that seemed to interest him…

“But that's not the point here.” Bull-E laughed so loud, the room began to shake, “The point is, JIGGLY-PUFF-looking wimps like you, with your puny arms and your pathetic excuse for a body, need to know your place. Not a single shred of cultivation on you. I didn't realize this place was a charity, letting in ‘CRIPPLES’ like you."

"Oh no, he's a cripple!" Jack commented, helpfully.

Meanwhile, Zero didn't seem to take in his comment or really acknowledge it. Instead, he directed Bull E. to get off the line by pointing to the trash bin.

"Huh?" Bull E. sputtered, confused at such a flabbergasting comment.

Zero showed him where to go again.

"I'm hungry though…" Bull E. frowned and, in a daze, looked over the trash can. "WAIT, I- HEY! How d-darE you QUESTION w-what I DO!"

(Steven continued drinking his soup.)

"Now you will face my wrath! Let's see how you survive my almighty attack 'Bulls-Hit-Stampede'!" Bull E. roared. His fists tightened, and a wave of hot air swept the cafeteria.

"Dude, you're so embarrassing."

"WHO SAID THAT?" Bull E. eyes raged red, as he slammed the nearby wall.

"I did," The boy stepped out of the CROWD OF NPC'S.

"Who are you?" Bull E. sneered.

The boy enunciated his name with a quiet authority: 'vet-sek'.

Bull E. scoffed. "Vetsyak? Sounds like a brand of soggy pet food."

Oh brother.

"Hey, how dare you talk to Vetsyak like that? He-" A girl began, her eyes blazing with indignation.

"It's fine," Vetsyak dismissed the girl, then locked eyes with Bull E. "You destroyed a table that me and my friends were sitting at. Shouldn't you apologize?"

With a defiant glare, Bull E. turned to Vetsyak. "You want an apology? Fine. Here's your aPoLoGy!" In a swift, fluid motion, his weapon, the 'Heavenly Bull's Gilded Plow', was swirled into his hand. He charged ahead, shouting “Bulls-Rage Charge”, causing the air to shiver and burn from the pressure.

But Vetsyak simply looked to the side, and as Bull E. closed the distance, he… stepped aside.

The furious bull charged past him, gnashing his teeth. “YOU-”

Catching his balance, Bull E. roared again and launched a series of 'Bull-Thunder-Stomps' toward Vetsyak, the ground trembling under his heavy, rhythmic pounding.

But Vetsyak simply looked ahead, bored. As Bull E. stomped again, Vetsyak launched himself off a table, flipping over the shockwaves and landing lightly on a wall. Defying gravity, he ran across and backflipped off it, landing elegantly behind Bull E.

Before Bull E. could react, Vetsyak nonchalantly reached out and plucked a piece of lettuce from the bull's hair. He held it up, examining it…

"Hey Bull," Vetsyak said with a curious tilt of the head. "I think you've got a little something from your earlier rampage. Is this where you say: lettuce apologize to each other?" He held out the piece of lettuce to the stupefied Bull E.

The CROWD OF NPC'S erupted in laughter.

"YOU!"

As he charged at Vetsyak again, the lunch lady walked in.

For a moment, all the lunch lady could do was see how wide her eyes could open. Bull E. stopped in his tracks. Mrs. Watson looked at the broken table, then looked at Bull E., and then looked at the broken table.

"What is all this commotion?" Her voice extended to the ears of those who listened with a deep, quiet, apprehensive nature. Shortly after, the noise in the cafeteria crept to a halt and succumbed to a miserable end.

"I was only gone for a few minutes." Mrs. Watson scolded, her glare crucifying the sacrificial bull as if she was contemplating the best way to cook it. Alive.

"Bull, the floor is yours." Vetsyak said, gesturing towards him with a cool, nonchalant flick of his wrist.

For a moment, there was silence. Then Bull E. started, his voice sounding like a panicked bull in a china shop, "I- I didn't-"

Vetsyak's friends sprung into action.

The girl besides Vetsyak piped up first. "Mrs. Watson, it was awful! Bull was acting like an absolute... Well, bull. He came in here and just started swinging that... that... star plow thing around." She blinked her eyes at the lunch lady, adding, "We were so scared."

Next was the guy on the right. He stood innocently. "We were just eating lunch, minding our own business. Then Bull came over and started insulting us."

"Did nothing to provoke him," chimed another, "Just preparing for our next class and eating lunch. And look at our table now..." He gestured towards the destroyed table.

"And it wasn't just us," said the other girl, "He threatened Zero too. Poor Zero. Bull even called him a cripple, Mrs. Watson."

The CROWD OF NPC'S confirm that this is what happened with murmurs and nods.

"WELL?” Ms. Watson continued, “WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?”

"Uh..." Bull E. was at a loss for words.

"I. DO. NOT. HAVE. ALL. DAY."

Bull E. softly mumbled an apology. He twiddled his fingers, trying to put on the most innocent face and tone he could muster.

Mrs. Watson's eyes grew into slits.

"Enough! Young man, you're already a sophomore. Can't you at least behave? It's only the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!" The lunch lady yelled, her words stomping into Bull E's ears.

"...what," Bull E. meekly replied.

"WHAT???" She clambered her feet down with every step and Bull E., frozen in fear, couldn't muster the courage to move. Mrs. Watson pulled Bull E. by the ear and dragged him out of the cafeteria.

Guess they were having steak tomorrow.

nd chewed it.