Douglas stood up at the meeting and said, “I know I don’t have to tell any of you how homelessness has impacted our city. It is crippling our shops downtown, as people have to step over and around sleeping indigents to get into the stores, and there is always someone with their hand out, looking for money. We clean up the tents and the trash off of our sidewalks and vacant lots, only to have them retrashed the following week. And it isn’t cheap to do these clean-ups. The clean-ups cost our city an incredible amount of money and they do nothing to deter people from camping there again.
These people are an embarrassment when we have tourists and our tourist trade has fallen off. They are a breeding ground for rats and drugs and drug-dealers. From 2015 till 2023 the homelessness in Portland has increased by 65%, from 1,887 to 6,297 people. Well, I am happy to say we finally have a solution and are here today to reveal it. Mason, could you tell us what you have found out, please?
“Yes, I will be glad to,” Mason said. “We petitioned Washington and they have given us grant money to buy three decommissioned cruise ships, which we intend to move the homeless into to get them off of the streets.” The room filled with the noise of people talking about Mason’s news. “Now, if you will kindly save the discussion for later, I will tell you the rest of the news. The federal government denied us the money for the clinic and for the refurbishing and the first year of operating expenses, but we expected that and actually have a good portion of that budgeted.”
A hand went up and Mason called on a gentleman about 55 years old. “Yes?” he said to him. The gentleman asked, “I don’t understand why we are buying expensive cruise ships instead of transforming hotels or office buildings we have vacant. It seems like that would be a much less expensive choice.”
Mason said, “I understand where you are coming from and you are right. It does make sense, except our goal is to have the homeless off of the streets. There will be no going back to the streets for these people once we take them to the ships. Consider it a modern day Alcatraz, just for the homeless, not prisoners. There will be no going back to shore, where it is just too easy for them to revert to littering our city.”
A reporter in the meeting asked, “Did you just say the people will not be able to come ashore anymore? Don’t you think that is a little bit disturbing? I, for one, am going to be glad to no longer see eyesores all along our streets, but they are not allowed to participate in our society?”
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Mason said, “Not in their present condition. “ He quickly changed the direction the questions were going and said, “Just think, no more angry voters, complaining about property values dropping because of homeless encampments and no more arranging sweeps with demonstrators talking about our inhumanity to those dregs of society!” With a roar of approval from the listeners, Mason stepped down and turned the meeting back over to Douglas.
Douglas, as the moderator of the meeting, called on the head of the planning commission. “Could you please tell us your time frame for the completion of the clinic and for the hiring of personnel? Also, if you could let us know the time frame of moving the homeless aboard the ships, I think that will give us a better idea of how things are moving along. That can't happen too soon for me! Anyway, here is Clark, the head of our planning commission. Clark….”
“Douglas,” Clark said, as he nodded at him, while stepping to the front of the room. “Having received the approval federally and locally, we will begin immediately. Hiring of personnel begins in June of 2024 and, of course training begins then, as well. The clinic will be open in July of 2024. The signs declaring zero tolerance for homelessness will be posted in October of 2024, at which time there will be no more homeless in Portland, Oregon!
After the noise of approval had died down, Clark finished by telling the attendees that all ships would be in place mid-September. “At that time, we will begin sending the homeless by van to the bay where they will be sent by launch out to their ships! Are there any questions?”
Clark called on a businessman with his hand up. “Why are you so sure things will work out this time? What will you do with the homeless who refuse to go? You know there are many who won’t go into shelters because they are too paranoid.” The man asked.
Clark said, “That is a good question. We do have plans in effect for that which will work.” He called on a young lady next.
“So is this going to be like a leper’s colony, where if you are homeless you get sent out to the cruise ship, never to be allowed into regular society again? It’s not like they are diseased, just down on their luck,” the young lady asked.
Clark silenced the people who were booing the young lady and said, “We will have rehabilitation training on each ship and expect many to be settled back into society when they are ready.”
Douglas took over from Clark and announced the date they would reconvene to discuss the progress of this monumental task.